Author's Note: Hi! Thanks for reading this. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I wish the Avengers were mine, but the stars have yet to grant it.

In all honesty, Tony didn't mean for Loki to turn into some weird, slender, big black cat with freaky glowy green eyes. Seriously. There he was, minding his own business, when-

"HOLY MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT YOU ARE GOING TO DIE WHEN I FIND YOU AND WHEN I DO YOU ARE GOING TO-"

Clint Barton.

Tony sighed. As much as he loved the archer ("Right down to my itty bitty toes!" he'd exclaimed when Natasha eyed him skeptically), the man got on Tony's nerves like a…a…banana peel that couldn't make anyone slip.

Which didn't make sense.

Screw it, he was tired. And probably hallucinating, because Loki was there in the common room.

That also didn't make sense. Geez, Tony really needed caffeine. Bad.

Thor was 'ready for battle' (coughposingcough), swinging Mjolnir in his hand and letting the wind ruffle his blonde hair. Which also confused and annoyed Tony, because what the hell? Thor could look all heroic and billowy with the wind blowing his hair and cape, while Tony was yawning, scratching his hair, with pallid skin and dark smudges for working another six-nighter. Steve was there in his ridiculous Captain America costume ("Seriously, where did you get that thing?" "Spiderman says it's cool!" "Uh, yeah, go ask for the guy who dresses in a bright red spider costume for his opinion."), shielding himself with his shield-heh, thought Tony, funny. Shielding himself with his shield. I should be a fucking comedian-and shouting orders to Natasha, who was currently shouting for back-ups, now! to S.H.I.E.L.D.

Whoa, thought a sleep and caffeine deprived Tony, so many 'shields'. Whoa. Way cool.

Bruce wasn't even there. Seriously. Why did he have to go with Pepper to the stupid Science Convention? There wasn't anything interesting, and he could tell they were shopping for some tranquilizers to shoot at him if he managed to evade their You-Have-To-Sleep-Right-Now-Mister talk. ("What the…Tranquilizers? For a shopping list?" "Oh! Uh. Hey Tony. It's not a tranquilizer, silly. It's…a…tranquilizer…not." "That didn't even make sense, Bruce." "Oh! The Science Convention! We're late! Come on Pepper, let' go! ByeTonyseeyoulatergoodbyeandhavefuninyourlaballbyyourself!")

Needless to say, it was Tony's amazing observation skills that made him so aware of other people's goals.

Like that one time when…wait. He was getting side-tracked. He needed coffee. Tony zeroed in on his precious coffee mug, sitting right there on the table.

Just waiting for him.

Unfortunately, Loki was between the cup and him.

And that made Tony fucking pissed.

With an angry growl, Tony slammed Captain Fucking America away, pushed Natasha to the side ("What the hell are you doing, Stark?!"), told Thor to fuck off, elbowed Clint out of the way, and shoved Loki away with his hand on the trickster's face. For a moment, the fighting ceased and the rest of the inhabitants just stared at Tony in amazement as he growled, "There you are, baby," to his coffee mug and drank it in one huge gulp.

"Whew!" he said. "Wow. That is, like, strong."

Silence.

"Man. What is in that? Tastes a bit different, you know. Like, really different. Powerful. I just, wow. Oh, hold on, is this the one from Indonesia? Wait, lemme check. Oh hey! It is! Cool. That's awesome. I've been begging Pepper forever for this brand and-"

"Silence, Stark! Away with your infernal mumblings!" hissed Loki suddenly, eyes lighting green and gold.

"-dude. Like, rude. I never do that to you. I listen to you monologue, the least you can do is listen to me!"

Loki blinked. He looked around, trying to see who Tony was talking to, exactly.

"Yeah, that's right. I'm talking to you, mister. That was rude and mean and I demand an apology." Tony jabbed his finger for emphasis. "You hurt my feelings. That was super mean."

Natasha muttered something in Russian as she leapt up with a dagger in her grasp, lunging towards Loki. With a growl, Loki batted her away, but not before the knife nicked a little, silver pendant on his neck. Tony hadn't noticed it before, and right when he was going to ask a question about it, it lit up and everything swirled around Loki.

"Brother!" Thor cried out, a hand flayed dramatically towards Loki in a way that screamed Wow-I-Would-Love-To-Help-You-But-No-It's-More-Epic-This-Way.

Tony understood. He felt that way before ("For the love of God, help me Stark!" "Hold on a bit Clint. Lemme pose in front of the camera real quick. Oooh, yeah. Nice angle").

