DISCLAIMER: Whedon's characters, any recognizable dialogue, and the canon events of their storyline are not mine.

A/N:

My intent here is to begin with BTVS and Angel tv series canon – but ultimate result of this fic will be an alternate version of the timeline from "The Gift" through the remaining seasons of both shows. No attempt to include anything from the post-series comics. Take your pick as to what happens at the end of Angel "Not Fade Away" – did they die? or did they live, and Spike still did not get in touch with Buffy? Either way, we find Buffy at that point in time not knowing Spike's fate and wishing things could have been different.

The song quoted at the beginning of this chapter is "Ask Me Now (How I Wish)" – hence the title of the fic.

CHAPTER 1

Turn Back Time

June 2004

Buffy sat in the cafe, her mind wandering while she sipped her coffee and listened to live music. There was a woman about her age singing one of those old "standards" that gets covered frequently. A friend had introduced her to this place and their "Jazz Wednesdays." Buffy had listened to (well, endured) mini-lectures on music for months of Wednesdays. Recognizing the song and remembering that it had two titles, she must have absorbed at least some of the information her friend spouted.

Once you said you loved me

Placed no one above me

Prayed for me to make that vow

…

I was vain and blind then

Prone to be unkind then

Wish they'd turn back time somehow

…

You asked me could I care

My attention was elsewhere

How I wish you'd ask me now

The lyrics had her feeling more reflective than normal. How exactly did she end up here? By that, she did not mean physical location. Not this coffee shop. Not this city or country. Not in terms of her work training Slayers. How did she get to this age, this stage of her life – alone? More specifically, without him. Just when her heart finally knew what love truly felt like, it was taken from her.

Her head filled with swirling thoughts. She could no longer handle sitting there. So, she walked. And as she walked, she allowed her mind to meander in much the same way she was weaving her way through side streets toward her home. She had had feelings for several men during the course of her life. But none of them had been the right fit, at least not at the right time. Some had physical strength – and she needed to be with someone strong. It was both a psychological need as well as a physical necessity. There was also strength of conviction, moral fiber. And mental strength – the need for resilience in the wake of apocalypse. She needed someone who would do everything he could to support her and assist her in her calling. But at the end of the day, she was the Slayer and she was alone.

Arriving home, she sat down on the couch, remote in hand. She sought solace in the form of entertainment. Flipping channels, she stumbled upon what had to be one of the worst sequels ever made: Grease 2. And yet – she enjoyed even stupid musicals. So she watched as Stephanie fell for the mysterious guy on the motorcycle who was disguising his identity because he happened to be Michael, the English exchange student (complete with sexy accent) who had fallen for her. Then, the inevitable misunderstanding that leads to drama and angst – Stephanie thinks that her "cool rider" in the mask died in a motorcycle crash. She sings her lament (publicly, complete with instrumental accompaniment – it is a musical after all): "(Love Will) Turn Back the Hands of Time."

… I'm gonna miss all the things we'll never do.

I just can't believe you left me here alone.

How in this world can I make it on my own?

In the case of this movie, the object of the girl's affection had not fallen to his demise and the couple got their happy ending. However, that is not how things had gone in Buffy's life. The object of her affection had been dead for many years when she met him. But now he was truly gone. And although she was surrounded by people every day, she was alone.

If only her love were enough to turn back the hands of time.

If only life was like a sit-com or a musical – filled with 30-minute resolutions, stirring love songs and happy endings, with closure for all circumstances and healing for all wounds.

If only she had a chance to make it right, do things differently, change the outcome.

If only … oh, how I wish …

[

Although Angel had contacted The Oracles, who had allowed him to time travel in order to change events, they had been killed four years ago. Buffy was able to make contact with The Powers That Be through The Conduit. She was granted audience – not that she really gave them an option. She had a case to make and they would simply have to hear her out. Her petition involved explaining:

1) that she believed things could have turned out differently between she and Spike;

2) that this would be beneficial in fighting evil because it would be an effective partnership;

3) that she could do something about it if they would only give her a chance to make things right; and

4) that if they felt she was deserving of happiness in this life, they would give her this chance at love.

There may have been some rambling of other assorted reasons. Her ideas were not as organized as she thought; her argument not as linear as she would have liked. She hoped that she was persuasive enough.

The answer was stated flatly, "What is done cannot be undone."

"You could change things or give me a chance to fix things. I know that it's been done before – you can fold time. Even if you won't just give us a magical happy ending, I'm asking you to give me a chance to try to correct some things, give us a fighting chance ... Maybe that's a poor choice of words."

After a brief period of deliberation, the response came: "You will be given a small window of opportunity."

She said, "Thanks," but before she could ask for details, she found herself on the stairs of her family's house in Sunnydale.

Immediately, she was thinking: This is so not possible, because this house is part of a giant crater. She realized that she was hearing a familiar voice below her, saying words she remembered hearing before: "I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster, but you treat me like a man, and that's …"

She turned around to find Spike standing there and she knew precisely where – and more importantly, when – she was: just before the battle with Glory.

Behind Spike, she saw a grandfather clock with a digital readout where the face of the clock should be. It showed 01:59:35 remaining. The seconds were counting down as he continued to speak: 34, 33, 32, 31…

She shook herself from her stupor as he finished: "Get your stuff. I'll be here."

She could not help but smile as she looked at this face she had not seen in about a year. Confused by her expression, he tilted his head.

As she walked down the stairs toward Spike, who now looked more confused by the second, she thought to herself: Alright. Apparently I've got a little less than two hours to fix three years. But I'm the Slayer – I can totally handle this. Can't I?

A/N:

The original idea for this fic came from a dream (waking up with a memory of just a snapshot moment – Buffy on the stairs with the countdown clock behind Spike) and in that haze between sleep and waking, I let the scene play out in my mind.

About a year later, I finally wrote a rough draft of what I had – which was really just the time travel back to 2001, the two hours of suspended time, and her leap back to 2004 to see the result. That's the first eight chapters.