"Jesus fucking Christ, where the-"

"Behave, we're in the court."

"I don't care."

"Just stop it, Lexa," Clarke sighs, and places her hand on Lexa's bouncing leg.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous," Lexa mutters, and her leg stills. "Fuck, she fucked up my face, then she sent that fucking note. What if she tries something else?"

Clarke takes one of Lexa's hands and squeezes it gently.

"You're gonna be fine," she reassures her girlfriend. "You're safe."

"I'm not really worried about myself," Lexa mumbles.

"I know, Lex."

They've been waiting in the court for Echo's trial to start for at least an hour now. Apparently, something really important happened, that causes the judge to be late. It doesn't really help Lexa calm her nerves.

Clarke would be lying if she said she wasn't being nervous herself. Truthfully, she has been since Lexa finally told her about the note, which was way too late, in Clarke's opinion. Lexa spent 3 months in the rehab center, and she had been going to tell Clarke about it once she got back home, but she's never been good at keeping things from her girlfriend. She ended up showing the note to Clarke a week later, which was still late, in Clarke's opinion. Just as Lexa had predicted, the blonde panicked. She wanted to call the police, or, even better, Costia, and make them keep Lexa safe. Lexa couldn't blame her, she was scared too.

Besides, Echo already had her chance to get rid of Lexa, and she didn't. Lexa has a feeling that there's a reason why she's still alive. She didn't survive only to get killed few weeks later.

Lexa gets up abruptly. "Where the fuck is that motherfucking-"

"Lexa," Clarke hisses.

"Sorry," Lexa says, sitting down again. "I just want it to be over already."

Clarke takes a moment to look around the huge hall they're in. She doesn't recognize any faces, except for Bellamy's, who's sitting right next to Lexa, and telling Costia lame jokes. He seems to be the calmest person in the hall, but Clarke knows him, even though hiding his fear like this is something she doesn't get to see often.

She hears Costia laugh after yet another joke, but when the woman catches Clarke's eyes over Lexa's head, she sends her a glare that says "please, make him shut up, or I'll have to shoot him." Clarke only smirks, because let's be honest - Costia's jokes are just as bad, and Clarke is pretty sure she actually enjoys Bellamy's ones.

"Clarke?" Lexa says, drawing Clarke's attention back to her.

"Yeah?"

Lexa takes a deep breath. "Well, there's this thing I thought a lot about. I think I wanna-"

"I'm sorry for being late," the judge interrupts her, as he appears in the hall, panting heavily.

"I'm going to get prepared now, the trial will start in 10 minutes."

Lexa looks at him in disbelief. "Is he fucking serious? He appears now, that I wanted to tell you?"

Clarke chuckles. "You'll tell me later, babe."

Lexa rolls her eyes.

Three hours later.

"I thought it'd never end," Bellamy says.

"At one point I considered ordering pizza, but I don't think the judge would appreciate it," Costia admits.

"Maybe if you gave her a slice, she would. She looked almost as bored as Echo. I bet she was relieved when she heard she will spend 10 years in jail, not two more hours in that courtroom."

"Lexa, you owe me pizza," Costia says to the brunette, who's walking with Clarke right behind her and Bellamy.

"Lexa would rather have some vodka," Lexa answers.

"We get some vodka on our way home and then order pizza," Clarke says.

Costia stops abruptly. "Clarke, I love you."

"Hey, she's mine," Lexa protests.

"You can have Bellamy," Costia shrugs.

Clarke laughs. "Well, Bellamy's the only one of us that hasn't dated Lexa yet."

"You're all disgusting. I'm too gay to date Bellamy," Lexa says, but nobody can really hear her, because of Costia's loud laugh.

"So, what's that thing you wanted to tell me about?" Clarke asks, handing Lexa a plate.

The brunette stops washing it for a moment to look at her girlfriend. "It's nothing, really."

"It must be something, you look nervous," Clarke says.

"Yeah, but I'm not scared of telling you."

"So, what is it?"

Lexa resumes washing. "I want to get a job."

"Yeah, I know you do," Clarke says, frowning. Lexa has been talking about getting a job for a while now, what's so different about it now?

"I wanna work as an English teacher," Lexa says. "I know I said I'd take any job right now, but I didn't study for all these years to work as a bartender now."

Clarke grins and nearly shouts. "That's amazing!"

Lexa smiles, seeing how excited her girlfriend is. "I've already talked to Mr Thomas on the phone and I'm meeting him this Monday. That gives me two days to get ready for the interview."

"Thomas? That dude from your old high school?"

"Yeah, the principal," Lexa nods.

Clarke smiles again. "You'll do great, Lex. You're so getting this job."

"You think so?" Lexa asks, biting her lip.

