When Cora stepped into the private hospital room her eyes immediately fell on her husband, lying in the hospital bed, covers tucked neatly around him. His breathing was heavy, and pained, but there was still the melodic hum he always had when he was sleeping. He was still her Robert; he still had the greying hair and the thickening waistline with his broad shoulders. But he was too pale, his skin paper thin- almost translucent. For the first time in his life, he looked weak.

There was a chair by the right side of his bed and Cora walked straight towards it. "There'll be a nurse in later to complete some routine checks Lady Grantham." The nurse said from behind her. "You're welcome to stay in here as long as you wish, and there'll be nurses on the ward if there's a problem."

Cora just nodded, and turning her head briefly she murmured a quiet "thank you." She waited for the nurse to leave and close the door behind her before she fell into the seats comfort, grasping Roberts hand in the process. She stroked his knuckles, like she always did when they were alone, and her heart skipped a beat as she felt him squeeze her hand in return. He knew she was there, or he at least knew he wasn't alone. But she took it as a sign to continue, it may do him good to be able to focus on something, even if it was a faint weight on his fingers.

She had her head tilted so it was resting on her upper arm; her whole body slouched in a semi-recumbent position. And from this angle if she tried hard enough she could imagine them at home in their bed, Robert to the left of her, fast asleep. It reminded her of when he had first started sleeping in her bed overnight, she had spent many a mornings and nights gazing at him as he slept, studying him. Trying to memorise his every feature, the way his hair dishevelled as he slept, or the way his brows creased when he dreamed. And it was what she was doing now, of course she knew every feature, every crease, every line his face had. But she found as her eyes caressed his pale skin, the nights events had drawn their own lines. Lines of pain, and fear. And one by one she wanted to make them disappear, and she promised herself she would. All those years ago she had thought how lucky she was, to finally have his heart and his love. And now she felt luckily, but for a different reason; she felt lucky to have his life. To have him here.

Earlier in the night she had had to think about a life without him, but as she had waited in the hospital's room she realised that she couldn't. She couldn't even comprehend it, because he was everywhere, in everything. He was the reason she had remained in England, he was responsible for her beautiful home and without him she wouldn't have had their darling girls. When she had told him that they wouldn't let it be it, part of it was because she couldn't live without him. She didn't live under any illusion that she would be able to abandon society, she would live through her girls and her grandchildren, but a part of her would be missing, a part of she would never get back. If she lost him, she would lose herself.

She was nineteen when she came to England, a joyful, vibrant young girl who was ready for her new adventure in a foreign land. London had been enticing and intimidating at the same time, and she had welcomed every invitation that had been thrown her away, she had danced every dance she had been asked to and smiled at every man that had given her cause to. She had played that part as her mother had told her to, whilst ignoring the constant quips of those around her; commenting on her voice, her clothes, her money. And just as they had begun to bring her down she had met him. Handsome, fashionable, gentlemanly. He was perfect. Her 'Americanisms ' hadn't deterred him, but enticed him. They had danced, and she had felt right in his arms, at home. And the rest, as they say, was history. Every happy memory, for thirty-five years since was down to him. Her life was down to him. And the thought of being without him created a void in her heart.

They'd taken to reminiscing of the old days recently, of when they were still a young married couple, of when their girls were still little dears, running around the Downton halls. When they'd sneak into their parent's room at night, and take up the entire bed, leaving no room for her or Robert. Or when they would sneak around after dark, wondering and exploring. They often laughed about it now; the Earl and Countess of Grantham tip-toeing the halls, hand in hand, for no particular reason. They weren't especially significant memories, but they were some of her fondest. She loved talking about them now, with him. Before bed, during the night, in the morning. If she lost him, she would not only loose her husband, she would lose her confidant. She would lose the only person who knew her better than she knew herself. Who shared her most intimate memories, her most intimate thoughts. She couldn't imagine not being without him. She couldn't be without him. She would lose her past, her present, her future. She would lose every happy memory she could remember. She couldn't lose her love. Her hand held onto his tighter, bringing it to her chest, as if trying to give him her strength. "Please get through this my darling." She whispered. "I can't lose you."

"My lady?" Cora was startled by the familiar voice, as she thought she'd been alone, and turning she saw Baxter standing in the doorway, just as a tear rolled from her cheek- she didn't realise they had started falling.

"Baxter, what are you doing here?"

"I brought your ladyship some things I thought you may need." She said, gesturing to a small overnight bag in her arms.

"Oh, thank you." Turning to look back at her husband, for a second she'd forgot how pale he was and seeing him again brought a fresh batch of tears to her eyes. She heard Baxter move from the doorway, taking a few tentative steps inside the room, but she couldn't bring herself to look back at her again, her teary eyes now transfixed Robert. She heard a slight rustle of movement before she felt a soft warmth around her as Baxter placed a blanket around her shoulders. "Thank you Baxter." She sniffed, trying desperately to control her emotions, but she couldn't. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. "I'm sorry," Cora said, "I don't wish to embarrass you."

"You don't embarrass me, my lady." Baxter whispered, it pained her too see Cora so upset. Within the first few weeks and Downton she had seen the loving relationship between its Lord and Countess, and she couldn't bear to think of the pain Lady Grantham must be going through.

Cora just smiled; Baxter was the kindest of all her lady's maids. "Did you walk here all alone Baxter?" Cora asked, suddenly aware of the late night her maid had been out in, for her.

"Oh no, my lady. Mr. Moseley accompanied me."

"That was nice of him," Cora mused, "do thank him for his kindness. And you Baxter, thank you."

"I don't mean to sound impertinent my lady, but is his lordship going to be okay?" She felt somehow rude asking, intruding on her grief.

"I don't class it as impertinence." Cora smiled, somehow warmed by her kindness. "And the doctor seems to think so, it was lucky he was there." Please let him be right, she thought, he had to be right.

A moment of silence fell over the room. Baxter watched on as Cora pulled her husband's hand ever closer, kissing his hand and murmuring something inaudible. "Would you like help getting dressed my lady? I've brought you some fresh clothes." Baxter explained, noticing how Lady Grantham's hands were still red with blood, and her face still stained with tears.

"No thank you Baxter. I'll wait for the nurse to come in. But you get yourself home." When she heard Baxter hesitate, she continued, "I'll be alright."

Baxter wanted to disagree, but she couldn't bring herself to pull Cora away from her husband. Knowing that that was where she belonged. And she knew that Cora knew that too. "If you're sure my lady, goodnight." And with that, Cora was again left alone.

A/N- Happy Downton Day! So this is turning into a fic about Cora dealing with what happened to Robert, and the immediate aftermath. It was originally going to be only two chapters, but now who knows? May go a bit AU depending on tonight's episode. But thank you all for the reviews. They mean everything!