AN: Okay Guys, first off - Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving!

Second, this chapter is hot mess! I didn't want to continue this piece, but I thought it made more sense to post as a chapter 2 vs. a one off because seriously that preview for this week's episode has my mind spinning. I can't even wait for tonight. So I wrote this to attempt to get all the thoughts running through my head down and wanted to get it posted before the episode airs tonight, b/c i'm sure after I see it, it might change my story LOL. Also, even though it was a holiday, I swear this was the longest week waiting for this episode! Anyone agree? Anyway, hope you like it - maybe some of you are having the same thoughts as me - would LOVE to get your comments on this. Like I said, I think it's hot mess - but hope it makes sense to you :)

Again, please consider this complete for now (unless more crazy stuff happens and I'm inspired to continue, but they get Henry and Elizabeth back to their sweet moments like we got last season - I won't have to).

Secrets Part 2

"You're my hero" she told him

It was a terrible ordeal for Stevie. But in those couple days she saw more of her husband, the one she'd missed. And it restored her faith in them, that they could persevere despite the secrets they both kept for work. She hoped Henry had learned to deal with his job, or it could have been that nothing was happening right then. Regardless, she relished in those moments where he defended her during dinner, and defended their daughter on TV.

** Secrets**

"Jason! Go to your room!"

She'd never heard Henry yell at Jason like that. She actually jumped slightly when his voice rose. Even Jason looked to her for support, but she froze, she couldn't say anything. She shot Henry a look and he looked apologetic. It was then that she knew his anger was about more than Jason's inappropriate comment.

***Secrets****

"When you were an operative, how did you know when you were in too deep?"

"I didn't. Not until it was too late."

She nestled into his arms, and he squeezed her tighter. They both stared out the window. It was becoming their new routine. Cuddling in silence, unable to comfort each other by any other means, unable to share details of their day. It was torture.

She used to be comforted when she came home, she could deal with whatever came her way at work knowing he would be home when she arrived, her solace, her light in the darkness.

But she couldn't help but wonder as she stared out the window if she was slowly losing her husband.

She remembered what she'd told Henry the night after Gorev died, "I deal with crisis after crisis while my life just passes me by." It was true, she'd felt like she was missing out on her family more than ever. It was like Baghdad all over again.

"How am I supposed to guard against things I never see coming?" it plagued her. All of her allies were dying one by one since she took office, people she considered friends. George. Yousif. Gorev. Then there were people who she thought were friends who let her down. Juliet.

Was Henry about to let her down too? What couldn't he tell her? She couldn't guard against something happening to her marriage. Henry betraying her was something she would never see coming and never be able to handle.

But then she thought back to what she told Olga. "Dr. McCord always does what he thinks is right, that's why I love him so much." It must have been serious for Henry to be this distraught and hot be able to tell her. He must have done everything he could, but maybe it wasn't good enough. Although recent events were causing her to question everything, and everyone, deep down she knew he was still the man she loved. Whatever he was doing, it had to be for the greater good. Henry wouldn't do something he thought was wrong. It wasn't who he was. She trusted that. She had to, to get through these secret filled nights.

***Secrets***

Henry had become an expert at avoiding talking. He would always turn it on her and her day. It was starting to irritate her because he knew some of her job was classified too. She did her best to open up lately, and tell him what she could, for two reasons. One, because she needed his comfort, she always did. Two, because she thought maybe if she opened up and talked about her feelings instead of events, he would do the same.

"God forbid we should talk."

She could tell he was frustrated with the fact he couldn't tell her. But then he started flirting and she let it go. At least they were connecting on something.

But as they went to bed, their flirting was just that. It didn't go any further and they slept. No pillow talk, no sex. Just them coming home to their shared bed, after having lived separate lives.

***Secrets****

Henry saw the blackout on TV and he knew the US was responsible. Elizabeth had been in the weeds on Russia and he when he confronted her when she arrived home, she hoped she would tell him - it was on the news for godsakes.

But she didn't. She gave him the "official white house position." It pissed him off.

"I thought being on the verge of a war would change the rules."

"Nope."

He had to give her credit for trying to deflect and drop the subject. But he couldn't. He couldn't live with himself if he could have prevented a war. He walked away before he lost it with his wife.

Before bed that evening she sat waiting for him to arrive in the bedroom.

"What was that downstairs?" she demanded to know.

"What was what?"

"Henry. Do you value our relationship, our family, so little that you are willing to go to jail?

