The Cul-De-Sac

As Edd "Double D" followed Eddy and Ed in their march toward the junkyard, he tried once again to knock some sense into his friend.

"Eddy, please stop! Surely by now you've realized the consequences of going up against the Kanker sisters!"

Yet it was no use, and Edd knew it. Eddy was on the warpath, and no amount of reasoning was going to stop him. For a brief moment, Edd considered telling Eddy that he would replace the tires himself, free of charge. If there was anything that could get through to Eddy, it was the promise of free money.

Good lord, Edward! What are you thinking? Double D chastised himself. Trying to bride Eddy into submission, even if it could save their lives, was dishonest and wrong. Besides which, Double D doubted he had enough money to afford the tacky kind of tires that Eddy would have wanted. That left but one option.

The Kankers. The mere thought of their namesent a small shiver up Double D's spine. He had had enough dealings with the Kankers as it was today. The thought of facing them again was almost too much to bear.

In front of him, Ed was even more of a nervous wreck then he was. Although they were now teenagers, Ed still had his misgivings of girls in general; the Kankers, specifically May, absolutely terrified him.

"Eddy, stop!" Ed pleaded. He dove onto the sidewalk and grabbed Eddy's legs, holding him in place as he trembled. "Kankers! Bad! Pain!" Ed shouted at Eddy, trying in his own way to pacify his friend.

But Eddy wasn't having any of it. With an unexpected strength, he shook Ed off his legs and continued his march toward the junkyard, entering the lane that separated the cul-de-sac from the trailer park. He turned briefly to regard the Eds with his blazing eyes.

"Will you two morons SHUT IT?! We're doing this! Aint no way I'm letting Lee freaking Kanker get away with this!" His eyes were almost as red as the ketchup stains on his shirt. With that declaration, Eddy squeezed through a gap in the fence and disappeared into the lane.

In a terror, Ed ran over to Double D and grabbed him in a bone shattering squeeze. "But I'm too young Double D!" Ed wailed as he started to cry into Edd's shirt. Double D didn't say anything, he couldn't: Ed had literally squeezed the wind out of him. But as he struggled in vain to escape the grasp of his emotional friend, Edd couldn't help but wonder.

This looked to be such a promising day. What went wrong?

Flashback:

BEEP. BEEP. .

As soon as his alarm went off, Edd's eyes flew open. In one fluid motion, he kicked off the covers, jumped onto his floor, and proceeded to make the bed, making sure there were no unsightly creases. He then gathered his clothes ( black pants, orange button down, blue tie, and ski hat) and headed to the bathroom.

Ahhh. The first day of school. A full year of academic learning and advancement!

After a quick shower, Edd stood before his bathroom mirror brushing his teeth. The brains of the Ed's had changed a decent amount since hitting adolescence. He had gotten taller, although he still was not as tall as the towering Ed. His hair was now longer, so that it peeked underneath his trademark ski cap. His face and body had a slightly more muscular, mature look to them as well. That said, he was still the weakest in the cul-de-sac, and also the most inept at gym class.

Finishing up, Edd walked downstairs to his kitchen. He found a sticky note attached to the fridge, a good luck note from his mother and father. Like always, they were gone before and was up and would not be back till late at night. Yet Edd didn't mind: he was proud of all the hard work his parents did.

Too engrossed in the note, Double D failed to realize that someone was already in his kitchen, leaning back in a chair with his feet resting on top of the round table.

"Mornin', Sockhead!"

The unexpected announcement shocked Double D, who jumped so high that he nearly hit the ceiling. As his heart was pounding from the shock, Eddy let out a mischievous tackle.

Straightening his tie, Edd rounded on his friend. "Good lord man! You know how much I DETEST it when you do that!"

Eddy just continued to snicker. Out of the three Ed's, he probably had changed the most. He had grown his hair out enough to allow him to gel some of it around his forehead. He had also grown out his sideburns a bit, claiming that the "chicks would go nuts". Like usual, Eddy was wearing jeans and a yellow shirt. Although he had also gone through a growth spurt, he was still one of the smallest in the cul-de-sac. Yet, as everyone was well aware, he still had the loudest mouth. And the biggest ego.

Double D noticed that Eddy had his feet on the table, nearly causing him to have a fit. . Barely keeping it together, he asked, "Eddy? Can you kindly take your disgusting shoes off the table?"

