Chapter Three—

Art is a bang, un!

(Or, in other words, Kakashi borrows a page from Deidara's book.)

~oOo~

Kakashi hums a cheerful tune under his breath as he stalks around Orochimaru's lair, locating the pedo-snake's chakra.

(Yes, Pedo-Snake is a thing; in fact, Naruto had replaced the "pedo-bear" thing with "pedo-snake" as soon as he became Hokage. Kakashi couldn't approve more. Sasuke was… less than pleased. Huh. An idea for screwing around with the shinobi nations…)

With the (totally badass) ease of a Hokage, Kakashi bypasses all of the wards and slips into Pedo-Snake's lair. Kabuto is with him, and Kakashi makes his way towards the room, his presence completely cloaked.

Once he reaches it, he slides out some of Naruto's Extra Explosive Epic and Colorful Bang!© exploding tags and Naruto's Super Strong and Steady Chakra Barrier!© seals (both of which are from Naruto's amazing joke shop, A Ninja's Tools—They're Practical, and You Get a Laugh Outta It!).

He sets the four seals in the general area of the corners of the room and throws a pair of kunai with the exploding tags into the room before quickly activating the chakra barrier.

Deidara's voice shouting "Art is a bang, un!" rings out through the barrier, slightly muffled, and then a huge bang almost breaks the chakra barrier. (Naruto had hired some random shinobi called Katsuhiko Kawamoto or something who sounds identical to Deidara, oddly enough, to shout the line, and recorded it to use for this particular product.)

Kakashi, having put in earplugs, only hears the explosion slightly, but he watches with no little amount of manic glee as a burst of rainbow (with Gai green) explodes within the chakra barrier.

Orochimaru's henchmen who had come upon hearing the alarm (wait, Pedo-Snake had rung the alarm? Damn) are promptly blasted off their asses from the sheer shock of the soundwave, while Kakashi, with his feet glued to the ground with chakra, is unaffected. (Well, he'd like to claim that it's his own badass-ness. Which it totally is!)

Once the two explosions have finally ceased, Kakashi peers into the now partially damaged chakra barrier, and grins at the final product, which involves rainbow paint with Gai green and a lot of burn marks. Though those are covered by the paint.

The unfortunate henchmen who had come up are now cradling their craniums with moans of pain and Kakashi even sees a couple of guys with blood pooling out of their ears. Wow. Maybe he should put up some soundproofing next time. Not that he feels sorry for Pedo-Snake's henchmen.

Kakashi casually releases the barrier, picking up the seals and sliding them back to the storage scroll before pulling out one of Sasuke's contributions to Naruto's joke shop. Yes, Sasuke "Angsting Asshole" Uchiha contributed to Naruto's joke shop.

After checking if Orochimaru and Kabuto are unconscious, Kakashi takes out Sasuke's Stringy Slime Seal© (the name is courtesy of Naruto, since Sasuke originally wanted it to be called "Binding Seal" but Naruto found it too boring. Sakura agreed, and that was the end of the conversation) and slaps one of each onto Pedo-Snake and Kabuto's foreheads before activating it.

Strings of gooey slime begin to tie them up, and Kakashi briefly thinks of Sasuke's brilliance on this—not only does it tie up your target, it makes them have this horribly uncomfortable feeling of having slugs and leeches and octopus tentacles on your flesh, and even if you're wearing layers and layers of clothes, you'll still feel it. That's the genjutsu part of it, actually.

He wonders if he has firsthand experience with it. Probably, considering who his girlfriend is.

Kakashi picks up the two unconscious bodies and squeezes them into the storage scroll. It's a tight fit, but eh, who cares.

Then he heads to Konoha, dumps the two on the Hokage's desk (causing the slime to get all over the Sandaime's paperwork), and flees with a two-fingered salute.

~oOo~

Minato stares, a tic developing in his eye. His left eye, in fact.

"Minato-sensei, what's a pedophile?" Obito asks. Ah, young, innocent, naïve, and oh so stupid Obito.

Kakashi grimaces, turns a peculiar shade of green (reminiscent of a certain green spandex wearing genin), and turns away. Rin just looks a little confused as well. "Idiot. You really don't want to know," Kakashi mumbles. Obito just glares at him.

Obito had just asked Minato a question, and now Minato must face the current bane of his existence. The poster tacked to every single wall.

Said poster has a picture has a picture of—

"And why's Orochimaru on there?" Rin adds, in a hope to prevent Kakashi and Obito from arguing again.

Minato wilts. Why, oh why doesn't the Academy teach basic sex ed anymore? Minato bemoans internally. Well, I mean, I had to learn from Jiraiya. Poor mini-Kakashi did too… Curse you, Sharingan no Kakashi, for putting me in this position!

"I think you broke your sensei."

Minato jumps and turns around to see the other bane of his existence walking towards him, hiding the lower half of his face even more with an Icha-Icha. Shit, can his day get any worse? Then Minato swears internally—he did not just ask that question; now his day will get worse—for sure.

"It's you!" mini-Kakashi exclaims with a scowl.

"It's the cooler Kakashi!" Obito exclaims at the exact same time.

Mini-Kakashi whips around to glare at his teammate.

"Maa, maa, teamwork, you two," Kakashi chides, flipping a page. "About your question of pedophilia, I suggest you go ask Jiraiya-sama the next time he comes back to Konoha. He's rather knowledgeable about the subject."

"I hate you," Minato growls suddenly, and not just because of the fact that Kakashi wants to traumatize his innocent students by talking to Jiraiya about sex. Students, Jiraiya, and sex do not mix well.

"Has the Sandaime been giving you problems?" Kakashi asks mildly.

"Yes and you are the one who's spreading those accursed 'Pedo-Snake' fliers around! The stupid academy doesn't teach sex ed anymore and I'm stuck with two sexually oblivious children!" Minato grouses.

"Ah. Then it's not just the Sandaime. It's Kushina-san too?" Kakashi gives him a suggestive eye-smile.

Minato sputters and flushes an interesting shade of red. Albeit he is right—"Wait, how do you—" he demands.

"I know a lot of things," Kakashi singsongs. "I'm not inclined to tell you my methods!"

Mini-Kakashi startles them by hissing, "There is no fucking way I turn into something… like… like… you." Well, startles Minato, but not Kakashi, who simply looks mildly amused and… pleased? Minato wonders why.

Kakashi shrugs with a faint smile. "Probably won't, since I screwed around here. And hopefully, you don't. It's not a pleasant journey." He strolls past mini-Kakashi, musses up his hair with a strangely wistful grin, and disappears in a swirl of leaves.

Minato's silver-haired student frowns a little, looking as if he's trying to piece a puzzle together, but he doesn't have all of the pieces.

Perhaps the chuunin is coming to the same conclusion that Minato is refusing to think about. Or maybe he has already.

~oOo~

a/n: By the way, Katsuhiko Kawamoto is Deidara's seiyu.

Ugh I'm so sorry for the late update *bows*

And also this is slightly more serious than the other chapters.

I love all of your reviews, and thanks for sticking with me for a while, I'll try to come out with the next chapter ASAP.

With that said, reviews are loved!