Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! I only accept constructive criticism.

10-10-2-Do-Me

Chapter 1

Drunk Dialing

Kaiba stumbled into his apartment before shakily closing the door. He took a deep breath and let loose a small agitated grunt as he attempted to put his keys back in his pocket. He staggered deeper into the dark home and bumped into everything he knew he wouldn't if he just had some light. The lights! Running into his standing lamp, he braced it as if it had wronged him; how dare it sway and almost fall to the hard wood floors. He flipped the switch and the warm golden light stabbed right into his cornea, to bounce around his brain in illuminated pain. He hissed a firm 'fuck' before the room started shifting. He didn't understand what was happening before his couch broke his fall. Seto Kaiba was drunk. Not tipsy, buzzed or 'starting to feel it'—he was past that.

Slowly the brunet was accepting this. He couldn't remember the last time he'd drunk this much. Well, of course he couldn't remember. Everyone knew that if the body took in too much alcohol, the part of the brain that recorded memory shut down and thus there was actually nothing to actually remember. He smirked—even drunk he was smarter than the average Joe and that made him suddenly overconfident. In that confidence he stood up and rocked to the side, only slightly, before somehow making it to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of overpriced water from the fridge and leaned against the appliance (not because he needed help keeping upright) allowing the cool water to run down his throat. He looked around the kitchen and found it was pristine as he left it if not better.

Kaiba wasn't sure how long he stood there admiring his kitchen but he suddenly found no more water was going into his mouth. He held up the square plastic bottle to the light to evaluate the contents — or lack thereof in this case — before grunting and throwing it, hearing that satisfying jumble of it hitting the recycle bin. A vibration suddenly shot up his leg and he grabbed at the expensive piece of technology in the front pocket of his jeans. Sliding the smart-phone out, a picture of the most annoying person possibly created in history was flashing across the screen. Begrudgingly he answered.

"Fuck you..." He slurred before trying to make his way out the kitchen. Deep thunder like laughter crunched through the speaker causing Kaiba to pull the item from his face. "Shut the fuck up."

"Is my dearest cousin drunk?" The voice teased before someone in the background shushed him.

Kaiba smirked as he heard his relative shush them back. "Keep it down Yami. You don't want your zoo to wake up."

"Quit referring to my brood as animals." Another shush sent his way before he once more returned it.

"She bit me."

"My—" There was a garbled sound of dismay.

Kaiba was sure a thrown pillow was the cause of this. "It drew blood."

There was shuffling before the distinct sound of Yami's creaky back door whined in his ear. "I told you, she's going through a phase."

"That's what you say about all of them." Kaiba looked around and realized he made it to his bedroom. He didn't remember planning to go there but hey, at least he made it in one piece. He kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his jacket, maneuvering the phone as his shirt followed.

"Well maybe if you didn't antagonize her, she wouldn't bite you." Yami grunted before a steady squeaking noise.

Kaiba paused in unbuttoning his pants. "Are you on the swing?"

"No." As if to accentuate the lie, he had the nerve to swing higher, making that whooshing-squeak even louder.

"Whatever." Kaiba managed to get his pants off before falling back on his bed. "What do you want midget?"

"I was simply making sure you made it home safely. It is my duty to check on my men."

"That sounds homoerotic."

"I've always been open-minded as you know."

Kaiba rolled his eyes. "I never should have gone with you or those idiots."

"When will you accept that Joey has made great success for himself?"

"Accepting and admitting are two different things Yami."

"So you accept it but do not wish to admit it?"

"Like how you accept condoms but don't admit to using them?"

Yami actually gave a deep gut laugh before the whooshing-squeak of the swing slowed down. "I can't help that my wife adores my—"

"I'm hanging up." Kaiba hit the end red button and closed his eyes letting out a deep sigh. He really hated Yami. He hated him for being his cousin and he hated him for somehow convincing him (yet again) to attend 'Guys' Night.'

'Guys' Night' always consisted of the same bullshit: Yami called everyone to a certain location; said location was always a hole in the wall or overly fancy, so he never knew what to wear without researching the place first. From there too much alcohol and relationship talk.

