Orange You Glad They're Not Eggplants?

Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters.

Summary: Lucina is frustrated with an insult that Pit threw at her and she suddenly feels self-conscious being around Dark Pit. Lana decides to help her with her new plan that will help her master the Summon Gate. Despite Cia's warnings about not trying to use the Summon Gate again, Lana ends up using a basket of oranges to make Lucina's dream come true…and it works at first…until the oranges create an army to destroy the Smashers and cover everyone in citrus juice. Pit is not pleased at the idea that he might have to ask the Eggplant Wizards to deal with the Orange Army.

Pairing: Pit/Lucina, Reyn/Pittoo/Lucina, Pittoo/Lana, Lucina/Lana (friendship), Robin/Shulk, Ganondorf/Palutena, Alvis/Rosalina and implied Ash/Cia and Robincest

Rated: M (for mature)

Genre: Humor, Romance, Friendship and borderline Parody

Warning: Swearing, memes, sexual themes, implied incest, violence and unintentional OOC

I really have to thank my friend Matt for this. I only needed the punny title in order to come up with this ridiculous plot. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Orange is the New Black

Lana should have woken up to something magical. Instead she woke up to screaming happening outside of the hotel room. The white witch awoke to see huge lumps on her chest. She squealed in delight realizing the spell woke thus ignored the screaming that occurred outside.

"I have my own chest now!" Lana declared as she rubbed her breasts. They were as soft as she imagined it. "Now I'm like Cia!"

Speaking of Cia…

"LANA, WAKE THE FUCK UP! I CAN'T HANDLE THESE STUPID ORANGES BY MYSELF!"

"Huh?"

Lana stood up and almost had her breasts hit her in the face. Her room seemed to be in one peace…and realizing that she was in her room instead of being passed out outside made her think that Cia woke up early and tucked Lana back to bed. Cia only wanted to be nice when no one was looking and it saddened the bluenette that Cia didn't show this side of her often.

"LANA!"

"W-What? I'm awake! I'm coming!"

It wasn't just Cia that was screaming. It was literally everyone in Smashopolis. She rushed outside toward the balcony to see what the issue was and was horrified at what was going on.

Smashopolis and by proxy Smash Brothers Mansion was colored orange. The oranges she had left unattended had come to life and desired to turn the once beautiful Smashopolis into Orangopolis. From the balcony, Lana could catch some people trying to flee from the oranges shooting magic spells at them. Anyone who was hit was turned into an orange and placed into a basket for them to use later. Buildings hit by the magic would turn orange and sometimes would have an orange pattern on it. The signs were being rewritten in the orange language and those who were not transformed into a fruit but were caught were taken away. These oranges showed no mercy to their victims.

Cia was about to be one seeing as how she was cornered to the point where she had to stand on the edge of the balcony. One false move and she would fall to her death…then again…it was Cia so she would probably just summon Dark Link to catch her. In Lana's mind, Cia was in no real danger.

"LANA, WHY WAS THE SUMMONING GATE STILL OPEN?! AND WHY ARE YOUR BOOBS BIG?!"

"Morning, Cia!" Lana answered. "I'm like you now!"

"I WILL TAKE THAT AS AN INSULT, YOU STUPID…" Cia trailed off focusing on the Orange Wizard in front of her. This one was more human like than the rest of the oranges below. He didn't have orange features at all…only orange skin…

"Also, why would the Summoning Gate be open if you're the last one who saw it?"

Cia had a good retort to that. The Summoning Gate was closed when she checked on Lana. It never occurred to her that it would be turned on again by the oranges. It was still Lana's fault nonetheless.

"Who are you? What are you doing to Cia?" Lana asked wanting to use the Summoning Gate for her weapon. She gasped realizing that it wasn't working and was stuck in the ground. "Hey, my weapon!"

The Orange Wizard turned around and gave the most charming smile to Lana. For some strange reason, she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"I thank you very much oh great Lana. You have allowed the orange nation to rise again and take what is rightfully ours."

"What."

It wasn't even a question. Lana was honestly confused.

"We are from a special Netherworld that had been cut off no thanks to those damn Eggplant Wizards winning the fruit war. I tell you…the war on oranges was a terrible thing. But someone who wished for huge breasts and used our people to make that dream come true…truly deserves to rule with us when we have finished the takeover. No one can stop us. Not even the divine beings hiding out in Smash Brothers Mansion."

"You lost me…" Lana mumbled simply.

"We will find two people to sacrifice to the orange dragon God, and we will take all the non-boob lovers and convert them to our side. It is not a difficult task. Who can resist boobs?"

