A/N
Hello guys! So, this story is about-
ME! DEADPOOL!
NO. STFU AND GTFO. Anyways, as I was saying, this story is about the many adventures of-
DEADPOOL!
Didn't I say the magic abbreviations?
OH SHIT. BYE GUYS.
Sigh. Alright where was I...?
You were telling them about the adventures of someone other than me :(
Thank you, for once. So, this story is about the adventures of Team RWBY that you're not told about. I've had this idea in my head for a while-
Yeah, along with all the other thoughts about Yang's boo-
*BANG*
Now that he's gone for a sec, I've had this idea in my head for a while, and-
I'M BACK BITCHES!
Sigh. Alright guys, I'm sorry if your minds explode.
I'M NOT!
WE KNOW.
I have a giant scythe, and I'm gonna cut heads off with it! Ruby silently hummed to herself. She was cleaning her beloved Crescent Rose on her not-so-beloved bed, having cheery thoughts about killing Grimm, specifically by cutting their heads off. She smiled to herself. I love my job. Just then the door opened and in stepped her busty sister.
"Hey Rubes!" Yang said, closing the door behind her, making her boobs sway deliciously. Ruby licked her lips.
"Watcha doin'?" Yang said, jumping up beside her sister.
"Oh, just cleaning Rosey!" Ruby replied, giving her sister a sweet smile. She was actually peeking at her sister's bust through her half-closed eyelids. Yum.
"Weiss wants you in the cafeteria." Yang said, ruffling her sister's hair. Ruby frowned. I don't want to leave this amazing vantage point...
"Deadpool." Yang said, staring at Ruby. "Get up."
"DEADPOOL! You lazy motherfucker GET UP HERE!"
"WHASAFA-" Deadpool said, quickly sitting up. He quickly looked around. Where was he?
"Don't act like you're asleep, get your ass up here!" came a familiar voice.
Aw shit. Deadpool thought, slamming his face back down on the table. "Five more minutes mom!"
"If you're done drooling over those pictures," the voice yelled back. "You can get up here and see the real thing!"
That made Deadpool perk up. The REAL thing?
"Yes the real thing, dumbass! NOW GET UP HERE."
Deadpool scrambled out of his chair, tripping over something soft. He glanced down and squealed. He had tripped over his own dick.
"How the..." he started to say, before shrugging and grabbing it, reattaching it and zipping up his pants. He trotted up the steps to the cockpit (heh, COCKpit) of the ship he was in. Then he had a great idea.
What if I...
Don't, you'll regret it.
"Oh hello brain!" Deadpool said, glad that his brain had finally started to work.
Aw c'mon! Let's have some fun!
"Why hello other brain!"
We shouldn't. We can't.
You have no sense of humor! It'll be fun!
"Yeah brain, get it right! We should totally do it!"
Sigh. I guess we're doing it, huh?
Yep! Lets GOOOOOO!
He poked his head around the corner, checking to make sure Wolverine was distracted. Seeing that he was, Deadpool silently tip-toed up to the hero, reaching for his gun. Yelling a battle cry, he whipped his brand new golden Deagle and shot the mutant in the back of the head, rendering him unconscious for a second.
"Yay! My turn to fly!" he squealed, jumping and clapping his hands like a kid who had just had se- gotten free ice cream.
I still don't think this is a good idea.
"Don't be such a party pooper!" He roughly pushed the still-out Wolverine out of the pilot's seat, and, grabbing the controls, started doing all manner of things, such as barrel-rolls, loop-de-loops, high climbs, and long dives. However, he made sure to put on his seatbelt first. "Remeber kids, seatbelts! So we can be safe!"
"What the... HURK!" Wolverine said, just as Deadpool did another flip. "DEADPOOL!"
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
"That's me!" said antihero said cheerily, just as he dropped the ship into a dizzying drop, the longest and farthest yet. Wolverine started to float.
"DEADPOOL WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he yelled, trying to grab onto something to hold him down.
"Oh, I thought it was obvious, trying to kill us!" Deadpool said, with the same cheery voice he had used just a moment ago. Wolverine growled. He really hated partnering with this guy.
Wait a minute... isn't that the ground?
Deadpool turned back to the front of the ship. Sure enough, the ground was rushing up to meet them.
Guess it's time to pull up!
Deadpool quickly tugged on the joystick. When nothing happened, he pulled harder. And harder. And even harder. Why wasn't it working?
You idiot! We're falling so fast that 'pulling up' won't do any good!
I know! Isn't it fun!
"Welp, looks like we're in free fall mode." Deadpool stated, unbuckling his seatbelt and floating up. "All there's left to do is enjoy it then."
"WAIT WHAT?!" Wolverine yelled, exasperated. Then he sighed. What more could he have expected?
The mutant then remembered about the emergency thrusters, but was still floating. Then he had an idea.
"Hey, 'pool." he called over to the now... dancing Merc. Sure enough, Deadpool was practicing his ballet in the zero-gravity provided by the free-fall. Wolverine blinked, clearing away his surprise. "Shoot me."
That caught Deadpool's attention. Wolverine, actually wanting to be shot?
It's too good to be true, it's gotta be a trap.
The guy's asking for it, free kill!
Deadpool smiled, taking out his AK-47. Wolverine facepalmed. Not what he had hoped, but it would do, albeit painfully. Deadpool quite theatrically brought the AK up to bear, taking his time, wanting to savour the moment. "After all, it's not everyday you get to shoot Wolverine."
Deadpool squeezed the trigger, filling the floating X-Man with lead. Wolverine just accepted it, after all, it was doing what he hoped it would. The force of the bullets hitting him pushed him backwards, enabling him to latch onto the wall of the ship they were in. He started to pull himself along the wall, continuously wincing as Deadpool kept shooting. How many bullets has that gun got?
Eventually, after pretty much becoming Lead Man, Wolverine reached the pilot's seat, and with a relieved sigh, hit the button to activate the thrusters. The rockets sprung to life, slowing the ship considerably while also slamming Wolverine and... whatever the fuck into the floor. Deadpool looked about quizzically, trying to figure out why he wasn't floating anymore. "And did you just call me a fuck?"
Yes. Yes I did.
"Screw you."
I expected nothing less...
Deadpool turned to Wolverine. "Why are we slowing down? HOW are we slowing down?"
"I activated the emergency thrusters." the hero replied, lying on his back as he healed. "You're welcome."
"Emergency thrusters? I thought I had used up most, if not all, of the fuel in those...?"
Wolverine's head shot up. "WAIT WHAT?!"
Sure enough, right as he said that, the thrusters stopped thrusting (cough cough), and they started falling and floating again. Wolverine glanced out the window at the ground that they were pretty much at. Then he sighed. This was his last time being this stupid, annoying, dumb-as-fuck, perverted, ugly, disgusting, motherf-
*CRASH, BOOM, SMASH, EPIC-PLANE-FALLING-OUT-OF-THE-SKY-AND-EXPLODING-NOISES*
A/N
Alright, that's it for now. Next chapter: B00BS!
YES! MY FAVOURITE!
Don't you have a girlfriend?
Uh... no?
OOOOH you screwed. ;)
Shaddap. .
Anyways guys, thanks for reading, and in case you couldn't tell, Deadpool's regular thinking is in plain italics, his smart (idk what else to call it) thinking is in bold italics, and his chaotic thinking is in bold-italic-underline-thingy. Toodles!
DOGGY! WHERE'S THE DOGGY?!
Sigh.