"It didn't make sense, but it was proof that desire and logic were two very separate things."
― Penelope Ward, Stepbrother Dearest

Alicia was a pre-teen when she first learned what morality meant. She was at Aunt Su-Su's house, Mom had to work and Nick was at Calvin's again. The Tran's had a big library and Alicia loved spending time there. It was both roomy and cozy and when she was sitting in the leather chair she felt important. She spotted the new book Mr. Tran had bought – 'Morality without God'. She flipped through it but couldn't understand most of it. It frustrated her, not knowing.

Principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong or good and bad behavior; a particular system of values and principles of conduct– she found the definition in one of the dictionaries. She pondered on that for a long time, what it meant. Mom was always reminding her to be a good girl and she was. She would eat all the vegetables off her plate even when she didn't feel like it. She always listened to her teachers and did the homework right after school. Every game, she played by rules even when some of her friends obviously didn't. When Mom told Nick and her to go upstairs, put the headphones on and watch the cartoons she did, even though she could hear the loud screeching of the tires indicating Daddy was home. She obeyed her Mom and Nick didn't. He never did what he was told.

So, when she learned the word, she started putting things in perspective. Rare were the people who did what they should. She saw her schoolmates copy off each other, she saw Nick's friend filch the five dollar bill from his Grandmother's pocket. And Mom, sometimes when she promised she would help with the school project, she left her in the middle. From time to time, Alicia would sneak a peek at the newspaper and read about all the bad things people did everywhere. The good guys didn't sound so moral either.

Alicia figured it was best she did the same. As it turned out, she wasn't very good at it. She opted for the next best thing and learned to be self-reliant. The less people she needed, the less she would be used or be in the position to use them. Then of course Nick had to go down the path of self-destruction, not just go but hurl. She was terrified at first. During one of his attempts to shake off the habit, he promised he would never do it again. She believed him wholeheartedly and the shaky smile was playing on her lips as she was taking his vomit-stained shirt to the washer. She believed him the next four times he promised the same and every time he broke it, it broke her heart a little. Then, she decided - she would spend her high school years achieving the perfect GPA, pack her bags and leave to some east coast college. However, every time her mom pleaded for help, her plans were moving closer to home.

Matt provided perfect distraction from the family life. He was everything she wasn't. His family was sweet and supportive. He was a free spirited artist. He was smiling almost all the time; thoughts of the fragile future were not clouding his mind. He was spontaneous and would follow her wherever she wanted. She knew she wouldn't need to ask.

And that was it – Nick, Mom and Matt. More than enough people to care about.

Then Travis entered the picture, 18 months before she would leave. Alicia first noticed him and Mom at school but discarded her Mom's smiles as some passing episode. Then, slowly, he started appearing at their dinner table. 'He was new at school and had nobody' Mom said. Oh, but he had – an ex and a kid. When he brought the son to diner, Alicia knew this one was different. Mom let him into their lives. He started helping Nick who almost liked the guy. He offered more than once to help Alicia with school which she flatly refused. He was a decent guy, Alicia reluctantly admitted but was refusing to find it in herself to care. Which was hard because he was making Mom happy and making them almost like a family. And when he moved in 10 months before she would leave, she did something that was at best morally gray in that Machiavellian sense. She got tipsy and did something selfish for a change.

The weekend after he settled in, Mom decided to throw a regular housewarming party and present the family. They invited the neighbors and friends. They all had to dress up. Mom put on a dress which she hardly ever did. Travis wore a tie. Nick promised to fix his hair, Chris, who was forced to be there for the full weekend, had to tuck in his shirt. And Alicia wore the knee length skirt she hated… What could go wrong?

Not much, as it turned out. The happy couple was pulling it off. Once the meal part was over, the kids were sent upstairs. It was 9.30. Nick took the first chance he could and skipped. To his credit, he stole the bottle of wine and brought it to the two teens. Chris and she decided to watch a black and white comedy to pass time. It turned into some family bullshit. Alicia wanted to barf which had zero to do with the alcohol. The more Alicia drank, the more resentful she felt. The laughter from downstairs was reminding her what a charade this whole thing was. "I hate this."

Chris glanced at her, "I can turn it off." he moved to the edge of the bed and reached for the remote.

She waved him to stop, "Not that." she stood up wobbly on her feet and pointed at the door, "This."

"Oh." he took a swig and placed the nearly empty bottle at the foot of the bed, "Well, there's no breaking them up."

They both snorted. The couple downstairs was seeing the guests off. Alicia knew the way each floorboard squeaked and the plan formed in her alcohol-fueled mind. She averted her attention to Chris and smiled. They had fun together when they forgot to ignore each other. Once, he had spotted her browsing through the college applications and had told her he wanted to go to Berkley as well. Journalism and ethics he elaborated and she wasn't surprised one bit. The most important observation at this moment was the one regarding Chris's wandering eyes. The glances occasionally lingered a bit longer and she knew exactly what to do. She figured out much more complicated things than what made a teenage boy tick. She reached for the bottle, leaning way too close. He closed his eyes and held his breath.

She halted, her hand hovering mid-air. "Are you all right?" she asked in a low voice. The front door clicked shut and the music stopped.

"Yeah." he breathed out, the whiff of wine and sweets hit her.

"You sure?" she stepped between his legs, her knees resting on the edge, "You look hot."

He was squirming away, "Alicia… what are-" the rest stayed caught in his throat as her hands cupped his face, thumbs caressing his lower lip. His eyes quickly darkened with lust and God, she found the blackness entrancing. The sound of the clanking of the cutlery was barely keeping her focused. Fucking hormones.

She pressed her lips against his forehead, inhaling the fresh minty scent of his hair. He gave in. His tender hands were gliding over her stomach, hips and were now resting on the small of her back. And God was that clouding her mind, she was trying to remember what possessed her to do this… Fuck, she did not think this through. This was the star example why she always planned ahead. The footsteps were nearing and maybe this was a stupid idea, most definitively stupid and she should step away. But she was weak in the knees and could not budge. He was getting up, pulling her closer. Her body was pressing against his, her mind was refusing to resist… she was never drinking again. He moaned her name, the door swung open and his pull turned into a push.

Travis gasped, Mom soon followed. Alicia's heart was pounding like crazy, she couldn't hear anything. Luckily, her expression was, by default, the one of disinterest. The couple was distraught, they were starting to argue and she quipped. "Are you two breaking up?"

Her Mom turned the glare in her direction, Travis was calling Chris out and she could see the moment it dawned on him that she was planning this. He looked hurt and used but she didn't care because that was not what she did, not for him. All the spots in that department were already taken.

"What is the matter with you?" Mom said when they were left alone. It was not a question because who could possibly know the answer to that. Disappointment and guilt were oozing from Mom's entire being and it was doing something to Alicia. She thought this was how Nick always felt.

I always wanted to do this 5+1 thing and here it is. Tell me what you think.