Chapter 1

He had waited for days, then weeks, and then months for her to call him back. It could have been for any reason, any reason at all. She could have called to let him know her decision. They had made love to each other over the phone and then declared their love for one another repeatedly. And then there was silence. Utterly and completely, there had been nothing but silence. She would not answer his phone calls. She was running again!

Cyrus said he had not seen her. None of the usual suspects he subtly asked about her knew anything. Nothing other than she was embroiled in a relationship with someone on the hill. Goddammit he knew that. He had no right he knew that but he wanted to kill any man that dared to touch her. Her business was doing well. She was swamped with clients. He had asked Tom to stop surveillance of her. The reports were too devastating. The pictures of her and Edison Davis were gutting him.

He had begun to drink in earnest again. He was a functioning drunk and he knew it. The Scotch burned down his throat daily. He wasn't even bothering to put it on the rocks anymore. Morning noon and night he was drinking. Whatever Cyrus brought before him he signed. Cyrus thought he was the damned President anyway. His children were away at boarding school so they did not have to see his failures.

Mellie was right here aiding and abetting him bringing him drinks actually feeling sorry for him she said. She knew Liv had left him and at first she was gleeful with it. She pointed out that political affairs were not meant to last. She said Olivia Pope had never loved him she was using him. She said he had been a fool. Powerful men did not fall in love with their mistresses. He was weak she said. He was a womanizing fiend like his father.

He had let her go on and on. She did not know shit. Olivia loved him and he knew it. Their love had been real. It was more than an affair. It had taken her months to say it out loud but he knew she loved him. What they felt for each other was something he had never experienced before. He could not sleep, eat, or function without her. He was lost. Mellie knew this and she was trying hard to get him to become involved with her again. He did not love her. He never had. Their sexual relationship had always been devoid of emotion. She wanted nothing from it. It was a duty she said to have sex with her husband. A fucking duty to fuck him, no he would go on as he had.

He stood in the shower this morning with nothing in the world but Liv on his mind. He went through this every morning, the longing, the complete devastation of having lost her again. He stood under the water of the shower and let his tears flow. Men were not supposed to cry. His father would have made mince meat of his ass if he knew he had shed a tear over a woman.

He heard her come into the bathroom. It had become a daily ritual Mellie bringing him his first drink of the day. She was loving his downfall and he knew it. But he could care less what she knew or what she did. "Do you have it?" He was asking for his drink and he needed it badly. She did have it. He took it and started his day. He turned and there she was naked as a jaybird. She had come into his quarters before "offering" herself to him and he had told her no! She had been so angry. She had screamed, "A piece of ass is a piece of ass Fitz!" She just did not get it. She was not Olivia and he did not want her.

He watched her grab him and start to caress him, he responded immediately. He was a man after all. But he stilled her hand, he did not want this. It would serve no purpose. He continued to drink. She was going to try to continue this, why? Out of the blue they heard Cyrus call his name. She jumped back like she was a teenager caught in a compromising situation. He shook his head answered Cyrus and said he would be right out. Cyrus had saved him from more than one situation since this fiasco had begun. He could now add public humiliation to the list. They had no business being sexual, none.

So now it was ten hours later and he was back in the shower. He had his own bottle tonight and he had been drinking straight from it for hours. He was drunk. He turned around and there she was. Shit, was that Mellie again? Would this bitch not leave him the fuck alone? "Let's take up where we left off, she said?" "No let's not, he said." She told him she would do all the work and went down on knees and down on him. "NO Mellie, I said NO, he screamed!" He pulled her up from him. He was so angry with her. She stood there starting at him like he had done something wrong. He had a right to say no too.

She wasn't done. She took him in her hands again and started to pump him. He couldn't stop himself he started to move in her hands. She placed him between her legs and started moving. He was drunk and he knew this was so wrong however he started to pump himself between her legs. "Come inside me Fitz," she was begging him. No he would not. He closed his eyes and there she was, Olivia. He pulled back and started to fist himself with his own hand. She was there with him now. "Livvie, oh God Livvie," he moaned.

Mellie could not believe her eyes. This son of a bitch was going to jack off in front on her. She stood there, mesmerized watching him. He was in his own world. He was simulating the sex act. He did not even know she was there anymore. Did he just say "Livvie?" He had. He was imagining Olivia Pope was here in this bathroom! He was imagining he was pumping into Olivia Pope!

He was still standing close to her. His ears were red, she knew what that meant. He was breathing so hard and so fast. He was pumping his hand so hard and fast. "Livvie, Olivia please, Oliviaaaaaaaaaa," he cried. And then he proceeded to spurt his gism all over her belly. Her husband had jacked off all over her while calling another woman's name.

She closed her eyes, stepped into the shower and started washing herself off. He was backed against the shower wall now. His eyes were still closed and he was grasping for breath. He was savoring it she could tell. He would rather do himself than fuck her.

He opened his eyes. He was hoping she would be gone. He really did not want have a conversation with her after what had just happened. This entire mess was just too ugly. He stepped out of the shower and looked back at her. "Mellie I am sorry, that should not have happened. It was crass and it was rude of me. I will put some of it on the alcohol but really it is not. I do not want to be with you like that. I asked you to let me be," he said.

"You are a fucking monster and I hate your guts. You spray your shit all over me while calling out to your whore. I hate you," she screamed.

"I know you do," he uttered just as nonchalantly as you please. "Let's end this Mellie. Divorce me and end this fiasco. You know I love her. Nothing is going to change that, ever. You are a vibrant beautiful woman you can start your life over. We need to end this," he said. He was just so fucking tired of it.

She came out of the shower grabbed a towel and started to dry herself off. "I will never ever give you a divorce. And your precious "Livvie" will not have you without one will she? You walk around here all day drinking and mooning over that Black whore. She has moved on to a Senator since she can't have a President. She is fucking him every night while you my pathetic lovesick husband play with yourself. I have tried to be a proper wife to you. I gave you children. I allowed you to fuck her and never said a word. But you just do not understand how a marriage is supposed to work do you? You do not fall in love with your mistress. You do not elevate her above your wife. You" She was on a tirade!

He cut her off. "Stop it Mellie. Liv is no whore and you know it. The fact is I do love her. I would give up all my money, the Presidency, everything I own to have her. It is not even an option any more. I know that you have spies here and you know that Olivia and I are on the outs right now. She is running from us because I am the President, because I am still married to you, and because of the lies you tell. I pray every day she will change her mind and come back to me in any form, any way, and anyhow. I do not care who she is fucking Mellie; don't get me wrong it hurts, because I love her and I know she loves me. Olivia is doing what she feels is right for her at the moment. And I am doing what is right for me. I do not love you Mellie. I do not want to share my body with you. I love her and everything I have is for her," he said shaking his head.

"You have never truly loved anyone Mel. I honestly do not expect you to understand what there is between me and Olivia. I really don't. Sometimes I can't understand it myself. I am struggling right now. I am just barely functioning and I know it. For all intents and purposes Cyrus has been running the country. The alcohol is only dulling my senses my pain is still right here in my heart. I don't know what you want from me Mellie. I love another woman. I don't want anyone else, I don't want you. You don't want to divorce fine. I just don't know what you expect to accomplish by staying in this marriage, I really don't. I can exist in this marriage but I have nothing to give it. When my term is up I will walk I promise you and I will file myself. And if Olivia Pope is out there I will find her," he said.