TOW The Non-Threatening Ray Liotta

"Rachel I'm so sorry!" Monica exclaimed as she popped her head into the empty restaurant. "There was a clean up disaster, I'll be ready in like two minutes, I swear."

"Don't worry, take your time," she dismissed easily, "we've got ages before the movie starts."

As Monica disappeared a guy entered through the other door and it took only seconds for Rachel to place him.

And it was him.

The 'non-threatening Ray Liotta' him.

The 'non threatening Ray Liotta who Monica was secretly dating' him.

Monica's secret boyfriend was right there in the same room as her and they were alone. Unwilling to miss this golden opportunity, Rachel glanced back at the kitchen door to make sure Monica wasn't watching before she put on her best welcoming smile and started towards the unsuspecting man.

"Hi," she greeted confidently striding across the restaurant, "I'm Rachel."

He looked at her, a frown etched on his cute features as he glanced over his strong looking shoulders, "You talking to me?"

"Yeah, I know I'm not supposed to," she hush whispered, "I know it's all 'top secret,'" she used her fingers as quotation marks, "and that I'm the dreaded roommate you want to avoid and all, but I just wanted to quickly say hi, introduce myself, ya know, show I'm not that scary."

His frown deepened as he stared at her and eventually he simply nodded, "Right , OK then."

Hmm, Monica had mentioned he was a shy one…

"I'm sorry, I don't even know your name," Rachel realized suddenly.

"Uh, Roberto?" he said slowly, carefully even; he really didn't seem too sure and was definitely uncomfortable.

"Well," she tried to get past the awkwardness slowly filling the room, "I'm sorry but I just had to come over to talk to you, I couldn't resist..."

He shook his head, holding up his hands, "I'm flattered lady but I've got a girlfriend."

"I know that," she protested before it clicked. "Wait, no, I- I'm not hitting on you! I just-"

"Look, as fun as this has been I've got places to be. I'll uh see ya," he shot her one last confused scowl before he left.

Well, there was a thin line between shy and just plain rude. What was up with him?

"You OK?" Monica asked as she re-appeared taking in her roommate's indignant spluttering.

"No!" Rachel complained. "I was just trying to be nice to your… " she looked around before she stage whispered, using the quotation marks again, "'secret boyfriend' and he totally blew me off. He was a little rude actually."

Monica suddenly looked panicked, her eyes wide, "W-what? You spoke to Ray?"

"Ray? He said his name was Roberto."

"Dammit I knew that," Monica muttered to herself before addressing her suddenly suspicious roommate. "Ray's a, uh pet name, the whole Ray Liotta thing, it's a private joke."

"There's lots of privacy around this man," she commented trying to keep her voice neutral.

"Well yeah, that's why he's a secret boyfriend, one that you shouldn't be speaking to. I told you he was shy," Monica tried. "Now, uh come on we gotta make that movie."

Eyes narrowed, Rachel watched her roommate hurriedly walk past her and out of the exit. With an annoyed sigh she eventually followed, catching up with her quickly.

"See, I kinda get you not wanting to introduce him to us but you don't even talk about him. I mean the only thing you've told us is how good the sex is and whilst that's important, very important don't get me wrong but I don't know anything else."

"Fine," Monica continued walking, "what exactly do you want to know?"

Rachel blinked, not expecting to be put on the spot like that but determined to make the most of this.

"How about some girl stuff we always talk about. Like is he romantic with you?"

"Very," she sighed, a dreamy look crossing her face.

"Really?" she asked surprised, finding it hard to imagine the man she'd met earlier being romantic. "Like how?"

"It's the little things he does," she admitted. "He's just always there when I need him and can always make me laugh or smile. He's just so sweet ya know?"

"Roberto? Really?"

"Yes, really, you just don't know him like I do."

"O-k," Rachel nodded slowly, keeping one eye on her and one on the sidewalk as they continued their slow pace, "So things are going well then?"

"Things are going really well," Monica couldn't hide her shy smile much to Rachel's surprise and amusement. "I really like him, Rach."

