Okay, a couple of things you should know. I will NOT be having Bill Cipher in this story because I have strong suspicions that it's either him or Ford that's going to die in season 2...allegedly. Which brings me to my next thing, I am slapping the label AU on this story (or Alternate Universe for those not in the know) because I know that sooner or later Gravity Falls itself is going to take all of my head canons and rip them to shreds! That's what happens with a mystery cartoon you see? start the fic.

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The name's Dipper Pines, if you're hearing this then you've somehow managed to work your way in to my inner monologue...

A man wearing a fedora and trench coat walked down the city street, wary of what might or might not be waiting for him in the shadows.

I'm a Paranormal Detective, and no, I don't mean 'Investigator'! A Paranormal Investigator investigates the paranormal to prove or disprove something paranormal, my work is much more personal than that.

He quickly turned down a dark alley bringing the collar of his trench coat up.

I deal in crimes, often mysteries,which usually have supernatural events involved. Sometimes it's a regular schmuck doing a crime to a paranormal being...

At the end of the alley he found a man repeatedly punching a leprechaun in the face. Behind these two sat a pot of gold on top of a dumpster, seemed like a pretty open and shut case, until a photo fell out of the leprechaun's pocket.

Of course...

Picking up the picture, he saw a normal woman and two children bound and gagged on a floor.

There have been cases where it's the other way around entirely.

He heaved a heavy sigh and tipped his fedora before entering the fray between the two of them.

I was assigned this job by the government itself, you tend to leave an impression when you show up an entire squadron at the age of twelve. So you can imagine their surprise when I came to them telling them this was what I wanted to do with my life.

Adjusting his trench coat he went back to his mode of transportation/housing. An RV.

I've known this was my calling ever since a certain summer at Gravity Falls...but that's a different story entirely.

Inside the RV was the same cluttered mess that always waited for him. He had always been a bit of a slob, the more things changed the more they seemed to stay the same.

Work is usually pretty hit and miss.

Dipper hung up his trench coat and stretched widely.

Somebody usually contacts the government about a crime involving the supernatural/paranormal and they in turn contact me through my personal laptop.

On a small footstool was said laptop, but it was covered in clutter and had a shirt on top of it. Yet despite this the screen was flashing green showing he had a new job. Throwing the shirt over his shoulder and brushing the clutter on to the floor he checked the message

So imagine my surprise when my next job would just so happen to take me back to Gravity Falls.

Dipper didn't get far past the town line before flashing lights and a siren told him to pull over.

It had been a long time since I returned to Gravity Falls. Even when I did visit I hadn't the time to check on everyone. Gotta wonder how everyone turned out.

Dipper rolled down the window and readied to pull out his badge to clear up whatever misunderstanding this was about. "License and registration ple...Dipper?"

The officer tipped his sunglasses forward to get a better look.

Looking up at the officer Dipper almost did a double take. "Robbie?!"

"Dude, it's been like so long!"

"You're a police officer now?"

"Don't sound too surprised there 'Squirt', I mean after all, who knows more about trouble than me?"

"Well I know no one knows more about muffin art anyways."

Robbie lowered his eyelids halfway but kept his smile. "Still got that sense of humor I see. What'd you end up doing?"

"Basically the same thing I was doing when I was twelve, only now I'm getting paid for it."

"Nice."

"How's the rest of the gang?"

"Wendy's running her dad's lumbermill, Thomson literally owns the movie theater now, Tambry is my wife now and runs the only cyber cafe in Gravity Falls."

"Congratulations man!"

"Thanks. It was her suggestion for me to be an officer of the law, especially since before it seemed like the town only had two police officers."

"Tell me about it. So why'd you pull me over?"

"You got a busted tail light."

"Really? I had no idea."

"I guess I can let you off with a warning then. The Lee and Nate running the only mechanic garage in town, get them to fix it and you're off the hook."

"Thanks Robbie. I'll get right on it."

"Okay, drive safe."

As Dipper started up his vehicle he couldn't help but think about how ironic life was.

Growing up is funny, seems like just yesterday I would have given anything to see that guy get a black eye. However, now it's like he's one of my oldest friends.

Dipper drove past a sign which read "WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS".

I should really check on the rest of the gang, it's been a long time after all.

Wendy Corduroy groaned in annoyance before shouting in to her megaphone. "MIKE! IF ANYBODY KNOWS WHAT SLACKING OFF LOOKS LIKE IT'S ME! I NEED THAT TREE CHOPPED UP BY THE END OF THE DAY OR IT'S YOUR ASS ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK! BACK TO WORK!"

Running her father's lumber mill was pretty taxing sometimes, she longed for her simpler times like when she worked for the Mystery Shack.

"Hey Boss?"

