At AAW HQ, Kazuto Iizuka and Hajime Yagi are in the office, having a relaxing day. However, they got a phone call from Kanaka Nanase, their boss. Yagi answered it and said, "Hello, Commissioner?"

Kanaka said, "Ha, ha, very funny. Turn on your TV."

Yagi grabbed a remote control and turned on her small 19-inch television. It showed the head of President Nixon, making a speech to the union.

He said, "Fellow Earthlings, this is your president, on a global announcement to all… With my accusations being disapproved, we must be able to present ourselves for the future. From now on, until the end of time, ALL your funds will go to ME, so I can build us an AU-Mind Fuck Shield, preventing any future disasters! NIXON RULES! AROOOOO!"

Yagi gasped, "Sweet suffering Saint Sebastian on a sousaphone in a short story by Susan Sontag! Kanaka, I am watching it, right now!"

Kanaka said, "Hajime, Old Man, you are on the case, right? I want you two to stop Nixon's assault on the economy, before things get out of hand."

Yagi asked, "But how can we? We are powerless to arrest the Earth President; not even the head of a well-known, yet controversial U.S. President."

Kanaka remarked, "Well, this is all I can say to you, then… This is where my favor from Robin Mask comes in. Send me proof of his so-called economy shield, and if it's a farce, we'll have him on the ropes, and his diplomatic immunity will be revoked."

Yagi nodded, "We're on the way! Signing off!"

She hung up and said, "Kanaka said that President of Earth, Richard Nixon's Head, is making up an economy fund, all for his new shield. However, I smell another of the corrupt President's crazy new law. That is the fifth law he's made, this month alone!"

Kazuto said, "So, what else is new?"

Yagi stated, "Federal mandated group hugs, before, during, and after sporting events… He's curtailing civil liberties! He's endangering the environment!"

"So?"

"AND he's about to institute mandatory Gun Registration!"

Kazuto gasped, "BUT AAW HAS GUNS! That's only for emergency missions, only."

Yagi said, "Not for A-Squad. We are always armed."

Kazuto smiled, "That makes two of us."

He held up his pistol and said, "Get the keys."

Kazuto & Yagi: A-Squad!
Jake Morgendorffer Must Die!

Written by:
Jerome "Cucumber" Holowitz

Kazuto & Yagi arrive, in their 1980 Dodge Corvette. They parked outside the White House, located in Washington D.C., near the front gate. The car was totaled, in front of the lamppost, near the gate.

"You know this whole thing would've been avoided, if you'd let me drive, Yagi," Kazuto said.

Yagi corrected, "And I would've driven safely, if you didn't keep shouting "Jersey Devil! Jersey Devil! Put a cap on this one, fella!" and covered my eyes, while I was driving, buckethead!"

"Sorry. I thought that lady was a dead ringer for a criminal."

"At least we're not inept and clueless, like the LSAAWS. In any case, we are here in the White House… Well, about feet away from the office."

"Good. Let's hurry up, and soon. I have a score to settle with this Commander-in-Chief!"

They approached the front door, but it was blocked by a thin man with a tuxedo, sunglasses, slick hair, and an earphone. He stood in place, as Yagi said to him, "Good afternoon, sir. We're on official AAW business."

Kazuto said, "We'd like to see the President of Earth."

The man said in a stern monotone, "Just a moment, ma'am."

He went to his headset and said, "Papa Bear, this is Superball. Possible situation with young Japanese people in the front door. Trying to gain access to the OO. Please advise, over."

Kazuto asked, "Superball?"

Superball said, "Yeah, that's a negative on the access, over. I'll have to ask you to step away from the White House, please."

Kazuto asked, "You know us, don't you? Does the President know about us?"

Yagi said, "We're from Alliance Across the World, owned by a Kanaka Nanase."

Superball responded, "I am aware of that, ma'am. However, the president does not allow AAW members in his OO."

"What for?"

"He was once arrested by the AAW, before his immunity kicked in."

"I see… How long has he had this immunity."

"About many years, through his term of presidency, forever and ever. The man has a tight and ironclad law, since he was elected President of the planet, not too long ago, sir and ma'am."