Yami never knew when to shut up about his overactive sex life with his wife or the disturbing satisfaction he got whenever he 'watered her lush womb.' Kaiba physically shivered before gawking at Joey going on about his girlfriend's feet and how he liked them in fishnets. Usually those two were more than enough but then fucking Bakura was in town with his British accent and international whoring stories. Some of the stuff that guy was into was enough to peel paint. Why he was even in contact with any of them was an act of modern technology. If only he was into the fad of 'going off the grid.'

Kaiba rolled onto his stomach and blindly reached for a pillow hoping to get some sleep. He wanted to erase all the conversations that occurred that night and he was sure the whiskey he'd been shooting back would gladly do that for him. His face lulled back and forth in the soft cushion of the pillow. "Sleep...sleep...SLEEP damn you." Why wasn't his body listening to his demands?! He was ready to go to sleep and he needed his brain to shut down and allow this.

He propped himself up on his elbows and rubbed his face. He was still too drunk to do any work, which was fine since he was also too lazy to do any activity that required leaving his bed. Shrugging, he reached into the drawer next to his bed and grabbed some lube he kept there and took out a box of tissues. Why even consider other options when he could just do something that would guarantee sleep? Squeezing some of the warming liquid onto the palm of his hand, he slinked it under his Prada briefs and ran his hand up and down that soft column of flesh—soft being the key word. Why wasn't he getting hard? He actually lifted the band of his underwear to inspect his prized possession. It looked as it always did: well-kept and impressive, just like it's owner.

He smirked before snapping the band in place—time to get serious. He really hated how annoying he could be when drunk. Running a hand through his hair, he was reminded of the lube on his hand and hissed another 'fuck' for this evening's tally. He laid back; hair styled in some weird ode to 'Something about Mary' and really focused on soft curves and hips. He felt a little lift from his prize and snuck a still oiled hand under that black band. Gently he worked his hand back and forth and recalled the last time he got laid. His eyebrows furrowed together as those memory banks seemed to fall victim to the alcohol flood of forgetfulness. Suddenly Kaiba was clicking his lamp on, pulling out his planner and seriously trying to remember the last time he got laid—glasses sitting against his nose and all.

After removing the remainder of the lube from his hand using the tissues, he realized it had been a while since he'd written in 'got laid.' There were meetings, openings, business trips and family obligations. Had he seriously neglected his body? Double taking the tissue box and lube, both were barely used—even they had been neglected! Kaiba wasn't sure if he was either A) Sobering up and realizing how he'd neglected his manly needs or B) Even drunker than he originally thought and realizing how he'd neglected his manly needs. Either way, it was the same outcome. Come. He needed to, now. Putting his items away, he got serious—he needed his laptop.

Fifteen minutes later he was reminded of why he hated porn: it was so put on. Between the bleached anuses, poor camera angles and over exaggerated fake orgasms, he was over it before he even looked. Kaiba may have been a man about technology but his goals had always been circled around melding schematics with reality; make something fake as real as it could possibly be. A memory surfaced from under 'Whiskey Falls' and suddenly he was seventeen back in America with Yami.

Kaiba still wants answers of how Yami made it into the Ivy League college nestled on America's east coast as he had. He would have hacked the database — booting Yami before he even updated his passport — if his father hadn't of warned him against it. Instead they both flew over, roomed together — only the first year since they both agreed it was for the best — and created separate circles. He'd never forget when a particular occasion (the craziest, most insane movie worthy party of their lives) caused he and Yami's fathers to fly out just to scold them in person and explain how their credit cards were being revoked, since they weren't being used properly. Like the spoiled rich kids they were, they were both forced to find 'normal people' jobs.

The brunet saw this as a no brainer and immediately went to the IT department. After what the fired manager called a 'hostile takeover,' he ran the department until graduation. However, this is where he and Yami differed. Sure they were both ambitious but in different formats. While Kaiba not only used his technologic talents, he also knew exactly how easy it would be to become his own boss. Yami didn't work like that. He proved this in first getting busted in an underground gambling ring. He'd won so much money, the other students were getting quite annoyed and tried to take him down. Thanks to a tip off (the IT department might as well have been gossip central) Yami hadn't been there for the raid. But Kaiba wasn't about to save his tush again so Yami decided to put another talent to use: sex. After Kaiba explained the dangers of prostituting and stopped him before entering an amateur stripping contest, Yami joined a local phone sex hotline called '10-10-2-Do Me.'

