Squalo was going to be so loud, Lussuria thought regretfully as he hauled the limp body out of the car and into the castle. He was so light! Was the poor thing not eating properly? If Harry-chan survived the next few days, Lussuria would change that, of course. He wouldn't stand for any of his ducklings not eating properly, even if it meant cooking for them himself. They were all such picky eaters! He still had nightmares about the week that Bel had decided he wouldn't eat anything other than sushi. Squalo had demolished half the mansion chasing after the silly Prince, after he taunted the Captain about eating his relatives. Compared to that, feeding the boy would easy. Besides, no matter how bad he was, the boy couldn't possibly be any fussier that Boss had been. Lussuria shook his head clear. He had explanations to prepare before he ran into the Captain.

Of course, luck just wasn't on his side. Squalo was standing in the entryway as he walked in, leaning against a wall and tapping his fingers against his mechanical arm.

"Voi!" he bellowed as soon as he caught sight of Lussuria. "Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be back hours ago!"

"Sorry, Squ-chan!" Lussuria trilled. "I got a little distracted with-"

"Voi!" Squalo interrupted. "Who the hell is that?" He had just caught sight of the cute hairdresser slung over Lussuria's shoulder, with a scarf tied round his eyes and headphones over his ears.

"Don't you recognise cute little Harry-chan? Bel ruined my hair this morning, and then I got blood matted in it during the mission, so I had to get it sorted out before I got back. That mess wasn't Quality at all." Sometimes invoking Quality was enough to calm Squalo down. Not today.

"Why is he here? I said we weren't going to touch him until Mammon had a chance to investigate! Why the hell did you think that bringing a potentially hostile unknown to Headquarters was a good idea? Has that hair dye rotted your brain?"

"That was uncalled for!" Lussuria snapped. He was proud of his hair. Squalo looked unimpressed.

"Let me get him secure first," Lussuria said. "The muscle relaxant was calculated for a small fifteen year old, not for an adult."

Squalo huffed, but acknowledged the sense in what he was saying. He turned on his heel and strode back into the mansion, hair flying like a banner before him. Lussuria took the opportunity to ogle the Captain's behind as he followed him to the Officer's wing. He might be loud, fussy, and utterly devoted to another man, but that didn't stop Squalo from being utterly delicious.

Lussuria was a little surprised that Squalo wanted to stash their little guest in the Cloud Officer's room, though. They had perfectly adequate dungeons and interrogation rooms. Nevertheless, he laid the young man carefully on the bed, making sure the scarf stayed in place and the headphones stayed on. He wasn't unconscious, after all, and Lussuria didn't want him to see or hear anything he shouldn't. Squalo located the handcuffs and chains that came with every Varia bedroom, and secured Evans to the bed, wrists and ankles locked tightly to the solid steel bedframe. Lussuria had felt the man's strength when he subdued him; there was no way he would be able to get himself free even if he could ignore the head injury and shake off the drug that was keeping him immobile.

Squalo phoned for a Rain Squad member to watch the man and let them know if he woke up, before striding back out the room and leading the way to his own, just down the hall. He gestured for Lussuria to sit in the only chair, before leaning against the wall and raising an eyebrow, obviously waiting for Lussuria to explain.

"I may have had a little too much fun with that cute bodyguard," Lussuria admitted. "My hair was so filthy! Last time it got so messy, it took a week to get it back to normal. And Bel cut it! I had to get it neatened up, it was an embarrassment. I couldn't think of another hairdresser that would deal with it."

"Why were you fighting with Bel anyway?" Squalo asked, momentarily side-tracked.

"I needed one of his knives for the mission. You know how precious that boy is about his things. I did ask at Weapons Development, but they didn't have any spares. Bel threw one at me – the one that cut my gorgeous hair – and I took it with me."

Squalo sighed, well-used to his co-workers' antics by now, and gestured for Lussuria to continue.

"You didn't see him, Squ-chan! He didn't even flinch at all the blood covering my fabulous uniform. And besides, he was taunting me! A civilian shouldn't know about Flames."

"He knows about flames?" Squalo was suddenly focussed. Even among the Mafia, information about Flames was closely guarded. If Evans somehow knew about them, then that combined with his false background could make him very dangerous indeed.

"He suggested yellow hair dye to match my 'sunny personality'. Yellow isn't a common hair dye, Squ-chan. More than that, it's incredibly difficult to get good results with yellow dye on brown hair, and only a complete amateur would recommend it to a brunet that hadn't specifically asked for it. He took a teasing threat as a genuine warning – you know that civilians don't have the sense to be threatened – and he didn't even have the courtesy to be scared!" Lussuria pouted. He prided himself on his ability to be both fabulous and threatening. "He wasn't upset, disgusted or even disconcerted by the blood and tissue on my uniform and hair." Lussuria winced slightly at the thought of how much Mammon would charge for replacing the uniform.