There was a point made in that statement. Cia rolled her eyes as a response seeing as how the Orange Wizard was staring at her.

"You may be useful to us, but we got to find a way to shut that naughty mouth of yours. It smells like a Pina colada."

Before Cia could make a snarky comment, the Orange Wizard used his magic to trap Cia in an orange bubble. Now, all she could do was scream inside the bubble while banging her fists against it. No sound came out.

"Cia!" Lana cried before glaring at the Orange Wizard. "Let her go!"

"We will in due time. She has to be converted first to not insult you."

Lana foolishly rushed over to the other side of the balcony in an attempt to tackle the Orange Wizard, but he already used his magic to teleport him and the other oranges with him back to the Orange Realm.

"WAIT!" Lana shouted as she looked around the area before realizing they were gone. "GET BACK HERE! CIA!"

The mansion was in an even worse state than Smashopolis. That is very hard to believe seeing as how the mansion was smaller than the entirety of the metropolis, but one had to recall that the Villagers had brought in some perfect oranges from Smashville that probably absorbed some of the magic used to make them come to life. Perfect oranges were stronger than the normal ones than Lana used and it showed how they were more put together than the ones seen in Smashopolis.

Because the oranges came out of nowhere, they were able to ambush many of the Smashers in the mansion. There was nothing but screaming and shouting along with orange magic being shot that caused flashing lights inside the mansion. If one were to watch the disaster from the outside, one would think someone set off fireworks inside the mansion.

The first few Smashers caught were at the entrance…and that was mainly DK and Diddy Kong who decided to spar with each other in the courtyard instead of in Smash. Donkey Kong's head was immediately turned into an orange where all he could say is "Oooh". Diddy Kong attempted to fight back by throwing a banana peel at the oranges. These oranges would turn the banana into an orange before capturing the little chimp. Diddy was dragged off to the side as he was forced to gulp a glass of orange juice.

This is the type of torture the Smashers as a whole would go through, but a few of them were smart and were very evasive during the attack.

The minute Kirby saw the oranges attack DDD who was caught off guard and was trying to fend them off with his mallet the little puffball knew he had to adapt in order to survive. Kirby quickly fled and searched for the room where the Koopalings were playing in. The Star Warrior overheard that they were going to take the ballroom to themselves and paint something for Bowser. That meant there was going to be all sorts of colors scattered everywhere. Kirby smiled rushing into the room and seeing that there was orange paint. Immediately, he rushed over and dumped the orange paint on him just as the Orange Wizards stormed in.

"What are you doing slacker? There are people to convert into our rankings and other fruits to destroy!"

"Poyo?"

Kirby trembled thinking he would be caught. Instead, he was picked up and carried away so he could participate in the madness. At the very least, Kirby wouldn't suffer like the other Smashers were.

On another floor, Samus had left her room to see where the ruckus was coming from. Oranges with wands and spears greeted her. Compared to the other Smashers who stood there and took the attack, Samus quickly moved out of the way from the magic spell. She didn't need her taser to kick the group of oranges away. In fact, all she needed to do was bounce into the air and shove her foot through their bodies. The oranges inside the peels fell out causing them to tumble down and not get back up. They were simply too slow for the bounty hunter who would not hesitate to get down and dirty. The round soldiers would soon all had a hole through the center that ceased their function.

"…What is going on?" Samus asked out loud as she went back into her room immediately for her Vaira Suit. "If this is another one of Palutena's games, then I won't stand for this."

It did not take long for Samus to get back into her suit with a plan in mind. Finding Peach would have been her top priority, but if this were a spell that backfired because of Palutena messing around again then she would just go to the fifth floor and get the green haired Goddess to stop this stupid attack. More oranges started to show up, but they would easily be blown to bits either by the charge shot or by the missiles.

Samus only realized too late that the Goddesses were doomed. They weren't the cause of the problem, so of course the oranges would catch the two off guard.

The two Goddesses were apparently with one of Shulk's friends, Alvis who was mainly there talking to Rosalina despite Palutena trying to get her hair done and the purple Luma Kal hovering by his side and annoying him. The oranges gave no fucks when they pushed the door off its hinges. Completely taken by surprise at whoever dared to attack the Goddesses, Palutena had turned around glaring in the direction of the door.

"Excuse you! I think you knocked too hard." Palutena snarled before realizing that it wasn't any of the Smashers. Seeing the oranges with legs and weird eyes immediately made Palutena think of the mistake she caused in the kitchen in Skyworld. "Oh…walking oranges…"

"You should probably move…" Alvis muttered receiving a vision too late of Palutena's fate.

