Sorry this is taking so long! I'm working on a bunch of projects right now, most of them outside of this website, so I'll see when I have time to post. I'd really like to pay more attention to this series I've started and finish it out. One of the projects is a story on FictionPress under the same user name if you're interested.

To anyone wondering why it's taking so long to watch, it's because the videos pause anytime they talk, which is often. Plus, Ron is constantly hungry. Also, I'm sorry if there's any inconsistencies in the story, it's been a while since I've worked on it. Anyway, review and enjoy!

Harry: (Snape puts on his tie too tight) Ah!

"Poor Harry, not even through his first day and already someone's trying to kill him again," Tom said.

"Okay obviously he's not trying to kill me. He's just being... helpful," Harry said, chuckling.

Sirius snorted in response, causing Snape to narrow his eyes at him. Nobody paid them any attention, beyond a smack in the arm to Sirius curtesy of Lily.

Snape: Wait Potter, your sorting isn't done yet, the Scarf of Sexual Preference

"I'm sorry, what?" Many questioned.

"Please tell me this exists," Ron implored, turning toward Dumbledore hopefully.

"I'm afraid not Mr. Weasley," Dumbledore said. And good think too he thought as he imagined how his own sorting would have gone had such an object been used.

"Let's all agree not to take anything the scarf says too seriously. After all, we know how these musicals can mess things up."

"Hiding something Harry?" Tom smirked.

"Hardly."

Scarf: Metrosexual

The room burst into laughter, the Weasleys and young Malfoy nearly falling out of their chairs.

"If anyone's metrosexual, it's Malfoy."

That instantly quieted his laughter as he sat up haughtily, "Just because I understand what look good and what doesn't, unlike some people, it doesn't mean anything."

"Sure Malfoy, sure."

Harry: So, does the school provide shoes to go with this fabulous tie or not?

Snape: It sure does

Harry: I'll make it work. Hey guys, what'd you guys get sorted as?

Ron: Bi-curious

Ron turned a nice shade of Weasley red as everyone burst into laughter.

"Shut it. It's not true."

"There's nothing wrong with it Ronald," Hermione said teasingly.

"I know, but I... I just... shut it."

Hermione: Waiting till marriage

Ron turned toward Hermione, looking a bit frightened, "Hermione, is that-"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

"You are all very open about your sexualities in this musical," Tom remarked.

"I like how you guys just assume that's what I was asking and automatically answered."

"I expected better from you Hermione. You're smarter then this," Ginny said.

"Musical me lacks a lot of my intelligence."

Harry: No, I meant what house did you get sorted in?

Ron: Oh, Gryffindor

Hermione: Gryffindor

Harry: Gryffindor, cool me too!

"Harry, just look at our ties."

"We've already established musical me isn't that smart."

"Yeah, just musical you," Someone muttered.

Harry looked around, trying to figure out who said it, before turning back to the musical.

Seamus: Bloody ass, Dean, get a load of this, we're in the same house as Harry Potta! Why don't you just put your feet right up here Mr. Potter, right here. (He lays down so Harry can prop up his feet)

"Terrible foot rest, he's just lying completely on the ground. No height whatsoever."

"Ronald!"

"What, it's true! Look at him!"

Neville: Can I shine your shoes, Mr. Potter?

Harry: Go for it man.

"He's just using his hands. Those shoes are going to be smudgy."

"Tom, not you too."

Tom just shrugged, gesturing to the screen in a 'what can you do' manner.

Dean: Yo man, I've got this real mean back rub

Harry: Alright

Ron: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, services not necessary! Get out. (He spits on Harry's neck and rubs it and massages his head)

"Please don't spit on me."

"Horrible technique Ronald."

"Shut up Tom."

"Poor Hermione."

"Enough!"

Harry: Ooh, thank you. Gryffindor House rocks, I can't even imagine what other kinds of assholes exist in the other stupid houses

The trio, Ginny, and Tom turned slowly toward Draco, looking between themselves in excitement.

"Oh no."

Sorting Hat: Slytherin!

Draco: Well, well, well, isn't this cute? The rumors are true. You must be Harry Potter, the famous bastard. My name is Draco Malfoy.

"That's little Malfoy?" James asked, laughing so hard it was silent. Then with a huge gasp of air, he and Sirius completely lost it.

Lucius sat with a sour expression on his face and was thus ignored by everyone in the room.

I am a racist (Dean stands up and Seamus pulls him down) I despise gingers and Mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor House, and my parents work the man who killed your parents. Do you want to be my friend?

"You know, you didn't actually say that, but you might as well have."

