I'm so sorry guys, but can you please, READ CHAPTER TWO again? I've added a new part in it. I know it's a bit of an inconvenience but I thought it fit there better.
SO PLEASE READ CHAPTER TWO again. Only the last bit.
Truly Madly Deeply
Chapter Three: Hidden Memories
Chapter Summary: "She was brave in spite of her fragile looks. I, on the other hand, was nothing but a coward in my heart."
-Midorima Shintarou
One of my most cherished memories is of a hand. A hand so pale like snow and so thin and so...fragile. For some odd reason, it reminded me of a full bloomed cherry blossom.
That hand was reaching out to me.
I had never seen hands so strong. It seemed to me like they could hold up the Galaxy.
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I had always been awkward around people. The odd one in friendly gatherings. It was the same as a child. It didn't help any with my height and hair. Even in daycare I was the tallest boy, and with my green hair and glasses it was no better. I was always the centre of unwanted attention.
Elementary school.
Middle school.
I never had any real friends. Not until high school; not until I'd met Furihata Kouki. (Our meeting was nothing but a misfortune, but it was obviously a play of fate. Either way, even if I wouldn't admit it out loud, our friendship was something I cherished dearly)
The closest I had someone akin to a friend before that was Kuroko Tetsuya. But I was reluctant to call her one.
I didn't want to be friend to her. I wanted something much more.
Something I thought I could never have.
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We first met in the busy hallways of middle school.
In my last year of elementary school, I happened to come across a show of Oha Asa. It struck me as odd. Someone who was always the victim of mocking and bullying just because of being socially awkward and impossible height and, for god's sake, hair colour, someone like me,could not believe that you could have a good day or avoid any and every kind of misfortune just by having a specific object.
That day's lucky item was a red pen.
For the first time, nobody mocked me. Nobody bullied me. Not for once.
From then on, my first priority was to find my lucky item of the day.
It was a different story in middle school. People started to pick on me because I always had some kind of odd item on my person.
It was one of those days.
Someone had shoved me from behind, making me fall flat on my face. By the time I managed to sit up, everyone was laughing. Some of them looked at me with pity. Nobody protested. It wasn't the first time for something like that to happen. I was familiar with it.
What I wasn't familiar with, was the girl crouching over me.
"Are you okay?"
She had the nerve to ask me that.
She even had the nerve to offer me her hand.
"Here." She had said. "Get up"
I didn't take her hand.
It is one of my greatest regrets.
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Her name was Kuroko Tetsuya. She was a classmate. I had never seen her before (although, 'noticed' would be a better a term). She had a weak presence. One of those faces that easily blended into the crowd.
(But when I did 'notice' her, she was all I could see)
We never hung out much. She tried to, sometimes. We talked. But it never got far. I always ran away. But she never stopped trying. For a girl who hardly showed any emotion, had a weak presence and was so very blunt, she was very persistent. Throughout middle school, she tried to coax me out of my shell. She offered to have lunch with me. She asked me what books I liked to read. She even tried to discuss about my lucky item of the day once.
None of them worked. I always got nervous.
Although it didn't take long for me to figure out that I was in love with her.
I was in love with Kuroko Tetsuya.
I vowed never to utter a word of it to anyone.
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We went to different high school. After that, we didn't have much contact. My secret was kept into the deepest darkest corner of my conscious (which happened to be under a pile of clothes inside my closet. It was a picture, the only one if I might add, of us together taken on an occasion in middle school).
I had thought about confessing…
In my imagination, it always ended with her brushing me off like a speck of dirt, or worse yet, with bashing my face in.
In other words, I could never muster up the courage.
And how could I. To me, Kuroko Tetsuya was something from the other side. We weren't much different and had many things in common. But in some cases, we were nothing alike. She was brave in spite of her fragile looks. I, on the other hand, was nothing but a coward in my heart.
The thought of her reciprocating my feelings was like a dream.
And so, throughout middle school, instead of trying to build up a friendship, I ran away every time.
Maybe, just maybe, if I keep denying it, if I keep acting strong, keep telling myself I'm okay, maybe then, it wouldn't hurt that much.
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I didn't see her again until the third year of high school.
