Lily didn't tell James.

It wasn't that she didn't want to tell him.

She was just a giant pansy and couldn't tell her boyfriend that she might die, and not too worry.

'Hey James, I'm going to help Alice catch a dragon. Don't wait up.'

She snorted mirthlessly to herself as she walked towards the house. That conversation would have gone well. She supposed that being as James was basically her only family, she ought to have left her husband a note that she was off on a suicide mission disguised as a girl's night out. Still, Christmas lights shone along the path and reminded Lily that it wasn't so terrible to withhold the truth from James, what with it being so close to the holidays.

It's just, Lily knew him like she knew herself. He was her everything. She knew the expression he would've made if she woke him up from his nap and told him exactly what she was doing. His lips would thin out first, but then he'd struggle to keep his face impassive, eyes flickering anywhere but at her face. After that inner struggle, James would lean his head forward so she couldn't see he was struggling to not speak his mind and beg her to stay home. James knew Lily just as well as she knew him, so he would try and hide his emotions.

Try being the operative word; James was an open book to Lily.

Lily really should've expected (after narrowly escaping the welsh dragon that some idiot had let loose on the lower half of the Thames as a joke) that James would be waiting up. Their drafty old cottage was covered in the Christmas decorations she had put up last weekend with him. Blinking lights shone on their fence underneath the snow and Lily was happy Euphamia suggested them when she came for tea the week before.

Lily mused that so long as James didn't break up with her as soon as she walked through the front door, she should invite Euphamia back for some tea. Euphamia would love to see that the snow was up to Lily's calves now, and their cottage looked like a Christmas card. Although apprehensive for the fight inside, Lily could appreciate the way the windows of their little place lit up the snow so that it sparkled like a million little fireflies. She was a bit nervous to move into such an old house, worried they'd spend more time fixing it up than enjoying living in it, but besides a leaking roof the cottage itself was mainly undamaged.

The only thing inside the cottage that currently wasn't totally put-together was her husband.

Through the window of the living room, Lily could easily make out James' pacing form and she felt sick to her stomach.

She'd only left him a simple note.

Hey,

Hope the nap was swell. Didn't want to wake you. With Alice. Be back soon.

All my love,

Lily

But that note wouldn't have been enough to pacify James' curiosity. Lily knew he'd quickly go to his stupid two-way mirror and talk to Sirius Black who had either heard about the dragon incident since he was living near lower Thames, or had heard about it from Peter Pettigrew. Peter was always up in the latest news and gossip, much like a fifth year girl at Hogwarts. James knew exactly what Lily's night entailed by now and was probably considering killing her—if the dragon hadn't killed her first.

It wasn't that James was a controlling husband, it was just that James was so stupidly and blindly loving that (sometimes) he forgot that he wasn't the only one fighting in a never-ending war. It was like he thought he should be the only one allowed to put himself into dangerous situations. It was like he wanted to keep his friends and family hidden behind an invisibility cloak so that death could never trace their steps. Lily both loves and hated that about him.

Lily saw James had stopped pacing in the living room when he heard the crunching of the snow as Lily walked through the few protection enchantments on their place and up to the front door. A wreath littered with gold and scarlet ornaments seemed so festive on their wooden door, brightening up the place enough that she wished she'd hung wreathes on all their windows too. Lily jumped when she heard something slam from behind the door.

She was still jumpy from the dragon fight and she couldn't tell if James was angry yet. She could hear him scrambling for the door, she could hear his fingers grasping the door and pulling it open before she even considered opening it. She thought that maybe, based on his current euphoric face, she might be out of the woods, and he wasn't angry.

James reached out and wrapped her up in a warm hug on the doorstep, kissing every part of her face. She laughed and pushed away at his face, despite loving every second of his concern. He kissed her long and hard on the lips before pulling back. She was grinning up at him but her grin disappeared when she found James' cold and hard facial expression.

"I have half a mind of letting you sleep out in the snow." He barked suddenly.

Lily considered walking back out into the street and letting a Death Eater kidnap her, just so she wouldn't have to deal with him.

It appeared he was angry; very angry by the looks of his red ears and clenched fists.

Lily cocked her head at him and shrugged. James reached a hand for his hair and that's when she noticed the state of his hair. It was a mess, that part was normal, but normally it was a controlled mess. The current status of his hair could only be described as disheveled and gravity defying. It was obvious hand after hand had been run through the tousles out of aggravation, worry, and anger.