"Sure, miss Woods," Clarke teases, tickling her sides.

Lexa squirms, trying not to laugh.

"Fuck off," she mumbles.

"Miss Woods, isn't it? Please, have a sit," Principal Kane says, looking up from his notebook.

"Thank you, sir," Lexa says, sitting down. She tries to give Kane a smile, but she's too nervous, and she knows the smile looks more like a grimace. The man still smiles back reassuringly.

"So, you're here, because you want to work as an English lit teacher in my school," he starts.

"Yes, sir."

"Why?" Kane asks simply.

"Why I want to work as a teacher or why here?"

"Why here?"

"I like this place. My brother used to go here," Lexa explains.

Kane nods. "But you didn't?"

"I didn't. We used to go to school together, but then he transferred," she says. "He liked it much better here, he would always say the teachers are nicer and the atmosphere is much better. Besides, it's a good school. From what I've heard my brother's words are true, so I thought this school would be the best place for a young teacher."

"Alright," he says, and looks down at Lexa's resume. "You're 27, and you got a master's degree, you completed a training, you also worked as a substitute teacher in college. Your resume looks good, great even, but why didn't you start to work right after you graduated? Why did you wait?"

Lexa sighs, and looks away from Kane's piercing gaze.

"Before I applied here, I had applied to other schools in the city, but then I'd lose the job, before I'd even get to start it," she says, loudly swallowing. "I'm a drug addict. I mean, I've been clean for over a year now, but yeah."

Kane doesn't say anything, watching her in silence. Finally, he raises an eyebrow. "You know what would happen if I gave you the job, and then the parents found out?"

Lexa's shoulders slump. "I know."

"You know how much I would risk, don't you?"

"I do, sir."

"You have all the required documents, but you don't really have any experience. I don't know if you'd be a good teacher. I don't know if it's worth the risk."

Lexa sighs. "I understand what it looks like, sir, but please, give me a chance. I've been doing really good, I've been to rehab, my private life got much better, I live with my girlfriend, and I don't hang out with other addicts. I even go to NA meetings every Saturday. But to get on my own feet I need a job, and how am I supposed to do that if nobody wants to give me a shot?"

Kane sighs. "I need to think about this. I really do need a teacher, and you would be a perfect candidate, but I need some time. I'll call you soon."

"Okay, I understand," she nods, disappointed, and gets up. "It was a pleasure to meet you, sir."

She turns around and moves to leave. Kane gets up as well.

"Miss Woods?"

"Yes?" she asks, stopping.

"Even if it isn't this one, you'll find a job. Don't give up."

Lexa turns her head and gives him a sad smile. "It's easy for you to say."

Kane calls her next Tuesday and invites her for another interview.

To be honest, she didn't expect him to call. She thought it was just one of those "I'll call you"s that actually mean "we want you to fuck off, but that would be unprofessional to say". She takes the phone call as a good sign, and goes to the school with a small smile on her face.

"I've been thinking a lot about your situation, miss Woods," Kane admits. "Is it okay if I ask you a few questions?"

Lexa gives him a faint nod.

"What are you addicted to?"

"Heroin, sir."

Kane nods, scratching his chin. "How old were you when you started?"

"24. I was using regularly for almost 2 years, then I went to rehab."

He nods again. "You know, my daughter was addicted to heroin as well."

"Oh." She didn't see that coming.

"Yes. She died 4 years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"You know, I can't help but think that if she was alive, she would probably be in your situation right now. Trying to get a job, but nobody would give her a chance."

Lexa doesn't say anything, but Kane doesn't expect her too.

"But I will give you one," he finally says.

Lexa looks at him with wide eyes. "You will?"

"Yes. I'll give you a month to prove that you are worth the risk."

"Oh my god, thank you so much, sir."

"I have to warn you though. I know addicts. I know that sooner or later you will feel the need to use again. And if that happens, I won't give you another chance, I'll fire you."

"Okay."

"If I find out, that you encourage the students to do drugs, I'll call the police."

"That won't happen, sir."

"Don't make me regret this."

"I won't, Mr. Kane, I promise."

"You're doing so good," Costia says. It's probably meant to sound like a praise, but it sounds more like an observation.

"I guess," Lexa mutters.

"You don't think you are?" The dark skinned woman frowns.

"Not at all."

"Why not?"

"I miss it sometimes," Lexa admits. "There are days when I feel like I just can't do this anymore, like I'll either use or- I don't know. Kill myself or something."

"I thought the NA meetings helped."

"They did. They still do, but I still feel like doing this."

"But you don't."

"I don't."

"And that shows how good you're doing."

"I don't use not because I know I shouldn't. I just always imagine how I'd feel if I did that. I'd feel useless and weak. I'd be disgusted with myself. I don't want to feel like that. Or others to think that about me."

