Title: A superstar that belongs only to me

Pairings: Arthur/Merlin

Rating: M

Warnings: yaoi (that is, the relationship between the characters is that of a seme and his uke), sexual content, dub-con or non-con, mentions of porn, bullying, harassing and homophobia.

Disclaimer: I own nothing of these. All credits go to BBC Merlin and the mangaka Nanami who created the great manga called 'Porno Superstar'. I fear I'm not as talented as these people :_(

Summary:modern AU. MerlinPOV. It was a normal day. I was going back home after work when I saw him. A god among humans, my idol, Excalibur. That was my chance, my dream come true. Too bad it turned into a nightmare. Merlin/Arthur

Word count for this chapter: around 5,200

AN: Here is the final chapter! Thanks for reading, following or favouriting! Oh! There are also a couple of short extras for this manga. If you would like me to write them, just let me know! Enjoy the chapter!

-~oOo0oOo~-

Chapter 4

"What do you think?" Vivian asked Sophia. "Yesterday when I went to the hairdresser's I saw another customer getting them done and I decided to give it a try. Do you like them?"

Sophia inspected gravely Vivian's manicure for a few seconds. "Well, they are beautiful but maybe a bit too much..."

"Do you think I should remove it then?" Vivian wondered indecisively.

That conversation could go on for hours... Of course, Vivan's manicure was beautiful. Sophia was just green with envy. And I didn't want to wait an eternity to get my job done.

"Vivian!" I interrupted. "The development team asked me to give you these documents." She looked a bit affrrontedly at me, undoubtely for daring to disturb their interesting conversation. "Oh! And I think that removing it would be a shame because they look very pretty on you. It matches what you are wearing today!"

"Is that so?" Vivan gawped.

I only smiled at her and went away. They weren't as subtle as to not to comment on my new changed behaviour out loud: "Hasn't Merlin changed lately?" "Yes! This morning he even greeted everyone!" "Did he hit the lotto or something!" "No idea, but he's better like this than always moping around, don't you think?" "Yes, but I'm still curious. What has happened to him?!"

I didn't listen more to their comments as I picked up my packed lunch and directed my steps to the lift. I was going to the rooftop. Arthur had asked me to meet him there to have lunch together. And, anyway, that was nothing I hadn't heard before. Since Arthur had kissed me some days ago, I felt happier, as in a dream, and I couldn't avoid showing it, even at work. Some other co-workers had already noticed it but I couldn't care less. The only thing in my mind were Arthur's kisses...

-~oOo0oOo~-

Arthur had actually kissed me...

"Why do you keep staring at me?" Arthur asked.

"Eh?" I said intellingently. We were supposed to be eating and I had spent more time staring at him with awe instead. I blushed and looked at my food.

"Hurry up and eat!" Arthur admonished.

"I'm already full," I answered. There were only some scraps left and I wasn't hungry any more. My stomach was in knots lately.

Nonetheless, Arthur checked, "Sure you don't want more?"

"Yeah, I'm too full," I confirmed.

"Then, come over here," he commanded.

This was the moment both of us had been waiting.

"Arthur, what if someone comes..." I tried to reason unconvincingly.

Arthur just disregarded any danger and went for it. We kissed for what seemed hours. Arthur's mouth over mine was now the center of my entire world. Well, and not only now. Arthur was everything I could think about at all hours, awake or asleep. My head was full of him. And then, when we were together like this... My heartbeat speeded up like crazy and my chest felt so tight.

In fact, with each kiss, with each stroke of Arthur's mouth, with each lick of Arthur's tongue, my symptomps only got worse and worse. I started to feel anxious inside only by seeing his handsome face. I wanted... I needed to know how Arthur felt about me... My desire for him was so intense that I hugged Arthur tighter against me as I gave myself completely to his kisses.

Some steps on the stairs to the rooftop made us move away and wipe our mouths with the back of our hands, in an attempt to erase any evidence of what we had been doing. Thankfully, we hadn't gone further and when two men came out the door, we were leaning innocently on the rail, the image of two friends relaxing, nothing suspicious.