She offered her friend a soft smile which was returned, glad they were having some quality time together.

"Wow, that's so awesome. Could you see things going long term?" Rachel pried unable to hide her curiosity.

"I hope so," Monica admitted, folding her arms in front of her chest, "I mean I didn't expect it but he really is something special, we've just clicked and it's, well it's pretty amazing actually."

A smile slowly spread across Rachel's face as she took in her roommate. She was surprised by how clearly invested she already was in this budding relationship. She had been expecting things to still be in the early stages.

"Monica, I'm so happy for you!" she exclaimed, stopping and pulling her in for an unexpected quick hug. "I had no idea, I'm thrilled things are going so well. Look, if it's getting this serious this fast then we definitely need to meet him to vet him before you fall… " She trailed off noticing the other woman's guilty look. "Oh my god, you've already fallen for him haven't you?"

Biting her lip Monica eventually nodded, "Yup, it uh appears so."

"Hard?"

"Uh huh."

Speechless Rachel automatically pulled her in for another hug which she readily accepted.

"This is so fantastic! Congratulations, do you think he feels the same way too?"

She shrugged, biting her lip before admitting, "I don't know, I mean I don't want to rush or jinx anything but…yeah, I really hope he does."

Sharing an understanding smile Rachel squeezed her arm in excitement "I know I'm repeating myself but I'm so happy for you, Mon."

"Thanks, right now I'm pretty happy for me too," she chuckled before glancing at her watch. "Crap, we better hurry or we'll be late."

"OK, but if I think of any more questions…"

"Deal," she agreed easily, seeming to have enjoyed having someone to talk to.

It was just a few days later as Rachel was jogging in the park, her roommate's unexpected confession still very much in the forefront of her mind when she saw a sight that shocked her.

There on the path right in front of her was Monica's dream man…hand in hand with another woman.

Rachel's heart sunk for her friend as she stood there observing him as he stopped to smile down and embrace the traitorous woman before kissing her. The sadness soon turned to anger, furious that he would do that to Monica.

Well, he wouldn't get away with it on her watch.

"Hey buddy!" she called as she marched up to him, tapping him hard on the shoulder and breaking up their little tete-a-tete, "Just what do you think you're doing?"

The pair looked at her surprised and confused.

"Excuse me?" he asked.

"You heard me, explain yourself, Mister."

He still looked bewildered and somewhat pissed before recognition slowly filled his eyes.

"Its you!"

"Who is she?" the woman asked, looking Rachel over quizzically.

"Aw, just some crazy lady I met the other day at the restaurant," he had the cheek to even roll his eyes at her. "I've no idea what her problem is."

"Are you kidding me?" Rachel asked incredulous. "Seriously? You can't work out what my issue is here?" she gestured almost wildly to the stranger who took a cautious step away from her.

"No clue, I'm just trying to take my girlfriend here out to dinner. Do I need a permission slip from you or something?"

Girlfriend? Rachel looked the woman over. He was dating two women at the same time? Did that mean they weren't exclusive? But Monica had been so smitten and…well you didn't get that loved up if you were seeing other people. No, Monica couldn't know about her.

Which made it cheating in Rachel's book.

"What about Monica?" she asked, biting her lip to stop herself from revealing just how much this man meant to her friend.

"Monica who?"

Ouch. That was low.

"Monica who?" she asked in disbelief, giving him the full evil eye. "Monica who? Really? That's how you're gonna play this?"

"Uh, who is Monica?" the lady asked confused, looking between the pair.

"Damned if I know," Roberto shrugged.

Rachel shook her head beyond pissed. She couldn't believe how the man Monica was practically in love with could treat her so cruelly, how he could be so blase about everything and what got to her the most was that he didn't even look the slightest bit guilty or remorseful.

What a jerk.

"Monica, your other girlfriend. The one you've been unashamedly stringing along these last few months. You know people like you make me sick."

"What's she talking about?" the woman asked him unsure but not as livid as Rachel had hoped. Women had to stick together against men like this and she could do with some backup.

