'i don't wanna hide this away'

Barry kept his gaze trained on the last plate he was drying allowing the silence to wash between them; he'd recounted what he remembered plus more to Joe about him and Len. Joe wasn't thrilled and Barry hadn't expected him to be. "Joe," he said softly as he placed the last plate in the cupboard "I understand if you… if you uh don't want to talk to me after all this but-"

"-Why wouldn't I want talk to you?" Joe asked his tone tight with something, Barry knew he was holding back any further thoughts he had on the matter.

Barry narrowly avoided scoffing at Joe as he turned to lean against the kitchen counter. "From what Iris has told me, I was expecting the cold shoulder to force me to give in and break things off." Barry said as he crossed his arms over his chest lightly.

Joe leaned back in his chair slightly and looked as if he was mentally scrutinizing him for a moment. "I could do that," Joe said lightly "but I learned my lesson when I almost lost Iris. I'm not going to risk losing you too Bear, you've got a strong head on your shoulders." He added before huffing out a short humourless laugh "I know it doesn't always come across like this but I only have yours and Iris's best intentions at heart and I would do any and everything in my power to keep you both safe. Leonard Snart isn't safe, his line of work isn't safe and the people he surrounds himself with are not safe. Can you see how I could possibly see this as a breach of your safety?" he asked sounding genuinely worried.

Barry could sadly see where Joe was coming from though, it'd be easier to have his head buried in the sand but unfortunately Barry already knew this and he knew what he was getting himself into. The only positive was the atmosphere in his apartment had gone from tense and uncomfortable to something that doesn't make Barry want to rush out of his apartment and hide somewhere in the city.

He lifted his shoulders up slightly as he sighed "I love him Joe," he said softly "I know what I'm getting myself involved in but he's not as cold and uncaring as he likes to come across as. He's the complete opposite Joe. He really is."

Joe stood up from the chair with a soft exhale "I really wish I could believe that," he said "I really do but I've dealt with him time and time again Barry, I know you don't want to hear any of this but I would urge you to think this through properly." He added before grabbing his jacket and leaving Barry's apartment without as much as a look back. The click of the door had Barry wiping at his eyes softly.

He hadn't realised he'd started crying, he didn't even know why the tears were falling. He as relieved it was finally out, it was like a weight had lifted off his shoulders.

"You look like you've been crying," Len said softly once he had re-entered the apartment an hour after Joe had left "did it really go down that bad?" he asked gently as he moved to sit on the couch beside Barry, arm immediately wrapping around his shoulders.

Barry smiled up at Len "No, no. It didn't go well at all but there was no shouting involved which is a good thing when dealing with Joe." He said as he cuddled closer into Len before adding "He's obviously not over the moon but I'm just so relieved we don't need to live in this constant fear of him finding out and I don't have to worry that… well, worry that you'll just get up and leave if he ever did catch us."

Len's head bowed down slightly "Not my finest moment," he commented almost sounding bitter "I suppose this means there's nothing stopping us from just acting like a normal couple from now on then." He added softly.

Barry pressed a kiss to Len's temple "No there is not," he said as he tangled their fingers together "look Joe will come around eventually, I'm sure."

"Honestly Barry, whether West likes it or not is none of my concern. You are. I'm happy if you're happy." Len said as he ran a hand through Barry's hair.

Barry couldn't help the grin as he looked at his boyfriend "You really are a big softie," he said before he schooled his face to look serious as he added "will you move in?" he asked, heart suddenly beginning to pound in his chest.

"What?" Len asked looking and sounding shocked.

"It's just you spend so much time here anyway and it just doesn't feel right without you here either," Barry said as he looked down at their joined hands "most of your clothes are already here as well as your shower stuff, you even have some cooking supplies in the cupboard and a stack of Sudoku books on the coffee table and in the bedroom." He added hastily starting to wonder if this was something Len wasn't comfortable with.

Len's features were unreadable for a moment or so before he broke out into a smile "Yes," he said "yes, okay. I'll move in as long as you don't tell anyone about the Sudoku's."