Trying to play off her adventures that night (despite the fact that her body still felt like it was on fire from the dragon's breath) Lily brushed past him quickly saying, "I have half a mind of burying myself in the snow anyways, would you please get some? I have a few burns that need tending too."

Lily entered their small kitchen. It was covered in dishes from a dinner that James had likely been preparing for them. He must've stopped prepping when he found out the truth. It looked like dinner had been started (a frozen lasagna sat out on the counter by the stove) but not fully made. A bottle of butterbeer sat unopened at the stove and a firewhiskey was on the table.

Lily sat down at the old rickety table they'd gotten from a neighbor who was moving. Groaning, she started unbuttoning her robes while casually listening for sounds of movement from James. She was unable to focus on her husbands mood for too long thanks to a particular burn on her leg. The fabric of her robes had molded to the burned skin and now she was going to have to tear it off.

"Come on Evans," she told herself, "Rip it off quickly, like a plaster."

She couldn't do it. Wincing, Lily slowly started to peel the fabric from her skin. Goosebumps rose on her arms when she spotted blood and a white looking liquid coming from the wound. Lily only stopped trying to peel the robes off the lesion to look up when James entered so that she could smile at him. She was hoping that if she avoided the conversation, she wouldn't have to acknowledge that she'd left out the fact that girls' night included a dragon.

James was holding an old bucket from the shed that he'd filled with the freshly fallen snow. His hazel eyes traced the fact that she was sitting in the chair, half naked with her robes a pile at her feet, but then his eyes caught the bruises and burns covering her body and she watched as his anger only increased tenfold. James dropped the bucket with a clatter and finally vented his frustrations.

"What. The. Hell. Lily."

"It's fine." Lily said with persuasion, not wanting to fight after her long night.

"It's not fine." James snarled and grabbed a rag off the counter coarsely.

Lily watched with uneasy eyes as he twisted snow into the rag as an ice pack before placing it on her forehead. He placed it roughly and Lily glowered up at him with a pout. James' hazel eyes were glaring fiercely into her green eyes.

"It's not fine." He repeated under his breath as Lily held the pack to her forehead carelessly.

James turned away from her to wash his hands in the sink, slamming the soap down with great force. Lily, taken aback by his attitude, leaned her back up against the chair.

"You have nothing to say to me?" James finally asked, turning to face her.

Lily hummed and when he stepped closer she pushed her back into the chair, trying to escape his glare. The feeling of the wood pressed into her back and James' glare made her recall that she had been in a situation like this only hours before.

Her brain flashed to being backed up against a wall by the dragon. Its teeth were stained red with blood and its hot breath was pouring over her body. Lily remembered thinking how she wished she had said goodbye to James. She remembered James being the only thing on her mind. Lily shivered and closed her eyes, swallowing deeply. If James noticed her sudden change he said nothing. Lily reopened her eyes and saw he was biting his lip, like he was biting back his words.

Lily, trying to diffuse the tension, joked with her husband.

"Listen, you're angry," she pointed to her leg, "but honestly I'm just happy that I'm alive."

"I'm not angry." He stared deliberately at the floor.

"I can tell." She said coolly, raising an eyebrow, "I already dealt with one dragon today—"

James slammed his hand on the counter, "Damn it, Lily!"

Lily jumped at his outburst and dropped the cloth full of snow. James drew back and put his hands in his hair, tugging at the roots. Lily's face enflamed as the silence overtook the room and made her skin crawl with agitation. She bent down, grabbing the cool cloth and pressing it to her forehead again. She hadn't realized she was bleeding from her forehead, but the cloth was covered in red. She wondered when she hit it. The whole night itself was a blur.

Trying to keep her voice level she said peacefully, "Look, Dumbledore asked because Alice suggested my charm work might be useful." she tried to tell another joke, "It turns out that my bubble charms are really no use against a Welsh Green dragon bent on killing everything with a wand."

She looked at his face, hoping to see a flicker of a smile across his features but she was only granted a disgruntled look.

"You left me a pretty cryptic note. You made it sound like you were going for drinks. You essentially lied. Why?" His voice was struggling to stay calm; he was trying not to shout again.

His glasses were sliding down his nose as he observed her considering at him from under the cold pack. She licked her lips and didn't deny anything as she put down the cold pack so she could continue trying to get the remaining bit of her robes off the burn without scarring herself permanently.