"He's cheating on you with Monica or cheating on Monica with you...I don't know which," she informed her. "He's a pig."

"What?" she asked in disbelief, turning to her 'boyfriend'. "I can't believe it."

"For crying out loud, of course I'm not cheating on ya, honey, you know that," he pleaded, "This woman is clearly wacko. I mean come on, I don't even know any Monicas."

The nerve of some people.

"Oh really?" Rachel challenged.

"Really," he shot back annoyed.

"So, you're saying you don't know Monica Geller?" she stood hands on hips, her eyebrows raised pointedly.

"Woah, woah, woah wait a minute," he held up his hands, "Geller? As in Chef Geller? From the restaurant?"

"Uh huh," she nodded, suddenly less sure but still determined to hold her ground for Monica's sake.

"I ain't dating her," he acclaimed, "Hell, I barely know the woman. I didn't even know her name was Monica until just then. We call her 'chef'. I've never even socialized with her outside of work."

He seemed genuine…

"But you've been dating for a few months," she argued weakly. "She told me you were."

"Look, you must have me confused with someone else. I've never dated Chef Geller, I've been dating Marie here for over 2 years," he turned back to his girlfriend. "I promise ya baby, I'm not sleeping with someone else, you know I'd never do that."

"I know," she eventually smiled, letting him pull her in for a kiss and cuddle.

"But…" Rachel interrupted their moment, still not able to comprehend what was happening, "If you aren't dating her who is? Who's her secret boyfriend?"

She just didn't understand it; why would Monica lie about this? She knew she was dating someone as she'd seen proof like flowers, Monica sneaking in from a late date, Monica hiding two wine glasses, not to mention that awkward moment when Rachel had walked into Monica's bedroom those weeks ago.

Eew, no, this wasn't some junior-high made-up boyfriend, there was definitely someone she was seeing but who?

"Look," Roberto took pity on her, "if it helps I've seen this guy regularly come pick her up and with the way they greet each other...well, I always assumed he was her boyfriend."

That made Rachel's ears instantly pick up. He'd seen the mysterious man?

"Really who? Do you know his name? What does he look like?"

"I dunno his name but he's this white dude, has light brown hair, kinda dorky. I guess he works in the city, an office type as he's usually got a briefcase with him and is wearing a suit with some hideous tie action going on. I can't tell you much else, I've never spoken to the guy, not even in passing."

"Oh," Rachel frowned, her mind trying to put together pieces of this bizarre puzzle.

"Can we go now? We've got reservations to make."

"Of course," she nodded, stepping back to allow them to pass her, "Well uh, thank you and um, sorry about that."

"No worries," he dismissed, walking away with his arm slung over his real girlfriend's shoulders.

Rachel stared after them until they had disappeared from sight, her mind still whirling. Just who was this even more secret, secret boyfriend that carried a briefcase and worked in the city?

It was already too late to make it to the restaurant in time to try and sneak a peek at him, so instead Rachel reluctantly returned to the apartment. Once showered and changed out of her jogging gear she sat with Phoebe on the couch, only half-listening about the latest science debate she was having with Ross.

"Hey," Monica greeted as she entered and Rachel mumbled a brief 'hello' in return, more interested in studying her friend closely.

Had she really been at work today, she mused. What if she'd spent the day with her real secret boyfriend whilst Rachel had embarrassed herself with the fake one?

Barely five minutes later a whistling Chandler entered, placing his briefcase on the kitchen table. Rachel froze, her eyes glued on the briefcase before finally taking in the light hair, suit and an ugly patterned tie.

Chandler?

Nooo….

But as his gaze fixed on Monica, a secret smile tugging at his lips, she wondered. Turning her attention onto her roommate, she was amazed to find the shy loved-up look she'd been wearing during her confession the other night, as she gazed back at him.

Monica was in love with Chandler?

Chandler was her secret boyfriend?

Their Chandler?

She gasped in shock, which unfortunately instantly drew everyone's attention onto her. Damn.

"You ok, Rachel?" Monica asked as the others all stared.