Barry laughed "I really don't think anyone would be surprised," he said "you're obsessed with numbers already as it is."

Len pulled a face "I don't really want to be talking right now," he said before leaning in and kissing Barry briefly "I'm moving in with my partner and would like to celebrate accordingly." He added with a wicked smile before bringing both hands to cradle each side of Barry's face as he connected their lips in a breath-taking kiss as Len lightly pushed Barry backwards on the couch.

"I like that idea," Barry gasped in between kisses.

Len pulled back slightly and huffed "Shut up then," before leaning back down to kiss Barry once more.

"I'm in the neighbourhood, I could come by." Iris said down the phone a little enthusiastically over the sounds of busy traffic in the background.

Barry huffed out a laugh softly "To visit me or to visit number five? I know you've been eyeing him recently." He said.

Iris made a sound close to offense "I have not!" she said "but it hadn't entirely escaped my attention how hot he is. Forgive me for possibly remembering this differently but wasn't it you who first brought up his attractiveness?" she asked down the phone sounding smug in her rightness.

Barry glanced at Len who had his eyebrows raised at him "That's… not the point," he said quickly "also I'm busy so maybe another night yeah?" he suggested.

"Wait…" Iris said "Len's there isn't he?" she asked.

"That's none of your-" he started to say.

"Are you tw-" Iris interrupted him.

"Goodbye Iris!" Barry said quickly before disconnecting the call and placing his phone on the floor before looking at Len with one of his sweetest smiles "so where were we?" he asked.

Len tapped his fingers on Barry's chest idly as he made out to be deep in thought "Ohhh," he said "right, we were talking about number five." He added with a teasing grin.

Barry shook his head slowly "Nu uh," he said "no we wasn't."

"Oh I think we were," Len said "something about him… oh what was it? Oh yeah! Something about him being attractive and bringing this to light with Iris… does any of that possibly ring a bell?" he asked lightly.

Barry leaned in for a kiss as Len moved so he was just out of reach by a centimetre. Barry exhaled as he caved. "Fine," he said "when we were on our break… I may have bumped into number five once and thought he was alright, nothing to brag about but… c'mon Len. Gimmie a kiss." He whined.

Len shrugged nonchalantly before he leaned in and placed a kiss to Barry's lips. "See," he said "that wasn't so hard. You can find other people attractive, I mean number three is definitely easier on the eye than number five but if that's what you're into…" he added teasingly.

Barry looked at Len with a raised eyebrow "Number three?" he asked "Number three Len!?" he asked with a bit more volume causing Len to wince slightly.

Barry could fall asleep, it wasn't like he was tired exactly but he was warm and pretty comfortable and probably hadn't consumed enough calories however one of Cisco's homemade bars remedied that pretty quickly even if the new taste was the appalling effect of a very bad combination of two food tastes that should never be put together again. If he leaned back he could just…

"Barry," Caitlin said in surprise "what are you doing here, we weren't expecting you for another… oh, it's half two already?" she asked seeming distracted for a moment before turning a smile at Barry.

Barry sat up straighter in the chair he was currently occupying "You okay Caitlin?" he asked "you seem to be a bit distracted recently."

"I'm fine," Caitlin assured as she sat down in front of a load of computer screens and clicking numerously before a document took up one of the screens "ah." She said softly as she skimmed over it.

Barry felt slightly apprehensive, Cisco hadn't confronted the elephant in the room so to speak which Barry thought was quite unlike Cisco's character so it had Barry feeling slightly on edge around the guy, he'd feel more comfortable with knowing how one of his closest friends and colleagues personally felt about finding out the way he had…

"Sorry," Cisco said around a lolly in his mouth "I just had to rerun some tests and email them over to the detective. So we cranking the speed up today yeah Barry?" he asked idly as he sat in his chair and clicked around on the various screens.

Barry nodded his head "Let's give it a shot," he said "what's the worst that could happen?" he asked out loud instantly regretting those words; something was bound to go wrong now he'd jinxed something.

