based on this prompt from tumblr:
i really love ur fic w/ the whole sawa drawn out death and him suffering but how abt if miyus just sitting at home and he gets a phone call that sawa was in an accident, its ok sawas fine, but he gets there and sawa died abt two minutes ago...

(Thank you so much for any feedback, I'm so incredibly blocked at the moment that I feel like anything that sounds decent is really hard to write)

I'M SO SORRY I SWORE THAT I WOULD ONLY EVER WRITE ONE DEATH FIC AND HERE I AM AGAIN

The TV screen flashes in colourful images of some documentary playing, accompanied by the droning voice of the moderator. It's turned down, more of a hum in the background than at actual hearing level.

It's an episode Eijun has been wanting to watch for weeks, anticipating it with a visible countdown on the calendar in thick marker. Today's date is circled in bright red, many exclamation marks and matching 'Osh, osh, osh's surrounding a printed 27. A bit of an overkill, in Kazuya's opinion and something he has been teasing Eijun for, but he adamantly keeps insisting he needs the reminder so he 'definitely, definitely remembers'.

Except that Eijun definitely, definitely isn't here right now.

It's Kazuya who is sitting on the couch, all alone, and not really seeing any of it. Instead, his growing annoyance and worry are expressed in his crossed arms, the rhythmic tapping of his fingers on elbows and a deepening crease between his eyebrows.

His eyes dart over to the clock mounted above the TV. The quiet ticking noise is inaudible but just seeing the seconds hand move is enough to set his teeth on edge. Then he glances down at his phone on the coffee table in front of him, silent and screen black as ever. It's a cycle he has been repeating for over an hour already. He sighs, irritated.

Kazuya tries to focus back on the documentary but finds his attention drifting to the window. It's dark outside and starting to drizzle.

He even went to the effort and made dinner, Eijun's favourite. And then the moron doesn't even have the decency to call in advance about being late.

At least it won't go cold since it's a dish which can be left in the oven, on low temperature, until it's served.

But that doesn't mean Kazuya is any less irritated with Eijun.

"You are so dead." Kazuya mutters, sinking deeper into the couch.

A sudden vibrating noise has him jumping up and hastily reaching for the phone, the screen announcing a call from a certain idiot.

"You're late." Kazuya picks up without preamble, not even bothering with a greeting. He is too annoyed and relieved for niceties.

There's a huff on the other end of the line, a crackling sound in the background.

"I know, I know! I would have called earlier but I got a bit held up." Eijun is talking fast, sounding a little out of breath. He sounds stressed, the increasing noise, like rushing water or strong wind, making it hard to hear.

Even so, Kazuya can just make out what he's saying. The worry niggling at the back of his mind wins over his annoyance with Eijun.

"Did something happen?"

There's a short pause, a bit of hitched breathing. Kazuya's heart stops for a moment before taking off at twice the speed.

"Hey, talk to me! What's going on?"

"Jeez, calm down! I – accident - fine! Nothing – don't worry –"

Assuring words and jumbled apologies tumble out of Eijun's mouth into Kazuya's ear but they're cut off, drowned out by loud static. His voice sounds strangely distorted.

It's all less than calming to Kazuya's frazzled nerves.

He leans forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. Both of his hands are pressed to his ears, as if that will somehow make the call more fluid.

It doesn't.

Eijun's voice is now all but gone, completely covered by white noise.

"Eijun – I can't hear you." Kazuya tries to tell him, but the connection seems to have all but died. Then a loud beeping sounds from the phone, signifying the end of the call. His hands are clammy.

"Eijun?"

He listens to another drawn out beep before lowering the phone and staring at the screen.

It's blank.

Kazuya swallows, hard, past his heart beating hard in his throat, and lifts one hand to unlock his phone. His shoulders are stiff, his hands trembling slightly.

That idiot, telling him he was in an accident and then not to worry. How can he not?

Before he can press the 'call' button, the screen once more announces an incoming call. Pure relief spreads in Kazuya's chest at the familiar 'Sawamoron' displayed on it.

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need me to come get you? Where are you?" he blurts out as soon as he picks up. He hears laughter, familiar and warm.

This time, there are no other sounds to cloud the conversation, but along with feeling lighter now, Kazuya can feel his annoyance returning. "Hey, don't laugh at me, you brat. You scared me, you know?"

"Sorry, sorry." Eijun chortles. "But I told you, I'm okay. Totally fine. You know I wouldn't lie to you." Another small laugh.

