Title: Haunted

Summary: Juliette, Hank and Monroe reflect on how Nick has changed over the last couple of years of being a Grimm.

Notes: This is set in early season 4, after Nick regained his Grimm powers, but before Juliette became a Hexenbiest and before Wesenrein. References to previous episodes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grimm, but if I did, I'd probably whump Nick some more often and probably be the fangirls' best friend by now.

Feedback is very welcome. English is not my mother tongue.

–

Haunted

When Juliette looks at old photographs of herself and Nick, she can't help but wonder what happened to Nick. Even though she does know what happened – Aunt Marie's death, Adalind's schemes, Juliette's coma, the return of his mother, the threats against Monroe and Rosalee, gruesome cases – she still fails to recognize the man in the photos.

She remembers after Aunt Marie's death he still looked similar to the man in the photographs. He was happy, smiling, healthy, muscular, his skin a normal, peach tone. He used to look like a happy-go-lucky teenager, even being already thirty, his face bright, his eyes smiling and his face smooth and open.

Now she doesn't recognize the man walking through the door of their home. His eyes look haunted, there are dark circle under his eyes, he's thin and always so tired. She doesn't remember when was the last time he actually had a good-night's sleep without the nightmares or without the case dragging to early hours until it was too late to go to sleep, so he'd just take a shower and return to the precinct.

Before aunt Marie's death she liked it when he didn't shave so often, because the facial hair really suits him, but after fifteen hours of trying to catch some Wesen psychopath he just looks ten years older and his face is dark from exhaustion.

Although she's not sure the removal of facial hair would change it.

She's not sure when the change in him happened. Was it after he returned from Baron's spell? Or maybe it was one of the cases that's taken its toll on him? Was it her coma?

She sighed, running the finger over the man in the photograph. Where had he gone?

–

Hank wasn't there for Nick when his aunt died and when he was struggling to come to grips with becoming a Grimm. He noticed the change in Nick, how his eyes became darker every weird case they worked on, how he refused to eat or sleep for days sometimes or how he smiled less and less. Nick never wanted to talk about it.

After Nick told him about the Wesen world, he knew he could support him better – only Nick didn't exactly want that kind of support. He welcomed Hank's support during cases or when they were spending long hours in the trailer trying to find something that makes sense, but he didn't want to talk about how he really felt about all this.

Hank knew that guys usually didn't really talk about feelings and stuff. But Nick was there for him when he thought he was losing his mind and he was there explaining everything to him and waiting until it became clear that Hank could handle it.

It seemed no-one asked Nick if he could handle it.

And, looking into his haunted eyes, Hank wasn't so sure Nick did.

–

Monroe didn't think that they both changed much since the day they met during that case of a missing girl until he married Rosalee. She liked to ask him about his friendship with Nick, the cases they worked on and how they handled them without the spice expert. She particularly liked the Siegbarste story about Monroe's heroic confrontation ("It was not a confrontation, I had an elephant gun and he didn't know I was even there!") with Oleg Stark.

Monroe didn't really like that story. Putting aside his heroic efforts to save Hank's life, he still had nightmares about Nick and how his life was hanging by a tread right then.

He was brutally reminded of that memory a couple of days ago when Nick and Hank were working on a case of a pack of Schakals gone rogue and, while waiting for backup, they split and went looking for them in opposite directions. Monroe knew what Schakals were capable of and warned Nick not to go against them alone ("No matter their strenght, I still have my handgun or are they suddenly immune to bullets?"), but of course Nick didn't listen. He was on edge, because the case had dragged for over two days now and the number of brutally murdered people raised, starting to cause a public panic.

So Monroe sat on pins and needles, waiting for the phonecall from Nick, telling him that they captured – or killed, he wouldn't mind that – those Schakals and no-one was hurt.

When he saw it was Hank who called, he was on the way to his car before he even answered it, knowing it was not going to be good news.

A couple of hours later he was sitting by Nick's bed in the hospital, flashbacks from a very similar memory flying right before his eyes. Nick had two broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder, twisted ankle, a concussion and numerous cuts and bruises all over his face and body. Hank (with backup, luckily) found him barely conscious with three Schakals hovering over him and beating the crap out of him. They were shot on sight ("They didn't deserve trial"). They managed to injure another cop, but he was already released home.

And Nick was lying in bed just like he was after Oleg Stark almost killed him. Except something was different, Monroe just couldn't place it. It was the same Nick, he had the same face, the same voice, the same eyes-

Last time Nick's eyes were bright despite him being in pain. He was sure they'd catch the guy, he was full of hope and trust, even though he couldn't be sure if he could trust Monroe fully then.

Now his eyes were dark, haunted, emotionless.

But it wasn't just his eyes. Monroe realized now that it wasn't the same Nick. That Nick three years ago was almost innocent, well-built; beaten up, but otherwise rested. The Grimm lying on the bed before him was thin and pale, with a plethora of scars all over his body, some visible even beneath the bruises. He looked like he hadn't slept decently in months, which was probably true.

With a sigh, he just wished his friend a full recovery and left home when the nurses came in to check up on Nick.

When Rosalee asked him about Nick after he got home, Monroe just sat there, looking at his hands, not really knowing what to say.

On one hand, Nick was fine, he was in the hospital, he had great care and was going to fully recover in no time. He was a Grimm after all and they tended to recover very quickly. Besides that, Nick was probably going back to work next week, recovered or not. On the other...

He looked through the photographs on his phone and found a picture of them together they had taken not long after they became friends. He didn't even remember the occasion, but it was obviously something silly and probably alcohol-induced.

He was really stupid thinking they didn't change. He knew he changed – he met the love of his life, socialized more often, made new friends and was getting ready to travel for his honeymoon. Monroe three years ago would snort at that and declare he was a lone wolf and didn't need the company.

Nick changed, too.

Although seeing him today in the hospital bed, broken, haunted and exhausted, Monroe wasn't really sure it was for the better.

The End.