Cisco gave him an enthusiastic thumb up before leading him to the big treadmill Cisco had put together. Barry loosely rolled his shoulders before stepping onto the treadmill, clearing his mind as best he could and focused on the fizzing energy that he felt run through his veins. Once he felt that familiar thrum run through his veins and tingle in the ends of his fingertips, the sound of the treadmill starting was lost on him. This felt like he'd done it a million times before, it just felt right.

It was like he was in his own little mind bubble once he got going, his legs were on autopilot while and he could think of something mindless like what he needed to get for the next grocery shop, the next shop he'd do with Len because he was moving in. Barry was excited at the prospect of moving forward after months of sneaking behind all of his friend's backs.

There was something niggling at his brain, an itch that can't quite be located and it bothered him. It was something to do with Len… he could feel the memory trying to force it's way to the front of his mind. Barry couldn't fully grasp it until the treadmill slowly gained even more speed and that's when the memory burst in front of his eyes.

"Damn it Red!" Len exclaimed angrily "why couldn't you just leave things alone?" he asked, every inch of him seething with anger. There was distance between them but Len seemed to appear feeling uneasy.

Barry was confused; he'd only been trying to help. "Because I care," Barry admitted with a tired sigh "I care, alright?" he added for emphasis, running a hand through his hair "I know this isn't… I know this can't go anywhere but I care about you. A lot."

Len looked like he'd been physically struck with Barry's words. "What?" he asked sounding horrified.

Barry looked up at the dark night sky so he didn't have to look at Len's emotions playing across his face so openly. "How do you think I'd feel if you got hurt or worse?" he asked softly.

"Relieved!" Len scoffed "Captain Cold would be out of the picture then."

Barry shook his head "You don't get it," he said "and that's okay."

"Barry you can't…" Len said sounding lost for a moment and after a beat of silence he continued "You shouldn't get so invested in something that only started because I was casing you out." his voice cold.

Barry looked at Len properly, searching his eyes for something. Looking for that smirk telling him Len was just trying to push him away. He didn't find it. Instead he found the cold hard truth.

"Barry!" Cisco's voice snapped him out of the memory, the ghost of an ache still settling in his chest. "You zoned out there," he said "I'm gonna turn the speed up a bit more, this will be the fastest you've gone since regaining your speed." He added.

Barry closed the apartment door behind him to walk into the place smelling of lasagne. Barry dropped his gym bag by the front door and walked toward the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe quietly as he watched Len appear to be in his own little world as he hummed to himself quietly as he chopped cucumber.

"The only thing missing is you wearing an apron," Barry commented.

Len looked up as if he hadn't been disturbed at all "In your dreams," he said with a wicked smile.

Barry chuckled as he crossed his arms over his chest "Hmm maybe," he said.

Len placed the chopped cucumber in a bowl as he glanced over at Barry once more "You okay?" he asked softly.

He nodded his head "Yeah," he sighed "I'm just tired. Cisco had me running faster today."

"How was it?" Len asked absently as he focused on chopping tomatoes next.

"Interesting," Barry said "I was running when I remembered our first break up, and then I come in here and see you all domestic and I think of how lucky I am."

Len paused what he was doing, before placing the knife on the side as he looked at Barry apprehensively. "Lucky?" he asked sounding unsure of the whole situation.

Barry nodded his head as he stepped into the room, moving closer towards Len. "Yes," he said "Look at us now, we're building a life together instead of mistrusting each other." He added as he wrapped his arms loosely around Len's neck "I love you," he murmured softly before pecking the other man's lips.

Len smiled "I love you too," he said.

A/N:

So firstly I would like to apologise for the really long wait & the update being somewhat short. From early Feb I've had to deal with a personal home issue which hadn't put me in the mood to write much.

Secondly I also apologise if any of yous were reading my B99 fic or my Emmerdale fic but I couldn't handle 3 fics on the go and truthfully had no motivation to continue writing them.

Lastly, thank you all for your kind reviews it really means a lot to know that you enjoy reading Coldflash's journey.
Anyone watching DC Legends of Tomorrow?! I started it today and had tingles from watching Len (my love for Wentworth Miller is unreal).

Anyway I hope you've all had good days or will have a good day :)

xoxox