"Well, excuse me for worrying about my dumbass of a boyfriend when he says he's been in an accident." Kazuya rolls his eyes, fully aware Eijun can't see him but too relieved to care.

"You just sounded like such a mother hen." Eijun ignores the insult, sounding amused. "Never would I ever have thought that that is a good description for you."

"Hey, hey. Call me that again and I'll leave you to get home by yourself." Kazuya shoots back. He leans back into the sofa, shoulders relaxing, and rubs a hand across his face. He is still shaking a little at the shock but a grin is lurking in the corner of his mouth. Then he adds for good measure, "And I'll add natto to your plate."

At the outraged cry coming from the other side, he allows his grin to break through.

"Bastard! Remind me why I'm dating you again?"

"Because you love me." Kazuya replies smugly without missing a beat. Eijun makes a strangled noise, causing the grin to widen.

He really wishes Eijun was here right now. He still enjoys seeing him get flustered, like he undoubtedly is now. Kazuya can practically hear him fidgeting, see him scrunching up his face as it slowly turns red.

There's another short silence on Eijun's end before his softly spoken words get through to Kazuya.

"Yeah. I do. I really, really love you. A lot."

The admission sounds so sincere and intimate, it steals Kazuya's breath away for a moment. It's not like they've never said it before but most of their affection for each other is communicated through banter and teasing remarks.

It's still rare to hear the actual words, especially in a serious tone like that.

"I…I love you too." Kazuya's voice sounds a bit gravelly, a little awkward. Startled.

What brought this on?

He clears his throat, dismissing a twinge of something in the back of his mind.

"So, gonna tell me where you are? I can come pick you up."

"Ummm." Eijun hums into the phone, a siren blaring in the background and the sound of cars speeding past. More rushing noises add a low rhythm like drums, but it sounds natural. "I'm on the highway, just before the exit into our suburb. You know, the one with the weird looking tree?"

Kazuya huffs a laugh, already switching the TV to recording mode with one hand as he stands. It's a running joke between them how Eijun can perfectly recite whole teams of baseball players by name, height and nationality but not remember a street sign he passes nearly every day.

"Yeah, I know. I'll be there in five minutes."

Kazuya's phone is jammed between his ear and shoulder as he grabs his keys from a bowl by the table beside the door and slips on his jacket.

It's been getting cold and rainy lately, autumn slowly announcing its arrival. Another glance outside the window confirms that the light drizzle from before has turned into heavy rainfall. Kazuya shivers, about to ask if Eijun has taken shelter somewhere so he doesn't get soaked.

"Thanks!" Eijun chirps, then hangs up without a moment's hesitation. Low beeping is all that can be heard, Kazuya's mouth still open to speak. He pulls away the phone from his ear to glare at it, biting his lip.

"Good thing idiots can't catch colds." he tells it exasperatedly, tucking it into his jacket. At least he has an umbrella in his car.

Kazuya makes a dash for it once the door is locked behind him, thanking a higher power that he was able to get a parking space close to the apartment earlier that day. Even so, he feels like he took an involuntary, icy shower by the time he reaches the car and hastily climbs inside.

He shivers again, somehow managing to get the key into the ignition even though he is shaking. A relieved sigh makes it past his lips once the motor starts running and he can switch on the heater, warm air blowing in through the vents.

It should be nice and toasty by the time Kazuya reaches Eijun. He's sure he'll be freezing, if the short run in the rain is any indication.

He carefully pulls out of the parking space, squinting at the rearview mirror. The rain has gotten so bad it looks like silver silk curtains and making it hard to see properly. The windshield wipers barely help.

It makes for slow progress, but Kazuya prefers being cautious. There's no need for both of them to get into an accident at the same time.

It's a little longer than five minutes when he recognises the shape and bright colour of the traffic sign in the distance, even through heavy sheets of grey. He isn't exactly surprised to see flashing lights in the colours of an ambulance or the police surrounding it, their silhouettes becoming clearer the closer he draws to the site. It's barred by bright reflective tape, cut off from the rest of the cars speeding past.

Kazuya knows that Eijun is alright. They talked on the phone. He's fine, he said. But still, there's a part of him that's afraid, a part that flutters with sudden anxiety and fear.

A part that tells him that something isn't right.

He's forced to stop driving when someone in uniform comes up beside his window and knocks. He can't see the person's face but they're shaking their head hard enough that he understands what they want. Kazuya rolls down his window, not really caring that the inside will get even wetter. His breathing is coming too fast, his heart picking up speed again.