"It's really tough doing it at work," Arthur commented in a low voice although the men weren't paying any attention to us.

"Want to go to the toilet?" I proposed dubiously. It wasn't a great place either but it was definitely better than the open space of the rooftop.

"No. You hate doing it at work, don't you?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I suppose we could go to a hotel after work." A hotel? Well, he had never before cared about the place that much. Was he trying to be considerate of me? "Ah! Didn't you say that you live near?"

Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting? "Mmmm... Yes, it's about 15 minutes by bus."

"Then, let's go to your place!"

Yes, he was suggesting exactly what I had imagined. "You said... Go to my place?" I checked. He really wanted to go to my flat. It seemed quite a step forward in whatever kind of relationship we had... "It's fine," I accepted before I had time to overthink things more than that. But a sudden thought made me change my mind quickly. "No! I can't today! And I should also clean a bit..." Well, that and hide all the Excalibur's films, magazines and posters I had.

"What?" You don't need to bother with that stuff!" Arthur exclaimed impatiently. Thanks god, he also changed his mind. "Although tomorrow is Friday..." He commented pensively. "We could spend the weekend together. And if you satisfy me, I will take you out to the cinema or something."

"Really...?!" And his smile seemed so sincere. Was it...? Was it a date?!

-~oOo0oOo~-

That evening, when I arrived home, I got to work quickly. First thing, I did a load of laundry with some of my dirty clothes and the beedsheets. Then, I went to tidy and clean everything. And the most important, I put any questionable item (that is Excalibur's things) inside drawers, cupboards or wardrobes. Oh! I still had the bathroom to clean!

I was working in a frenzy, afraid that I won't have time to rearrange everything that night since I wouldn't be able to do so the next morning before work and I supposed Arthur would want to come to my flat as soon as we would finish work. Of course, me being me, I soon ended face first on the floor surrondered by all the items I was trying to hide so carefully.

And there on the floor, I realised I was so nervous about the whole Arthur coming to my flat... Maybe it was... it was because I had feelings for him, didn't I? He was the only thing I could think about these last days and now... Now he wanted to come to my home! There had to be a reason for that!

Once more my mind started to jump ahead to wishful conclusions: What if he had something special in mind? What if he... if he wanted to confess his love for me?! Imagine that! We would be boyfriends! I had never before had a boyfriend. I had never imagined something like that could ever happen to me.

Since the whole fiasco at high school I had always thought I would never fall for someone because, come on, how could someone fall for a guy like me? But now that I had Arthur... Gods, I was so happy! I was so happy I could die! I couldn't wait for the following day!

-~oOo0oOo~-

"Get some snacks too!" Arthur ordered me.

We had already finished work for the week and the time had come to go to my flat together. Just that Arthur had considered it a good idea to stop at a supermarket before and get some beers and food. I hadn't thought about food at all the previous night so I was only happy to comply.

Anyway, there was a supermarket near my flat and it had taken us less than 5 minutes to get everything we needed.

"Did you get these too?" Arthur asked. Well, apparently we hadn't got everything since Arthur was showing me a box of condoms.

I startled and after checking nobody was looking at us, I denied with my head.

"Then we will need to buy some more." And he took like three or four different boxes!

"We don't need so many!" I whispered embarassed.

He didn't seem bothered in the least. "It's fine! We will use them all eventually."

I was very thankful when in the queue to pay, a guy shouted Arthur's name. He said he was an old friend of his and Arthur barely introduced me as a co-worker before deciding to go out to talk to his mate for a bit while I paid. It was more than fine with me. I really didn't want to see the face of the cashier when he saw the kind of items two grown-up men had just bought together.

However, my good chance was short lived since Arthur's friend kept glancing back at me as they were leaving. Why did he look at me like that? Had we seen each other before? Did he know me? It couldn't be... I remembered him. From high school...

I paid as soon as possible and rushed out with the bags to look for them. They weren't at the door. But I could hear voices coming from a side alley.

