Home. Clarke Griffin is back home. It's almost 3 am, she's lying in her bed with her head on her boyfriend's chest, and all she can think about is how lucky she is to be back in California. It's not because she loves her city so much. 6 years ago she left not only her city, but her people. Her mum, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven. Her family. And now she's got her family back.

Clarke had a good reason to move out. She's always wanted to be an artist and a university in DC gave her a perfect opportunity. It was so worth it, because she's only 25 and she's one of the most popular young artist in DC and soon, hopefully, in Los Angeles. She's beautiful, rich, and her art is all over tumblr. Her life seems to be perfect.

She is happy. She really is. Now that she's back she's more than happy. But she has that weird feeling that something's missing. Like she doesn't belong. Like this is not where she's supposed to be. She's not sure she's living the life she wants to. She feels lost and Clarke's tired of feeling like this. Moving back to Cali is supposed to make her feel better, but now that she's finally there she's not so sure about it anymore.

She hears Bellamy's quiet snore. She looks at his face and smiles. She loves him. She really does. It feels good to be with him. He cares about her, he loves her, he supports her no matter what. He's good for her. They've known each other for almost 20 years now, and they've dated for almost 7 and she thinks it's been the best 7 years of her whole life. She thinks Bellamy might be the one.

She checks the time again. She knows she won't fall asleep tonight, so she gets up trying not to wake her boyfriend up, puts her clothes on and leaves his warm apartment. She decides to go to the park, the one she'd go with her father to when she was young. She loves watching the city sleep, it feels like she's the only person left on Earth, and she likes being alone sometimes. The city is much different from the way it usually looks and Clarke loves it. Once she reaches her destination, she finds a bench and sits down. The park is almost empty, she can see only few homeless kids sleeping on the ground. Her heart aches for them. When she was younger she would make cookies for homeless people with her father. She wishes she could help them, but she's aware there's not much she can do.

She sighs. Thankfully, she always has her sketchbook with her. She opens it and starts sketching the kids. She has to admit, it doesn't make her happy anymore. Clarke feels like she's doing this only to satisfy others – her fans and her critics, not because she enjoys it. Because she doesn't. Not anymore. Clarke needs an inspiration, especially now, when she's preparing her first gallery exhibition in LA. She hopes to find it here, in California, but again, she's not sure if it helps.

Suddenly, she hears a movement behind her and before she can turn around she hears a voice.

"You have anything?"

When she turns around, she sees a girl, probably her age, looking back at her. She's so incredibly hot Clarke's speechless for a moment (yes, it is pretty dark in the park, but still). Everything about the girl is just wow. Her chestnut hair, her gorgeous face, her voice, her eyes. Probably the greenest eyes Clarke has ever seen. The blonde suddenly gets thirsty.

She looks down and then again at the girl. The brunette frowns and tries again.

"You know, drugs?"

"Uh, no, sorry." Clarke finally replies, embarrassed.

The girl nods and moves to sit next to the blonde. When Clarke looks at her again, the girl is looking at something in the distance. She notices that even though the girl is pretty (so damn pretty), she looks terrible. To be honest, she looks like shit. She is pale and her leather jacket and a muscle shirt seem to hang on her skinny body. Her full, pink lips are chapped. She looks like she haven't used anything in a while. Clarke realizes she's staring again, so she asks curiously.

"Shouldn't you be more careful? How do you know I'm not a cop?"

"Yeah, probably." the brunette shrugs. "You don't look like a cop."

"But I do look like a drug dealer?" she laughs.

"Not at all. That's why you'd be a great dealer."

"Maybe I should rethink my career path then." Clarke jokes.

The girl finally looks at her, gives her a sad smile, and says:

"No, you should stay away from this shit."

They sit in silence for a while, the girl's eyes never leaving Clarke's, until the blonde decides to break it.

"So what's your name?" she asks.

"Now that I think about it you might be a cop, so I don't think I can tell you. How do I know you won't arrest me later for trying to buy heroin?" the girl asks seriously.