"My boyfriend was involved in the accident. I'm picking him up." he tells them. He tries to sound calm, to speak loud enough to be heard over too loud rain beating down on the car, on the pavement of the highway, loud enough so he can hear something other than his heart hammering in his ears.

The person, a police officer, Kazuya realises once a roaming flashlight hits the uniform, stoops down to squint at him before straightening up. He turns halfway, calling something unintelligible over his shoulder to the small group of police officers huddled by one of their cars.

"Please come with me." the officer says, sounding a lot firmer than Kazuya did. There's a touch of pity in his voice he wants to believe he is only imagining.

Why would there be pity?

What reason is there?

Eijun is fine. He's fine.

He isn't dead.

Kazuya doesn't know how or when he got out of the car. He's barely even aware of following the officer to the ambulance wagon. The officer keeps walking even when Kazuya stops because he just caught sight of the stretcher partially hidden by the wagon.

The stretcher with someone on it.

Someone inside a bulky body bag, a solemn black thing, shiny from the rain pelting off of it. Red and blue join it, lights reflecting off the wet surface.

Eijun's not dead.

He isn't.

He can't be.

"Sir?"

The officer has finally noticed that Kazuya is hanging behind, frozen to the spot and eyes glued to the stretcher. He comes back toward him, slowly and cautiously as if approaching a wild animal. His tone is soft as he begins to speak.

"Sir, we need you to identify the – him. I understand this must be hard for you –"

Kazuya is already shaking his head, still staring at the body bag.

He is unable to look away. He doesn't want to know. He wants to run and never look back, ignore the inevitable truth he's starting to realise.

But Kazuya can't move. He can't move until he realises he is getting closer to the stretcher, the officer's words not making it to his ears through the rain. His body ignores his silent protest, the silent cry of repetitive no's and 'this isn't happening's.

The rain has gotten even heavier, a literal waterfall from the sky and taking away the little dryness his clothes still had left.

Kazuya doesn't want to know.

His hand lifts involuntarily once he's close enough to touch the bulky black shape.

It's much too big to be Eijun. It's impossible.

No one stops Kazuya from unzipping the bag enough to uncover what it hides. He experiences it as if underwater, the steady roaring of the rain so monotone it dampens all other sound until he can fool himself into believing the world is silent.

There are no loud sirens, no flashing lights. Kazuya isn't afraid, his heart isn't racing like crazy and his breathing isn't the only thing he can hear. He doesn't have to be afraid.

There's nothing to be afraid of because this isn't Eijun. It's impossible.

A vision of him flashes across Kazuya's mind, a grin as bright and warm as the sun, of laughter just as warm. Of lazy Sunday mornings and sleepy kisses, of whispered confessions in the middle of the night. Of brilliant smiles, flashing white across the diamond.

Of life.

The edges of the bag crumple inward as soon as the zipper doesn't hold them together anymore, the water beating down on it heavily and not doing much to reveal the body inside. Something flashes amber in the fleeting lights, hard, cold and glassy.

Empty.

Kazuya doesn't need to see more.

He can't react when he is suddenly surrounded by a gaggle of people in various uniforms and attacked with questions. He's semi-aware of being led away, of someone saying something about going into shock, of whispered 'I'm sorry for your loss's, too empathetic and pitiful for Kazuya to take at the moment.

"Approximate time of death, 7:30 pm." he distantly hears one of the officers say. All he feels at hearing that is mild surprise, something pricking through the thick cocoon of cotton that seems to be surrounding his hazy mind and makes everything seem unreal.

This can't be real.

7:30 pm.

It was around 8 pm when Eijun called.

Kazuya suddenly feels cold, a drop in temperature nothing to do with the weather. It's as if he has been dipped into ice water and his bones are greedily sucking it all up. The blood in his veins is turning to ice as well, crystallising as it sluggishly moves through his body.

Who called him, if not Eijun?

The echo of the phone line going dead reverberates inside Kazuya's head.

Who was it, on the other end of the line?

I'm okay. Totally fine. You know I wouldn't lie to you.

Eijun never lied to Kazuya.

I'm okay. Totally fine.

Except this one, single time.

"You idiot."

I really, really love you. A lot.

Kazuya doesn't know when tears started running down his face. He can't even tell the difference between the rain and his own grief. It all mixes together, blurring his vision even more than it already has.

"I love you too."