Some of you were concerned that this outtake might be too angsty, or Edward being with another woman painful to read, but the level of angst here is no higher than that of the story as a whole. As for Edward's relationship with the widow, this chapter deals more with how it came to be and not what all it included. Hope that helps!

Outtake-7

Edward in Paris

My first two years in Paris were spent in ceaseless toil. I was careful with the capital I had courtesy of Anthony. I was also aware that it would not do to be reckless in the quest for success, so I began small, teaching riding to children and young ladies and gentlemen. When I had a steady earning from that, I spread the word that I could train horses well. The jobs began as a trickle but increased steadily as the clients praised my skills to their friends and acquaintances. Eventually I had enough to buy my own foals, train them to race and then either sell them to other people or enter them in various races myself. By the end of my third year there, I was doing very well, my income increasing in leaps and bounds as more and more people came to know my name and my horses won one race after the other. I could, without being conceited, consider myself successful.

However, success alone was not going to make me happy, that I knew as certainly as the sun rises in the east. The girl who had my heart was far away from me, and I had not even seen my daughter. From Anthony there was no news of any plan in the near future—in fact, he did not write to me at all. What little I knew of home came from Mrs Stanley or my mother, but she never went to the Hall, so her accounts were second hand at best.

All in all, my life was comfortable but extremely dull. Even when I attended a party at the insistence of some acquaintance of mine who hoped that I would like a girl there and cheer up a bit, my eyes searched for Bella even though my rational mind told me she could not possibly be there. It was the same when I went to the ballet and my companion asked me if I fancied one of the dancers.

"Most of them are looking for a patron who would help them with expenses for advanced classes, so they can get better positions in the ballet and make a name for themselves," explained Demetri, the gentleman who had taken upon himself to better my life. "Take a good look, make your choice and let me know. I will speak to the director or the girl's chaperon and make a suitable arrangement. You can't live alone for years!"

Demetri was a wealthy Russian who loved horse racing as much as he loved women. He didn't have a mistress because he claimed that he would be bored of her in a month. Instead, he appeared at every gathering with a different woman on his arm.

When I gave him a horrified look and refused his offer, he huffed with genuine frustration. "You are such a prude, Edward. Have you even known the delights of a woman's body, or are you saving yourself for marriage?" The very idea made him snicker.

I answered that I had indeed known the delights of a woman's body, as he called them, but it was with a special girl and I was waiting for the day I could claim her as mine in front of all the world.

He guffawed loudly, though I couldn't see what was funny in my statement.

"You are suffering from some strange malady, my friend," he declared when he stopped loudly. "I will introduce you to Irina. She will cure you of this peculiarity." He shook his head in wonder as if I was an exotic animal in the zoo. "This is no way to live your life. You will dry up like a stale prune, and your cock will wither away by the time you meet your girl again, since you do not use it at all. And then what will you offer her, eh?"

I did not believe everything he said, since he was prone to exaggeration, but I must confess that the part about my cock withering away worried me a great deal.

When I was introduced to Madame Irina, I had some fixed ideas about her. After all, a woman who discussed and dealt with issues related to sex could not be what one called a gentlewoman, could she?

I spoke very less at our first meeting, but even then I could see that she was kind and generous. She did not pry as to my past, but invited me to her house if ever I needed to speak to a friend.

"Living in a foreign country can be lonely," she said, her eyes sympathetic. "In my house you will find no judgment, only understanding. Come see me if you want to talk, share or even need a shoulder to cry. The doors are always open."

Almost three months after that meeting, I made use of her invitation, feeling very low of spirit. I had received a letter from Mrs Stanley that mentioned something of my daughter's speech, and it made me want to rant at life's unfairness and cry at the same time.

After getting royally drunk and writing a letter to Anthony that my servant posted in the morning while I was asleep, I still felt miserable the next day. For a moment I debated if I should just go home and tell the truth to Bella, but I couldn't see anything good coming out of it. It would only embarrass her and lead to a scandal if one of the servants wagged their tongue in the village. And I couldn't even imagine how horrible it would be for my brother, as well as my mother. I would lose him for life, and my mother would not be able to show her face to anyone for the shame it would bring to her. No, I couldn't go home yet.

With some hesitation, I went to Irina's house. I was unsure if she would remember me, let alone welcome me without an appointment. Imagine my surprise when she welcomed me warmly and listened to my tale with compassion. Not that I spewed it out in one breath, but she understood more than I told her.

She shared with me some of her life story, letting me know that for all her splendour of the present she was not a stranger to hardships. When I told her that she was stronger than any person I had met, she smiled sympathetically.

"You are as strong as you believe yourself to be, Edward," she said, her eyes wise and her tone encouraging. "If you truly love this girl, have faith that one day you will be reunited with her. My question is—in what shape you will present yourself to her?"

I looked at her in confusion. "I am afraid I don't understand your question, Madame."

"Pardon me for being straightforward then," she answered. "As I understand, you are doing everything to be successful so that she can be proud of you, is that right?"

I nodded my assent, still wondering what she was leading up to.