She nodded quickly, offering them a tight smile in reply as she hurriedly stood up.

"Yeah, I just realized that uh, uh…" they were all frowning at her and she started to get flustered, her sudden revelation making her mind swirl. This was huge. "Uh, the new Macy's catalogue is out. I need to go grab my copy. Now. Ok, bye."

With that she grabbed her purse and coat and swiftly left. Closing the door behind her she let out a long breath.

Monica and Chandler?

It was unbelievable. Shaking her head she decided she needed some air. Air was good. As she randomly walked the Manhattan streets, ignoring the numerous people she passed and the endless cabs that honked in the background, her mind stayed focussed on the couple in question.

The more she thought about it the more obvious it seemed to become. When Monica had been waiting that time in her bedroom no secret boyfriend had ever turned up. Even though they had been in all night and she didn't see Monica use the phone to cancel. In fact it had been Chandler that had arrived, bottle of champagne in hand and a disappointed look on his face.

Then there was his reaction that time to learning Monica was having the best sex of her life and wanting to know if he was better than Richard. That damn table dance now made sense as did Monica's mood afterwards.

Plus, they often went off and did little things together, just the two of them. Things like laundry and grocery shopping, things that they knew no one else would want to participate in but they'd be gone hours and come up with some lame excuse about a machine breaking down or having to go back because they'd forgotten milk.

There were the times she'd walked into the apartment unannounced to find them suspiciously out of breath or looking strangely dishevelled and come to think about it, it was just the other day that his flies were undone.

Also, other clues like the fact that Chandler hadn't recently tried to get anyone's phone number or been interested in a single girl. Even weirder he hadn't moaned once about his quiet love-life or commented on how pathetic he was and how he was going to die alone. Instead he had been fairly confident, relaxed even, carrying an air of contentment around with him...

Rachel stopped abruptly, frozen ignoring the muttered curse and glare from the person behind her.

It wasn't just Monica in love with Chandler...but Chandler was in love with Monica.

Two of her best friends were in love with each other.

This bizarre revelation had suddenly gotten even huger.

A couple of hours had passed by the time Rachel returned to apartment 20 pleased to find all the others had left.

"Hey," the sole occupant greeted her, "did you get your catalogue ok?"

"What?" she blinked before remembering her lame excuse from earlier, "Oh, no I didn't," she dismissed easily. "Say, Monica, I really enjoyed our talk we had the other day, you know about your relationship and I have some more questions."

"Now?" Monica looked a little on edge but offered an attempt at a smile, "Sure, ok, shoot."

Where to start? Now she knew it was Chandler she definitely had lots she needed to know, lots she desperately needed to understand. Making herself comfortable beside her roommate on the couch she decided what to ask first.

"OK, well, who asked who out?"

"Neither of us," she blushed a little, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear, "it kinda just happened."

"What'd you mean?"

"Well, we were at this...party, a work thing and I'd drank way too much and was a little depressed about stuff… and he was being all sweet and gave me his shoulder to cry on...and things went from there."

"Interesting," she nodded as Monica frowned at her response. "Who made the first move? Did you sleep together that night?"

"Rachel!" she admonished.

"What?" she protested, "We always tell each other this kinda stuff. Look you really like this guy and I'm not allowed to talk to him, so I wanna know some details. It's good to share things, remember?"

Monica didn't look entirely convinced but fortunately she caved easily.

"I made the first move," she admitted. "He was trying to comfort me, babbling away about how pretty I was and how I would easily get a boyfriend and I just kissed him."

Wow. For some reason she had assumed it would have been Chandler who initiated it.

"Did he try to protest or did he like you too?" Rachel asked curious, desperate to understand how two close friends for years suddenly decided to cross that line.

"He pushed me away at first, I could tell he wasn't quite sure and didn't want to risk our, uh working relationship but it didn't take too much persuasion," her cheeks grew a little warmer. "I had kinda liked him a little bit, I'd started noticing him a little more but there weren't any huge crushes or anything. But boy when we kissed that first time, I'm telling you Rachel sparks flew."