One of the orange wizards twirled its wand and hit Palutena straight in the face. The green haired Goddess wouldn't react fast enough to deflect the spell. In a few seconds, her entire face was turning the color orange before her head was replaced with an orange fruit where she couldn't see or speak, but her nose and ears popped up.

"Palutena!" Rosalina called out dropping her monotone for a second due to being taken by surprise. The horrified look turned into a smile as she giggled. Palutena was so much in a state of shock that she stood up and fell backwards onto her head. The orange carried a lot of weight to her, so it was difficult to move.

"Should you…really be laughing?" Alvis questioned. "She can't breathe as far as I can tell…"

Rosalina would have brought up that as long as Palutena was breathing through her nostrils that she would be fine. The small giggle fest was rather…charming for Alvis to see (and not so Palutena). He wouldn't be able to admire this side of her due to Rosalina stopping when the Lumas in the room started becoming round oranges floating in the air. They were still making the cute squeaks but now there was a little "squish" noise to it. Kal was the only Luma that dodged the spell that almost hit Rosalina…who decided to warp away taking Palutena with her.

"…Did you just leave me in here without taking me with you?" Alvis asked suddenly feeling rather irritated with the Queen of the Cosmos. "Do you really expect me to cut down these…things…"

Alvis didn't know what to call these oranges. They looked identical to the Eggplant Wizards but they had a mouth and appeared to have some intellect. If it were only a few of them, then Alvis would have no trouble dealing with them. The problem was there were too many trying to storm into the room and cast their spell on whatever was in the Goddess room. Alvis should have anticipated a similar spell would be cast on him, but if Rosalina was willing to retreat leaving the Lumas to fend for themselves until the oranges went away…then he should follow her lead. Unfortunately, by showing some sympathy for the annoying purple Luma following him, he was hit by the same spell. He was able to escape, but by the time Rosalina would see him on the Comet Observatory again, he would probably be seeing orange.

Most of the Smashers met the same fate as Palutena if not worse. It is one thing for your head to be turned into an orange, but it's another thing for your entire body or a limb to be turned into an orange. Some Smashers once turned into an orange could do nothing but roll away. Luigi met this fate and cried as he tried to stand but ended up landing on his face. Red had the misfortune (or fortune) of the orange that replaced his head looking like a helix. He was able to run around the mansion with the Helix Fossil demanding everyone to praise Lord Helix. Calum had his hands turned into oranges to where he wouldn't be able to grasp anything. He cried as much as Luigi did and he demanded that the Orange Wizards turn his hands back to normal.

Lucina was one of the few Smashers spared from the spell with the reason being that whoever cast the spell on her body enlarged her breasts. They had witnessed Lucina being proud of her chest therefore did not find a reason to harm someone who was so happy with their magic. Normally, the compliment would have made Lucina not want to harm the oranges at all unless someone she cared for was harmed (Chrom not included because she had gotten use to her father being the butt of all jokes in the mansion). But then the oranges decided to kidnap a few of the Smashers they deemed fit to join their cult and they were quick to turn on her only if she jumped in the way of their attacks.

Rosalina's joke about how if Pit and Palutena weren't causing problems, it would be the Robin twins…well the Robin twins were literally the first people the orange wanted to abduct. If there was a reason to take them, it was probably because Robin was complaining about having a small chest and screaming that she wanted to have them like Lucina and everyone else. Rob while snarky about Robin's predicament probably was taken due to being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sure if he had a wig, he would look like a very convincing girl, but apparently without the wig was enough to be mistaken as a flat chested girl.

"Hey! Put me down! What the heck!" Robin shouted when the orange magic instantly lifted her off the ground and kept her in place.

"Why me?!" Rob had to asked being levitated as well. "Shulk!"

If Shulk had the Monado, he would have dealt with the issue. Instead, he got a vision showing himself being ambushed by one of the larger oranges and being dragged off to the Orange Realm that seemed to be a ripple in the Netherworld space where only oranges could live freely from discrimination.

"Shulk, stop spacing out! Look out!"

The orange that attacked him didn't have a wand. He had a mallet made from oranges instead and swung at the back of Shulk's head. Shulk had been hit by way worse objects, but it was enough to knock him down. If he ended up having a concussion, Shulk might sue the orange race when he woke up.

"SHULK!"

The oranges weren't going to leave Shulk's unconscious body on the floor. They were going to take him back to their orange realm too.