Lily lifted her leg, the fabric from the robes was sticking to the burn and lifting the discarded robes off the ground as she did so. She hissed when she touched adjacent to the burn and irritation crawled like bugs down her leg. Alice had warned Lily that Green Welshes might be a smaller dragon, but they had a nasty burn. Lily's leg was a testament to the firepower of the Welsh Green dragon.

That beast had been determined to burn down half a block by the time Alice and Lily made it on the scene. Houses were scorched, Christmas lights were exploding from extreme heat, and people were lost and confused. Dragons weren't a normal animal in the suburbs and they weren't exactly unnoticeable to the muggle eye. Alice was an Auror in the Department of Defense and had a large group of backup Aurors plus a magical creatures expert at the scene. They were all cursing the dragon, as it was so pissed off it had avoided capture for an hour.

Lily recalled the street lit up as bright as day thanks to the flames burning up houses with muggle families inside. The Aurors were focusing on the dragon; Alice had brought Lily along to protect the muggle families. Lily had been evacuating families ahead of the dragon, telling them she worked for the government. Most didn't question her, but that was because they weren't sure why they were seeing a dragon in the first place.

Dragons, it turned out, could hold grudges and that dragon had a bit of resentment towards wizards. Probably because the man who released it had kept it locked in his basement for it's entire life. Lily wouldn't be a big fan of wizards either. Unfortunately, thanks to the man who thought it would be hilarious to endanger muggle and wizard lives alike, the dragon took a great liking to kill anyone brandishing a wand. At one point after helping a mom and her two kids escape their burning flat, the beast cornered Lily. If a wizard from the Magical Creatures Department hadn't of appeared and distracted the dragon, Lily would definitely be dead.

It took three fully trained aurors, a magical creatures expert, and a magically charmed cage to finally capture the beast. Even after it was caged, the dragon was spewing fire everywhere, burning the houses of many families to the ground. It was going to take weeks for the Ministry to clean up the mess and obliviate all the memories scarred from the night. Normally Lily fought other people with wands, not wild animals, but tonight had been different.

More dangerous and definitely less predictable.

Just then, a sharp pain shot up her burned leg. Lily was drawn back to her current dragon, her husband, when he suddenly reached down and ripped the clothing right off her burn. She screeched and bit her tongue so she couldn't curse his family name, his stupid hair, and the fact that he'd just ripped her fucking skin off.

"What the Hell, James?" she finally managed, rocking back and forth in the chair.

Her entire leg felt like it was blistering.

"You can't let it stick to the wound." Was all he said, leaning down and touching the edges of the burn with precise fingers.

Lily made her hands grip her bare thighs as her body quivered from the smarting. Her nails were biting into her skin but nothing could take her mind off the burn as James took handfuls of snow and pressed those handfuls against the dragon's piece of work. The snow actually sizzled as it touched the burn and Lily hissed, reaching for James' shoulder and closing her eyes against the burn.

"Shit." She expressed with less than articulate grace.

James commenced his inevitable lecture as he started tending to the wound so that not only was he making her upset with his words…he was simultaneously making her wish the dragon had just bit off her leg.

"I can't believe you agreed to this."

"I really don't see the problem." Lily snapped, irritable from the pain, "You go gallivanting across England looking for trouble with Sirius all the time."

James stopped patting the wound with snow so he could look up at her with danger clear in his eyes, "I always tell you exactly what I'm doing."

Lily sulked, "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry."

"Worry?!" he laughed, but it wasn't pleasant, it made her slink back into her chair compliantly as she realized he was really, really angry.

James stood up and threw a bit of the snow to the ground, as Lily sat in the chair, suddenly feeling very cold. He paced over to the stove and turned his back to her, gripping the edges of the appliance with white knuckles. Lily not wanting to see him angry stood up (wobbling a bit on her leg) and went to the living room so she could grab a blanket to wrap around herself. The windows were still open and Lily prayed no one saw her slinking around the house in her underwear with large bruises and a burn the size of a plate on her thigh. She grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around herself.

Turning around, Lily saw James had followed and was surveying her over the rims of his glasses.

"Sit down." He ordered, sounding exasperated.

Defiantly, she stood up straighter.

"No." she winced when she stood up taller, her leg stung.

"Lily," James snapped, "Sit down, and get off your bloody leg."

She sat on the couch, hissing again when the blanket scratched against her wound. Showing her annoyance with him, she crossed her arms and stared deliberately at the fireplace. James sighed and some of the anger seemed to leave as he did so. Lily looked at him and raised her eyebrows. Lily watched with curious eyes as he closed the curtains to the windows and lit the fire with a wave of his wand. He went back into the kitchen and came out with the pail full of snow, a washcloth, and two butterbeers.

