AUTHOR´S NOTE: This story is set right before the Naruto Shippuden arc begins.

Now updated with a layout plan that'll actually make it readable, lol. (I hope)
I know I've been promising since I began this thing that as soon as my chapters came out right I would update all the previous ones, but… I didn't get the hang of it till chapter 35 or something, and suddenly it was such a HUGE chore… I just couldn't be bothered. But, it's kind of annoying to have this on my to-do list so as long as I can get myself to do it, I'll be fixing and re-uploading old chapters, also Beta'ing them again. Yay for diligent me!

XOXOX

Hidden Feelings, Hidden Lives

Chapter 1: Shikamaru's Distracting Secret

XOXOX

"… Kakashi will be teamleader on this one. Now dismissed!"
Shikamaru Nara followed his temporary squad out of the briefing room. He hadn't been paying attention earlier, so he only had a vague idea of the mission. Something about a dangerous fugitive…
What a drag…

Just outside Hogage Tower Kakashi stopped. "I will see you at the East Gate in one hour."

Shino simply nodded and walked away. Sakura seemed inclined to say something, gingerly stretching out her hand towards Shikamaru's shoulder. Her hand stopped midway, though. And she, too, left without a word.

Shikamaru turned as well but Kakashi's voice stopped him, "Shikamaru," he sounded a little less like his easy-going self and a little more like the strict sensei that reared his head only once in a while, "I know you probably think this whole thing is just a big drag but try to focus a bit more on the mission, okay?" His eye crinkled. His hand did a little wave. And Kakashi Hatake was gone.

Shikamaru pushed his hands deep in his pockets and started home as well.
What a drag…
He instructed part of his brain to come up with a list of things to pack. There really was no way how long this mission was gonna take so he'd have to pack his bag carefully.
At the same time another part of his brain reminded him of what he had actually planned on doing for the next couple of weeks – hide.
Just until this feeling faded away again; just until he could function again.

Shikamaru had planned on re-organizing Storage. It was a task that held little joy but the Hogake had asked him to take care of it. Obviously hoping his structured mind could create some sort of order in the chaos of that dark basement. Shikamaru sighed again. Gloomy and unwelcoming though it may be, right now that basement had a lot more appeal to it than this mission.

Still… Kakashi was right. He was a Shinobi after all, and given he had been assigned a mission that had better be his focal point. Shikamaru had never fully recovered from the effects of his first mission as team leader. He never wanted to put his teammates at risk like that again. Something that would surely happen if he didn't start focusing right now. Shikamaru shook his head, trying to rid himself of all these unnecessary thoughts.

Coming to his house, he pulled out the key and quickly went to gather the things on the list he'd compiled. There was no-one home so he left a note on the table before making his way over to the East Gate.

He was running a little late but somehow couldn't muster up the will to hurry. Besides, Kakashi probably wouldn't show up for at least another thirty minutes…

But of course Shino an Sakura were both on time. So when he arrived ten minutes late he was subject to questioning looks from his former classmates. Shikamaru was always lazy, but never late.
He shrugged and tried to look as unapproachable as possible. Hoping against hope that Kakashi would hurry up and get here already.

Simply standing around meant having to solve several complicated puzzles at once lest his mind would wander where it may not. And he was fresh out of ideas for complicated puzzles…

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"So first we're headed to the village, over here," Kakashi said, pointing at the map. They'd stopped for lunch and were now discussing the best route to take.

"Whichever path we take, it will still take us at least a week to get there," Shino sounded slightly irritated, "It would be much faster if we were to determine where Taito is headed instead of simply following his tracks."

Apparently, Shino wanted this mission over with as well. For whatever reason, he seemed annoyed just to be out here. What a drag…

"But we don't know where he is headed, Shino," Sakura chimed in, "So our best bet is to visit the place he was last seen. Maybe we can find some clues there."

"We know that he stole two scrolls from the Land of Fire's army base. The information they contain is undoubtedly valuable, and time is of the essence. We simply need to determine who Taito is planning on selling the information to. Shikamaru is our strategist, he should be able to tell us where the man is going."

Shikamaru started at the mention of his name. He hadn't really been paying attention to the conversation so he had to replay Shino's words in his head before he could answer, "There are quite some Lands that have big or small quarrels with the Land of Fire. Given the other great nations have all signed the treaty, along with several smaller Lands we probably could rule those out. But even so, that still leaves way too many options. There is no way to verify where exactly the man is headed. Taito himself came from the Land of Fire, so we can't even assume he's going back to his homeland."