"Weak? Lexa, literally nobody would think that'd make you weak. Sure, we'd probably be disappointed a bit, because it's been years now, but you're an addict. I don't think any of us can even imagine how hard it must be for you."

"Yeah, but I'd still think I'm weak. How would I even look at myself in the mirror if-. I don't even wanna think about it," Lexa finishes quickly, shaking her head.

"You're being too hard on yourself."

Lexa snorts. "It's not like I can go easy. I go easy and the next thing I know I'm in the park, completely smashed."

"Give yourself some credit."

"Doing something most people do, which is surviving without drugs, isn't something to be proud of."

"Yeah, but most of those people aren't addicts."

"Because they're way too smart to become one."

Costia rolls her eyes. "Jesus Christ, you're so frustrating."

"Frustrating and frustrated," Lexa mumbles.

"I thought you were getting laid regularly these days."

It's Lexa's turn to roll her eyes. "Fuck off, Costia."

"Honey, I'm back," Lexa shouts, as she walks into their apartment.

They got it a few months ago, right after Lexa came back home from the rehab center. Lexa wanted to wait a bit more, until she gets a job, but Clarke wanted to have a separate room for painting, and Lexa's bedroom was too small. But after Lincoln jokingly told them to move out (he tripped over Clarke's easel, which somehow ended up on the floor in their bathroom), Lexa decided that both her brother and her girlfriend were right. She agreed on the condition that they would get a small, inexpensive apartment, but Clarke ended up getting an expensive apartment downtown ("but it's small, just like you wanted").

"Lexa, disgusting. We're not an old married couple that lives in the suburbs," Clarke says.

Lexa laughs and approaches the blonde to give her a kiss. "What a shame. You'd make a hot soccer mom."

"Are you trying to tell me you want a kid?" Clarke teases, kissing her back.

"I thought we agreed we won't have any kids until we're both old and too lazy to take care of ourselves."

"We don't need another kid. We should at least wait for Raven and Bellamy to move out or go to college."

"I can't wait, to be honest. I'm a little tired of being their parent already."

Clarke laughs. "So, how was work, miss Woods?"

"Remember that lopsided chimney?"

"The one you can see from your classroom?"

"Yes. It finally collapsed," Lexa says.

"Really? Is everyone okay?" Clarke asks, concerned.

"Of course, nobody goes there. But it was still the most interesting thing that happened this year."

"I bet you so badly wanted something interesting to happen you helped it collapse," Clarke jokes and Lexa shrugs.

Clarke rolls her eyes. "You're the teacher. Isn't it your job to make this class interesting?"

Lexa huffs, offended. "It's not my fault they don't want to talk to me about the beauty of Edgar Allan Poe's poems."

"I've never liked the dude," Clarke admits.

"Other kids seem to love him. It's just that one class."

"Are you sure you had nothing to do with that chimney collapsing?"

Lexa kisses Clarke again, winks, and then leaves the room.

"Lexa!"

"What is this?" Clarke asks as she walks into their spacious kitchen, where Lexa is cooking a dinner.

Lexa turns around and notices a small bag in Clarke's hand. Her eyes widen.

"Clarke, I-" she starts.

"Lexa, I asked you a simple question," Clarke interrupts sharply. "What the fuck is this? And why did you have this in your bag?"

"I- Clarke, I'm sorry." Lexa says, almost begging Clarke to understand. She isn't sure what, but she just wants Clarke to get it.

Clarke clenches her jaw, and Lexa realizes her girlfriend is trying not to scream.

"Did you use?"

"I didn't," Lexa quickly answers. "Clarke-"

Clarke shakes her head. "Be honest with me."

"I promise, I didn't," Lexa answers, taking a step forward.

"Why do you have this then?" Clarke asks coolly.

This time Lexa doesn't say anything.

"Lexa." Clarke says, urging her to answer.

"I just- I don't know. But I wasn't gonna use, I promise." Lexa says.

"Why did you buy this then?"

Lexa shrugs. "Just in case."

Clarke sighs and sits down on a chair.

Lexa approaches her and kneels in front of her to have a better look at Clarke's face. "Clarke, I'm really sorry. I just felt so bad, I felt like I had to use, and then I met that dude I used to hang out with, and he had some dope, and asked if I wanted some. I don't even know why I agreed, I just-" Lexa stops and shrugs again.

"Why didn't you talk to me?" Clarke asks, her voice still cold.

"I didn't want to worry you."

"You should've told me about this."

"I know," Lexa says.

"How am I supposed to be here for you if you keep hiding this shit from me? How am I supposed to trust you?" Clarke whispers. The change in her tone causes Lexa to take one of Clarke's hands. The brunette is relieved when Clarke lets her.