"He is problematic. We will convert him." The muscular orange stated. "Are those two over there for the orange dragon?"

The tactician twins glanced at each other with worry. What was this about a dragon?

"Sacrifice flat twins to the orange dragon God!"

"Not another dragon…" Rob grumbled. "Wasn't Grima enough?!"

Reyn was hanging out with Dark Pit again when the oranges attacked Reyn randomly and abducted the black angel. One spell wasn't enough for him to turn to their horror.

"Hey! You get your grubby hands off of him!"

If only Dark Pit had a close range weapon like the claws to shred the oranges to bits.

"You need to be converted into a boob lover too! We heard complaints that you did not like the makeover that your girlfriend got."

"Luci isn't my…Reyn!"

Reyn was able to knock this particular orange away. However, he wasn't out of the clearing yet.

"DARK PIT! REYN!"

Speaking of Lucina, the future princess was able to pinpoint where Dark Pit would be should he be a target by these weird oranges. The fruits were confused on why Lucina would protect someone who didn't like her new body. They still intended to convert Dark Pit to their side regardless.

Pit probably would have been spared originally. The oranges could tell just from looking into his eyes when he was eating other fruits alone in his room that he was a boob lover unlike his younger twin. The brunette had isolated himself on the fourth floor and failed to notice that the oranges had taken Dark Pit away thus making Reyn and Lucina's effort to protect him moot. His mind trailed off thinking about the new Lucina and questioning if a spell was cast on her or he simply made the insult about her body too soon. In other words, he wanted to know if he had to go up to the female lord and apologize.

The oranges have stormed his room nearly causing Pit to choke on the banana he had stolen from Donkey Kong. Since he was staring at the window, he could clearly see what was going on outside, but chose not to interfere thinking that the other Smashers would be fine. (In fact, he thought it was Palutena's cooking that was causing a ruckus). Due to Pit not being surprised by their humanly shape, the oranges would have left Pit alone if not for this dialogue exchange.

"You do not fear us?"

"No, you're probably running away from Lady Palutena. She probably tried to cook the oranges when the Villagers told her not to and now they're running around the mansion. Carry on, and don't get me involved."

He was so nonchalant about the situation that the oranges might have accepted him into his ranks.

"Honestly Lady Palutena…couldn't you have made them look better? The Eggplant Wizards at least are easier to look at."

Pit wanted to take that back. These oranges were out for blood for anyone who compared them to the Eggplant Wizards. Instead of being turned into an orange, the mages had no problem seizing Pit from behind when he had his guard down and dragging him out of the room. The angel captain was surprised that they had a lot of physical prowess. The more he struggled, the more his feathers fell off his wings and getting mixed with the orange juice that was tainting the floors.

"Ack! Get off me!"

"How dare you compare us to those ugly Eggplant Wizards?! You worship them, don't you?!"

"What are you talking about? I hate them all!"

"Liar! You said Eggplant Wizards are better looking than us. They have ugly lips and are purple!"

"But you look deformed in comparison…oww!"

They started yanking on his wings for that insult. Now the light angel feared for his wings. He did not want to lose his wings over underestimating these things.

"Dammit! Get your hands off me!"

"You're coming with us!"

"We're going to make sure you convert into an orange lover and forget your love for eggplants!"

Pit was lucky Samus appeared and shot the oranges that were on top of him. The oranges exploded over the white angel covering him in orange peels and orange juice. Orange juice smelled and tasted good, but Pit was infuriated how the orange was staining his white tunic.

"Ack, Sammy! I should say thanks, but what the hell!"

"Your welcome." She growled. "What did your Goddess do now?"

"I don't know! They're not supposed to attack me!" Pit exclaimed. "Unless Lady Palutena is not the one who-"

"PIT! SAMUS!"

Lucina had rushed up the stairs nearly crashing into Samus in the process. She nearly let go of Reyn's hand whom she was dragging up the stairs. Pit wanted to laugh at how Reyn's head was replaced with an orange.

"Ha ha ha! That alien is an orangutan now!"

The bluenette glared in Pit's direction. "I could say the same for you with how you're covered by their juices."

"Uh…you're not supposed to see me like this."

"I could care less about your appearance. Are you aware those oranges took Dark Pit away?!"

This was news to Samus as much as it was Pit whose eyes widened in horror.

"Wait, these freaks kidnapped Pittoo?! Why didn't I sense anything out of the ordinary?! Lady Palutena! Can you hear me? Hey!"

"…You're out of the loop for someone who is known for being the center of these shenanigans." Samus commented noticing Pit go back into his room to not only change into another white tunic but to grab some weapons as well. "Who else was taken Lucina?"