Her employee Ben was right behind her. Anytime he spoke up to her it was usually about a problem which would set them behind schedule.

"YEAH, WHAT IS IT NOW?!" Wendy immediately felt embarrassed. Not only had she turned and shouted at this man in the face, but she did it with the megaphone. Turning it off, she blushed. "Sorry Ben. What is it now?"

"Sorry but some guy is here to see you. Says his name is Dipper?"

Her eyes shot open. "Well let him in, Dummy!" She punched him in the arm for not bringing it up sooner.

"OW! Sorry Ma'am!"

As he walked off holding his arm, Wendy shouted in to her megaphone, "AND DON'T CALL ME 'MA'AM'! I'M NOT THAT OLD YET!"

She sighed and turned her attention to her megaphone. She needed to turn the dial down on this or she was going to make poor Ben deaf.

"Wow, you're starting to remind me of Grunkle Stan with all of that yelling."

There was only one person who could even dare to be that honest with her, especially when she was working. Looking up she saw the man she had not seen in literally a decade.

"Dipper!"

She couldn't help but be astounded, it was as if a completely different person was standing before her. He was no longer a scrawny kid with noodle arms, but he certainly was a tall drink of water.

"Hey Wendy. Been a long time."

She threw her arms around him in a hug. "Only ten years you stinkin pine needle!"

Dipper hugged back, but whatever crush he had on her when he was twelve was gone now. He was happy just to be her friend, and he had a feeling that it was mutual.

"It's good to see you, Wendy."

Yeah Wendy, I always was powerful sweet on her when I was twelve but I was too young for a fifteen year old girl. She could have ripped my heart to shreds but instead she just chose to remain my friend instead. I will always be grateful to her for that, even if it did hurt. If I felt the way about her now like I did back then I would be probably enjoying this hug a lot more, but this hug is just something shared between two friends. We both know this.

"So what are you doing here, Dweeb?" asked as she broke the hug.

"I'm actually here on business if you can believe it."

"Business?"

"Yeah." he dug out his badge from his trench coat and showed it to Wendy. Instead of having a picture of a bird looking through a magnifying glass, there was a picture of a bald eagle attacking Cthulu in the face. "I'm a detective dealing with crimes both supernatural and paranormal, sanctioned by the government. Basically I'm doing what we were doing back during my first summer here."

She handed it back to him and he added with a smirk. "But getting paid for it."

She punched him in the arm. "That's really great, dude! All I do now a days is run my dad's lumber mill."

"Someone has to do it. And you're doing better than some of the rest of the old gang."

"Wait, you mean...?"

"Yeah, I already met up with them."

"Prove it! Who is working where?"

"Well let's see. Tambry owns the town's only cyber cafe, she says her biggest problem is customer's spilling their coffee on the keyboards. Thomson is still in the movie theater business. I think the biggest surprise was Robbie being a cop!"

"Tell me about it!"

"And Lee and Nate are mechanics working on my RV."

"Good. So what brings you here?"

"Just thought I'd catch up a little, I also need some directions. There some new streets and buildings here which I don't recognize at all. It's almost like a completely different town!"

"Afraid I don't get out so much anymore Dipper. As soon as my work day is done all I want to do is go home and cool down. You should swing by the Mystery Shack, Soos has been all over this town with Melody."

He tipped his hat to her.

"I was going to go there next."

After getting the RV from Lee and Nate (it was a quick fix), Dipper set out for the Mystery Shack. It almost felt like he was coming home really.

Ah the old Mystery Shack, Grunkle Stan left it to Soos in his will, even though Soos was already the manager there. Yeah, we were all heartbroken when the old man passed, it hurt even more since his death had something to do with toxic waste poisoning...don't ask me. Great Uncle Ford could have fought for it if he really wanted to but it became a moot point when he got an offer to teach at his dream college.

Dipper pulled up to the Mystery Shack, parking his RV in front of the fallen off S from the sign. Coming out he shook his head at it affectionately.

"I hope this S never gets fixed."

One new thing which Soos was added was a ticket booth, which all in all was a smart idea...for a tourist trap. You pay to get in and have to pass the gift shop on your way out. Grunkle Stan would've been proud.

Walking up to the ticket-booth, Dipper found Melody acting as ticket taker.

"Hello Melody."

"Dipper? Oh my goodness! I haven't seen you since..."

"Your wedding. I know, I've been meaning to visit you and Soos more often but I keep getting busy. I'm actually here for Soos, you haven't seen the big lug around have you?"

Soos and Melody got married sometime around when I was eighteen. I was just barely able to catch the wedding but only had time to give them my blessings before I got called out for a big job.

"He's inside the gift shop working on his speech for the next tour group."