Eddy rolled his eyes, "Jeez, Edd: you nag more than my parents".

After Eddy had (reluctantly) took his feet down, Double D found his good humor returning. "Aren't you excited Eddy? With the ending of summer frivolities, we are now prepared for a new semester of-"

"Stupid ass classes and boredom?" Eddy cut him off, unable to deal with any more of Double D's nerd speech. School sucked, and everyone knew that. The last thing he needed was to have Darth Eddward start on one his rants. They hadn't even had a single day of classes yet.

Edd was hurt by Eddy's abrupt dismal, but he wasn't entirely surprised. While he himself was a straight A student, Eddy somehow excelled at getting a D in almost everything. Overall, he did worse than Ed did, and that was saying something.

Suddenly, Eddy's eyes lit up, suddenly remembering why he had barged into Double D's house in the first place. "C'mon Einstein, let's get moving! I got something to show you and Mono-brow!"

Unaccustomed to Eddy actually suggesting they leave so early in the morning, Edd tried to protest. "But Eddy, I haven't even eating breakfast yet and-" he trailed off, realizing something. Usually, where one Ed went, two others followed; it had been that way since they were children. Yet Ed himself was nowhere to be seen. "Eddy, where's Ed?"

By this time, Eddy had leapt to his feet and was pushing Double D toward the door. "Who cares? We'll catch him on the way out". Edd tried to protest, yet Eddy was too determined. As soon as they opened the door however, they saw a familiar face just standing there, engrossed in the latest issue of Mud Man Cyclops comics.

Big Ed had changed least of all amongst the three. He wore the same attire of a t shirt and green coat. He was considerably taller and now had more hair on both his head and on his face. He still loved buttered toast, talked complete nonsense, and was afraid of the "girl germs".

Why he was just standing on the front step Double D couldn't fathom, but then again no one really understood Ed.

"Umm…..Ed? What are you-ED!"

As soon as Double D opened his mouth, Ed looked up with his customary smile. He then wrapped his arm around the teenager's head, giving him a nuggie so hard it nearly ripped the ski cap right off his head. "Double D!" Ed cried out happily.

Still in the doorway, Eddy was bent over in laughter. "You two need some alone time? I can call a cab." Yet as Eddy stood wiping the tears from his eyes, Ed's arm suddenly shot out and grabbed him. Now having both his friend's in a headlock, it was Eddy's turn to get the noogie.

"Eddy! We are back together again, the three amigos out to defeat the evil mutant meatballs!" Ed sang as both Double D and Eddy tried in vain to get out of his grasp.

"Ed, you idiotic! Watch my hair!" If there was one thing Eddy couldn't stand, it was people messing with his hair. For his part, Edd felt his eyes start to water. Although Ed's parents had insisted that their son shower more frequently once he entered high school, hygiene still wasn't Ed's best of friend. If they didn't free themselves soon, the smell of his arm pits would probably knock them out.

"Ed…..please. While we are happy to see you….we can't breathe".

"Yeah Lumpy! We just saw you yesterday for crying out loud!" Eddy chimed him, now desperately worried about how his hair. Ed released them, his typical happy-go-lucky grim plastered to his face. After taking a few deep breaths to clear his head, Edd smiled weakly at him. "And good morning to you too, Ed!"

"Whatever." Eddy growled, annoyed that his hair had been touched. He knew he would probably have to add some more gel during lunch period, or just skip math all together to do it. Yet his scowl completely disappeared as he remembered what he had wanted to show Ed and Double D. Grabbing them both by the arms, he led them toward his house.

"But Eddy, school is the other way-"Double D began, only for Eddy to cut him off.

"Relax SockHead, we got plenty of time. There's something I want to show you first!" With that, Eddy led them away.

"So? Whaddya think? I gotta say, I think I outdid myself this time!"

Ed and Double D were standing before Eddy, who himself was perched on a giant tire. There were four of them leaning against his house, with gold rims that had dollar signs ingrained onto them. As if they weren't tacky enough, the rims themselves were spin-able. Ed was having a grand old time watching Eddy spin one, watching the dollar sign go round and round and round.

"It's just like the transporter from Revenge of the Space Monsters!" Ed laughed as he stood memorized before the tire.

Double D let out a sigh, followed by a face palm. "I'm surrounded by idiots" he grumbled to himself.