Clarke rolls her eyes. "It's only a name. I'm not asking you to give me your address. "

"It'd be easy to find me though. There's only one hot brunette named Lexa in this town." she winks.

"You're so full of yourself." Clarke laughs.

The brunette smirks and asks: "What's your name?"

"Clarke."

"Clarke. " she says. "I like it. It's different. Unusual."

"I've been told." she replies.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Clarke."

For some reason, Clarke really likes the way Lexa says her name.

"So what are you doing here in the middle of the night if you're not a dealer?"

"I just felt like drawing." Clarke shrugs and looks down at her sketchbook.

"That's nice. Are you an artist?"

"Yeah, I am." Clarke smiles. She doesn't enjoy art that much anymore, but she's still proud of herself.

Lexa looks impressed. "That's amazing. I bet you're really good. Can I see your drawings?"

Clarke blushes. While she doesn't mind people seeing her paintings, her drawings are different. They're much more personal and she's not ready to show them to some girl she met 10 minutes ago. "Maybe next time." she smiles.

"Oh, so there's going to be the next time?" Lexa smirks.

"Yeah, I think we should do it again. Meet, I mean. I could show you some of my drawings. If you want to, of course." Clarke offers.

"I'd love that."

The blonde grins: "Next week then?"

It's late in the evening when Clarke wakes up. She slowly opens her eyes and realizes she's alone in the bedroom. She remembers her morning and smiles. After Lexa agreed to meet her in the park next week they exchanged phone numbers and Clarke left shortly afterwards. When she got into Bellamy's apartment it was early in the morning, so she quickly fell asleep.

She stretches and groans loudly. She checks her phone before getting up to see if she's got any messages from Lexa, but instead she finds several missed phone calls from Octavia and Raven and some Instagram notifications. She ignores all of them and decides to shower first. Once she's done she goes to the kitchen where she finds a note from Bell:

I gotta go to work, I'll be back late. O and Rae want to come over so you won't be alone. Love ya.

B.

She smiles and texts the girls to let them know they can come over. She grabs something to eat and heads to the living room to wait for the girls there.

She's known Octavia and Raven nearly her whole life. They met when they were very young, in kindergarten. Bellamy is Octavia's older brother, so he joined the squad shortly afterwards and they've been friends ever since. She has other friends, of course, but she aren't as important to her as the Blake siblings and Raven. They supported her when she needed them the most, they had her back no matter what, even when she left them and moved to DC. Clarke loves them with all her heart.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Open the damn door, Griffin. It's fucking freezing!" Octavia yells.

Clarke smiles and goes to the small corridor to open the door. Before she can do anything else she's attacked my two pairs of familiar arms. She hugs both Raven and Octavia tightly and kisses them both on their cheeks.

"I've missed you, assholes." she smiles.

"Of course you have, we're awesome." Raven says loudly.

Her friends finally release her and she notices Lincoln standing behind them.

"Hi Clarke." he smiles and hugs her too.

"Hello, Linc. How've you been?" Clarke asks her younger friend.

"Alright, thanks." he replies.

"Enough, I'm starving." Octavia interrupts them and goes straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat.

After a while they are all sitting in the living room eating anything they could find in Bell's fridge and watching TV. They quickly get bored, so they start talking about Lincoln's upcoming birthday party. He's turning 19 this Friday, so he's much younger than the rest of the squad, but it's never bothered them. Even though they're 6 years older than him.

"I can't throw a house party, so what do you think about going out?" the boy asks.

"There's that new club, "The Ark", I hear it's pretty cool. We could go there. Don't worry, we'll get you something to drink" Raven winks at the boy.

They all agree to go there.

"Who are you gonna invite?" O asks.

"You, guys, Bell, Monty, Jasper, Maya, Miller, Harper, and Monroe."

"12 people then."

"Who the fuck are Maya and Miller?" Clarke's confused.

"Maya's Jasper's girlfriend and Miller's dating Monty."

"Cool."

"Wait, what about your sister?" Raven asks unexpectedly. "You're not gonna invite the Commander?"

"No. She's not invited." Lincoln's voice is as cold as his glare.

Raven sighs. "You two need to stop this shit and you know it. Your birthday party is a great opportunity to talk to her."

"She'll probably say no anyway." he replies.

"Well, you need to ask her to find out. Seriously, Linc, talk to her." Octavia says softly.

"Alright, I'll do it." he mumbles.

Clarke's sitting in silence, listening to her friends' conversation. She's never met Lincoln's sister and she doesn't know much about her, since the boy hardly ever talks about the girl. She can't wait to meet her though, she feels like they should talk. Her absence in Lincoln's life clearly saddens her friend, so she's going to talk to that bitch and make her spend time with her brother, no matter how busy she is.

They leave late that day, but before the end of Bellamy's shift. Clarke sketches for a while, thinking about the mysterious girl she met in the park earlier. It's been a busy day, so she didn't really have time to do check her phone until now. Clarke isn't disappointed when she finds no messages from Lexa, it's not like the other girl promised she'd text her that day.

(She totally is disappointed.)

She sighs heavily and decides to go to bed. She gets up from the couch when she hears the door open. She grins and goes to the corridor, where she finds her boyfriend taking his shoes off.

"Hey, Princess." He smiles and pulls her in for a hug. "I missed you."

She kisses him on his cheek. "How was work?"

"Boring. Tell me about your day though."

"Absolutely terrible. Your sister's still the same annoying kid. And don't get me started on that Reyes girl. Good Lincoln was here, you know he's the only one I love." Clarke jokes.

Bellamy laughs loudly. "I think what you mean is 'I missed them all so much and I'm glad I got to see them again', am I right?"

"Yep." She replies and kisses him.

"Let's go to sleep."

"Okay." she kisses him again.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah?" another kiss.

"I love you."

She smiles and says "I love you, too." before she kisses him again.

It's Friday and Clarke wakes up alone again. She assumes Bellamy left already. She gets up abruptly. She's supposed to help Raven get a birthday gift for Lincoln and she's pretty sure she's late. And she's right – she checks her phone and finds several missed calls and messages from her best friend, as well as a message from an unknown number. She opens it first.

11:04 AM

Unknown number: Hello, Clarke, this is Lexa. I just wanted to make sure you still want to meet next Tuesday.

11:22 AM

Unknown number: Clarke?

11:26 AM

Unknown number: It's okay if you don't want to meet anymore, just let me know.

11:31 AM

Unknown number: It's Clarke's number, right?

11:39 AM

Unknown number: If it's not, I apologize.

Clarke smiles and replies:

12:41 PM

Clarke: no worries lexa it's me. cant wait to see you again :))

Lexa replies almost immediately:

12:42 PM

Lexa: I'm glad. I apologize for panicking and sending you so many messages.

12:43 PM

Clarke: its fine lex really :)

12:45 PM

Lexa: Okay. I can't wait either, Clarke.

12:45 PM

Lexa: :)

Clarke puts her phone down. She's relieved now that she's gotten a message from Lexa. She's not sure why, but she can't wait to see her again. She wants to get to know Lexa, she wants to be Lexa's friend. Definitely. A friend.

Clarke is exhausted. Shopping with Raven was fun, but it took the other girl almost 4 hours to finally decide what she wants to get. That's why she's happy the party's already started – at least she can sit and drink her beer in piece. She looks at her friends dancing and smiles. They're all so happy, even Lincoln. His sister hasn't appeared yet and Clarke was already plotting her murder for letting her friend down.

"Clarke."

She turns around and finds Lexa standing next to her. Clarke smiles.

"Lexa, hey. You wanna join me?"

The other girl nods and sits down.

"What are you doing here?" the blonde asks.

"It's my brother's birthday today and he invited me to go out with him and his friends. It seems he's having fun right now and I don't want to interrupt."

"You're Lincoln's sister?!" Clarke is shocked.

"You know Linc?"

"He's one of my friends. And i'm going to kick your ass now."

"What? Why?" Lexa looks at the girl and raises her eyebrow.