"Do you think wealth and status will be enough to impress her and win her to you?" she queried with a raise of her eyebrows. "Don't you want to grow as a man too, someone she can look up to, someone she will find interesting?"

I was dumbfounded for a moment. I had not even thought of personal growth, imagining that my love for Bella and my newfound success in society would be enough for a happy and fulfilling life together.

"I can see you have paid no thought to the subject," said Irina with an amused smile. "You have been away from her for three years already, Edward. When you find her again, she will be different and so will you. So what are you doing to improve yourself as a man?"

"Uhh," was my brilliant reply. She laughed this time, not unkindly.

"Physically you are in good shape," she acknowledged, "from working with the horses, I presume. But what do you do otherwise? Do you read? Go to the opera? Play an instrument, perhaps?"

Shamefaced, I admitted that didn't do anything much except train the horses. Even though I had been a fair student, I had never thought about reading books other than to pass a test. Going to the opera seemed to me a social occasion more than an appreciation of music, and I had never played an instrument in my life.

"I am not saying that you have to do all of these things, Edward. But are you not curious about yourself? Until now you lived life as it came, but now it is time to discover yourself, is it not? Not just for Bella, but for your own sake too. Do new things, find out your likes and dislikes, broaden your mind. You will find that life has much to offer to you!"

That was a new beginning for me. I understood that by remaining miserable I was not helping either Bella or me, neither was it a proof of my love for her. I swore that I would never lose hope of our reunion, but meanwhile I would do other things too. As Irina had remarked, I didn't need to do everything, but I did need to find out what I could do.

I began by reading a variety of books and discovered that history and biography appealed to me the most, and romance the least. In poetry, I preferred Wordsworth's simplicity and occasional mysticism, and also Milton's sonorous verse in Paradise Lost. Browning was a gamble; I liked some of his poems but the others completely passed over my head.

However, the poem I liked the most because it reminded me so much of Bella was She walks in beauty by Lord Byron.

I came to appreciate the opera a little more than before, but I never developed an over-fondness for it. And I went out more, and actually made an effort to enjoy the company of other people. I even made a couple of friends!

At such a gathering I met Lea, a friend of Irina's. Lea was a widow, perhaps five or six years older to me. At first she reminded me of Bella. It wasn't only because of her long dark brown hair or beautiful brown eyes or a built that was very similar to Bella, but also because of her serious gaze and melancholy expression. Oh, she smiled and talked with people, but there was a loneliness to her that I could identify with pretty well. Irina introduced us, we had a few conversations at picnics and parties, and finally she invited me to her house.

Lea confessed that she liked me and would like to spend more time together. She also said that it had been nearly two years since her husband passed away, and she was ready for a physical relationship. She was extremely honest, almost blunt about it, and though I was shocked I was also intrigued.

"Why don't you get married again?" I asked. "Wouldn't that be better than having a fling?"

She shook her head. "I am not ready to choose a husband as yet. I have to be sure that the man I marry is not after my money. Also, I cannot have children, so I must find someone who already has children or do not want any. For now, I like you and I think we can tolerate each other for some months maybe, yes?"

I could not help laughing at her words, but then I told her that I must decline her generous offer because I was in love with someone else.

She wanted to know why I wasn't with my love, so I explained to her briefly. She looked at me in wonder and called me a fool.

"You should have been honest with her from the beginning, or at least told her everything before leaving. Now how will she trust you again?"

She threw her arms up with a dramatic sigh. "Ugh, why are men such fools?"

I could not help but laugh at her expression. "It would be a better world without them, wouldn't it be?"

She made a face. "I don't know about that. They are useful for…some things."

The look she directed at me made me blush.

We kept on meeting here and there, and became good friends. She did not repeat her offer, but sometimes she would flirt and drop hints.

When I asked Irina, she said that it was between the two of us, but it would not be a bad idea to have some experience in the field.

"Do you even know how to please a woman? Did you ever talk with Isabella about it?"

I must have looked aghast, for she rolled her eyes and called for heaven to give her patience. "Now you must take up Lea's offer. She can teach you a lot. Also, I have this wonderful book from India, the Kamasutra. You must read it. Edward, sex is an important part of life, nothing to be ashamed of. You want to show your love to Isabella, then you must learn how to please her in bed. A quick fumble in the dark is not enough to satisfy a woman!"

The more I thought over her words, the more I was convinced that she was right. I read the book she offered to me; it was a pleasant revelation to me in many ways. I also discussed parts of it with Irina, and learnt to have a more open mind.

My relationship with Lea, even with the addition of the physical part, remained in essence that of a friend. For the better part of a year, we provided each other with company that helped both of us alleviate our loneliness. She learnt to smile again, and so did I. And yes, I did learn a lot from her. I hoped that it would help me make Bella happy.

When she finally indicated that we should part ways, I accepted without hesitation. It was time for us to close that chapter, to turn the page over and begin anew.

A.N. : And now we really are done!

Thank you once again for all the love and support you have given to this tale. You are the best and kindest readers ever.

I will write an EPOV for 'A Gift of Love' before I begin a new story, but whether it be a period piece or a contemporary one, it will be fun with a capital 'F'!