"The other guy not only rejected him but he also beat him up in front of everyone and then spred rumors about him. Because of that, Merlin became famous overnight. Everyone knew who he was and bullied him all the way to the graduation."

No! No! No! That guy was telling Arthur everything! I should run into that alley and put an end to that conversation but I felt as if I were rooted to the floor.

"Anyway, it seems he has overcome it. I bet he has already slept with lots of men!" They guy laughed.

What?!

"He doesn't seem that kind of guy," Arthur's voice answered dispassionately.

"But looks can be deceiving!" The other guy insisted.

"That's enough! You know nothing about Merlin!"

Was it possible that Arthur was defending me? That gave me the strenght to finally direct my steps to the alley.

"What's wrong with you?!" The irritated guy went on exclaiming. "Don't tell me you're starting to swing that way too?"

Swing that way? I stopped at the entrance of the alley, still unnoticed by any of them. This was a question I would like to know the answer to.

"Stop making stuff up, you arse!" Arthur shouted with his usual bad temper. "How can you suspect I'm gay?!"

"Honestly, you don't need to get so angry..." The guy tried to placate him.

"It's your fault for spouting nonsense! Why would I be one of those disgusting homos!"

I gasped.

Disgusting... He had used the exact same word Cendred had used to describe me all those years ago.

"Merlin," Arthur's voice called me softly when he discovered I had heard him.

My eyes, however, were glued to the pavement. I didn't want to look at him. I just wanted to leave.

"I... I don't feel very well today," I excused myself with a trembling voice. That was my cue to run away. I ran as I had never run before, the bags still in my hands.

"Wait! Merlin!" I heard Arthur shout after me but I didn't stop.

I didn't stop until I was safely home. And there I let my world fell apart.

-~oOo0oOo~-

"Hey, you know? I've heard that guy is gay!" Their laughs still resonated in my ears. "Ugh, that's disgusting! We shoudn't get too close if we don't want to catch homo germs!"

After all those years, after such a painful lesson, I had made the same mistake again. I was such an idiot! How could I have thought that anyone in this world, specially someone as Arthur, would fall for someone like me?

I just wanted to die. I felt as if I had spent an eternity hiding under the covers of my bed, trying to forget I had once more built my hopes up just to realize the reality in the most cruel way possible. However, it could only have been a couple of days at most. If Monday had arrived and I hadn't gone to work, I was sure Gaius would have paid me a visit when I hadn't answered the phone. That, or I would have already died of hunger. Although for the way my stomach was rumbling...

I decided to finally do something. I had to face that Monday was just around the corner and I would have to go to work. I went to the kitchen and started to mircrowave a precooked dish I had in the freezer compartment. Perhaps, with some food in my stomach I could see things in another light. Not that things could get any better...

The sudden sound of the doorbell startled me. No one had ever visited me at home, apart from my mum, Gaius and some delivery guys.

"Who is it?" I asked cautiously after approaching the door.

"Express delivery," was the answer.

Express delivery? Had I ordered something? Or maybe it was a mistake.

I opened the door only to see a very furious Arthur behind it. I didn't react soon enough and before I knew it, Arthur had his fist on the door, preventing me from closing it.

"What's with you?!" He asked while my mind was still wondering why the hell he was there. "You even turned down your cell phone!"

Why did he care? And "How did you know I live here?" I dared to ask.

"When I want to, I can easily get that sort of information," he gloated. And just like that he moved me out of the way and struted into my home, closing the door after him.

I was rendered speechless for a moment. The nerve of the prat! He even went as far as examining my living room and commenting on how small my flat was!

I couldn't endure it any more! Why did he come?! I wanted him gone! I grabbed the sleeve of his coat and pulled at it as I cried, "Please leave!"

Arthur, of course, overpowered me in the blink of an eye and soon I was pinned against a wall, both of my wrists in his grip.

"Don't be mad," he said seriously. His face was a few centimetres from mine and he was looking at me intensely. "I didn't mean what I said. As everyone would have done, I wasn't going to tell my friend that I have sex with another man. But, anyway, it was wrong of me."

