"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck."

Kanaya took a deep breath and let it out, wiping the sweat from her brow. This only served to stain her forehead with more red blood, however. This was not good, this was NOT GOOD.

"How could I let this happen, oh my fuck." Maryam was always one to mouth off obscenities when she was in distress, and currently, she was experiencing the worst night of her life. A rapid tapping of the foot, a quick glance around… she was alone now. It was fine, everything was fine… she simply needed to get rid of the evidence. Yes, yes, good. Burn the body, maybe…

A shriek left her mouth as the phone rang, she answered it with graceful apprehension.

"Sup Karbro," said a familiar, lazy voice, "I was thinkin'-"

"No! Karkat isn't home right now, good bye!" She slammed the phone down. Perfect, just perfect. Kanaya shivered slightly, pressing a bloody hand to the wall, which left even more incriminating evidence. She had to catch her breath, and think. Think… how could this have been avoided?

The evening had begun like any other. Karkat Vantas was alone, thankfully. It was Friday, and the weekend was looking more and more like it would belong to him and only him. No idiotic ramblings from Gamzee yet, thankfully. No stupid bragging from Sollux about any roms or open-source kernels or microchips. No hate letters from Vriska, and no roleplay requests from Nepeta. Maybe all of his friends had died all at once. Oh, please let it be so!

No, that would make Karkat incredibly upset, to say the least-whether he wanted to admit it or not. Besides, a mutant like him outliving someone like Vriska… it was unheard of. It was uncanny! He's lucky he has yet to be culled, really.

Karkat prepared to indulge in some quality time. Scented candles, lit. Romcom audiobook, queued up. Ablution trap… of course. With a twist of the knob, the water began to run. And just when Karkat thought the evening would go uninterrupted… his laptop had chimed. A message from someone. Oh, what splendid timing. He was going to verbally kill whoever just bothered him.

Slapping at the computer mouse and ridding the monitor of its horrid crab screensaver, Karkat hovered over to the Trollian chat application icon and-oh, it was Kanaya. She was completely fine, of course. She could talk to him anytime…

GA: Karkat Are You There

GA: I Need You

That was what the message said. Karkat's eyes scanned it twice. She didn't just want to talk-she needed him. Allowing just one (but not more!) inappropriate thought to cross his mind, he typed away a reply to his dear friend, and so began the correspondence.

CG: I'M HERE NOW. WHAT'S UP?

CG: YOU'VE REACHED ME AT THE PERFECT TIME.

CG: I WAS GOING TO WASH MY FUCKING RANCID SHELL OF A BODY AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, DEDICATE SOME TIME TO MYSELF ALONE.

GA: Sorry

GA: I Erm

GA: I Need To Talk To You In Person Actually
GA: Because

CG: COME ON DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME IN FUCKING SUSPENSE.

GA: Its Happening Again

CG: … OH. OH SHIT.

CG: YOU MEAN THE RAINBOW DRINKER THING?

GA: Yes

GA:

GA: The Rainbow Drinker Thing

GA: That Is The Perfect Title To Mark Down For What Is Currently Happening

CG: OKAY. FUCK, UM…

CG: YEAH JUST COME OVER IF IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. FUCK.

GA: Thank You In Advance

GA: And I Am Sorry

=grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]=

Karkat raked his fingers through his hair. Shit… fuck! Kanaya was hungry again. This was not good. Last time she had fed off of him, it was rather painful. Not to mention, she had went a little overboard.

Kanaya Maryam might be the only troll in Alternian history to have matured to Rainbow Drinker status with great haste. It took time with other Jadebloods, usually. Of course, the universe hated Karkat. Because the universe has cursed him with a sexy vampire best friend. A sigh escaped his lips. Better just get it over and done with, right?

Not too long after Kanaya's Trollian status had gone idle, there was a knock at the door.

Okay Karkat, you can do this… just like last time… Just invite her in, get the greetings out of the way, let Kanaya press her mouth right to your delicate flesh and suck out the good stuff. Shit, that's kinky.

He gripped the doorknob and opened the door, inviting the vampire into his hive. He had moaned aloud last time that this had happened-thankfully Crabdad wasn't home for any of this...