Yagi remarked, "Look, Miss Nanase told us-."

Superball interrupted, "Either way, ma'am. Orders."

Yagi asked, "What? Did you interrupt me?"

She thought, "This is harder than I thought. Looks like I'll have to-."

The stern Secret Service guy said, "I know what you're saying, and you cannot do that, because it is impossible."

Yagi shouted, "HEY! You cannot listen to my casual asides!"

"It's in the job description, ma'am. Please report your thoughts, soliloquies, and casual asides to the authorities, ma'am."

"Sorry. Ever get tired of guarding that door?"

"It's a rewarding job. Feels great. Keeping the president safe."

Kazuto asked, "Hey, Superball, do you always guard doors?"

Superball said, "It's what I do, sir. I have always had a dream of guarding doors, including nightclubs, bars, and the usual bakeries."

Kazuto said, "He's as tough as a rock."

Yagi said, "So… If we stop President Nixon's Head…"

Superball said, "Which you won't. It's impossible."

Yagi remarked, "Nothing's impossible, and also, shut up!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Anyway, as I was saying, once we stop him, we like your ways of being calm and stern. How would you like to join AAW, in case Nixon 86's you?"

Kazuto said, "Or if the president is no longer in office."

Superball said, "Well, if it involves guarding your boss's door, it's a deal. But I cannot leave the White House. I work in his payroll."

Yagi replied, "Well, I guess so. But that's just in case."

Superball smiled, "It is fine, ma'am. I have my résumé, just in case."

Yagi asked, "What are your hobbies?"

"Varies. Receptionist, maintenance, light groundswork, public relations…"

"Public relations?"

"I'm a people person, ma'am."

"Do your men work, too?"

"Cutbacks, ma'am. Employee reduction and consolidation act in 2003. These sunglasses aren't cheap."

"You make time for everything?"

"It's what I do, ma'am."

Yagi smiled, as she saluted, "Okay, Superball…"

Kazuto asked, "Hey, hold on… Why is he called Superball?"

"Codename, sir. I'm a bouncer. Secret Service humor." He said.

Yagi asked, "And who's Papa Bear?"

Superball said, "Section chief. Runs the operation. Protects the president.

Yagi said, "Then, I wanna talk to your manager."

Superball said, "No can do, ma'am. She's with the president."

Yagi asked, "She?!"

Superball stated, "Former lawyer-turned-Secret Service Agent, Helen Barksdale. Codename: Papa Bear."

Kazuto laughed, "Oh… Superball… I get it."

Yagi thought, "Barksdale… That name seemed familiar…"

Kazuto asked, "Is she a dog from that Ed E. Upps Casino?"

Yagi replied, "No, I think I know her from a case we did, long ago."

She said to Superball, "We'll keep in touch. If the President changes his mind, you know where to find us."

Superball said, "Likewise, ma'am. Looking forward to working for you, one day. Before I ask you to leave, what's your rank in AAW?"

Yagi explained to Superball, "Well, I am the leader of A-Squad, our highest rank in AAW. We go by three ranks in AAW, A, B, and C, each with its own unique style. For example, Iizuka and I are A-Squad members, which mean we do anything we want, as long as we go by the book."

Kazuto said, "Crimefighting, spywork, Intel, computer technicians, TV/VCR repairs…"

Yagi said, "We also work through the intergalactic department. B-Squad, however, don't play like that. They are simply covert operations and crime fighting, straight from a comic book. Their members include a soiree of musicians and science officers. They are A-Squad's back-up."

Kazuto continued, "C-Squad is our newbie special forces. All new members start in C-Squad, after intensive testing and training. But they act like B-Squad, except with lighter missions. We, the A-Team, get all the fun."

Yagi said, "Dangerous missions equal dangerous and challenging situations."

Superball said, "Hmm, this sounds like hard work. I'd like to join, ma'am, only in case the president does no longer need me, which isn't for a long time. I have a binding contract to him."

Kazuto asked, "How long?"

"Lifetime, sir. I love my work."

Yagi and Kazuto left, as Superball called to the headset, "Papa Bear, this is Superball. Two perps leaving the entrance, seemed disgruntled. Stay on the lookout, over."