That was all he had to say. He released one of my wrists to caress lightly my chin as his lips started to descend upon mine.

"Let me go!" I took advantage of him letting his guard down to kiss me in order to escape his grasp. "Get out," I practically begged as I turned my back on him. I didn't want to know anything else about him. "I will never do that kind of things with you again," I affirmed more surely.

I had suffered enough. I only wanted it to end. I didn't look back at him as I went to the kitchen. He didn't need my help to get out and the microwave had undoubtely finished warming my food. As I took it out, however, I realised he hadn't left. On the contrary, he had followed me to the kitchen.

"What do you think you are doing?" His angry tone made me give him a sidelong glance. He seemed really irate, his arms crossed over his chest and his face contorted fiercely. "Don't you understand your position? You know what will happen if you don't do what I told you to, don't you?"

"I know," I mumbled in response. Of course I knew. I had understood – I was only a toy he used for his pleasure whenever he wanted but that he didn't doubt to toss aside when it was convinient. That was all I was. What I would always be. "I'm well aware of how much I'm worth. You don't need to apologize to me because what you said wasn't wrong: I am a disgusting homo." I couldn't contain myself. "Don't worry, I will resign from the company, so you can go ahead and expose me to everyone if that's what you want!"

"What are you saying?" He asked confused. "Why do you have to be so bothersome?!"

There was no going back. My emotions were on fire. "Don't look down upon me!" For once, I was the one shouting but probably the effect was a bit diminished by the angry tears running down my cheeks. "I hate people like you!" Arthur was looking at me taken aback. "Even if it's someone like me, I still get hurt! Even if I'm a perverted homosexual who enjoys watching gay porn, I can fall for someone and have hope of having that someone fall in love with me too! Or don't I even have that privilege?!"

I hid my face on my hands as I continued sobbing uncontrollably. Without realising it, I leaned back into the kitchen's countertop and then down into the floor. I curled up into a ball, making me as small as I felt. In that moment, I really felt so pathetic. I didn't want him to look at me. Why did I fall for someone like him? Why him?

"I... I'm sorry..." I could hear the hesitance in his voice. "What I said was too harsh..."

Silence.

"Hey! Did you hear me?! Merlin!"

Of course I had heard. My sobs had subsided a bit but I simply refused to look up at him. I just wanted him to leave me alone in my misery.

"Stop acting like this!" He started to shout in displeasure. "I've already bowed down and apologized to you, what else do you want?!"

"Nothing! I said you don't have to apologize. You don't need to bother with me. Just leave!" Why couldn't he just leave? Why did he have to continue causing me more pain?

"You are so annoying!" He did seem very irritated but he sighed and said more clamly, "It was a slip of the tongue. I didn't mean to say that but I just... didn't know how to react, okay? It's my first time dating a guy and I'm confused..."

Dating? That had definitely captured my attention. I dared to raise my head a bit to look at his troubled expression. "You said... dating?" I checked. What did he mean with that? "You mean you and I..." I left the sentence hanging in the air.

He tsked as he run his hand through his air nerviously. I had never seen him like that. "That still needs to be said...?"

Was he serious? I was so astonished that I uncurled myself without thinking to stare dumbfounded at him. "But I... I've never heard anything from you about us dating..."

"We have already done everything else possible! Doesn't that count as dating?" He said heatedly. I wasn't sure relationships worked like that but I didn't have time to object as he continued with his ramblings. "And strictly speaking, aren't you the one who only wants me for my body?!" What? "I should sue you for treating me like a sex toy!" What?! The conversation was definitely taking a strange turn! "It is you who treats me as a substitute for that porn star you love some much! I'm really pissed off about that!" And he pouted and turned away from me, his hands on his hips.

I was really getting counfused with the whole situation. What was he saying? As I watched his shoulders move with his labored breathing in an attempt to calm himself I understood. It hadn't been my wishful thinking. I had been right...