(Yes, it hurt to not see her for so long. But I was also relieved, I didn't have to rack up my gray cells to find new excuses to avoid her.)
I ran into her in Maji Burgers and found out my classmate Aomine Daiki was friends with her from the girls basketball team of middle school.
Fortunately, I didn't have to do much talking that one time. Aomine filled up the tense silence between us with her endless chatter about basketball. I was more than happy to let her take the lead. But when Aomine left early because of some family issues, we were left alone.
She had given me a very odd look. "It's been awhile, hasn't it Midorima-kun?"
I had wondered what she meant by that.
We ended up exchanging numbers.
I couldn't say I was happy.
I was determined to forget about her. It was the reason I chose Shutoku as high school. Because I knew she was going to Seirin and there was no way we were ever going to cross paths.
It seemed fate was very much against this idea because when I attended the Police Academy I found Aomine Daiki and Kagami Taiga as my class companions. Both of whom just happened to be best friends with Kuroko Tetsuya.
It became worse as I was partnered with them when I became a detective.
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There was a reason why I never mentioned Kuroko to Furihata. Mostly because it was a bit hard to talk about her. Partially because I knew Kuroko had pursued a profession as a psychiatrist. And I refused to let her anywhere near Akashi. (Mostly because I was afraid that maniac would hurt her, partially because said maniac happened to be devilishly handsome and a very well off businessman. Yes I know it was a very possessive act for an unrequited love.) and at times I felt terribly guilty when I saw Furihata struggling to find a good enough psychiatrist.
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That day, after having dinner with Furihata and dropping her off at her apartment, I ran into Aomine and Kagami.
It had been a long day; not to mention a particularly long dinner which was spent with Furihata, once again trying to find a psychiatrist and I spending my time watching her. Obviously it was one of those times when I had my occasional guilt trips. (I also had never come to terms with what I did to Akashi in high school, even if the ball had hit him unintentionally)
I stopped by a departmental store on my way home. And as I went to pay for my drink, I found Aomine in the line.
After reassuring that she was coming to work the next day early, she dropped off the bomb.
"Oh yeah. Me and Kagami's going to meet with Tetsu this weekend. Wanna come?"
I tried to hide my grimace. They always asked me that whenever they had a hang out with Kuroko, never mind that I always tried my best to refuse.
"Sorry, but I'm visiting my family for the weekend."
She shrugged. "Too bad. We're going to meet her fiancé."
"What?" I thought. Am I having problems with hearing? Should I see a doctor now before it's too late? "What are you talking about?"
Aomine looked surprised. "Didn't I tell you? Tetsu's engaged. Her boyfriend proposed to her last Wednesday."
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When I came home, I sat in front of my closet and stared at it long and hard.
I don't remember what I was thinking or for how long I sat there. But I do remember wondering, Is it worth it?
I don't remember when I fell asleep either.
But I remember dreaming.
I dreamt of a pale, pale hand. It looked so fragile and so small. But it belonged to someone so strong and fearless that it seemed like she could even hold up the sky.
I woke up sweating. I didn't bother to turn up the lights; instead I madly dug through a pile of clothes and unearthed a carefully hidden memory. In it Kuroko had her face bared of any emotions like always. But there was the shadows of a smile in her lips and her eyes danced with amusement. I, on the other hand, had my face sat in a scowl and with my shoulders hunched as I attempted to make my unusually tall self somewhat small beside Kuroko's tiny figure. In that photograph, her head barely crossed my shoulder as I stood beside her.
And I decided, I wanted to be there, like that, with her, beside her, always, forever.
I was panting with excitement when I called Furihata and sighed with relief when she said that she hadn't found a psychiatrist.
I didn't feel guilty, not one bit, when I told her about Kuroko.
Didn't I say that I was very possessive even if it was an unrequited love?
Um, I don't know. This was a bit interesting to write, and flowed more easily than than the previous chapter.
Oh this is also important, do you think I should change the title of the story? I think I should. I'm thinking about naming it 'Shut Out of Pardise' because it seems to fit better with the storyline. The current title kind of indicates the story as a romance fic, but it's not exactly that. It's a bit dark, and there is also crime and mystery. Please let me know what you think.