"You know I didn't do it."

"I don't know, Lexa, did you?"

"I didn't," Lexa repeats.

"Have you used since the rehab?"

"I haven't, I swear."

Clarke shakes her head. "I don't believe you."

"I understand," Lexa says, nodding. "Can I?" she asks, looking at the small bag.

Clarke studies her face for a moment, but eventually does what Lexa asked her to.

The brunette takes it and wordlessly walks to their small bathroom.

Clarke's eyes widen, and it takes her a moment to start to follow Lexa. "What are you doing?"

She walks into the bathroom to find Lexa emptying the bag to the toilet. When the foil is empty, she lets it fall as well, and flushes it.

"I'm really not using again, Clarke," she says, as she watches the bag disappear.

"I know," Clarke whispers. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I get it. I know what it looked like."

Clarke nods. "Promise you'll talk to me next time?"

"I promise. And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bought it. I shouldn't even have talked to that guy."

"You shouldn't have," Clarke agrees.

"But you're not mad anymore?" Lexa asks.

Clarke closes the distance between them and wraps her arms around Lexa's waist, burying her face in the crook of Lexa's neck.

"I am."

"I'll make it up to you."

"A massage?"

Lexa smiles. "A massage."

"Stop smiling, I'm still mad at you."

"Do you ever wonder where we'd be right now if we never met?"

"You'd probably marry Bellamy and be even more famous than right now."

"'Even more famous'? Is that even possible?"

Lexa chuckles. "Cocky, aren't we?"

"Oh, you know me" Clarke teases. "What about you?"

"Hm. Well I'd probably be doing the very same thing I was before I met you. Shooting up in some random toilets and avoiding cops. And those old ladies that clean the malls."

"That sounds much more exciting than your life right now."

Lexa smiles. "Nah. I was getting tired of running away anyways."

"Literally or metaphorically speaking?"

"Uh, both, I guess. Besides, I'm getting laid regularly nowadays, so that's a huge plus."

Clarke laughs. "Sex with me is better than heroin?"

"Much more addictive, that's for sure," Lexa jokes, kissing Clarke's neck.

"Babe, can you please hurry the fuck up? We're gonna be late," Clarke shouts from the kitchen, where she drinks her third coffee today. And it's only 1 pm.

They were supposed to leave to Bellamy's house half an hour ago. They decided to go to a fancy restaurant to celebrate Lexa's 30th birthday, but Lexa came back late from work, and didn't have much time to get ready. But it's the very first time it's Lexa's fault they're going to be late, and she's not going to let that down. She is going to be as annoying as Lexa is every time they are about to be late.

"Oh how the tables have turned," Lexa says, her voice muffled because of the closed door.

"If you're not out of the room, fully dressed in 2 minutes, I'm walking in and dragging you to the car."

"This is the first time YOU have to wait for me to get ready and-"

"ONE MINUTE!"

"Jesus, I'm going, calm the fuck down. Shouldn't you be nice to me on my birthday?" Lexa asks as she walks into the kitchen, but that doesn't make Clarke calm down.

How's Clarke supposed to be calm when her girlfriend looks this good in a simple black dress?

"Marry me," Clarke whispers, her eyes wide.

Lexa smirks seeing Clarke's reaction. "Okay."

It takes Clarke a moment to realize what Lexa just said.

"Wait, what?" Clarke asks, shocked.

"I said 'okay'," Lexa repeats.

"You're being serious?"

"Yes," Lexa nods. "Are you?"

Clarke grins widely and closes the distance between them to kiss her girlfriend deeply.

"I'll take it as a yes," Lexa says and kisses her back.

Clarke pulls back. "I didn't mean to ask you like this."

"Wait, so you actually wanted to ask? It wasn't a spontaneous decision?" Lexa asks, laughing.

"No, I-" Clarke takes a small, black box out of her pocket. "I bought a ring like a month ago, but never actually had the balls to ask."

"You can ask me now," Lexa whispers.

"And what will you say?" Clarke asks quietly, biting her lip.

Lexa rolls her eyes. "You're such an idiot. Ask, and you'll find out."

Clarke takes a deep breath. "Will you marry me, Lex?"

"Yes," Lexa answers with a small smile. She presses her lips against Clarke's, but the blonde pulls away after a second.

"Wait, is the big bad Lexa Woods crying?" Clarke teases.

"What? Those are not my tears," Lexa says quickly, hiding her face in the crook of Clarke's neck. She huffs. "Of course, I'm crying, you idiot. The love of my life just asked me to marry her, what else am I supposed to be doing right now?"

Clarke laughs. "I love you, too, Lex. Happy birthday."

They end up being late to the party, but Clarke doesn't really care.