"Arthur..." I whispered as I stood to approach him. Now I wanted to see his face. I settled my hand lightly on his shoulder and asked, "Is it possible that... you like me?"

Arthur faced me to answer, "So what? Is that a problem?"

I was rendred speechless. My hand slided down on his own accord, my eyes opened wide and my heart beat faster and faster as I tried to process this new revelation.

"I can't believe it..." I mumbled.

"What's with that reaction?" Arthur asked examining me closely.

"But... what do you like about me?" I couldn't help but answer. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that someone as Arthur could find me attractive.

Arthur, however, was not the kind of guy to reassure me. As always, he got on the defensive and began to go off the topic at hand. "Why do we have to speak about such embarassing topics?! We aren't kids anymore! And, anyway, it's not like you have any right to question me when all you do is start to shake as soon as I step close to you! You even said I'm scary!"

"That... That's..." I tried to explain, "because you're always so... rough..."

"Me?! When?!" I knew he would react badly... "Didn't I always make you feel good?" But he was frowning at me. He was really listening to me!

This was my chance to ask Arthur... "No, it's not that, but... If it's possible... I would like you to be... more gentle with me..."

"What do you mean by 'more gentle'?" He snapped.

"For... for example," I stammered nerviously, "like in the romance movies... the way the main character treats his lover..."

"You, idiot, are you asking me to do something weird?" Arthur asked looking at me with suspicion.

"It was just an example!" I bit my lower lip and fidgeted uncomfortably.

He sighed and commented, "You really are a handful..." And then he grabbed my face in both his big hands and looking at me directly in the eyes, he promised, "It's all right. I'll be gentler with you."

In that exact moment, I was the luckiest man in the world.

-~oOo0oOo~-

Not an hour later and I had let Arthur convince me to have sex again. I was so excited about finally having a boyfriend that I had soon forgotten all about my insecurities and past troubles and had launched myself into a long rant about our love life:

"Oh, Arthur! We have just had our first important argument and we have got over it! Maybe... we're going too fast... But no, I've read in a book that after a fight like this it's a good idea to talk so that the couple can deepen their knowleldge of each other with open and honest discussions..."

Arthur had kissed me senseless right then to stop my babbling but that didn't prevent me from warning him, "They also said it's not a good idea to have sex right after such an argument..."

To which he had only said, "It's only losers who aren't compatible in bed that need to do that!"

And he had practically dragged me to the bathroom, where we ended in the shower naked, soaked and kissing as if there was no tomorrow. As every time before, our bodies molded to each other without effort and our mouths seemed to be made to fit perfectly.

However, there was something different. Arthur's kisses tasted sweeter and his touches felt softer on my skin. He was really trying to be gentler with me. He even whispered lovingly at me instead of ordering me around rudely.

"Turn around and place your hands against the wall," he directed and for once he didn't simply turned me around forcefully as he usually did.

And when he peppered my back with kisses... I couldn't stop shaking. I had never felt something like that... A sudden bite on one of my buttocks jolted me back to conscience. I turned around slightly just in time to look at a kneeling Arthur who gave me a heated sexy glance before going for my hole.

"Arthur!" I moaned wantonly. I couldn't believe it! He was licking and sucking me right there. I could feel his tongue diving into my entrance and caressing my insides... I could only tremble as I asked shocked, "Arthur... What are you doing? Don't..."

I felt so weak with pleasure that I had to hold to the wall if I didn't want to end on the floor. Gods... I couldn't bear so much pleasure... I squirmed to placate a bit all the confusing sensations.

"Stop struggling!" Arthur reprimanded me. "You could slip easily and get hurt." And he continued with his ministrations.

"But..." I tried to protest. "This is..."

"I have always wanted to try this..." He commented against my bottom as he went back to kissing my cheeks and lower back. "I want to explore every inch of your body... I want to understand it all... Will you let me?"

What could I say to that? Only, "It's just... I'm embarassed..."

I felt a puff of his breath against my naked skin as he smiled. "Just... Be a good boy and let me."