He put the supplies on the table in front of the couch before he reached over to take the blanket from her, despite her immediate protest. His fingertips, warm to the touch, brushed against her skin lightly, despite his rough demeanor.

"Lay down." He demanded again.

Lily eyed him curiously but did as she was told now, laying back. James got onto his knees and began cleaning her wound with the washcloth that was covered in what Lily assumed was disinfectant. Lily gripped the edges of the couch for dear life, her back arching as James' fingers precariously ripped away at the dead skin and the burn itself. When he was done, he grabbed the pail of snow and charmed a bit of it to cover her leg. He opened the butterbeer and passed it to her.

"Butterbeer?" she asked in surprise.

"To help calm your nerves." He replied curtly.

She sipped it and the liquid slid down her throat like cement.

Why were they mad at each other?

She'd been worried about him and he'd been worried about her.

They sat there in silence. Lily lying back against the couch, staring at the ceiling and James sitting on the floor, his back to her. Lily turned her head so that should see what he was doing. One leg was stretched out, and the other was propped close to his stomach, holding his arm up. Lily saw he was twirling his wand around his fingers, a thinking action for him. Lily would take his wand twirling over his previous stone cold stance over the oven.

James was never one for talking when he was that angry.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, daring to reach out but pulling her hand back at the last second when she wasn't sure if he wanted Lily to touch him.

James didn't look at her but he did speak, and the words he spoke almost broke her heart.

"Please just don't ever keep me in the dark like that again." He sounded so dejected, so locked away.

Lily felt tears threaten to spill from her eyes and she quickly sat up, ignoring his instant protest for her to remain laying down. She sat down on the floor at his side and wrapped her arms around him, kissing his cheek before resting her head on his shoulder.

He spoke again, "I was just so angry…I couldn't believe you didn't even bother sending me a patronus. You left a note. You lied."

Lily furrowed her brow, "I just—" she struggled to explain, "I just don't ever want you to think that I'm not...that I can't do this Order business." But that wasn't really the reason why, she was skirting her feelings…she didn't know how to tell him about her insecurities.

Facing a dragon head on seemed easier than facing her feelings head on.

James pushed his forehead against her, shaking his head with so much conviction, "No, no. Please don't ever think that. Lily, I don't want you to ever think that." He reached forward to pull her up and onto his lap, kissing her sweetly, "I know you are capable of the things Dumbledore asks you—"

"Then why do you always give me that look, when I tell you I'm going on a mission?" Lily demanded, pulling away so she could glare at him.

"What look?" he didn't look her directly in the eyes.

"Oh please, James." Lily adjusted so that she was sitting comfortably on his lap, staring directly into his eyes, "Your stupid look. The one you give me anytime you want to say what's on your mind but you don't because you think I won't like it!"

James' lips tinned and his eyes narrowed. Lily laughed and pointed at him.

"Aha! That look!" she exclaimed.

James fought a smile and brushed a hand against her cheek lovingly, "I love you and I don't want anything to happen to you." He looked pointedly at her leg, "Anything to happen to you."

"Hey." She grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eyes, "I love that you care so much about me…I feel the same way about you…but you can't keep everyone from harms way, James."

James frowned, "It's not a matter if I can—it's a matter that I have too."

"Have too." Lily frowned back, "Hero complex much? We're all fighting in the war. We're all battling dragons—literally and metaphorically."

"No." James deviated from her playful grin by pushing her off his lap a bit roughly and turning his body away from her.

"Don't be a child." She snapped, standing up and swaying on her leg, "I mean James, I planned on telling you, I was just holding off so I didn't have to—"

"Have to what?" he glared up at her standing form, "Have to see me worry?"

"Of course I don't want to see you worry!" she maintained, raising her voice, "Merlin, James, it's not like I enjoy having to sit up for you every time you go out fighting Death Eaters! I don't like to think of you doing the same thing for me!"

"I wouldn't worry if I knew what you were doing!" He argued back, standing up and facing her, face turning red with passion, "I wouldn't get angry with you if you'd stop trying to bloody prove yourself all the time!"

"Me?" Lily reproached, "Trying to prove myself?" she laughed disagreeably, "What about you Mr. I-Have-To-Protect-Everyone! Newsflash, James! I can protect myself!"