"Of course I value...Elizabeth!" his anger was reawakened

"Henry! I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but I don't like it. You are snapping at the kids. Now you're snapping at me…..I"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." he said softly, genuinely, trying to pull her into his arms but she squirmed out. "Baby…"

"No! Henry, I get that you have something important you need to say. But you CANT say it to me. You can't." she cried frantically. "If you go to jail, I…..I"

Her cries sent her into a panic attack. She hadn't had one in a long time and Henry immediately leapt to her aide. "Elizabeth. Deep breaths." he said softly, urging her to sit on the bench at the foot of their bed. He pushed her head between her legs and rubbed her back. "Deep breaths."

As he took the fifteen minutes to calm her he thought about everything. It had all just come to a breaking point. She was absolutely right that he had been a jerk lately. He'd snapped at all of the kids, more than once, and now he was snapping at her. He'd tried to avoid it by just not talking, but now when he was finally forced to confront all the issues facing him as they collided with hers in an act of war, the floodgates opened and it sent her reeling back to Iran.

When she had calmed he offered her a sip of water and pulled her into his arms. This time she let him. "I'm sorry baby," he whispered, kissing her hair.

He felt her sob against him. "I know…." she sniffled. She knew it was his job that was causing this, not him. But she still couldn't manage it any longer.

Pulling back she looked into his concerned, worried eyes. Worry for her, worry for them, worry for their country. "Henry listen to me. Please."

"I'm listening." he promised her.

"I know there's stuff going on, and you can't tell me. Believe me, I wish you could. I wish I could tell you too and we could figure out this mess together. But something is eating you alive at work. I can see it because it happened to me too. You had to pull me out before I went to Baghdad."

It was the last time they fought like this. Baghdad. She'd quit. For her family. It was hard for her to do at first, because she was in too deep to see clearly. Henry had finally pulled her out. She never regretted her choice once she made it. Her family was her everything. She understood duty to your country, at a young age. Her father was a soldier and her mother was a military nurse, it was how they met. She grew up around the world, moving from post to post for her father's assignments. Then one day they died in car accident when they had left the base for a date. Elizabeth was only 14. Her brother was 16.

But since then, it was always country first - like her parents taught her. Until she had a family of her own, she had to learn where to draw the line between duty and family. She'd lost her family once, she'd never let it happen again. She drew the line on living apart from them. So she quit. Then nearly 10 years after she'd drew that line, she'd almost died in Iran. Her line had to be re-drawn. Even though she told the judge she would risk her life again, she wasn't sure she actually would again after seeing her family so distraught. She couldn't put them through that.

"If there is something that important that we're not being told in the situation room, Henry - you need to go to Russell or your boss, anyone… but it can't be me - and make sure that the information is brought forth. Then the President will decide how to move forward. But damn it, I can't lose you! Neither can the kids." she begged.

He looked deep into her eyes. She was genuinely terrified of losing him. He hated that look in here eye. It was then that remembered the promise they made to each other about family first. He couldn't lose her. She was his everything, she and the kids. She was right. What was he thinking? He couldn't go to jail and leave them. "Okay…." he simply said, kissing her forehead. "You won't lose me. I promise."

She clung to him as he held her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

After a few minutes she broke apart again. "Henry, there's one more thing…..and just as you never asked me to do so with Baghdad, I don't want to ask you. I'd never ask you to quit a job you love. But…..I…...I want you to think seriously about quitting."

He looked at her, brushing the tears from her eyes. He understood just how hard it was to ask. He'd had to do so 10 years ago.

"I want you to consider it because, as much as you might love it, it's changing you, changing us….and I can't take it anymore. I need my husband. And I know my job is just as demanding, but I've gotten used to it, and I can talk around it. But with both of us….it's just too much."

Henry smiled at her. "I've been thinking of quitting for a while now."

She looked relieved. "You have?"

"Yea. I keep thinking about what you said, "i'd quit this job in a heartbeat if it threatened what we have."

She smiled at him, gripping his hand as his face dropped. "But I can't…..not right now."

Tears pooled in her eyes again.

"Baby…." he said, turning her chin. " I can't say much, but there's a boy….a former student. I know I shouldn't have made it personal, but I need to make sure he's okay. So I can't quit until…."

"Thank you" she whispered and kissed him. They kissed gently for a long time. She was just glad in that moment, that he wasn't going to jail. She wasn't sure how long she'd have to continue to battle the secrets they kept, but at least she knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel.