"Whatever keeps you off the balcony, big guy."

Chandler rolled his eyes at the bathroom celling then lifted his head off the folded towel behind him. He narrowed his eyes as he glared at the magazine now open in front of his wife's face.

At that moment Monica crossed her legs over his under the bubbles, locking her ankles and resting them against the top of his thighs. She was all settled in.

Eyes still wide open, he dropped back against the towel. He rolled his head to the left, glancing briefly at the john just a few feet away and making a mildly disgusted face. Monica turned a page in her magazine and began to hum some nondescript tune, oblivious to the thoughts now occupying the space between her husband's ears.

"Mon?"

"Hum?"

"Speaking of the balcony…"

Behind her magazine, Monica closed her eyes briefly and sighed, chastising herself for bringing up the balcony in the first place. She took a deep breath.

"What about the balcony?" she asked, not bothering to move the magazine from its positon in front of her.

"I have a question," he said in a matter-of-fact way, sitting up a little, making the water wave and the bubbles bop around.

"I believe you've already asked that question," Monica said dismissively, turning to another page.

He sighed, then smirked to himself. Time to activate his inner puppy dog.

"Why would you agree to throw-the-panties-on-the-phone-poll sex out there with an ex-boyfriend and you won't even consider doing it with your husband?"

The slightly pathetic tenor of his voice caught her attention and she peeked over the edge of her periodical. His bright, sad blue eyes and little frown made her stomach do little flip flops, like it always did. If he didn't look adorable with his hair sticking up and that look on his face. She sure as hell knew better than to fall for it, but she felt herself give in just a touch anyway.

"Honey," she sighed. "It was…impulsive. It was years ago. I was young and…stupid…and, ya know, my brother didn't live in the front row…"

"So all the impulsiveness ended when you got old and settled down with me," he said with grinning sarcasm, cocking his head to the side. She smirked at him and looked to her magazine once again.

"Way to score points there, babe," she said, convinced the discussion had ended exactly the way she expected it would.

Chandler shook his head and threw up his arms in mock-surrender, then settled them on the edges of the tub once again. He wiggled his eyebrows at an oblivious Monica. He knew she was sure she'd won, but he really wasn't about to surrender.

He shifted his legs out from under hers, moving to run the sides of his pruney feet up and down the sides of her torso, beginning to inch them ever closer together.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing…"

"Chandler…" she warned, sucking in her breath when his toes brushed across the bottom of her breasts.

"So, how exactly did your underwear get there?" he asked softly, shifting position and now slowly running his fingertips up her legs and moving to her end of the tub.

"I…I don't remember," she lied, still hiding behind the magazine, which she was about ready to involuntarily drop into the bubbles below. The higher his hands glided up her thighs the shallower her breath became. Suddenly his hands were off her body and she raised her eyebrows in surprise, then smiled triumphantly. She was about to turn to another page when the whole magazine was suddenly snatched out of her hands. Chandler flipped it and it landed, safe and dry, on the top of the toilet seat. He grinned at the mildly shocked expression on her face.

"What are you doing?" she said softly with a teasing smile, his face now inches from hers. "Don't start what you won't finish."

"Have I ever not finished?" he whispered, brushing her lips with his as her hands landed on his shoulders.

She smirked back at him, unconvinced, and nodded to her right.

"You won't do it in the bathroom, you know that," she whispered back to him.

"Won't I?" he said, moving his fingers closer, higher against her upper thighs.

"The potty is right there," she pointed, trying not to get too excited about where this was headed, even as her heart started to race.

"So?" he said, moving his lips to her neck as he willed himself not to think about the potty being right there.

"People do number two," she mumbled, a laugh deep in her throat as she lolled her head to the side and tried to remember why she was fighting this in the first place.

He grinned and moved his hands to cup her bottom, water splashing out of the tub as he straddled her and shrugged.

"You clean it, what, five times a day?" he said between kisses on her cheeks and her chin, gently squeezing her butt as she playfully slapped his shoulders. He chuckled softly.

"You wouldn't put this sweet ass on something germy," he breathed before pushing his chest against hers and capturing her lips with his.

He tried hard not to smirk against her mouth as he heard her moan, her fingers running through his hair and over his shoulders, pulling her body closer to him as the water swished all around them.

He looked into his wife's dilated, hazy gaze as they broke for air, and he couldn't help but grin mischievously as he let her go and scurried back against his side of the tub.

"Oh, I knew it!" Monica said, breathless, pointing at him and narrowing her eyes.

"How'd your panties get on the pole, my love?" he asked, all wide-eyed innocence now.