Shikamaru would have thought it was obvious. If it'd been Naruto…. But Shino was pretty clever, why should he have to spell this stuff out for the guy?

"Then it's decided," Kakashi's eye crinkled, indicating a smile underneath the mask, "We have a long way to go, so move out!"

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It was their second night out. They'd crossed the border into a neighboring land in the late afternoon, the dense forest slowly giving way to large rocks, with mountains up ahead. Kakashi had decided to camp out in the last stretch of wood where they could easily gather fuel for their campfire. The ground here also made for a more comfortable mattress since the hard surface was covered in fallen leaves due to the season; mid-fall. There was little undergrowth so it was easy to make camp in one of the larger clearings.

Shikamaru and Shino gathered the firewood while Sakura was making the preparations for dinner. The forest was quiet and neither of the young men spoke as they completed their task. When they came back, Sakura had finished all the preparations and could quickly cook and serve the stew she'd made from the mushrooms and vegetables growing in the area. The food wasn't great, but tasty enough and Shikamaru tried his best to empty his plate, despite not feeling the least bit hungry. Sakura had tried her best, after all.

After dinner they quickly washed their dishes in the small creek on the west-end of the clearing and made ready for bed. Since they had crossed the border it was decided they would stand watch, Kakashi took the first shift.

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Their little fire had all but died and Shikamaru could hear both his teammates breathing evenly, sound asleep.
He envied them. The Nara was exhausted having slept at most an hour or three a night for weeks. And when he'd finally fall asleep there were these dreams… Shikamaru quickly moved his right hand up from under the covers, startled as he realized it had been moving further and further south.

He lay very still for a minute or two, checking if anyone had noticed his unconscious action, but it would seem they had not.
The young man let out a small sigh, he could probably forget about sleeping again tonight.

He moved out of his sleeping bag without so much as a sound and put his shoes back on. Maybe a little walk would help clear his mind…

He noticed Kakashi almost immediately. The jounin had taken up a seat on one of the lower branches of an oak tree, it wasn't even half as big as most of the trees back home but it was still one of the largest trees around.
Shikamaru nodded to the other man in passing, not wanting to break the silence.

"Don't go too far, Shikamaru," It was barely more than a whisper but in the stillness of this night the words reached the chuunin's ears effortlessly. He nodded again but kept walking. He needed to be alone right now.

But the peace Shikamaru sought was not to be found amongst the trees. Nor in the clear water of the creek. Not even in the clouds above his head. The Nara smiled wryly.
What a drag…!

He'd just about given up on this night all together when a thought hit him.

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"Kakashi," Shikamaru said softly, standing underneath the tree branch the jounin was sitting on, "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

The older man smiled, eye crinkling above the mask, "Sure, come on up."

"So…What's keeping you awake tonight?" The silver-haired shinobi asked when Shikamaru had settled beside him.

"Nothing much."

"Hmmm…?"

They sat in comfortable silence for a while. The Nara struggling to organize his thoughts.

"You know…" he said at last, "I- I'm sorry I haven't been paying attention…"

He didn't look at Kakashi but at the clouds racing above his head. The wind had picked up, there was probably a storm coming.

"I find it helps to talk about it if something is bothering me," The older man stated.

It wasn't a direct invitation; Shikamaru was free to take the words anyway he wanted to. Knowing that seemed to take the pressure of a bit.
He'd only come to Kakashi on a whim. Not sure if he even wanted to company…

"I just can't sleep", He said curtly.

"I noticed."

The silence dragged on for several more minutes, Shikamaru looking up at the sky above and Kakashi's gaze lazily dwelling on the forest below.

"I… Like someone," The chuunin was startled by his own voice. He hadn't meant to say it. Hadn't meant to reveal his secret to anyone.

Idiot! He chided himself; Keep your personal shit to yourself! Kakashi doesn't care anyway- he's just being nice so you'll start focusing on the mission again!

"Hmmm…?" There was no discernible emotion behind the copy ninja's voice, "And now you're trying to figure out if they're worth the trouble?"

Shikamaru's breath caught in his throat Damnit!

"Something like that… Goodnight."

He quickly jumped down. Idiot!
As he made his way back to his sleeping bag he was followed by Kakashi's sing-sang voice.

"Goodnight!"