Kaiba hadn't believed him until Yami actually invited him to work. The guy even had the nerve to take a call while he was there. After Kaiba was thoroughly mortified by what he was hearing around him, not to mention from the short boy he hated being related to, he distinctly remembers punching Yami for such torture before the smaller male was punching him back. Security had to remove them and after sweet talking his supervisor (most likely on the phone) Yami secured his job and made good, easy money until graduation.

Even now, the family has no idea what was going on. They all bought the 'working in the library' lie while Kaiba, 'til this day, is still holding on to such blackmail waiting for when he really needs it.

Since his laptop was still up, he curiously typed the learned number and was surprised to see an actual website pop up for the business. He clicked on the link and was pleasantly impressed by the quality of it as well. He was sure if he brought this up to Yami the man would explain how he brought in the money for the fancy site. Such an arrogant little man he was.

Kaiba inspected the quality of the site further and found they now offered instant-message and webcam interactions. Seems they were keeping up with the times while still offering that phone number so many abused. Glancing at his smart-phone left abandoned on his bed he wondered what exactly it sounded like when you called in. He obviously never called Yami at work no matter how many times the man used that line to call him about random bull.

That's when sobering Kaiba popped up—what was he doing? Why wasn't he in bed asleep? What was the point of masturbating? How had any of this come up? Why was he about to call a sex line that his annoying as anything cousin use to work at? His mind recapped the pieces of the night he could remember: Yami going on about his wife's...well, everything; Joey and the tube socks followed by Bakura's disturbing sex stories. That's when it him: these schmucks were all getting tail — on the regular — and he couldn't remember the last time he jacked-off better yet go laid. Sobering Kaiba was getting annoyed now. Of course he remembered the last time he got laid! It was when...wait...when did America get their first black president? Which term was he on?

Okay, it didn't matter! He was going to get laid, right now. Well, kind of? He looked back down at the sex hotline phone number as well as his phone. Should he? He found it pathetic people called Yami for sex in college and even now he still found it utterly pathetic. He wasn't even paying for a live buddy, just a live conversation with someone who visually was below a 5 with a 10 voice. But with his schedule and success, he'd made quite a few sacrifices and companionship was one. He didn't have time to tell who was a gold digger or not or get lucky enough to be 'unofficially betrothed' like Yami. He couldn't even remember the last time he genuinely enjoyed the company of another woman over a nice dinner. Uh oh...was, was Seto Kaiba lonely? Suddenly his apartment felt cold, sterile and too large. He grabbed his phone—he had to.

After hanging up on the sex line twice, he allowed the third time to be the charm and heard a woman trying way too hard to be sexy answer. "You've reached 10-10-2-Do Me. Enter or speak the credit card number you'd like to use and then press...pound, baby." The cheesy music cracking behind the English prerecording surprised Kaiba since he expected someone to actually answer. It wasn't until they had his credit card info (a secret card for embarrassing purchases), confirmed his birthday and gotten the 'sizzling terms and agreement' spouted off to him that he got a human being.

"Hi sexy, my name's Candy and I'm just as sweet."

"Good for you," was the snarky response in English before he could even stop himself.

The woman seemed unmoved by such a response. He could only imagine the craziest stuff she'd heard. "So tell me: are you looking to chat with one of our sexy ladies or strapping men?"

He sat up against his pillows. "Woman."

"Any preferences?"

"Preferences?" Kaiba was yet again impressed, but this time by how well Candy kept that grossly sultry rasp despite however mundane what she was really saying was.

"A fantasy; maybe some spanking or ass-play?"

"The fuck..." Where the hell did he just call?

Candy was probably rolling her eyes at this point. "What kind of fuck, honey?"

"Um..." His eyes scanned around his computer as if he'd find an answer when he spotted his Netflix still paused on an episode of 'Madmen.' "Office role-play..."

"I know just the girl...please hold for your partner." The cheesy sex music was back and Kaiba was still trying to come back from the ass-play comment. What the hell had Yami been doing thirty hours a week? Goodness.

"Greetings."

The voice startled him and he wondered if the call was redirected to some twenty-four hour business, because this woman did not sound raspy and breathy like Candy. "Hello."

