Hikaru

(Final)

There was burning persistence. It nagged and pulled him out of that safe place, and drug him into somewhere dark. It was dark but not nearly as painful.

It was distant, only barely there, but the repercussion was heavy. It held him down. Like someone had sat on his chest. He could feel his lungs rising. He was still breathing, so he was still alive.

He was afraid to open his eyes. He squeezed them closed, trying desperately to slip back into unconsciousness, thinking that maybe if he thought hard enough, he could stay there. That if he held onto her tighter he wouldn't have to go, but It was obvious she had already left him.

Is what he thought, until he felt the warmth of someone's hand pressed flat against his forehead. His eyes raised just enough to see through the thin wefts of his eyelashes. In a haze, he watched as their free hand brush a piece of their brown hair out of their face and his eyes fell again, feeling overwhelmingly relieved. That party was just a dream. A really horrible dream.

Of course it was. He couldn't have actually lost her like that. Stupid. She's fine.

"Mr. Hitachiin, thank god."

He opened his eyes again, facing the ceiling. He recognized her voice. She was one of their maids. It wasn't Haruhi.

Her hands fluttered over his face, feeling his cheeks. "You're awake. Are you alright?"

His arm felt like lead as he tried to swat her away, frustrated that he couldn't find the energy to roll away from her. "Where's Haruhi?"

"Fujioka?" She blubbered. She sounded as thought she had been crying. "I haven't seen her." she said, then scrambled to stop him as he tried to sit up. "Please don't get up!"

"No. I have to find Haruhi."

"She isn't here. Please Hikaru, you're not well-"

It only took her one shove to get him on his back again. He gasped when he hit the bed, like tiny knives were pricking at every nerve. He turned, and watched as she started to wet a washcloth. His eyes traveled from her hands, to the bowl of ice water, to the floor behind her. Stopping when he saw the bathroom door wide open, it showcased some of their best towels soaking up the wet floor. So the bath really did overflow. But then where was Haruhi?

"What happened?" that being the only thing he could manage before running out of breath.

"Everyone just collapsed." She said, her jaw tight as she rung out the tiny cloth. "Something awful must've happened. Your parents. Miss Kazuha. Kaoru and lady Mayuki- Even the Nekozawas." She started to cry again. "No one's woken up yet. I thought you were dead."

"Everyone?" he parroted, not fully comprehending. He didn't remember ever loosing consciousness. He didn't remember falling. She never even left his arms. It was like his mind had detached from his body in an instant.

He slowly raised his hand to the place she had touched last. He could still picture her presence brushed along his neck, cupping her fingers over his mark. She had been so cold then, but his skin was like fire now. Tender and... smooth?

His brow tightened, as he ran his hand up his jawline to his shoulder. There was no ridges and it wasn't rough to the touch. It was definitely hard to miss before. Was it gone? But that wasn't possible.

Unless the virus was gone but that wasn't right. Not unless-

The maid gasped as his hand flew out and smacked the damp cloth out of her hand and almost knocked her down as he scrambled out of bed and tripped over his own footing. His legs were so numb, he walked like he was lifeless, swaying and falling into the wall, ignoring the blustering maid as he then threw himself against the bathroom sink. Breathless again as he ripped open the medicine cabinet, one hand barely holding him up as other searched for something- anything for a mirror.

Everything had fallen into the sink before he found Haruhi's tiny compact hairbrush. He forced it open so harshly that it almost popped off it's hinges, and felt the cold air sting clear into the back of his throat when he choked, staring into his reflection on it's tiny portable mirror like it was a monster. He'd never seen himself up close and so raw before. He'd seen his altered photoshoots, those grainy tabloids. But this was him. His reflection.

He turned, looking for the mark, scratching and rubbing at his skin, actually wishing, desperately that it was still there. But it was gone. There was just a scarred pink outline of where it used to be, and even that was starting to heal.

Then he threw the mirror across the room, like it was diseased. Like it was just as at fault for everything that was going wrong. He opened the towel cabinet, and pulled at the shower curtain, looking for any traces of her. But all he found was a few lost sequins that must've fallen off her dress, floating in the bathwater that still hadn't drained.

She gone?

"Mr. Hitachiin!" The maid shrieked as he collapsed to his knees. He hadn't realized he was shaking until he felt her arms around him, holding him tight, pathetically trying to pull him back up. But he felt was dead weight that all she could do was fall to her knees and console him, grabbing his hand, as she let his head plant against her chest.

She must've understood, maybe even more than he did, because she was crying, too.