I followed his advice and subjected myself to all his wishes. I didn't protest any more as he fucked my entrace with his tongue or when he showed me the proper way of giving blowjobs. I only whimpered and shuddered as he make me come time and time again, without even penetrating me, without even coming once himself.

By the time we left the bathroom, I was already exhausted to the point I could barely move. He had given me the most exquisite pleasure, but once we reached my bed, it was time for his. This time, I didn't stop him either as he lay me on top of the sheets and proceeded to... No... This wasn't fucking. This was lovemaking.

He didn't ram into me forcibly or pinned my hands to the bed. It was nothing like what we always did. His hands explored my body softly and caressed me with tenderness. And his movements... They were deliberately slow, so much that I could feel perfectly his length going in and out of me. It was excruciating and at the same time so fulfilling...

"I... love you... Merlin," he confessed in a whisper.

My eyes filled with tears of happiness as I looked directly at his eyes, only a few centimeters from mine. He was staring back at me and I could only see truth in them.

"Why are you crying?" He wiped my tears away a bit put out. That wasn't probably the reaction he wanted.

"I'm so happy..." I explained, also trying to erase any tear from my face. I didn't want to ruin such a beautiful moment. "It's the first time anyone has ever said that to me."

His smile then was so blinding I didn't know what to think of it, until he clarified, "So I managed to take all your firsts, didn't I?" He pecked me on the lips and rested his forehead against mine. "It makes me really happy!"

It was my turn to reveal my feelings for him. "I love you, Arthur." And for the first time since I met him, I was the one to initiate the kiss.

And we kissed and kissed and well, made love, until nothing mattered any more. I didn't care for all the pain and sorrow of the past. Every bad experience I had had in my life was more than worth it if it had led me to Arthur and the true happiness of that moment. Arthur was my real light.

-~oOo0oOo~-

The first thing my drowsy mind noticed when I started to wake up sounded suspicionsly like moans of pleasure. Moans? I sat up lazily and rubbed my eyes.

"Arthur..." I practically mumbled. "What are you doing?" I only discerned him sitting at my desk.

"What the hell!" He swore. "I don't look like this guy at all! I'm one hundred times better than him!"

Then I understood. I sprang out of bed inmediately but it was too late. Arthur was watching one of my Excalibur's films on my own laptop. And not only that, he had a bunch of his videos and magazines and posters scattered all over the desk!

"That's my Excalibur's collection!" I exclaimed with shock as on the screen Excalibur continued fucking another actor. I had hidden them away so carefully. How had he been able to find them?!

Before I had time to react, Arthur started to pick everything up and put it into piles. "It goes in the trash," he proclaimed seriously.

What?! "Wait a minute, Arthur!" I exclaimed almost in a panic as I tried to seize anything I could. "You can throw that away! That's the photobook I won online! And that's his first appearance film! It's no longer in production!"

"You're so damn noisy!" Arthur shouted and glared at me. "You still want to watch this sort of stuff?!"

His expression scared me a little but... "But... I spent a lot of money on them... And... somehow... it's part of my past... A part of me..." I denfended. "I'm not mentally prepared to..."

Arthur's face softened at my explanation. "But you don't need them any more, right?" He lifted my chin to stare straight into my eyes and then he said it, "Because from now on, I will be a superstar that belongs only to you."

Wow!

Those were the cheesiest lines I had ever heard. And Arthur had been able to utter them just like that, without a second thought. However, my lack of response due to my astonishment seemed to annoy him again.

"Aren't you willing?" He asked indignantly.

"Eh?! No... It's not that...It's just... I'm so happy..." I answered not very eloquently.

"Hmph... I would think so," Arthur remarked, his typical smirk back in full force. "Because, seriously, no matter where you look, you won't be able to find a guy better than me. You are really lucky!"

"Yes, I am," I agreed readily with an adoring smile.

Because, despite his bad temper, despite all his faults, Arthur had done something no one had ever done for me before. Something I had never thought possible. He had brought happiness and love to my life.

-~oOo0oOo~-

Thanks for reading!