Alright- I wanted to do a more angsty, realistic take on Eren leaning to control his transformations and adjusting to his new life with the scouting legion. He's fifteen, still a kid, seperated from the only people he's known, with the hopes of humanity on his shoulders. At some point, he has to buckle and fall- this fic is about his struggle to please others, and to accept himself for what he is as a person instead of a monster. TRIGGER WARNING; contains self-harm and self-hate, depressing themes.

He'd nearly cost himself everything, all because he'd gone titan while trying to reach a damn spoon. The unexpected transformation in itself had rattled him, leaving him exhausted- he'd barely managed to walk back to the castle dungeon without aid, stumbling and nearly falling several times, too tired to care about the incredibly hot glares his squadmates gave him.

Now, though, as he laid on the rickety bed in the cell, sleep eluded him.

They had been ready to kill him. All of them- everyone except Levi had had their blades out, shouting him down. It was disorienting enough to accidentally transform, let alone to come back to his senses to find everyone about to kill him...

Most of all, he was thankful for Levi. The man ordering his squad to back down was the only thing that'd saved the situation, and in all honesty- he felt safe around Levi, knowing the man would assess a situation involving his Titan form before trying to kill him.

After today, he couldn't say the same for the others.

"He transformed! What the hell did you expect us to do!? Hold his hand!?"

Someone was arguing atop the stairs, that much was clear. Whoever they were, they didn't know it, but it echoed down to the dungeons.

He winced at the yelling, recognizing Eld's gruff voice as he argued with the Captain.

"With all due respect, Sir- he was close to you. For all we knew, his goal was to eliminate you! We acted as the situation dictated..."

Petra? Petra's voice floated down too- Eren felt like dying when he realized Levi had assembled the entire squad to talk about what'd happened today...

"He doesn't understand his powers. You all saw the look on his face- he was startled- so how exactly would shouting him down help the situation?" Levi deadpanned. "Was it really necessary to threaten him with death?"

"Isn't that what this squad does, Sir?" Gunther's voice, low and calculated, sent something akin to shivers up his spine. "The boy is a titan."

"He's human. If he loses control- if and only if- I will be the one to cut him down. You understand me?" Levi's tone was gravely and grave, and while it reassured Eren- his stomach still churned when he realized his squadmates thought of him as a Titan, not human.

"And if you can't make the assessment in time? The kid's a damn weapon, Captain- whether or not he can control his ability is irrelevant. We can't have the kid transforming every time he stubs his damn toe!" Auruo spoke up harshly. Eren covered his ears against the harsh tone, fighting back the tears as the words echoed in his mind...

"Give me fifteen laps, soldier." Levi's voice was abrasive, and Eren cringed at his tone. There was a pregnant pause- "Are you deaf, Auruo?" Levi demanded, voice stone-cold.

"No, Sir." and the footsteps faded. He couldn't make out anymore conversation, though- they must've lowered their voices. Or else Levi had dismissed everyone.

He was left on the rough stone slab again, staring at the ceiling, hands rested behind her head. He wondered about the truth behind their words.

Are they right? he wondered quietly. He swallowed.

I'm dangerous- I know that. I do my best as a soldier- but I'm not skilled like Mikasa. Compared to these guys- my skills are minimal. I wouldn't ever be in the Scout Regimine if it weren't for my Titan Ability. And even they don't trust me... How can we work as a damn team if they all hate me!?

He jumped to his feet, punching the wall, frustrated. All he did was bloody his knuckles, and he strode over to the small sink of his bathroom, their distrust still echoing in his ears.

He leaned heavily on the sink, the blood trickling down his knuckles as he panted, frustrated. He was absolutely exhausted...

This is your fault. he growled at himself, staring at the boy in the mirror. If only you could control your damn powers, you'd be the greatest asset to humanity! You'd actually be worth something!

He fell to his knees on the ground, dissolving into sobs. Why can't you be worth something?

"I-I'll learn to control you." he growled, arms wrapped around himself, nails digging into his upper arms. He was speaking to the monster within himself, his voice husky with determination "Even if I have to bleed you out one drop at a time."

With his declaration made, he finally succumbed to exhaustion. And for a few sweet hours, Eren Jager was dead to the world.

Thoughts? Please review!