Kaoru fidgeted, frowning down at the needle sticking out of the crook of his arm. Having just woken up less than an hour ago, he wondered why he had to be the family guinea pig.

He looked up towards his family, who had gathered into the medic room, looking like they had all just rolled out of bed, everyone a disheveled mess, still in their wrinkled party clothes from last night. His mother hadn't even bothered to fix her makeup.

They pacing, and rubbing their hands together. They were nervous. This wasn't how any of them thought this was going to be like. They were afraid. Their entire lives they'd lived with the virus. They didn't realize how scary life would be without it. Were they all going to be left alone now? His father and grandfather looked indifferent, but his mother looked like she was about to cry off the rest of her mascara. Were they going to leave them?

He turned where Mayuki was standing beside the bed, watching her fingers tense around his shoulder. The emotion in her eyes too hard to read.

He couldn't ask her to stay either.

"It's gone."

They all turned at once to where Ryo, their doctor, was sitting, staring intently into the tiny machine in his hands. Hadn't said a word until now. He'd spent the entire time double checking, contemplating. But he also looked unsure. Like it wasn't his place to make that call, but they didn't need his help. They knew. They felt it. It left a chilling feeling of emptiness in them.

But it also took something with it before it left.

Haruhi.

"And I can see why you were all sore afterwards," Ryo added, when nothing was said. "The virus made up fifty percent of your entire blood count. It's replenishing fast, but the tissue lining is flared up. Like the virus turned to acid before it evaporated. You were practically burned from the inside out."

"Well it definitely feels like it." Kaoru cringed.

"And the Nekozawas?" Yazuha asked.

"Normal. The short one is all too pleased to know that she's been given another fifty years to her life span."

"So that's it?" Kazuha blurted out, and everyone tensed. "She's dead."

Everyone made sure to avoid his gaze when his chair squeaked loudly against the floor as he stood. After he had told them how he found Haruhi before he collapsed, they knew she was the reason the curse was broken. They all knew that's the reason no one could find her, but they were all too afraid to say. Like saying it somehow wrote it in stone.

And too afraid to say it out loud because he'd already been broken enough.

"I'll find her." Hikaru said.

"How?" Kazuha huffed. "The virus and Haruhi are both gone. You're the one who found her in the bath. She killed herself."

"Then where is she now?" He snapped. "She woke up somehow. She went somewhere. I'll find her."

"You don't know that, Hikaru."

"She didn't just disappear into thin air."

"She could have. Everything else did."

That was possible of course, but he didn't want to think about it. That would mean he'd never seen her again.

Suddenly at a loss for words, he shoved past them to leave. It wasn't because he didn't know what to say, but because he couldn't get the words out without shouting. He wanted to shake them, and tell them they were wrong. He felt her. She talked to him. That couldn't have been a dream. She wouldn't have just given everything up like this. He wasn't going to let her. She was still here somewhere. She just needs help.

"Hikaru," he heard his mother plead behind him as he slammed the door.

He heard her voice trying to stop him. He heard her heels following him and only tried to walk faster. Behind him were the ones who stayed with him. They protected him, fought with him and suffered with him. But there was also lies. They'd all lied to him. They'd all brought her into their home. They'd pushed her on him for his sake, made her care for them, and now that she'd saved them, freed them all, they were okay with just letting her go. He never wanted to see them again.

They'd disposed of her like a used rag.

But then again in a way, he had used her, too.

The nekozawa's were right to feel the way they did. They were truly awful.

"Hikaru, wait." He was stopped, as his mother suddenly ripped him back by his arm. "Please think about this first. You're upset, I know. We're all restless, and-"

"I've thought about it." He shrugged her off. "Ever since you found out the real way to break the curse, and you didn't tell me. Instead you lied and now she's gone."

"You know why I never told you." She said, like there was a pinch in her throat. "I guess more than anyone else could because you never told, Haruhi."

"Because it was supposed to be me."

"I know," Yazuha answered a little softer, hating even thinking about it. The was a dark place she closed off a long time ago. They were wounds that would probably never heal. "That's what I thought. I never told you because I never wanted you to feel like that was something you had to do. I never wanted you to do what she did. Or worse? I don't what I would have done if you died and it didn't work. I didn't want to lose you."

I didn't want to lose you?

He couldn't be angry. He knew he would have done the same thing. If he had known this was going to happen, he would have never told Haruhi, but after a moment, those words sunk in, in a very different way, and suddenly he felt sick and angry.

"You told her, didn't you?" he accused. "It didn't matter which one of us it was. That's the only reason why she would have done this. She knew I was going to. You told her."

"Hikaru." She warned.