Kazuto asked, "So, how do we beat this guy up? I don't like him, as an AAW Agent."

Yagi replied, as she returned to the car, "Well, we rather not rough him up. These secret service guys hold a grudge. We have to return to HQ, and look up this Helen Barksdale. I know this name, before, but I just cannot place it."

They went to the corvette, as Yagi drove off. She said, "Incidentally, I wonder what he'd be doing, by the door."

Kazuto said, "He's probably waiting for someone to show up."

XXXXX

Back at HQ, Yagi was sitting in her desk, pondering. She thought, "There's got to be a way to get to the Oval Office, without being caught by Superball. We can't go in, since the building is guarded heavily."

She then sent a text message to him, which says:
"Expect two agents from the community, for the assistance of President Nixon's Head. One of them is male, with short hair, and the other is female, wearing glasses. By special order of AAW Boss, Kanaka Nanase, please request clearance."

She sent the message. However, she got a reply from Superball:
"AAW Clearance approved. However, it must be signed in triplicates. Regulations."

Yagi barked, "SHIT! Does he know about us?"

Another message appeared. It said:
"Have the two agents in the White House, shortly. Will meet you there. -P"

Yagi thought, "P? Who's P? Surely, it's not Superball…"

She said, "In any case, we should be able to get in."

Kazuto returned from Kanaka's office, as he said, "Well, Kanaka said that we'll have to get in, some other way, by her permission. AAW has been already recognized, since Tohru Honda has been destroyed, finally."

She responded, "I just don't know what to do… We're going to need to hunt down Nixon's Head, while looking for this Barksdale character."

She turned on the TV, as Nixon's head was on the desk, facing the camera.

"My fellow Earthlings, we must remember to live life to the fullest, and to keep joy in our hearts, all around the AUs. To that end, I have introduced mandatory psychological examinations to guarantee that all citizens meet the minimum required level of joy and good will."

Kazuto said, "He's like a kinder and gentler Mussolini."

Yagi turned off the TV and said, "Yeah. A lying little Italiano. We're going to have to break into his office, one way, or another. Iizuka, I have a plan. Since we cannot do the same thing we did to him, in the 60s, we'll have to break him, again, fifty years in the making."

"You mean…"

"Yep. He must resign! But we need clues. Also, we cannot divulge that we are AAW agents. Otherwise, the plan will be ruined."

He asked, "But don't you think he'll recognize us?"

She said, "No. He does hold a grudge towards Steven Nevins and Black Dynamite. Remember that case, involving Blue Suede Goo in Daten City, and we almost lost the city to a C-Bomb?"

Kazuto said, "Yeah. Heather and Mizuki told us about that mission, since the boys and Farra cannot say the C-Word."

"We live in a world where tolerance is frowned upon racial slurs, little buddy."

Kazuto replied, "I meant Superball…"

Yagi said, "Leave it to me. He sent me a message that says to call back. I think I know how it's done."

She dialed the phone to Superball and said, "Luckily, I remembered his phone number, on the way here. He's got a small receptionist's desk, which is a phone booth."

Superball called, via the phone, "Yes? Secret Service. This is Agent Superball speaking…"

Yagi said, "This is Agent Hajime Yagi of AAW. I got your message."

Superball responded, "Yes, ma'am. I was calling about the AAW recruitment deal, and also, I want to know how much I will be paid for my services with your boss."

Yagi replied, "Yes… We'll be happy to set up a meeting with Kanaka Nanase, on the phone. Please hold."

Superball responded, "Very well, Ma'am…"

She placed the phone down and shushed Kazuto. She whispered, "Iizuka… to the elevator…"

They crept off, as Yagi and Kazuto entered the elevator. The doors shut, as Yagi sighed, "Damn… I'm going to get a frightening earful from both Kanaka and my phone bill…"

Kazuto asked, "Which is it?"

At the White House, Yagi and Kazuto arrived at the front gate, as they entered the building. As they walked down the hallway, they approached the door, which says "Oval Office". Yagi said, "This must be the place."