"No wonder we were never friends," Malfoy said.

"I already knew I didn't want to be your friend. Even before you offered. Ever since I first heard you speak. You sounded pompous and close-minded. A Lucius clone."

"Yes, our first meeting going to Hogwarts didn't go exactly as I had planned."

"That's not where we first met."

"It's not?!" Several voices asked.

"No, we met in Madam Malkin's."

Draco looked confused for a moment before his face lit up with recognition, "You were the kid in the giant clothes! You looked really confused."

"Giant clothes?" Hermione asked.

"Dudley's hand-me-downs," Harry responded while watching Draco reflect.

Harry: Hate Gryffindor House? Get out my face Malfoy! (Pushes Draco down)

Gryffindors: Gasp

Hermione: Harry no!

"Harry yes," Ron said, earning a disproving glance from Hermione.

"You never really got into a physical fight did you?"

"Not really. We wrestled for the wands a bit at the manor."

"Physical fights might have been more effective. Malfoy doesn't seem like much of a fighter," Tom stated.

"Hey!"

"Just saying."

Draco: You are not permitted to touch! Crabbe! Goyle!

"Can you ever handle anything yourself?"

"Apparently not."

Goyle: Who dares disturb my slumber? Get over here! (He summons Ron)

Crabbe: You too girl

Goyle: It's clobbering time!

Draco: As you wish, shake them. (Crabbe and Goyle shake them)

"Why?"

"It seems to be effective."

Harry: Stop! Stop!

Draco: Yes, yes. How does it feel to watch your friends be tortured?

"You call that torture?" Tom said, causing everyone to look at him.

"What?"

Harry: Leave Ron alone, you bastards! Leave him alone!

"Sorry Hermione."

"It's okay Harry."

Ron: Just be his friend Harry!

Hermione: We'll miss you Harry!

Draco: Feel like being my friend yet Potter?

Harry: No way! Yeah, you can torture my friends all you want. I will never, and I mean ever, be your friend

"That came out wrong."

"Thanks Harry."

"No problem Ron."

Draco: You've made a grandiose mistake Potter. No one undermines Draco Malfoy.

Dumbledore: Oh Malfoy, you little shit

Gryffindors: Dumbledore!

The newbies turned towards Dumbledore, who responded with that damn twinkle in his eye.

"I love this musical," Sirius said, with a hand on his heart, dramatic as usual.

Dumbledore: Got sit down right now or I spank your diapered tush

"Malfoy wears a diaper?"

"No."

Harry: Malfoy wears a diaper?

"Harry, I already asked that."

"Still no."

Dumbledore: He sure does. Draco, x-ray glasses. Look through this.

"Pervert... Sorry sir."

Draco: This is all your fault Potter. You wait until my father hears about this.

"What am I supposed to do about it?"

Everyone turned surprised toward Lucius.

"You know, I'd always wondered what your response would be," Harry said.

"How often did he threaten to tell his father?" Lily asked.

"Often."

Dumbledore: Well, well, well, welcome everybody to your first magical year at Hogwarts. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I'll be your headmaster. Now you can call me Dumbledore, or else! Now, by now you should've been sorted into one of the four houses. During your time at Hogwarts your house will be like your family, warring families who all hate each other. Finally, compete for his, cup.

Goyle: Look at that cup. I'd feed myself to Aragog's children for that cup.

Ron: I'd kill for that cup

Harry: That cup is ours Slytherin, so you're gonna die! (All the kids start shouting at each other)

"I'm surprised this hasn't actually happened."

"It has. 1985 was terrible," Dumbledore said with a shudder. (Totally made up)

Dumbledore: Kid, kids, kids! You can't kill each other in the great hall, you have to wait to do that on the Quidditch field.

"Just so you guys know, this Dumbledore has no regard for the rules," Harry informed the newcomers.

"This Dumbledore?"

Dean: Quidditch? Whatchu talking 'bout Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Dean, Quidditch is a magical sport, just for for wizards and boy is it silly. We take you little cuties and shoot you thousands of miles up into the air on brooms where you bounce around big old balls and beat each other with long thick clubs. There's some other rules in there somewhere and you get points somehow, but the thing we all watch for is the blood. Isn't that right Lupin?

"He makes it sound so barbaric," Ginny remarked.

"Yeah, when I first heard about it when I became seeker, I was fairly certain I was going to die."

"You wouldn't die, just maybe get maimed or seriously injured. But not killed, never killed."

Remus: It sure as hell is, Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Kids, I'd like you to meet Remus Lupin, you're new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. He's also volunteered to coach the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And, let's not forget about my good friend, our potions master and coach of the Slytherin team, Professor Snape.