"I'm not going to tell you now," she pouted, laying heavily back against her end of the tub and crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, yeah, ya are," he said just before his head ducked under the water. Monica blinked in shock at first and then…

"Oh…ohhhh," she almost jumped, grabbing the sides of the tub until her knuckles were white. She threw her head back.

"Oh, God, you are not playing fair," she moaned as he continued to do things to her body that the best combination of bath salts in the world couldn't have replicated. She was squirming when his wet face finally emerged from under the remaining bubbles. Water dripped from the ends of his hair as he gulped for air. When he immediately laid his sweet, lopsided grin on her - his eyes full of lust and mirth - she knew it was 'game over.'

"If you don't tell me…" he breathed against her mouth. She pulled his lips to hers for a hard, passion-filled moment.

"Mon," he finally mumbled, his body flush against hers against the bathtub. At this point he knew no matter what she said he was too turned on to go back now.

"OK, OK," she whispered, trying to catch her breath as he gathered her into his arms, wrapping them around her tightly, their slick bodies rubbing against one another.

Their heavy breathing mingled in what was left of the now-tepid bath water. Neither noticed the water's temperature, too wrapped up in each other to pay it any heed at that moment.

"Are you gonna tell me?" he whispered as he kissed her again. She kissed him back with as much passion, then tried to free her lips from his.

"Are you gonna stop kissing me for five seconds?" she asked with a breathy laugh, though she did think five seconds sounded like a long time.

"No, but I'll let you talk," he said, moving his mouth to her collarbone.

"Not helping," she sighed.

"Spill it, woman."

"Ugh, OK…I…I was the one who threw the…them and they, ah, ended up on the pole," she admitted. "Even before any…um…sex took place."

Chandler froze and pulled back enough to look into her face.

"Huh?"

Monica sighed.

"We were…I was attempting to, um, spice things up," she said, her already pink face turning just a shade darker as she averted her gaze from his.

"Spice things up?" he asked, skeptical. "With Fun Bobby?"

"Yes!" she said, becoming a little embarrassed now. "He was…he was not a great, ya know, lover and I thought if, ya know, we did it on…outside…added an element of, well, ya know, spice it up it might be better."

Chandler's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"And…was it?" he asked, amused now. He full-out laughed as she snorted.

"Not even a little bit," she said, a smile creeping onto her face. "Believe me, I was so quiet you could hear the crickets chirp in the city."

"No way," he said in total disbelief. "You can't be quiet."

"I know I can't be quiet now," she said, feeling her cheeks redden even further as a self-satisfied smile broke across her husband's face. She ran her fingertips up and down his shoulders and around his neck.

"That's why…well, that and Ross being across the street," she said, lovingly stroking his cheek, adding an extra kiss for emphasis. "Half of the Village would probably think you were trying to kill me out there."

She smiled softly at him as she watched his ego fill the room. He beamed at her in return.

"Damn, I love you," he whispered.

"I know you do," she breathed, kissing his jaw and scraping her nails along his shoulder blades.

"Humm…" Chandler murmured as he resumed caressing and kissing his wife as she sighed deeply, running her hands through his now cold, drenched hair.

"Ch…Chandler," she finally said softly between burning kisses. She pushed her hands against his shoulders twice before he stopped, his eyes fixing on her in confusion.

Their movements stilled, Monica could really feel the chill in the now much shallower water.

"I know you really don't want to…" she nodded toward the toilet. "We can move to the bedroom…"

He glanced to his left, then back at her innocent face, knowing that no matter how turned on they both were, she wouldn't expect him to continue if he wasn't comfortable where they were.

And in that moment he decided to drop the balcony issue once and for all.

He grinned at her.

"Nope," he said, then kissed her mouth before slowly making his way down her body.

"But, but the potty…" she said between short gasps as his lips graced the top of her breast, her hips bucking against him under the water.

"Don't care," he murmured, breathless, his hands moving over her erogenous zones with skill and ease as his tongue teased her nipple.

She arched her back, the cold water all but forgotten in the heat generated between them.

"C…condom?" she squeaked out, breathing heavily now.

That got his attention. He released her breast and slowly crawled over her, the hard length of him gliding up her submerged, sensitive skin.

"Don't care about that either, Mon," he said quietly, reassuringly as his eyes searched her face. Her expression softened even more as his words sunk in, love for him jumping from her gaze into his racing heart. He kissed her softly.

"All I care about," he said, maneuvering himself between her legs, his lips still brushing hers, "is how loud I can make you get with all this tile in here."

He smirked at her and she grinned, then as if on cue she moaned loudly as he focused all his attention back on her body once again.

And right then and there she decided there would come a time when she would have sex on the balcony with her husband after all.

NOTE: Hi. :)

May take me another month or two to write chapter 2, so I'm not back back, but…maybe a little? ;)