They entered the door and was met by a woman with brown hair and a black secret service uniform, with shades. She said, "Good afternoon, sir, ma'am. This is the Oval Office, home to President of Office, Nixon's Head."

A man with brown hair and a suit, as well, with shades, snuck into the War Room. Yagi said to the woman, "Yes, uh, we'd like to see Mr. Nixon."

The woman said, "As you will, ma'am. The President is very busy. But we have clearance of any AAW Agent. Are you of AAW Agency?"

Kazuto lied, "WHAT? Uh, oh, no…"

Yagi said, "We are translators for the President."

Nixon's Head said, "Translators, eh? Sounds interesting."

They stood in attention, as Nixon added, "A lot of folks are saying that we're wrong for introducing pudding, but-."

Yagi cleared her throat, and then added, "May we have a talk with you, sir?"

Nixon's said, "No! In fact, you shall only be of my translators. I have a pressing engagement with one of the leading ladies in the city, and will be in a request of helping out the cause."

Kazuto asked, "And who is this lady?"

The woman said, "She goes by the name of Ichikawa. A business woman, with simple facts about the economy, since she is wind of the Economy Shield."

Kazuto asked her, "So, why on earth would you need a translator?"

Nixon's Head replied, "Because… the woman is a blubbering mess that I have no idea what she says!"

Yagi thought, "Worse than I thought. He's loony than a caffeine-addled dingo in an Adelaide maternity ward."

Kazuto said, "I say you make a lot of good points."

Nixon said, "You're hired. But we won't pay you."

Yagi snuffed, "No wonder the economy is down. People are either poor, destitute, or cheapskates."

Kazuto asked, "Hey, there's a War Room here!"

The woman blocked the door, as she said, "No. You have no clearance. The War Room is only available for Wars, only."

Yagi asked, "But we saw a Secret Service Agent go in there."

The woman said, "He has clearance. He's watching TV."

The man appeared and said, "No need to be protective, Papa Bear. I'll take it from here."

Yagi asked, "Hey… You look familiar."

The male agent said, "Uh, I don't know what you mean."

Kazuto corrected, "She meant her…"

The woman said, "I don't know what you mean…"

Yagi asked, "Tell me… Do you know of a woman named Helen Barksdale? I used to know her, but the name is on the tip of my tongue."

The woman said, "I do not understand what you're saying…"

The man replied, "Well, we do know another Helen. I think it was Helen Morgerdorffer."

Yagi snapped, "That's her!"

The man said, "She was once charged for trying to kill her daughter, Daria Morgendorffer."

Yagi asked, "Daria Morgendorffer?"

The man said, "Died in 2005, at the age of 21, over a mild heart attack. She was almost shot by an unknown sniper, the year before. It was later to be revealed to be Helen Morgendorffer."

Yagi asked, "And the victim who was shot?"

The man replied, "I believe her name was Farra Stevens. She took a bullet for the team, in 2004, the year that the event took place. Luckily, she survived the attack. She was in Intensive Care for months, with a cracked shoulder blade; serious injury, but not fatal."

Yagi gasped, "By the flying skateboard of Michael J. Fox! You mean…"

The man said, "No, it happened before the whole AU Mind Fuck."

The woman said, "But that was ancient history…"

Kazuto said, "Do we still remember Daria?"

The woman said, "There's a high school, far away in Highland and Lawndale, called Daria Morgendorffer Memorial High School. In any case, they are well-known landmarks, since it opened in 2007."

Yagi asked, "Any particular reason why Helen wanted to kill Daria?"

The woman said, "Daria… ahem! Miss Morgendorffer was being bullied in her life, and her mother often scolds and lectures her for being moody. Helen Morgendorffer became a pariah, after the detectives caught her with a sniper rifle. If Farra got shot in the head, she'd die, completely…"

Kazuto asked, "Is it because she's a witness?"

Yagi thought, "Hmm… I think there was a story to that."

The man said, "Reflective lenses in her glasses. Miss Stevens viewed the attacker, after she and Miss Morgendorffer shared a laugh. Just when they patched things up, Miss Stevens shoved Miss Morgendorffer down, took the bullet, and was out cold for months. Hard woman, pure heart. That's Farra for you-, I mean Miss Stevens."

