"Hey! Give that back!" Bill ordered, launching towards her with terrifying force.

"Nope! Not until you admit defeat to the all-powerful MABEL!" The female Pines twin ducked under her pursuer, crawling through the space between his legs, and dashed to the other side of the room.

"Shooting Star, I demand you to return that hat to me this instant, or else—"

"Or else what?" She hopped up on Dipper's bed, waving the top hat around teasingly and sticking her tongue out at him.

The demon growled and tried to teleport the hat back into his hands, but Mabel jumped out of the way at the last minute, ruining the attempt. "I will not hesitate to result to force, Shooting Star!"

"Force, shmorce! I won't give it back until you say that I've beaten you!" She landed on her own bed, bounced off, and hit the creaking floorboards so hard she nearly broke them and fell through.

Out of all the mortals he had met in his lifespan, Mabel was clearly the most infuriating. How did she keep dodging all of his demonic magic? "I will repeat that I am not afraid to cause harm to your person!"

"Sure. Whatever. Tell me I'm superior over you, and maybe I'll rethink my evil schemes! MWAHAHAHAHAA—"

She was also the most intriguing, ridiculous, and purely wonderful mortal he's ever encountered, too. But that didn't justify stealing his top hat. "Shooting Star, my patience is wearing very thin!"

"Come on, William! It's not that hard!"

"Don't call me that."

"Why?"

"It's just Bill."

"William! William! William! William—William—William WILL!"

"Why are you so intent on driving me crazy all of a sudden?!"

"But you always say you're already crazy!" Now she was stealing all of his lines! He was too angry to remember to use them right now, but she just had to point that out, didn't she?!

"Just— give me the hat!"

"Not until you admit defeat, William!"

"Shooting Star, I will—"

"WILL! HAHA!"

He teleported to her in attempt to snatch up his hat, but she dodged once again. They found themselves in the very sophisticated situation of rolling around on the floor, brawling in a very awkward fashion as he attempted to retrieve his beloved item.

"Give it back!"

"NEVERRRRRR!"

Just how had they gotten into this dilemma?

They ended up in a heap with Mabel on the ground, the crown of her head up against the side of her bed, with Bill atop her, still without his supposedly priceless hat. Their positions dawned on them in the same moment, and they froze, unable to decide their next move. Mabel's face turned a very deep red. They stared at each other in a horrible silence, their faces, torsos, and legs parallel.

Of course, as they thought that it couldn't get any worse, it did. The entrance to the attic swung open, and Dipper's voice could be heard. "Listen you two, whatever you're doing, would you please stop? I can't hear the TV 'cuz your banging on the floorboards is so l—lllooouuuuudddd..." His sentence deteriorated as he saw his sister and her 'friend'.

Bill immediately jumped off of Mabel, snatching his hat and brushing it off. He cleared his throat and placed it atop his head. He nodded curtly. "Pine Tree."

"D—Dipper, it's not what it..." Mabel trailed off, realizing that's exactly what one would say if it had been what it looked like.

The color drained from Dipper Pines' face. He wobbled for a moment, before passing out and causing a loud crash with every step his body hit as he tumbled lifelessly down the stairs.

"...This is going to take a lot of messing around in his Mindscape to fix."