"Are you serious right now?" the blonde snaps. "He misses you. He needs you in his life. Do you have any idea how disappointed he is because he thinks you're not here tonight? He loves you and you don't give a shit!"

The brunette clenches her jaw and for a moment Clarke thinks she will leave. But instead Lexa looks down and says:

"No, he doesn't. He hates me. I can see the disgust in his eyes every time he looks at me. He doesn't need someone like me in his life."

Clarke is surprised. She didn't expect to hear that. She takes one of Lexa's hands and squeezes it. The brunette slightly raises her head.

"It is not true, Lexa. He loves you. You should talk to him."

Lexa looks into her eyes and nods.

"Can I ask you something?" the blonde asks.

Lexa sighs. "No, Clarke, I'm not high."

"Yeah, sorry." Clarke is embarrassed.

"I've been clean for a while now."

"So you didn't buy anything that night?"

"No." the brunette shakes her head.

"How does it feel? Being clean?"

"Fucking terrible." Lexa smiles faintly.

"Can I ask one more question?"

"Sure."

"Why do they call you 'the Commander'?"

The other girl laughs, but she's interrupted before she can answer.

"Lexa?"

The two girls look up and see Lincoln's smiling face. Clarke notices she's still holding Lexa's hand and quickly lets go of it.

Lexa grins and gets up. "Hey little brother."

He hugs her tightly and they remain this way for a moment. Clarke watches them with a smile.

"I'm glad you're here." he says.

"There's nowhere I'd rather be." she assures him.

The rest of the squad approaches them. "Good to see you, Commander." Raven says.

"It's good to see you too, guys." Lexa responds. They all sit down.

"How've you been, Lex? I haven't seen you in a while." Lincoln asks. Clarke can see the change in his behavior – he's much happier and more relaxed now. She has no idea how it's possible Lexa doesn't see it.

"Yeah, uh, sorry about that. I didn't feel good, but I'm better now." she promises. "Let's talk about something else now, though. We'll have time to catch up later."

"Oh really? So you're not gonna disappear like you usually do?" Lincoln's not convinced.

"No, I'll be here as long as you need me." she says and he smiles widely.

"Okay."

"Okay."

They all sit in silence for a few minutes before Bellamy asks.

"Wait. You know Clarke?"

"Yeah, we met the other day." Clarke explains.

"So this is that famous girlfriend of yours." Lexa suddenly realizes.

"Yep, this is my Clarke." Bellamy smiles and Clarke kisses him on his cheek.

"Cool." When Clarke looks at Lexa again, the brunette seems to look disappointed.

They spend the rest of the night talking and dancing. It's almost 3 AM and they're all pretty drunk when they decide it's time to go home.

"You can crash at my place, guys." Bellamy offers.

"You don't have to invite us, we'd do it anyway." Octavia replies.

Bellamy rolls his eyes.

Lexa interrupts him. "I should get going guys. I had fun, thanks for inviting me." She's about to leave when Lincoln stops her.

"Where are you going? You can sleep in your room, you still live with us."

"I don't think mother would be happy to see me." she answers.

"Don't be silly. Let's go."

Lexa glances at Clarke who smiles at her encouragingly.

"Okay then." she finally agrees. They all say their goodbye's and leave.

Lexa can't sleep. She is lying in her old bed, in her old bedroom. She lived in this room for 24 years and yet it doesn't feel familiar at all. It doesn't feel like her room anymore. It used to be clean and colorful, with posters and photos on the walls. Now it's dirty and empty. Lexa's sold almost everything she could find in this room, because she needed money to buy drugs. Her laptop, her uncle's guitar, her beloved bike. She'd do anything to get heroin, absolutely anything.

She haven't slept in this room for so long, she almost forgot what it looks like. Living here is too hard for her. She's the reason her mom is depressed, her brother lost his dad because of her, and she'll have to live with this forever. This is why she avoids them. She can't look them in their eyes, because all she feels is guilt that's eating her alive. Her presence only makes them angry anyway. She doesn't blame them though, she wants them to be angry at her, because seeing pity in their eyes is too much for her. She doesn't want it, she doesn't deserve it. She should stay away from her family. They deserve much better than this.