Kazuto sighed, "One day, I'm going to go back in time and view this moment… So defining…"

Yagi replied to the agents, "Ignore him. He just loves to see someone get shot. He's motivated that way."

The man nodded, "Noted, ma'am."

Yagi asked, "So, why the War Room?"

The man said, "It's a private club for people who aren't annoying me. You two aren't invited. And also, it opens automatically for all, around the office, in case war goes on."

Yagi said, "That's interesting. Two for the War Room, please."

The woman said, "Sorry, you two. Nothing doing."

The man said, "We can't showcase the War Room to anyone."

Kazuto sighed, "Aw, man… You know, if I were president, I make things a little different."

The man said, "You could, but it's not easy. President of Earth is a huge responsibility."

The woman laughed, "But I don't think you will be one, with us around."

The man growled, as Yagi said, "Fine. We'll look around the office, while we wait…"

The man said, "Bup-bup! You two… May I have a moment with you, outside?"

He whispered, "Make it look real…"

Yagi gasped, "No… You mean you're-."

He grabbed the AAW Agents and said, "This way, please. Outside."

They were dragged away, as Yagi screamed, "OW! Hey! Easy!"

Kazuto barked, "Watch the collar!"

The woman laughed, "Nice one, Baby Bird. Keep them out of the Oval Office."

XXXXX

Outside the White House, the man threw Yagi and Kazuto out, as he said, "Sorry about that."

Yagi got up and said, "Make it look real… You did that, just to kick us out!"

The man barked, "That's because I wanted to speak to you, alone, Agent Yagi!"

Yagi gasped, "I KNEW IT!"

He removed his glasses, revealing to be Percival Gaynes, Feral Beauty agent. Yagi trembled, "YOU?! I cannot believe-"

Percival said, "Sorry. But I'm undercover. For this, you don't address me as anybody."

Kazuto said, "A regular John Doe."

Yagi asked why he came to the White House. Percival explained that he was undercover, mostly to infiltrate Nixon's War Room. He found no leads, but he knew of his Economy Shield, which is, in reality, a magnet for stealing all the oil and water in the city. His superior, Neptuneman, hired him to investigate the situation, and hoping to expose the truth about Nixon, hoping to revoke his immunity. Yagi then said that she's planning to expose the plans to AAW, but decided the make Nixon resign, in order to make the world, as peaceful as it gets. Percival said, "Well, I guess we can work together on this one, seeing I used to work for AAW. Anyways, I'll let you guys back in."

Kazuto asked, "Say, how come we haven't seen you in a while?"

Yagi said, "Don't you remember, Iizuka? He resigned from the force, following the end of Onigiri in New Pork City. But it turns out that Tohru Honda still lived… until she was erased."

Percival said, "Once this mission's over, I have to return to HQ. And then-."

A woman asked, "Excuse me, sir? The president wanted to speak to me…"

He wore his shades and said, "Yes, ma'am?"

Mayura bowed and said, in her red blouse and skirt, "I'm Mayura Ichikawa, treasurer and accountant for the Best Student Council. I need to speak to him, again, about the budget."

Percival said, "Right this way, ma'am."

He thought, in compressed annoyance, "Fuck! Not her, again…"

She stared at him and asked, "You seemed familiar. Have we met, before?"

He replied, with hesitation, "Uh… I do not know what you mean… Ma'am."

He said to Yagi and Kazuto, "You wait a couple minutes. I'll be right back."

He growled, as he and Mayura went inside the White House, "Damn it."

They waited, as Yagi said, "Sounds like we found an ally. Remind me to ask why he knew about Daria Morgendorffer… and Helen Morgerdorffer…"

Kazuto said, "The names are long and uncanny… We should wait a while."

Percival returned, five minutes later, as he said, "The President may need you, now. And, uh, never tell B-Squad about her… Uh, the one with the budget problems… plus, she's a masturbator… and a crazed fan of mine."

Yagi said, "We don't even know her."

Percival snuffed, in disdain, "Exactly."

They stepped inside, as Percival shut the doors.