"You've never cared about her. You only saw her as- what? A girlfriend? So I wouldn't die, right? Or was it because you found out she was a Nekozawa?"

She raised her hand, and at first, he thought she was going to hit him. He wanted her to, so he didn't move, just tightened his jaw. But she didn't, and even looked a bit hurt that he even flinched. He felt a weird chill crawl up his spine as her hand cupped his cheek. Her fingers rubbed under his eyes, pushing his bangs out of his eyes, before her hands grabbed at his shoulders. Her grip so tight he felt her nails from under his shirt.

She pulled him against her. In her shoes she was the same height as him, but she was built smaller, and her arms didn't fit around his shoulders so she brought him even closer to hug his neck. Her hand sinking into his hair, smoothing over the tangles from where he had been pulling at it.

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of her that way at first." She admitted, watching her words carefully. She could feel how hot he was, how he was shaking. If he hadn't already snapped, he was about to. "And I was upset when we found out she was one of them, but so were you. I didn't hate her for it. You were finally happy, after so long. You were in love with her. The last thing I'd want is to take her away from you."

"I know you're angry, and you want to blame someone," she added. "But this isn't anyone's fault. Haruhi chose to do this."

He let out one last shaky breath before hiding his face in her hair. It wasn't fair that it wasn't anyone's fault. It wasn't fair that if it's was anyone fault, it was Haruhi's. Because he couldn't ask her why.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

She nodded, kissing his cheek, finally feeling his arms hugging her back.

"It's okay."

It'd been three days.

Three days since their curse had been broken, and Haruhi had gone "missing". It was a surreal feeling; being normal. But it wasn't as scary as they all thought it'd be. Most of them stayed. They'd built their family even through their struggles. Everyone said it wouldn't be right just to leave because they could.

Everyone beside her at least.

But it wasn't sad. He only cried once. He still had a whole room of stuff to remember her by, because she didn't even bother to pack a single bag before she left.

Still, Kaoru thought, glancing into Mayuki's abandoned bedroom as he tracked through the quiet hallway, it was going to take some time getting used to.

She never mentioned filing for divorce again, but on the "we can still be friends" terms she'd left on, made him feel like he'd never see her again.

All's well that ends well. All they could do now is heal and try to forget, he figured, turning to the balcony that looked over the front courtyard, where his brother was leaning over the railing.

Except healing for some might be a little harder than for others.

"You're back early today," He said quietly, walking up to him.

Hikaru's face never faltered as he continued to stare at whatever was closed inside his fist. "Well I couldn't miss the show."

Kaoru looked up, where Mayuki's car was just now leaving through the front gate.

He frowned. "That's mean."

"How'd that go?"

"I told her to leave."

"You didn't have to. She said she'd stay."

Kaoru exhaled heavily, hands finding his coat pockets. "No. She's wanted this. She just wouldn't have left on her own."

"My god. You broke her."

He tensed. He didn't like thinking about it that way, but he supposed in a way, he had. "What about you?" He changed the subject. "How'd that go?"

"Ranka isn't talking to me." Hikaru muttered, raspy, his next few words coming out like they physically hurt."He says it's my fault."

"It's not." Kaoru insisted, it was then that he realized it was a dirty napkin that his brother was cradling in his hands. "It's not your fault, Hikaru."

"I should have done something." He breathed. "She wasn't okay. I shouldn't have left her alone. I should have been there with her."

"Would she have wanted you there?"

"She didn't do it herself. Fumiko must've gotten inside her head. She made her do it."

Kaoru said nothing as he reached for his free hand, after he was able to pry it away from the napkin, and held onto him tight, until their fingers started to hurt. There was a lot filthy anger inside him. He could see it in his eyes. He hadn't lashed out since she'd left, but everyone was afraid of him enough that no one had said her name in front of him.

Now that he thought about it, he hadn't said her name either.

"I've looked everywhere." Hikaru finally spoke up again, barely above a whisper. "I don't know what else to do."

Kaoru shrugged. "I guess we keep looking."

"Do you really think she's gone?"

"I don't know... Maybe."

He watched his brothers face curl as he looked down at the garden, not liking his answer. He must've just wanted him to say no.

"If she woke up somehow, and left, then I guess she doesn't want to be found." He admitted, and Hikaru's face sunk further into the fold of his arms. "And if she doesn't want to be found, it kind of gives me the feeling that if we find her, we're going to find trouble."

"I need her, Kaoru," Hikaru said, ignoring him. "My chest hurts. I can't- It really does feel like- like I still can't live without her."

"I know." He answered. "So where you gonna look next?"

To Be Continued