"Really?" she asked totally into the forbidden love story, leaning forward in an attempt to get closer. "He's that good a kisser?"

"Yep, there was this natural chemistry that I really haven't experienced many times before. We just tumbled to the bed...I mean, obviously we left the party first and went to his, but there was this passion and connection even on our first time. It wasn't awkward or clumsy just toe-curling addictive sex."

"Wow," she breathed, almost a little jealous before she remembered it was Chandler they were talking about.

"I know!"

"And he felt it too?" she guessed.

"Yep," there was that smile again, "neither of us could wait to do it again and...well, we did it a fair few times that first night."

Raising an eyebrow she couldn't help herself, she needed details, "Really? How many times?"

Monica waited a beat, "Seven."

"What?!" she blinked, impressed. "Seven times in that one night?"

"I know, I told you it was addictive," she grinned slyly. "It's just sooo good and then we couldn't wait to meet up again and see if it was just as good as the first night or if that had been a fluke. But, no it was as good, hell, maybe even better. Have you ever been with someone that actually makes your knees go weak like in the romance novels? Seriously, sometimes it's just a look between us and that's enough, ya know? A simple, innocent touch of his hand gets my skin tingling."

"Wow, but I'm guessing it's not just about sex though, you said before that you really liked him?" she pried. "That you've fallen for him?"

"It's way more than sex," she confirmed with a soft contented sigh. "We just go together so well. I feel like he knows me and gets me, sometimes better than I know myself even and he's really sweet and kind and attentive."

"Yeah?" Rachel eagerly encouraged, loving this insight.

"Yeah, he's just real cute and adorable and...yeah, I guess I've fallen pretty hard for him but he makes it pretty hard not to."

Who knew Chandler would affect her roommate like this?

"So...does anyone know? I mean at work?" she pried, wondering if they'd confessed to anyone or if everyone was in the dark.

"His roommate caught us, so we had to come clean with him," she shrugged with a little chuckle, obviously remembering the moment. "But other than him, no, we've kept it secret...at work."

Interesting, so Joey knew and had managed to keep it a secret? Despite his loyalty to his friends, which was admittedly strong, he usually cracked easily under pressure so she was impressed by his silence.

"How come you've not told anyone? Despite his shyness?"

"Well, it's a new relationship, we just didn't want the attention," Monica tried to explain, shifting slightly on the cushions. "We just wanted to keep out of the spotlight and see where it went."

Rachel nodded vaguely understanding, "I get that at the start but it's been months right?"

"Four months, almost five," she admitted, another smile on her face as Rachel gasped.

How the heck had they been able to hide this for so long?

"OK, fine but you know now you like each other and you're in a relationship that's clearly going somewhere, why not tell people? Get rid of the secrecy? I mean, is it for the excitement factor or…?"

"No," Monica shook her head, "Sure, sometimes it's fun to sneak around a bit but a lot of the time it's frustrating and yeah, I guess occasionally I wished everyone knew and we could be 'coupley' around people...at work."

Rachel studied her friend, "Then why don't you?"

"We aren't quite ready," she sighed, "It's complicated and there's always so much going on...at the restaurant and we're worried how some people might react."

Ross she guessed and as Rachel watched a sadness pass over Monica's face, she vowed to help them break the news to Ross in whatever way they chose.

"They might be really happy for you," she pointed out gently, "they might be thrilled that you've found each other."

"I hope so," Monica mumbled almost warily.

"Hey, I'm happy for you," Rachel reminded her, lightly touching her arm in comfort. "It's really great to see you like this, it's been too long."

"Thanks, I'll remember that when it does come to us telling people," Monica grinned.

Rachel smiled back and held her gaze for a beat before moving the conversation to lighter ground, keen to learn as much as she could tonight whilst Monica was being so open.

"So have you been on many dates? Where does he take you?"

"Nowhere too fancy but he does look damn hot in a smart suit when we do make the effort to go somewhere nice," she giggled. "We often do something fun or stupid together when we do get the chance to go out out."

