Rating: M

Word Count: 845

Notes: So this one came from a Fan Expo question from this weekend. Basically, Jenna said she wanted a "fun room" in the TARDIS, and naturally, everyone's minds flew straight into the gutter, including mine. Enjoy.

The TARDIS, it was infinite. There was no possible way that the Doctor could know every room that it held.

There were ridiculous rooms, and useless rooms, and one room in particular that Clara didn't want him ever finding.

As soon as she heard that the TARDIS could make things out of practically nothing, her mind headed straight for the gutter. Of course, it wasn't always in the gutter, she must've just been… frustrated… on that day, because not an hour later, she stumbled upon what she began to call her "fun room".

She visited the "fun room" only when she needed to, Clara still felt awkward about the fact that it was on the TARDIS, but she figured that maybe it was the machine's way of bonding with her. It knew what she needed and gave it to her, and it was quite swift about keeping it from the Doctor, hiding the room from his sight, but making sure Clara knew where she was going when she needed it.

Nobody understood what had happened that day for the Doctor to find the room, it was all kind of a blur, but Clara never wanted to relive that awkward day.

"Um… what the hell?" He asked nobody in particular. They were looking for the library, the Doctor was going to show Clara his first edition Emily Dickenson collection, but stumbled upon the wrong room. "This isn't the library." And indeed it wasn't.

Instead of the massive hall filled with books, it was a large bedroom, walls lined with phallic-shaped instruments, handcuffs, a closet of lingerie, mirrors and things even he couldn't name.

"No, it's not." Clara sputtered.

The grey-haired man looked back to her skeptically. "You're all eyes again, why do you have such a hard time controlling your face!" Her face had gone red in his defense. She'd answered entirely too quickly, and she hadn't made any witty responses. Something was definitely up.

"What are you talking about? My face is fine Doctor."

"No, no it's not. You know something, don't you?" He asked her.

"No! I don't know… anything!"

"Your voice is all high and squeaky, why is it doing that?" The Doctor turned, and looked between the room and her red cheeks. "This is yours, isn't it?"

"I—"

"Clara Oswald, don't lie to me."

She was silent. There was absolutely nothing she could say because she couldn't deny it to him, he saw right through her.

"So it is yours? How…?"

Clara let out an exasperated sigh and hid her face in embarrassment.

"Did the TARDIS help you with this?"

"She's the one who showed me this room! I dunno, I was thinking, and then suddenly a door appeared."

The Doctor nodded. "Yes, yes that happens, she'll create a room for your needs when you need it. But what exactly were you thinking?"

If possible, Clara went redder and mumbled her answer.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"I was thinking about…"

"Clara, just say it!"

Clara looked to the ceiling and groaned loudly. "I was thinking about sex."

The Doctor frowned and once again, looked between Clara and the open door. "All this… all this is for… oh god. And you've used all this—"

"—Not all of it, only… some things." She interjected, not realizing she could potentially be making it worse.

"Oh, okay, only some things. You've only used a few things to find…" he gulped.

She cringed and turned away from him. "Don't say it. Please, it's awkward enough that you… you know… well, you actually know about it."

At that moment, one of Clara's favourite vibrators fell to the floor. The impact set off one of the buttons, and it buzzed it's way across the smooth floor. They both fell silent, and watched in horror for longer than Clara would have liked.

She had to break the silence. "Well then, looks like I'll have to be giving that one a wash—"

"Nope, can't do it." The Doctor threw his hands up and started walking in the opposite direction.

"Doctor, can we at least talk about this?"

"No! I am walking away now Clara. I'll find you when I stop…" He stopped in his tracks.

"When you stop what?"

The Doctor turned to her with a very pained expression. He seemed to have a fit of embarrassment before electing to rest his forehead against the opposite wall. "When I stop thinking about you and…"

"And what?"

"And your… you know." He waved his arm in the general direction of her pelvis.

Clara gasped and covered herself as he moved himself away from the wall again and sped down the hall. "You humans and your… sexuality." He said, before disappearing around the corner.

She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears. Clara was mortified that her secret room had been found. "This… this is all your fault." She said to the walls of the TARDIS.

It beeped in response.

"I have no idea what you were just trying to say, but yes, I'll be back here tonight."