"Shulk and the Robins." Lucina answered. "I couldn't do anything to protect them and this idiot here threw himself in front of me when they weren't going to attack me…they grabbed Dark Pit as a result…I can't believe I let that happen…"

"I can't either!" Pit shouted as he got Palutena's bow in hand ready to kill every orange now. "I will mow them down until they tell me where Pittoo is! We need to go upstairs!"

It would have been a great idea had it not been for oranges starting to swarm from above the stairs and onto the fourth floor. Lucina had issues trying to slice them in two with Falchion leaving Samus and Pit with the dirty work.

"I think it is better if we head downstairs into the garage instead." The bounty hunter suggested. "Getting to the ship would at least allow us to head out and think of a plan without running around with our heads turning into oranges."

"But…"

Palutena and Rosalina would be fine. Pit knew this…but he didn't want to abandon Palutena if she was still in one piece. Sighing in defeat, he would be forced to follow the two female Smashers and Reyn who continued to be deadweight in this situation.

Since the top floor wasn't safe due to the oranges overriding the Goddess' room and possibly the Hands room, the group was forced to rush back down to the first floor where the spaceships were kept. It was odd how this area was technically a little outside of the mansion and you had to go a little out of your way to go into the garage where the spaceships were. Master Hand was assumed to be using his powers to allow the bigger ships such as the Halberd in a rather confined space. After all, if the ship were outside to the public, who knows what idiot would jump in and attempt to steer it. The Comet Observatory was notorious for apparently being in two places at one time, but Rosalina reassured everyone that the one in the garage was a mirage more times than not, so no one would sneak onto her spaceship and fly off.

Samus was glad that the oranges have yet to reach the garage, but it wouldn't be long until they found the location and attempted to seize everything. Things would take a turn for the worse if they left Smashopolis piloting these powerful fleets.

Viridi was the only one in the garage standing where the Comet Observatory used to be. She tapped her foot impatiently as if waiting for the surviving Smashers to come to the garage.

"Viridi!" Pit exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"Hiding out from those annoying oranges." Viridi answered as she huffed her cheeks. "It doesn't mean much for me. I don't have a chest so those bastards don't want anything to do with me!"

Samus found that hard to believe seeing as how Robin got dragged off after making a hissy fit about wanting large breasts. The bounty hunter had a feeling that Viridi probably killed the oranges that came to her and demanded them to make her appear like a grown up. The Goddess of Nature was so terrifying that they probably decided that Viridi wasn't worth it.

"Where are Lady Palutena and Rosalina?" Lucina questioned.

"Oh, Rosalina intended to ditch everyone here including the Luma!" Viridi exclaimed. "I had no idea she had it in her to abandon her closest allies if it meant getting a good laugh for a little while longer."

"So…she's in space already." Samus concluded.

"Correct! I was just waiting for any Smasher to come by so I can take them back and give Rosalina a piece of my mind!" Looking at the group, she was satisfied for the most part but was saddened how Link didn't make it…

"How do you intend to take all of us?"

"Well…since it seems like the main idiot is with us, I think I'll just take him and that…orange Homs…"

Lucina shook her head seeing how useless Reyn was being. Having an orange as a head was the equivalent to Reyn having no head. Oh, she would hate to see how he moved around without any senses.

"You will have to make it three people." Samus began. "I don't have room on the ship for one more person."

"Are you kidding me?! Is that why your ship shrinks in every game?"

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing! Just get in your ship and head to the Comet Observatory! Knowing Rosalina, it's still near the Smash Brothers Realm."

The reason Viridi didn't want to warp so many people was because she wasn't as powerful as Palutena or the other Gods. As one of the younger Goddesses, one person was the most she could teleport without pushing herself to her limits.

"Alright. Don't go off course."

Viridi glared at Samus for even implying she wasn't good at teleporting people. She twirled her staff and easily whisked the trio out of the mansion before the oranges came in.

Me: TBC with 4950 words.

Li: And I got…abducted again…

Me: Embarrassing I know. Notes!

1. Yes, even the Orange Realm has a dragon of some sort. Now imagine Grima only orange. (And yes, they're the flat twins because Rob is a guy but even if he were a girl, he would be flat. The only way to fix it for Rob is if he were a slime monster).

2. Despite how much crack this story is, this takes place many timelines before Let's Not Lose Our Heads so it's foreshadowing that story (and I'm totally not telling you guys to go read that).

There isn't much to say here. Reviews are appreciated. Ja ne!