She sighs. She knows she should leave her family alone, she should leave this house and never come back again, but she can't bring herself to do this. She knows it would break Lincoln's heart. She can still see the way his face looked like when he saw her in the club talking to Clarke. She doesn't want to leave him again, but she knows that she has to. Seeing her brother again only makes her feel worse. She's been clean for almost a month now, but now all she can think about is shooting up again.

She doesn't want to think about it anymore, so she tries to think about Clarke instead. Surprisingly, it's easy for her to do that. She thinks about their another meeting next week and smiles. She can't wait to see the girl again. She likes talking to her. She doesn't look at her like she thinks she's pathetic, she doesn't judge her. Of course she knows, it's not easy for the blonde to accept her, but she doesn't expect it to be. She's glad she'll have someone to talk to, someone to spend time with. She has friends, she has Echo and Gustus, but they're not real friends. They're people she spends time with. There's no such thing as friendship in their world. If they had to, they'd fuck her over without thinking twice about it. She'd do the same. But Clarke's different. She belongs to a different world, and Lexa thinks this is what she needs. This is what she wants. She wants this adorable blonde with beautiful eyes, gorgeous lips, and an absolutely perfect body to be her friend.

Lexa freezes. Why is she thinking about Clarke's body, lips, and eyes? This is not something friends do. Is she crushing on Clarke already? She smiles. Damn, that's fast, but not surprising at all. The blonde is really hot. She can imagine holding the blonde, kissing her, and touching her. Making her happy.

Her smile immediately fades. There's no way she could make Clarke happy. She's a drug addict, she can only bring her pain. Besides, Clarke already has someone to make her happy, she's dating Bellamy. Lexa knows the other girl would never leave Bellamy for someone like her.

She sighs. This is going to be hard.

Clarke is incredibly excited. The meeting with her old friend, John Murphy, and now an owner of the Polis Gallery just ended and she couldn't be happier. She can't wait to tell Bellamy about it. She's waiting for him in their favorite bar. He's a little late, but she doesn't mind. She's so excited, her very first exhibition in California is all she can think about. None of her friends has ever been to her exhibition before and she can't wait to show them her paintings in the fucking Polis Gallery and make them proud. It's only August, so there's a few months left until Christmas, but she starts to plan everything in her journal.

She's interrupted by someone's familiar voice.

"Do you mind if I join you, miss?"

"I do. Please, stay away from me, or I'll have to call my big bad boyfriend." She says with a smile, not looking up.

Bellamy chuckles and kisses her on her cheek.

"How was the meeting, princess? Tell me everything." he asks.

He gives her a tight hug when she's done.

"I'm proud of you, did you know that?" he whispers.

"Thanks, Bell. It means a lot to me." she quietly replies.

They both sit down again. After a few minutes of comfortable silence Bellamy asks.

"How do you feel? Are you ready to show Cage Wallace you're one of the best artists in the country and he's just an old jealous fuck?" he winks and she rolls her eyes.

"He's not old. But I can't wait to kick his ass, to be honest." she mumbles. She hates Cage Wallace more than anything. She hates his sexist comments about her paintings, she hates his stupid smirk. She hopes this exhibition will shut his dirty mouth up.

"You can't even fight, Clarke. Remember when you tried to fight Harper, because she'd touched your toy dinosaur and you tripped and broke your arm?" he giggles.

"I wasn't as strong as I am now. And you know how I feel about Mr. Raccoon."

"It happened 6 months ago, Clarke."

"I don't care." she mumbles. Mr. Raccoon is her favorite toy and nobody's allowed touch him without her permission.

He laughs even louder and she kicks his leg under the table.

It's Tuesday night and Clarke's wide awake. It's 2:45 AM and she's supposed to meet Lexa soon. She can't stop smiling, she's missed the other girl. She can't stop thinking about all the things she wants to ask her. She can't wait to see the brunette's face when she sees Clarke's drawings. The thought of seeing Lexa again makes her very excited.