"Thanks." He tipped his hat to her and started to make his way towards it.

Seems like Soos has done a good job preserving the grounds keeping of the place, which means a lot of dirt and dust on the dirt roads.

Dipper knocked once before opening the door. Soos had his back to him but Dipper could see him wearing Stan's old fez, he also wore a suit like Stan but it was covered in question marks.

"How ya diddly doin Soos?"

The moment Soos turned around Dipper saw his eyes still had that twinkle of friendship which had the promise of good times ahead.

"Dipper! Dude, it is so great to see you!"

Wrapping Dipping in a bear hug he lifted Dipper off of the ground squeezing the air out of his lungs.

"Great to see you too buddy." Dipper wheezed.

Soos put him down and Dipper adjusted his trench coat. "You seem to be running the Shack well."

"You bet, Dude. My specialty is still creating mashed up creatures, like the Bulldog Frog, or as I have it labeled 'The Bull Frog'."

"Ha ha, same old Soos. Is that donation bowl I see next to the Spider-conda?"

"Yep, I'm trying to raise enough money for a memorial statue of Mr. Pines. The paper mache one I made only seems to scares kids, so I need a professional to make one for me. It only seems right since he's gone now and...well..." he walked over to the bowl and stared at it's empty contents. "I miss him."

Dipper placed a comforting hand on Soos's shoulder. "We all do Soos." Soos gave him a sad smile as he turned around. "And he would have been proud of the work you're doing here today."

"Thanks Dipper, that means a lot. Not everyone knew how great Mr. Pines was and...I just want them to see him like I did."

"They will Soos..." Dipper dug in to his pocket and pulled out all the loose change he had on him and dropped it in to the bowl. "It's just a matter of time."

"Thanks Dude, so what brings you by here today?"

"Aw geez, I almost forgot." Dipper laughed. "The town's changed so much I kind of need directions."

It was good to see Soos again, but I got a job to do which has been put off long enough. Wait too long and the client sends an email asking where I am, and as much as I hate that, my superiors hate it even more.

Stretching his neck up, Dipper finally spotted the penthouse on the top of the building. "Sigh. I barely recognize this town." Dipper looked at the height of the building and added with a bitter note. "If I can even call it a town anymore."

Perhaps I'm just being a little dramatic, viewing the town through rose colored glasses because of my childhood. Although if you ask me, a thirty story building only belongs in a city.

Stepping out of the elevator Dipper adjusted his hat. "Alright, nothing to be nervous about Dipper. Just another client, so whoever he or she might be that's how you should treat them."

He knocked once and was almost immediately answered by a female voice. "Come in." Inside he saw a very spacious and lush looking living room. The room itself seemed to be curved in a circle with window doors in the back leading out to the balcony. He saw a door on his right etched in to the wall.

Now sometimes the client turns out to be some kind of big shot, pays the government extra money to keep quiet about their identity until I can meet them face to face. It happens a little more often than I'd like.

However, he still didn't see the client anywhere.

"I'm in my office. It's the first door on your right." the voice called.

Dipper put up his collar as he walked to the door etched in the wall.

I knew this woman could have been anyone, for all I knew it could have been Lazy Susan waiting for me, but no. Deep down inside I think I recognized her voice. Out of all the doors in all of Gravity Falls I just had to walk in to her's.

In the room, behind her desk, dressed in a white business, was yet another person Dipper had not seen in ten years.

"Pacifica?"

"Dipper?"

Her hair was done up in a single braided ponytail which fell down the small of her back.

"Wow! It's great to see you again!"

"Great to see me? It's great to see you again! I barely recognized you!"

Pacifica Northwest, a rich girl I used to know when I was twelve. At first I thought she was the worse but after helping her out with a haunting I learned she wasn't so bad. Her family was rich enough to buy the entire town on a whim and have enough change for the town over if they so choose. For a little while the family had lost a whole lot of money and had to sell their huge mansion just to preserve their family fortune. Back then she told me they had moved in to a very large regular house. Last time I saw her was when me and Mabel were going back home from Gravity Falls at the end of the summer, said she was going to bring honor to the Northwest name next time I saw her. Been a long time though, she certainly filled out kindly.

"I was about to say the same to you."

A small blush graced her face, barely even noticeable. She cleared her throat. "So what are you doing here?"

He flashed her his badge. "Government sent me."

"Wait! You're the expert they were talking about? They sent you? I'd scoff at the idea if it wasn't so perfect for the situation."

"Speaking of, what IS the situation? I'd love to sit down and catch up but as the saying goes 'Business before pleasure'."

"Of course. I contacted the government because someone...no, someTHING is stealing from my family's bank accounts. If it doesn't stop, we're all going to be penniless."