"What's your name?"

Incredulously he questioned, "A name?"

"What might you enjoy me calling you?"

A little tingle slid down his back and he wondered what that was. His eyes narrowed and in nearly flawless English he said, "Call me the Chairman."

"Chairman, it's very nice to meet you," she returned in exotically accented English. He shifted in the bed when those R's were rolled so deliciously behind what he was imagining plump lips. "What do you wish to call me Chairman?"

"What do you usually go by?" There was slight hesitation and Kaiba wondered if people always made up some awful name for her.

"My name...my name is Dahlia." She didn't give him time to react and quickly added, "Am I your overly eager intern? Or perhaps a loyal assistant?"

"Neither," was his simple reply before he heard a sweet tingling chuckle.

"My hair's in the tightest bun imaginable..." Kaiba realized she was starting the role-play and quickly moved his computer to the side. Nothing needed to occupy his lap but potentially his hand, if this girl could get him there. "My white blouse can barely contain my bosom and my skirt is too short and too tight for the work place."

"And...?" So far he really did not understand the appeal but the English and accent was keeping him rooted in nosiness.

"And I'm here for our meeting Chairman."

Now this Dahlia really was losing him. "What business are we discussing?"

"Your marketing strategies are so outdated they make 'Industrial Illusions' a foster home for adoption process."

"Oh shit..." His breath left him in a whoosh as he fumbled to get to the lube and tissues, knocking some items to the floor. This interestingly toned woman had just insulted him on a corporate level using business jargon. Was it lame to say he was hard as a rock in his pants? "So what makes you think you're even partially on my level to give my company such critiques?"

"Because I kept you from going in the red last quarter..."

"Oh really?" He slouched over the bed straining to reach the lube he dropped. "What could you have possibly done?"

"Appealing to the hip crowd with ironic comedy and late night airings of our commercial not only interesting 5% of the undecided but raising sales by 3%; this wasn't even originally planned, we took a stab in the dark."

He finally got the lube and returned to a comfortable position on the bed. "And from that stab there were causalities."

"We told you your 'Baby Boomers' would be on the receiving end of the blade, Mr. Chairman." She sounded sure of herself and an underlining tease, "But you wanted a young, hip, baked cake."

He quietly hissed as he teased himself through his briefs, "I bet you know all about cake, huh?" His four fingers rubbed gently up and down his flesh.

"What kind of cake do you like?"

"What kind of cake do you have?"

She chuckled, "How's caramel?"

Oh shit. Kaiba's mind immediately coated this invisible person in hazel nut sweet skin with those plump lips from before. "Mmm...I'm a fan." He bit his bottom lip when she gasped quietly, almost shyly.

"You're a fan of rich, sweet, sticky caramel?"

She sounded like she was genuinely inquiring him and he bit his lip to stifle a groan. "I am...what do you like?"

"Powerful smart men..."

"I'm just your type then, huh?"

In a breathless moan she almost whispered. "Overpower me."

"Shit," he rasped, "I bet you always stare at my crotch in meetings." Kaiba was over the buildup; his horniness was in a good place and it was time to enjoy it. Gently he worked his hand up and down his now full on, hard on.

"How can I not? You're so big, Chairman."

"How big?"

"I gag every time we're alone..."

His hand gave his hard member a teasing squeeze, "Fuck...you love sucking me off, don't you?"

Breathily she responded, "You know I do."

"I bet you're licking your lips now, just imagining how good it tastes." The brunet worked his boxers down just enough so his erection sprang free. After a dollop of lube was squeeze into his hand, he tugged with just enough pressure and a white pearl dribbled down his length.

"I...am..." She let loose a whisper of a moan, "I want you to meet me in the mailroom, Chairman."

He slowly began jacking off, drooling with how good it felt to the sound of this phone line vixen. "Why the mailroom? It's surrounded in windows."

"I want them to see who really works for you…"

"Fuck Dahlia, you're so dirty," he genuinely moaned into the phone. "You want them to see my cock down that throat, don't you?"

Her breathing picked up and it was so much better than any porno moan. "Yes," the whine started before it broke off as if she was gathering herself, "I want it in my mouth Chairman."

"You don't deserve it just yet." His grip was tighter than before and his toes curled at a particularly perfect tug of foreskin. "Why don't you take my cock out of my pants?"