Clarke leaves the apartment making sure Bellamy doesn't wake up. She doesn't know why she hasn't told her boyfriend about her secret meetings with Lexa. But she knows he wouldn't approve. He couldn't hide his disgust when Clarke asked him about Lexa the day after the party. Lexa's been nothing but kind to her, so Clarke can't understand his reaction. Okay, she's a junkie, but the brunette doesn't deserve that treatment. Lexa isn't a bad person. Not at all.

It takes her a while to get to the park. When she finds their bench Lexa's already there. She grins and says:

"Sorry, stranger, but this bench is mine." she jokes.

Lexa looks at her and smiles back.

"I can't move. You see, there's that pretty blonde I'm waiting for." she winks.

Clarke chuckles. "That must be me then."

She sits next to Lexa and looks at the girl again. She notices the girl looks much better today. She's not as pale, she's smiling, and her eyes are shining. Her clothes don't seem to hang on her body anymore. She looks absolutely amazing. Clarke thinks she's never seen anyone as pretty as Lexa.

They look into each other's eyes for a few minutes, before Lexa breaks the silence.

"Not that I don't enjoy what we're doing right now, but I believe you promised you'd let me see your drawings."

"Oh, yes, sure. Here's my sketchbook." she hands it to the other girl and turns away so the other girl can't see her face. "They're not that good though. And they're not really drawings, they're just doodles. So yeah, it's totally okay if you don't like them. But you wanted to see so-"

"Clarke, could you please shut up for a moment? They're absolutely perfect." When Clarke looks at the girl again, Lexa's looking at her sketches with a smile. Then she looks into Clarke's eyes and the blonde can see her words were sincere. She blushes and says:

"Thanks Lexa. It means a lot to me."

"Oh really? You're pretty famous, you shouldn't care about what I think about your art." she jokes.

"How do you know I'm famous?"

"Bellamy talks about you all the time." Clarke rolls her eyes and Lexa chuckles.

"You look cute together." Lexa says.

"Yeah, but you have to remember I'm the cute one." Clarke jokes again.

"Oh, definitely. Bellamy's not my type." she laughs.

"And I am?" Clarke smirks.

The brunette winks and replies: "Maybe."

"You look better today." Clarke says.

"Are you flirting with me?" she asks jokingly.

"I'm serious."

Lexa sighs and turns away. "You want to talk about it." It's not a question. She can almost hear the blonde's thoughts.

"I just don't understand."

"You don't have to."

"I want to. I'm your friend."

Lexa's eyes start scanning Clarke's face.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you want to be my friend? You have friends. Normal friends."

"You are normal."

"You can't help me."

"I know."

"I'm not gonna stop."

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Because I like you. I like spending time with you."

Lexa nods after a while.

"What about Bellamy?"

Clarke's confused. "What about him?"

"What does he thinks about it?"

"I don't care."

"He doesn't know."

"Yeah." Clarke looks at the girl and feels guilty when notices the hurt look on Lexa's face.

"I understand. You're ashamed." Lexa's stands up and turns to leave but Clarke stops her.

"No, Lexa, I'm not ashamed. I promise, I'll tell Bellamy."

Lexa nods and they both sit down again.

"You will tell me, right?" Clarke whispers.

"I will." she promises. "But not today. I'm not ready yet."

"Okay." the blonde smiles softly.

They sit in silence. Clarke notices those homeless kids she saw a week ago.

"My dad and I used to make cookies for homeless people when I was younger." Clarke whispers, her gaze focused on the people. She's surprised when she feels Lexa's hand on hers and a light squeeze.

"What happened to him?" Lexa asks.

"He's dead. He died in a car accident."

The brunette nods and squeezes her hand again. Clarke lays her head on Lexa's shoulder. They just sit like this for so long in feels like hours. She knows she should go home, but she doesn't want to. She wants to stay on this bench with Lexa. It feels strange and familiar at the same time. Strange, because Clarke hasn't felt like this in a long time. Familiar, because it feels like she's known her for years. Something about Lexa, something about being next to her, just feels right. She doesn't know what it is, but it only makes her smile wider.