"I know you can!" he shouted, his hand lifting to his hair for a nervous ruffle, "But I can't—"

"You can't what?" Lily snapped, pointing a finger into his chest, her own chest rising and falling with her irritation.

"I'm not brave enough—" he faltered, hazel eyes hesitating at the look on her face.

"Brave enough?" she looked at him amazed at the words tumbling from his mouth, "This is all some proof of courage? You're a Gryffindor. I think everyone knows you're brave you conceited basta—"

He grabbed her shoulders, fingers digging into her skin, "I'm not strong enough to lose you!"

She opened her mouth and then closed it, surprised at his outburst. It was so intimate. So unlike James, who much preferred joking and laughing to serious conversations like the one they were having now. James tore away from her and ruffled his hair nervously.

"When Peter told me you were fighting a dragon down the Thames…I started panicking. I mean, at least Death Eaters are predictable but a dragon? That is a wild, fire-breathing animal." He let his hands fall and was gripping at nothing in the air, "I kept thinking that what if, after everything, this was it. I know it's dumb, I know but…even the fact that you didn't tell me exactly where you were going made me go mad."

Lily felt her stomach drop as she realized he wasn't mad earlier…he'd been tearing himself apart with the thought of losing her. She knew how he felt. If she didn't have James, she'd have nothing left.

Without James Potter she'd lack the sunshine she so craved in her life.

"James."

He turned and she saw the bloodshot eyes, the wild hair, and the look. He was giving her the Goddamn look she'd been eluding. He was struggling to hold it together, to be strong and brave like he thought a Gryffindor should be. She loved him for the light that shone purely from his heart. He cared so much that he believed he wouldn't make it if he lost her. Lily daintily stepped forward and put a hand on his cheek, realizing that just like James, she had the same fears. She was afraid she couldn't go on if she lost him, her James. It's why she hadn't told him she was going to fight a dragon on the Thames because if she didn't make the situation real…then she didn't have to think about the possibility of never seeing him again.

She didn't like seeing his face falter when she said she was going on missions because she imagined never seeing that face again, his face.

"James I—"

"I'm sorry for getting angry." He muttered, kicking at the rug like a disgruntled teenager, "Go ahead and tell me I was overreacting."

Lily smiled behind her tears and she grabbed his hands, "James Potter, you listen to me."

His hazel eyes looked down at her and she leaned on her tiptoes to kiss him warmly.

"I'm sorry too." She whispered, "I guess I didn't tell you because—I'm scared too."

"You are?" he looked hopeful and he brought their entwined hands to his chest.

"Of course," she smiled and let a soft laugh out, "I'm terrified of never seeing you again. I think that's why I can't bear to tell you these things, because it makes the risk all that more terrible and real."

"Hey," James brushed his hand against her cheek, running his fingers through the strands of her hair that fell into her face, "I love you."

"I love you more." She leaned closer to him and hummed thankfully when his hands slid down to her sides and drew her in for a hug.

"The risk is always worth the prize." He whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Not if the prize is a giant burn to the leg." Lily said grumpily looking pointedly at her leg, earning a real laugh from James who picked her up swiftly, cradling her in his arms.

"I don't want to know how close you were to that Welsh Green in order to have you leg roasted." James decided, kissing her lips as if to quiet her.

"Thank you for cleaning it." she wrapped her arms around his neck, "and thank you for always being there for me. Even when I'm being a pansy."

"Thank you." he told her sincerely, "for always understanding me and loving me, even when I'm cross."

"I did just fight a dragon," she grinned with a playful wink, "so you are a bit easier to love."

He scoffed, "I saw your face when I opened that door, you were hoping I'd snog you and forgo some of the shouting."

"I'm not going to disagree that I wouldn't have preferred a nice snog to you shouting at me...but it was you mostly shouting about being in love with me..." she wrinkled her nose at him, daring him to retort.

James pinched her arm, "I just want you to know how much I really love you."

Lily mused, running her fingers through his hair lovingly, "Please, you aren't exactly quiet about your feelings for me." she raised her eyebrows suggestively, "Especially in bed."

He nuzzled her neck vivaciously, "You're right," he said as if she had a choice, "Let's go. You can really hear me shout."

Lily sighed happily against his chest. Their playful banter meant that all was forgiven and their hearts were matched again. They would be more considerate of each others feelings about missions. They were a team and were fighting for the same thing: each other. They just had to be brave enough to face the inherent risk that came with the war. Lily knew that no matter what, James would always be there at her side to fight the dragons, literally and metaphorically.