Snape: Yay (He claps for himself, no one else cheers)

"Poor snivellus, all alone."

"Yes Black, I'm the one who was alone. Tell me, how was your last year in Grimmauld Place. Lots of company?"

"At least I-"

"Enough. Stop acting like children," Hermione snapped.

"Miss Granger," Snape began in a fury.

"She said enough," Harry stated in a tone that suggested finality.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce the Hogwarts Astronomy Club. This year we will be paying particularly close attention to the cycles of the moon and their effects on a certain professor. Remus Lupin, for example, what do you enjoy doing in the light of a full moon?

"The lesson on werewolves was sneaky, this is blatantly obvious. I do hope they figure it out quickly."

"Unlikely."

Remus: That an easy one Snape, kill! (kids gasp and Lavender cries) I mean kill animals. (All the kids cry except Gryffindors) I mean dance with animals.

"So they're just going to forget he said kill?" Draco asked.

"It wouldn't be the first time people have forgotten admissions of guilt and horribleness."

Snape: If my calculations are correct, it should be a full moon this evening.

Remus: Ah, you're full of shit Snape. (Kids cover their ears) I mean poopy. There was a full moon just 30 days ago. In fact, I must be going. I uh, I feel in the mood to kill some animals I, ah! (His hand grows fur) My transformation, it's beginning. Sorry kids, speed of a wolf! (He runs off stage)

"I love your character Remus," James said.

"I want to watch this everyday," Sirius added.

Everyone else just rolled their eyes.

Snape: Bye

Dumbledore: Anyways, on a more serious note, Hogwarts isn't all fun and games and trying to violently kill each other. Your lives can be in grave danger as well.

Cho: Whatever could you mean Professor Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Miss Cho Chang, how ya doing Cho? Well Cho, I'm sure you all heard by now that the violent criminal Sirius Black has escaped from Azkaban and the Ministry is not taking the threat he poses to Hogwarts very lightly.

James started chuckling quietly, his laughs quickly increasing.

"What?" Harry asked.

"Sirius, violent criminal? Threat? It's hilarious."

Neville: Oh d-d-dear, Professor, do you mean that, Sirius Black could be headed, here?

Dumbledore: I sure do Shlongbottom. In fact there might be some cute little Gryffindor that's leading him right to our doorstep.

"Is that foreshadowing?" Hermione asked

"Remind me again, what's foreshadowing?" Ron asked with a smile.

"Very funny."

Ron: Thanks Herman.

Harry: Ron, he said cute, he could only be talking about me.

Ron: Oh yeah, duh. Hermee-one's a butt.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Ron yelled as Ginny grabbed a pillow.

Dumbledore: She sure is Ron. Anyways, Ministry has sent a new security officer to help keep Harry Potter, as well as everybody else, as safe as can be. So, kids, I want you to help me by giving a big warm welcome to Professor Umbridge.

"Best."

"Musical."

"Ever."

"Umbridge? Why is she a part of this story?" Lily asked.

"She became our DADA teacher in our fifth year. She was horrid. She basically threatened to torture us to teach us lessons and impress the minister."

"Wow."

"Did anyone ever arrest her?" Ron asked.

They all looked around at each other worriedly.

"Well, I know what we're doing when we get back."

Severus, I was under the impression that the Ministry was sending a woman. This handsome stud, muffin is, he's a dreamy, sexy man.

Harry: Who is that guy?

Ron: That's no guy, that's Dolores Umbridge, my dad told me about her. He says she can't be killed, he says she drinks blood.

"Not surprising."

Hermione: I read she used to be the warden of Azkaban and that the Dementors that worked there are only afraid of one thing, her.

"Also not surprising."

"Do Dementors even have feelings?"

"Don't be rude Ron."

Seamus: I heard, one time, a Dementor kissed her and it died.

"Well that's just not possible."

"I'm still not surprised."

"Why would anything want to kiss her?"

Neville: Oh d-d-dear.

Dumbledore: Ah, Professor Snape will now escort the boys to their dormitories and uh, Professor Umbridge has asked to help all of you young ladies about the girl's dorm.

Snape: Walk this way. (The boys weirdly skip away)

"What is that walk and why have we never done it?"

"If I still had Death Eaters, I would totally make them walk like that."

"That would be hilarious."

"Not only that, but it would also keep moral up on the light side of the war because the Death Eaters won't be even slightly intimidating."

They all laughed at the image while the next scene loaded.

Let me know what you thought! Hopefully I will be uploading more, but no promises. Bye!