Eddy didn't take any notice as he self-congratulated himself. "Aint they a beauty? I blew two months' worth of allowance on these puppies. Can you imagine how great they'd look on my new ride?"

Edd felt compelled to point out the obvious. "Eddy, we don't even have our full licenses yet, let alone cars. Besides, how can you be sure that these overly flashy tires will even fit your future vehicle?"

Eddy just waved him off, expecting Double D to be a killjoy. "Pffffft, no problem. The guy I brought these from said these were Canadian tires, one size fits all. Just add air".

Double D just stared at Eddy, mouth open. He had heard many stupid things from his friends before (mostly from Ed), but that last sentence had just cracked the top 5 list. Seeing how proud he looked, Edd decided to break the news to Eddy gently.

"Umm, Eddy I don't-"

Suddenly Ed came out of his trance, and happily shouted "Tick-tock my good fellows!" Eddy jumped off the tire he was perched on and started toward Rethink Avenue. "Good point, Lumpy. My folks will kill me if I get a detention on the first day of school. C'mon Double D".

Edd just stood there for a second as his friends walked away. With a sigh, he shook his head and followed after. Canadian tires? Oh, Good Lord.

Marie Kanker sat sprawled on the old green coach of the trailer, ideally flipping through TV as she munched on a piece of toast. From the kitchen, she could hear her sisters having another argument, the fifth of the morning. Geez, can't those two shut their traps for five freakin minutes?

Grinding her teeth in annoyance, she continued to flip through the TV. Although now a teenager, she still had the same short blue hair that covered one side of her face. While she wasn't like May who wore the same outfit all the time, Marie mostly stuck to her trademarks: tank tops or shirts with the sleeves ripped off, usually black and often adored with some rock group or some other graphic of punk culture. Like when she was a kid, she still preferred BDU paints and flat top shoes. A recent addition to her ensemble was a spiked choker collar. Like always, Marie was not shy about showing any midriff: as she got older, the amount she showed seemed to increase.

"Hey Marie! Who took the last slice of toast?" Lee's shrill voice called from the kitchen.

"Who the hell do ya think, stupid?" Marie shouted back, unperturbed.

Lee stuck her head into the living room, a scowl covering her features. She still wore her orange-red hair in a mess that covered both eyes. She had also grown very large, now a full head taller than Ed himself. Wearing a poka-dotted shirt and blue jeans, she advanced toward her younger sister.

"Didn't ya hear me when I tolda ya to keep your mits off my breakfast?" The tone in her voice was anything but friendly. Marie probably should have chosen her next words carefully, but being a Kanker, she didn't.

"Oh boo-hoo. Maybe if you didn't spend so much time on that mop of yours it wouldn't take you an hour to get your ass to the kitchen" Marie spat back, glaring at her sister.

The tension was thick. Marie knew better than anyone that antagonizing Lee was a HUGE mistake, but again being a Kanker meant never backing down. Yet thankfully Lee was either too tired or not in the mood for a fight, so she just turned away and snorted. "Maybe if you actually DID something with your hair you'd be able to catch that man of yours"

At the mention of Edd, Marie's eyes blazed, but before she could respond May interrupted. "Did somebody mention the Eds?"

"Shut your trap, May!" Marie snarled, before turning back toward Lee. Yet Lee was already heading out the door, snickering at the fact that she still knew how to press Marie's buttons. "C'mon girls, lets shove out".

Both Marie and May were a bit stunned: Lee was hardly one to even attend school, never mind get there early. Momentarily forgetting her anger, Marie regarded her sister with a raised eyebrow.

"You hit your head or something? Why would we wanna go to that crap-hole early?"

Lee sent her sisters an evil smile. "Well, you know what they say girls. Gotta start the year off right. And I've just been dying to see those boyfriends of ours"

At the mention of the Eds, May jumped up with excitement. Between the three of them, Ed was the one who was most terrified of his "girlfriend". As a result, he had spent his summer being careful to avoid May as much as possible. Yet being in school made such a task a great deal more difficult.

With a sly grin, Marie shut the TV off and grabbed her backpack. It had been a full weak and a half since she last saw her Double Dreamboat, pelting him with water balloons as he was walking through the lane. The look on his face had been priceless.

As the Kankers walked out of their trailer, Marie couldn't keep the wicked smirk off her face. This is gonna be great.