"So you decided that kidnapping him was the best option?" Squalo still sounded irritated, but no longer murderous. He sat down on the bed, so that he was no longer looming over Lussuria.

"I may have been a little hasty, but it seemed like the only way to be safe. If he was a threat, we couldn't take the risk of him getting spooked and running back to his employers, could we Squ-chan?"

"Voi! Stop it with the nickname!" Squalo bellowed.

Lussuria breathed a sigh of relief. If he was irritated with a little thing like that, he was no longer in his dangerous Captain mode.

"How did you take him down?" Squalo asked.

"A blow to the head to stun him, and a syringe full of muscle relaxant to keep him. I closed his eyes so he couldn't see anything, tied my scarf around his head to make sure, and put my headphones on him so he couldn't hear. I hope he likes Lady Gaga," Lussuria smirked as Squalo winced. He knew that the Captain would rather take Bel clothes shopping than listen to Lady Gaga.

"His eyes are gorgeous, you know. If we need to get rid of him, can I keep them?"

Squalo ignored him with the ease of practice. No one asked for clarification when Lussuria mentioned his fetishes. The last recruit to have tried it had retired the next day. Given that a Varia retirement involved a bullet in the head, it had discouraged everyone else from asking questions. Lussuria pouted a little that Squalo refused to rise the bait, but he didn't push it. The hairdresser was the important thing at the moment.

"Voi!" Squalo roared suddenly, making Lussuria jump. "Where did you get the drug from in the first place? You were only supposed to take one with you, and it should have been used for the mission." His eyes narrowed suspiciously.

Lussuria winced. "The boy committed suicide before I could get to him," he admitted. He hurried on at Squalo's scowl. "His bodyguards were tougher than I expected, Squ-chan! I may have gotten a teensy bit distracted by one of them – you would have too, his muscles were just divine! – and by the time I'd finished, the boy had cut his own throat. Guess he knew what was coming."

Squalo sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Did you at least finish the mission?"

"Of course, Squalo!" Lussuria was offended. "His corpse is nicely mangled, but still recognisable. The throat slash just looks like part of the pattern. Bel's knife did the job wonderfully."

The Varia didn't skimp on equipment, even the custom things like his knee and Squalo's sword-hand. Bel's knives were no exception. The Prince designed them himself, and they could cut through solid steel. They were the Varia; the law was their bitch. The laws of Physics were no exception.

"Still," Squalo said with a vindictive smile. "You didn't fulfil the brief completely, which means you'll be marked down. Looks like Bel will be winning this month's Paint the Walls Challenge."

Paint The Walls meant a mission where killing as messily and obviously as possibly was the goal. Bel and Lussuria were the only Officers who actually enjoyed missions like that, and they competed to see who could make the most grotesque scene. The competition had started as unofficial bragging over their kills, but had slowly morphed into a genuine contest. It was as close as the Varia came to healthy competition. Squalo, Levi and Mammon scored each assassination from photos the Varia member took of the scene. Bel normally scored more points for creative kills and originality, where Lussuria was an expert at displaying the bodies and sheer brutality. Before the mission today, Bel had been just slightly in the lead. Lussuria knew that his screw-up would put him so far behind there was no chance he would be able to catch up. Bel would be even more insufferable then normal. Lussuria resigned himself to tidying the Prince's room or baking him cake or whatever he came up with a penalty, as well as paying the fee for Mammon's judging. It wouldn't a contest if there wasn't a forfeit for the loser, after all.

Squalo laughed obnoxiously at the dismay on Lussuria's face. Lussuria knew that the Captain didn't care all that much about the contest except that it kept Bel happy and entertained, and it gave Lussuria an outlet for some of his more disturbing urges. Still, that didn't mean he couldn't enjoy the misery of the loser. Lussuria normally made Bel model clothes for him, something that Bel professed to hate but not-so-secretly enjoyed. If Lussuria was in a particularly petty mood, he made Bel do laundry for him. The first time, Bel had dyed everything pink by accident. Lussuria had known it was an accident by the almighty tantrum Bel had thrown when Levi accused him of doing it on purpose. Spoiled Bel might be, but he honoured the rules of the Varia, both official and unspoken.

Lussuria was just about to snap at Squalo when he heard the Captain's phone ring.

"Voi!" Squalo yelled, probably deafening the poor person on the other end. He listened for a moment before snapping the phone closed and turning to Lussuria.

"The hairdresser is waking up. You said you hit his head?"

Lussuria nodded.

"Call a medic, have them on standby for after our little talk with our guest."

Lussuria made the call, letting the medic on duty know the situation, before he followed Squalo out of the room and down the hall. Depending on how the talk went, the medic might not be needed. Dead men didn't need doctors.