Title: These Words

Fandom: Noragami

Rating: K+

Pairing: Bishamonten x Kazuma

Summary: Never Bishamonten had thought that one of her Shinki would write a declaration of love into the exchange diary. But who is this anonymous writer? [Bishamonten x Kazuma, slight spoiler until chapter 27/volume 7]

Notes:

- This story is a translation of my originally German story "Diese Worte". English is a foreign language for me, so there could be some mistakes (like: switching between American English and British English, I always use the expression I remember first). If you want - and if you are able - to read the original version you can find it on (same username) or on AO3 (username: SeikatsuHime, pseud: Seikatsu Hime German).

- This story is set after the Bishamonten-Arc and at the beginning of the Ebisu-Arc. The last relevant chapter is chapter 27(volume 7) where Yukine asks Kazuma to help with his training.

- Hopefully are the characters not too much OOC. But the way they act fits how I think they would act in matters of love.

In the meantime the exchange diary was an ingrained object in the life of Bishamonten and her Shinki. Commonly the exchanges were about problems or happenings of everyday life. Sometimes it was just the questions of the whereabouts of a certain object. This kind of questions were usually passed on to Kazuma. If he knows the answer because he is the guiding light of Bishamonten - or because no one else is trying to find it by themselves – remains unclear.

Like many evenings before Bishamonten was reading through the exchange diary and was trying to write an answer for every entry. Although the answer doesn't always match the entry – Kuraha was complaining that he was treated like a cat and he also got a litter in his room, Bishamonten was thinking about if more run-out would be good for him in her answer – however she was taking time for all of her Shinki.

On this day there were only a few entries whereby the Goddess of War reached the last entry after a short amount of time. This on let her falter before she started to read. Instead of a normal short message this entry lasted about a whole page. Bewildered Bishamonten searched for a name – which commonly was visible at the end of the entry – but in this case the name was missing. She also didn't know the handwriting.

With aroused curiosity the goddess started to read the entry.

"With these words I try to get rid of a load which I carry since a long time. Unfortunately I don't have the courage to utter these words therefore I decided to write down my thoughts.

Please read this message until the end, it would mean a lot for me.

My Lady, at first I thought this feelings were admiration. The natural urge of a Shinki to be close to you, to be helpful. An urge to prove you that I am useful. By not only doing what is expected of me but by trying much beyond this. It didn't matter if my additional performance was recognized, as long as you weren't disappointed in me. I tried to prevent this with all costs because I only wanted to see you happy.

At first. Meanwhile I realized that I was hiding myself behind my admiration. It was only when I almost lost you, I realized the true nature of my feelings. Of course I knew that a goddess like you would be reincarnated but I still didn't want to let you die.

Bishamonten.

Due to this incident I realized my feelings for you. Although we already are close to each other in certain ways it isn't close enough for me. I want to be closer to you because I love you."

Several times the goddess skimmed through the entry. Astonishment is showing in her eyes but also an urge to find out who wrote this message.

It definitely has to be one of her Shinki though the handwriting was unfamiliar. In order to ensure it she reviewed older entries whether it could be a Shinki which lived with her only for a short while.

Nevertheless this didn't give her any new information about the writer. Apparently the writer commissioned someone outside Bishamonten's environment to write the entry. There was only a small margin of time to write the entry because the last one before was written in the afternoon. With high probability the commissioned writer was in this house since the exchange diary can be found in the small library where Kazuma had set up a small working area and would therefore notice a longer absence of the exchange diary.

Once more the goddess skimmed through the entry and stroked one of her blond strands out of her face. Whoever wrote this entry Bishamonten guessed he or she wasn't particularly old. The scripture seemed like the person was still visiting school. As well there weren't used many Kanji and the handwriting looked like a boy.

The goddess tried to make a decision what method will bring a fast answer to her misery. Should she search thorough her Shinki or should she search the unknown commissioned writer and ask him who ordered to write the message?

A soft knocking on the door startled Bishamonten. She closed the exchange diary fast and put it away into a drawer of her desk.

"Yes?"

With an uncertain smile on his lips her guiding light Kazuma entered the room of the goddess. "Are you all right Viina? You seem troubled?"

Obviously concerned Kazuma put the object he was holding in his hands – a cup of tea – on the desk. This question aroused a slight feeling of guilt in the goddess. She doesn't intend for her Shinki to worry about her. Yet this was now happening because of that entry from an unknown sender.