Clarke raises her head to look at Lexa. She looks so beautiful like this, Clarke can't help but smile. The brunette notices it and smiles back. For a moment they just stare like this at each other, not moving, not saying anything. She's never felt anything like this. Not with Bellamy, not with anyone else. Once she realizes that her smile fades. She secretly left her boyfriend's apartment in the middle of the night just to sit on a bench with a girl she met last week. She quickly stands up, avoiding Lexa's concerned gaze. She clears her throat and says:

"I have to go. It was good to see you again."

"Are you okay, Clarke?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Okay. See you soon?"

Clarke nods, turns away and leaves the park.

On her way home, she's trying not to think about Lexa. Clarke knows she's being stupid. That girl is a drug addict. A heroin addict. She should stay away from her. Nothing good can come from this. She has better friends than this, friends who are good for her. She should avoid Lexa at all costs.

But she doesn't want to and she knows it isn't fair to think about the brunette like that. Lexa's been a great friend so far. She wants to help Lexa. She wants to get to know Lexa. She wants to go back to that park, find her and apologize for her stupid behavior. She wants to make sure her new friend knows how much she means to her.

She stops abruptly once she sees her boyfriend's apartment. She sighs and enters. She goes straight to the bedroom and where she finds still sleeping Bellamy. She feels a little guilty, but she tries to smile. Bellamy is what she wants and needs. She slips into bed and immediately falls asleep.

Lexa leaves the park shortly afterwards and goes to her mom's house. She's confused. What just happened? Why did Clarke leave like this? Did Lexa do something wrong? The brunette doesn't understand. She wants to text the blonde, but then she thinks it's not a good idea. Maybe it's better to give her some space. She decides to call Clarke in the evening.

Lexa's hurt. She's already accepted that nothing will ever happen between Clarke and her. She thinks it's better this way, for her and for Clarke, but she can't stop wishing she was the one who gets to sleep next to Clarke every night, who gets to hold her and kiss her. She wishes she was more than just a friend. She would never admit it but she's scared of these feelings. She knows nothing good can come from this – Clarke's dating someone else and she likes Lexa only as a friend. She's scared of getting hurt. She's scared Clarke will leave her. Like Costia. Clarke hasn't seen her when she's on drugs and Lexa's sure that once Clarke does, she'll leave. Who needs someone like this in their lives? Who needs someone who destroys everything she touches?

Lexa suddenly gets mad at herself for crushing on that girl. She's mad at herself for not being a normal girl, someone Clarke could fall in love with. She's mad for not being good enough. She's so full of that irrational anger she can barely breathe. She knows what's going on, she can feel it. There's no way she could calm herself down now. She doesn't want to feel anything, she wants to be numb. So instead of going home, first she decides to give Echo a call.

She gets home an hour later. She's not angry anymore, she's excited. So excited her hands shake. She thinks how stupid it was to stop doing it and she laughs. She's so happy she's finally going to do this, she can't focus on opening the front door. She gets inside and finds her brother leaning on the wall. He was clearly waiting for her. She grins.

"Hey, little brother."

"Where did you go?" he asks coolly.

"What?" she asks.

"Where did you go?" he repeats slowly. Lexa can see he's mad. Lexa doesn't care.

"I was in the park." she replies with a smile.

"What were you doing there?"

Lexa decides to tell him the truth. "I was with Clarke."

He obviously didn't expect that. "With Clarke?" he raises his brow. "Yeah, sure."

The girl gets more and more impatient. "Yes, Lincoln, with Clarke. You can ask her if you want."

She wants to leave when he grabs her arm and says: "Stay away from her."

"Let me go."

"Promise me."

"Fuck off, Lincoln, leave me the fuck alone!" she snaps. He finally lets her go and she goes to her bedroom. She takes a deep breath and smiles. Fuck Lincoln. She has better things to do right now. She searches her pockets until she finds a small bag.

"Hey baby." she whispers with a smile. She doesn't want Lincoln to hear. She doesn't know if her mother's home. She doesn't care. "I've missed you."