Rachel nodded understanding that with the amount of time they spent with their friends, finding the time to date secretly and come up with excuses for the both of them at the same time must be damn difficult.

"Did you do anything for valentines? Did he spoil you rotten?"

"Well, I was working but we had our own celebration the next night when we were both free. He got me the usual flowers and card and I wore some rather expensive new lingerie," they shared a knowing smile, "but the sweetest thing is that he got me this little metal Big Ben ornament that he had to get shipped in especially and had them carve our initials on the bottom. It was so thoughtful and urgh, my heart just melted when he gave it to me."

Monica looked so pleased and as much as she hated to burst her bubble Rachel really didn't get it.

"Big Ben? Is he British?" she frowned as she watched the joy slowly turn to panic, spreading across Monica's face as she no doubt tried to think up a cover story.

As Monica stuttered some ridiculous lie Rachel's mind tried to rapidly work out the truth. Had it happened in London? That could easily explain the 'party' they were at and why Monica would be depressed given that her mom had been there banging on about her singleton status. It would also explain how no one had noticed as all the attention had been on Ross and Emily. Plus, the timeframe of 4-5 months seemed to fit bang on.

Wow.

She couldn't believe they had gotten together at Ross' disastrous wedding; no wonder they had kept it secret.

As Rachel was absorbing this new information and Monica was still explaining, Chandler came in, his disappointment that Rachel was still up showing clearly on his face for just a split second before he managed to cover it with a fake smile.

"Oh hey, I, uh, I'm glad you're both still awake...I just wanted, uh to steal some OJ before bed."

Rachel hid her smirk behind her hand, studying him a moment, trying to see him in this new light. It was hard to imagine him as a toe curling addictive sex god, but she could kinda see the cuteness and him being all sweet and attentive with her. Even now he was shooting her a look as he stood behind them, his hands resting on the back of the couch with some of his fingers subtly brushing against her hair.

Yeah, it was definitely getting easier imagining them together.

"So Chandler, Monica was just telling me about her secret boyfriend."

"Really?" he seemed genuinely intrigued, a cheeky grin on his face as his eyebrows raised. "All good things I hope?"

"Very good things," Rachel agreed.

"Yep, he's pretty awesome," Monica boosted as his face lit up.

Yep, it safe to say he was as loved up as Monica. Wow. She watched them make eyes with each other for just a moment longer before she decided to be nice and put them out of their misery.

"Well," she made a show of stretching, "it's been an interesting...insightful day, I'm going to call it a night."

Again, she hid her smile as Chandler was unable to hide his glee, practically bouncing; leave it much longer and he'd probably do that damn dance on the table again.

"Night Rach," Monica called.

"Night Monica," she said walking to her bedroom.

"Good night," Chandler commented, his attention still on his secret girlfriend.

As Rachel reached her door, her hand on the handle she turned slightly to face Chandler. As nice as she was being letting them have some time alone, she just couldn't resist the opportunity.

"And goodnight to you too, Roberto."

She watched the instant reactions, one mightily confused and the other mightily wide-eyed. With a knowing smirk she closed the door firmly behind her. Immediately she heard hushed voices from the living room and knew full well that tomorrow it would be Monica with lots of questions for her.

But she was fine with that.

It was too late for that kind of conversation anyhow and she was tired. Tonight she just wanted to have time to reflect on everything, take it all in before they talked and tried to explain themselves.

No, she would deal with all that tomorrow.

Tonight she was content that she knew.

And that they knew.

And that they knew she knew.

The End

A/N- sorry it's been a while! I lost my Mondler mojo for a bit but I'm lucky enough to have just got back from a trip to New York. Getting to see the exterior apartment and walk in Central Park really helped get me back into the friends world and got the creative juices flowing again. Most of this was written on the plane (in the voice of Chandler - 6 hours? That's a whole lotta Friends) but thanks to my writing app some of this was written in Trump Tower, Central Park and in a tickets queue in Times Square lol.

Anyhow, as always I'd love to hear any thoughts and feedback to help keep me motivated :o) Have a great weekend.