She tried to say something but nothing would come out. Everything she wanted to tell him was rambling through her mind yet the person on the other line heard nothing, only silence. She stared at the floor, and then the roof, trying to hold back the tears she felt forming in her eyes. Of course she knew that he couldn't see her right at that moment but she still felt shy about crying over him, her face was hot and her stomach felt like there was a huge weight in it.

"Erin" she heard the person speak. It was a deep, gruff voice. It was familiar and it soothed her mind.

"Are you there? Erin?" the voice continued.

"I-I'm sorry" she immediately hung up the phone and fell to the ground in front of her couch.

She was stupid for calling him, after he told her that it was over, that what she did hurt him so deeply he never wanted to see her again.

Erin knew she couldn't give up on him too easily. If jay had to be in her position he would be going crazy all over the place looking for her. If Jay had to be in her position.

It had been over 5 months since Nadia died, since Erin quit her job, and almost over 2 months since she saved Jay.

The guilt never left her, she worried day and night over the fact that Jay can get hurt any minute and it would be her fault.

(flashback)

Jay: "God dammit Erin, you told me you were fine, you promised me you were getting better. I trusted you. You came back to me, what the hell is this?"

Erin: "Jay listen to me, it is not what you think. I thought I got rid of everything I had, I must've missed a bag, and you got to believe me Jay. You can still trust me."

Jay: "Can I?"

Jay: "Can I trust that if you're not having a good day you will not finish that bag of drugs, and that you will not run off to Bunny again, leaving me here alone, again?"

There was a nervous silence between the two, Jay looked at Erin dead in the eye but her eyes lingered everywhere except his face.

Jay: "ANSWER ME ERIN"

Erin jumped.

Erin: "You don't get it Jay. I am clean now, I have been clean ever since I risked my life for you. I knew I had that bag there. I never threw it away because I thought that maybe I might go back for it, maybe I wouldn't be able to stay clean. I severed all ties with my mom, but you just don't get it."

Jay: "Get what?"

Erin: "Ever since Nadia-"

Jay: "Oh my god, enough with Nadia."

Erin: "Just let me finish."

Erin: "Ever since Nadia died, I haven't been myself. A new person came over me, and I tried to fight that person off, every day I continue to fight that person off but when Alvin called me, and told me that you were kidnapped, that person took over me again."

"I FEAR every day that I am going to lose you, that maybe the next time someone calls me to tell me you have been kidnapped, I cant save you. And, it hurts me, it kills me knowing that I may lose you, like I lost Nadia, that I may not be able to save you no matter how much I try to do so. When I get that feeling, that is when the person comes. So I am so sorry if you thought that getting over my drug problem will be the easiest thing to over come. I am trying jay, and if you cant handle me trying then-"

Jay: "Then what?"

Erin: "Then leave.

(end of flashback)

The tears that she was once holding back finally fell down her face. She didn't know who to call, Voight doesn't know that they are fighting, Olinksy had his own problems, and Bunny, Bunny was out of the question.

Erin knew she had to take manners into her own hands, so she called up Mouse.

"Hey Erin, it's quite late, what's up? Is something wrong?"

"I need a favor"

"Sure, what is it?"

"I need you to track Jay's phone for me"

"Umm, okay, what's this for?"

"I need to find Jay but I can't ask him, can you just track it for me?"

"Okay, okay give me… found it"

"He's staying in an apartment on West Loop st."

This was a bold move. She contemplated about waiting till the next day as it was 2 am in the morning but her anxiety grew more and more each second. She grabbed her jacket and her keys and made her way for her car.

She didn't know what she was doing, she couldn't even open her mouth to form one word over the phone, how in the world did she think she'd be able to speak to him in person. That thought was quickly knocked out of her mind once she reached the apartment he was staying in. Mouse told her the floor and number he was in which made it easier for her to find him.

Erin knocked on the door 3 times.

Jay opened the door, his face was remarked with confusion as he didn't expect it to be Erin standing in front of him.

They stood in complete silence again as Erin couldn't muster up the courage to say something. A few minutes passed and as Jay opened his mouth to say something she beat him to it.

"Can I come in?"

"For what?"

"I need to talk to you"

"I think you said enough the last time we spoke. Remember that? When you told me to leave because you thought I couldn't handle you."

"Jay.."

"No, Erin stop. I don't want you to come in here and give me this long apology. If you think I don't understand you, you are right. I don't. I worked so hard to get you back into intelligence, back into your normal life, back into mine when Nadia passed away. I stuck with you at your darkest times."

"I did too."

"You saved me Erin. I have told you how grateful I am for that but every time I need you, every time I get a flashback of getting beaten up by those guys, you are never there to comfort me, and I cant do this anymore. I can't be in a relationship where I am doing all the work."

"So I'll try harder, I can make this work Jay. You have got to believe in me, because I believe in you and I will be here the next time you need comforting, I promise."

"I've heard this story before Erin. I don't want to hear it again. I'm sorry this didn't end the way you wanted it to but I need you to leave."

"No"

"Leave Erin."

"No! I am not giving up on you. I am not giving up on us. Jay we have fought so hard to get our relationship going, and to keep it going."

"I have fought so hard Erin. I did. You haven't done anything. I told Voight about us, I promised him that I would protect you no matter what, I proved to him that we were meant to be together that I was worthy of your time. I did it. I fought. I fought for something that wasn't even worth my time. So don't say we."

Erin saw the hatred in his eyes. His face was hollow and dark.

She gave one last look in his eyes, nodded and turned around towards the elevator.

Is it really over? She thought. Could that have been the last conversation, the last memory, she got with the love of her life?