Anyway, the swirling stopped and Tony frowned. "Rude," he told the rest of them. "He just interrupted me again. I was gonna ask a question, but no. Natasha just had to leap up there and cause that weird swirly stuff."

"Mrow."

"Yeah, see that Tasha? That was because of you! You nicked Loki's friggin' necklace so he turned into this weird black cat that's staring at me and…and…" Tony stopped as the full implications hit him. "Oh," he said faintly. He looked down. The cat looked up. It was about the size of a cheetah, with the same slender form.

"Mrow," it said. It was obvious from the green gold eyes that Loki's mind was still fully impact. "Mrow."

Tony rubbed his eyes. "I'm hallucinating. Right? Guys? Hallucination. Didn't sleep for six nights, this is what I get, shit like that? I get it Peps! Banner, you can come out now. Funny joke, heh. So amused."

Natasha glanced a bit worriedly at Steve, Thor, and Clint. "I think we broke him," said Clint.

"Fuck you Bird Brain," snarled Tony, "this is serious! This isn't funny! It's annoying and nerve-grating, like…like a banana peel that doesn't make anyone slip!"

"…that sorta made sense?"

"Fuck. You. Barton."

"Aw. I don't swing your way, hon, but you're cute. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Live your dreams, sweetie."

"Oh, by the way? I just remembered. I spray painted your new arrows pink."

"WHAT."

"Yeah."

"YOU ARE GOING TO SO GET IT WHEN I-"

"Are you boys done?" asked an exasperated Natasha. "You're making ourselves look bad!" she gestured at Loki, who was starting to look at the rest of them with doubtful, confused eyes.

"Brother," said Thor, "heed not the Man of Iron. We are indeed most formidable."

"Hey! What about Barton?"

"Brother," said Thor, "heed not the Man of Iron and the Eye of Hawks. We are indeed most formidable."

"Yeah. That's what I thought, buddy." Tony huffed a breath of air and glanced at Loki. "What are we gonna do with him?"

"You," said a horribly familiar voice, "Are going to keep him in your tower until he returns to his normal form."

Fury.

Damn it.

"Uh," squeaked Tony, "Aca-excuse me?"

Natasha started. "Did you just quote from Pitch Perfect?"

"Yes, now hush up. Where was I? Oh, right. Aca-excuse me?"

"We can't afford to have him in S.H.I.E.L.D." Fury came to view from the shadows. The light glinted off his bald head quite nicely, Tony noted. How quaint. "Much as I hate to admit, you've got better security, a demigod on your side, two assassins, one super soldier, a Hulk and a stuck-up genius."

"Oh, I saw what you did there buddy. Stuck-up genius, huh? Tony gonna be bringing agony-"

"You best back off sir," said Steve apologetically. "Tony gets serious when he refers to himself in a third-person point of view. He's quite sleep-deprived. I think six nights is a new record."

Loki just looked on, confused and bewildered.

"Whatever," said Fury, shaking his head. The light glistened on his forehead too, thought Tony. "I don't even want to know. Just…keep him safe and-"

"Wait," Tony cut in. "Did Coulson…did you just hack into my elevator again?!"

Coulson had the decency to look sheepish.

"Oh, Tony gonna bring the pain and-"

"We forgive you, Coulson," said Steve, apologetic once more. "It's best if you go. For all our sakes."

"Riiight," Fury muttered. He headed back to the elevator and Coulson nodded his head as a 'sorry' to Tony, who pointedly ignored him.

"Okaaaay," said Tony. "So, first things first, I'm gonna need to head back down to my lab and-" A prick. A small prick of a needle, settling right on the side of his neck. "Oooh," said Tony. "I'm sleepy."

Bruce and Pepper's triumphant faces came into view. "Oh, we finally managed to make him sleep! Woohoo! Congrats Bruce. Pretty strong tranq, but hey. It's Tony."

Tony managed to mumble a "whowhatwhenwherewhy" before collapsing near Loki's feet. Loki cocked his head, blinking slowly at him. Help, Tony mouthed. Loki blinked evilly and pretended to meow like a freakin' innocent.

The last thing Tony thought was, dammit. When did life get so complicated?

Author's Note: Whoa. Like, how? I just. I don't know. I'm crazy. Maybe that's why I write stuff like this *grins evilly*. Anyway, reviews are appreciated! If you want to criticize, please do so positively, without the 'YOU SUCK AT WRITING' or the 'THIS IS THE WORST PIECE OF CRAP I'VE SEEN' and stuff like that. Thanks! Also...I, uh, need a bit of a help with the title...hehe? I'm open to suggestions. And prompts.