"Mmm, I'm going to nuzzle you first…mouth it through your slacks..."

"Shit…"

"Slowly unzip them and allow you to paint my face in your pre-excitement."

"Oh fuck…"

"Can I lick the tip Chairman?"

"Don't tease…just suck it…fuck…" He closed his eyes and instantly regretted it. The view of him standing in a familiar mailroom, where any worker could find him, was painted perfectly behind his lids. The fear of someone finding him in such a compromising position paled in comparison to the excitement of the woman at his feet not sucking him off. Cinnamon skin, soft curves and full lips was all he could make out. A dainty hand came up and gripped him gentle before a kitten lap to his slit coincided with his thumb tip grazing the leaking end.

"You're so hot and hard in my mouth..." She purred.

"So good, so fucking good…"

"Are you...are you touching yourself?"

"Shit—yes I am."

"Put it in my mouth Chairman."

"Oh fuuuck," was Kaiba's raspy response. The woman bit off a moan and made the same request. "I'm going to-fuck-I'm going to come." His strong palm gripped himself tighter and soon he was all wrist, seeking out that explosion in his pelvic region.

"Come in my mouth—watch me swallow it down."

A raspy choked grunt left his throat and his whole body locked up. He felt sticky lava coat his fingers as they still worked him thoroughly to completion. He bit his lip hard at that perfect electricity shooting over and over through him. His hand soon slowed and he flopped face down into the bed, breathing hard while fumbling for the tissues.

"…Chairman?" She almost sounded concerned.

"I'm still here," was the throaty whisper. He'd located the tissues and was now cleaning himself up. "That…fuck…"

Dahlia gave an almost shy chuckle, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself Chairman."

"I admit, I thought this was all bullshit but you…well, I'm not going to stroke your ego."

"I simply stroke you?"

"I already came, you can stop you know." This time she gave a genuine giggle and he paused in his clean up just to listen to it. "Do you laugh at all your customers after they come?"

"Only the ones I like…?"

Her statement almost came off as sincere, almost. "Interesting." After he'd cleaned himself up and applauded himself for not soiling his expensive undergarments, he found he was satisfied and still on the phone with Dahlia. After a one night stand he'd usually tell the girl bye and politely leave her home—they were not allowed in his apartment. But this time, it wasn't a physical being but a phone conversation. He felt awkward, not sure how to wrap things up. "So…"

"If you ever want to talk again, you have my number?"

He should have known; of course Dahlia would have something to say after everything. Naturally she had a response for first timers and reoccurring customers after the deed was done. However he didn't know why, but he felt like Dahlia didn't ask just anyone to call her back. Why did he feel special? Was he still drunk? Did sober Kaiba actually show up or had he dreamt him up in his drunken haze?

"Chairman?"

"Yeah, yeah I do." Yeah, he was still drunk. Even then it was so hard to keep his eyes open. He'd drank whiskey all night and then masturbated the best he had in months. He needed to hang up before he passed out. "Do I ask you by name?" He rubbed his face comfortably into his pillow, already closing his eyes.

"Yes, I anticipate you Chairman…" The phone went dead.

Kaiba barely clicked the end button before he fell asleep. He dreamt of cinnamon skin, soft curves and full lips.

PLEASE READ:

'Ello Fanfiction World! It is I, ze Token, back writing for my number one Yu-Gi-Oh ship! We all need Trustshipping in our lives and I'm happy to contribute more to this awesome couple. So here we have my romantic comedy. Don't take this thing too seriously…really, don't. Hahaha. I'm writing it to continue to practice my writing, give you awesome readers something awesome to read and just for the sake of good ol' awesome Trustshipping.

There will be a new approach to the characters but I will continue to work hard to keep them in character! If you have any issues with them at some point, please bring it to my attention.

And no I have not forgotten about 'Metempiricism.' I'm working on the last chapter so please be patient with me!

(Shameless plug time) Also, if you are looking for a change of pace…why not check out the repost of my Avisshipping fic, 'The Commorancy of Calamity's Consanguinity.' I mean…if you wanna…

Still stands: If I don't get one measly review, no new chapter, however if I do get one measly review, new chapter.

REVIEW!

Well I'm Out.