"Everything is alright. I am just a little exhausted. That is all", replied the goddess and tried to smile at Kazuma with a light-hearted manner. In addition she tried to banish every thought about the exchange diary from her mind. After the incident with Kugaha she especially intends to don't disquiet her guiding light, but she couldn't entirely dispel the thoughts about the entry. "Kazuma, excluding my Shinki are there other persons who visit this building occasionally?"

This question seems to distract Kazuma from Bishamonten's inner restlessness. "Actually there are only a few persons who enter this building frequently. Some befriended Shinki are visiting casually. Even Kofuku doesn't shows up unannounced like before. Why are you asking Viina?"

"No special reason."

Nobody would let a stranger write such an entry. Thus it was presumably that a good friend was commissioned to write the message.

After a short exchange of words Kazuma seemed to give up on a conversation and left the room. The goddess of war didn't notice this. She was much too focused on her brooding. Which of her Shinki could be in love with her?

Bishamonten made up her mind: She would start looking for the Shinki who wrote this entry. Right at the beginning of the next day Bishamonten opened her search after asking Kazuma for a new exchange diary. This request she used as an excuse for her inner restlessness the day before by confessing that she destroyed the exchange diary because of an knocked over glass of water.

A whole day of observation didn't bring her closer to the mysterious writer, although she didn't consider it a lost day because she enjoyed the conversations with her Shinki. It was always a pleasure for Bishamonten when she got the time to talk with her Shinki personally. Unfortunately, there was seldom the opportunity. Particularly with Shinki, which are not part of her combat group, she didn't have frequent contact.

With a sigh the goddess looked around her room. In the meantime it was late afternoon. No lead to the writer. Intently she thought about other possibilities. What did she overlook? How can she get closer to the identity of the writer?

When an unconsidered solution came to her mind, Bishamonten would have liked to stay holed up in her room for the rest of the day. She is in need of information about her Shinki. She herself doesn't have much contact with the biggest part. However there is a person in this house who cares for general well-being of her Shinki. This person gathers knowledge so that Bishamonten can use it if it is ever needed.

Her guiding light – Kazuma.

After a few minutes of hesitation Bishamonten decided to go to the library. Quick her initial dissatisfaction about herself turned into hope. Within the shortest time her steps carried her to her destination. Her hand gripped the doorknob – and froze.

She heard voices from within the library. Was she not the only one who wants to know something from Kazuma?

"I think you should have to leave this matter some time. There will happen something soon enough."

Bishamonten tried hard to categorize this voice and as she succeeded a brief wave of anger was filling her. The Speaker was Yukine, the Shinki from good-for-nothing Yato. After some time the goddess got used to the concept that Kazuma and Yukine are training together but she didn't encountered Yukine until know.

Following a short consideration the goddess of war settled for the option to go back to her room. Her question has to wait since she could do without meeting Yukine at the moment. Besides she didn't want to interrupt the training. Apparently there was an important reason to move it from the morning into the afternoon because normally Yukine spends the hours after school with Hiyori. After all Yukine died at a young age and it is commendable that he displays the intention to learn. At the same time he helps Kofuku with her shop.

As much Bishamonten detested Yato, his Shinki strives to don't be a good-for-nothing like his god.

"Is everything all right my lady?"

The goddess required a moment to emerge out of her thoughts and to determine who had addressed her. "Ah Kuraha. Of course everything is all right. I just intended to talk to Kazuma about a little something but he seems to be training with Yukine at the moment."

The bewildered look of her Shinki unsettled the goddess. "Yukine is here for training? I thought Kazuma mentioned the other day that the training was postponed for an indefinite period. Yato supposedly got an extravagant assignment and alongside his job for Kofuku the boy doesn't have enough time…"

"As it stands Yukine manages to make enough time for training. Yesterday he was here as well. But he was leaving rather quickly and Kazuma later on said it was about another matter", Aiha interfered with the conversation as she was walking down the corridor.

"Thank you for this information." Bishamonten smiled at her Shinki and then continued her path towards her room. However, the goddess was plagued by one question: What matters could Kazuma have with Yukine outside from training?

Was the boy insecure because he only recently got aware of his responsibility as a guiding light for his moronic god? Does he seek advice from Kazuma? This option was the most likely in the goddess opinion after all Yukine was almost a child.

"I think you should have to leave this matter some time. There will happen something soon enough."

Within the fraction of a second her theory was getting shaky, after she remembered Yukine saying this sentence. This was not a statement from someone who was asking for advice but from someone who was giving advice.

This couldn't be true. Kazuma would have no reason to ask for advice, particularly not from someone like Yukine. Kazuma has lived significantly longer, possesses more experience. What counsel could this child give him?

Child. A person which is still going to school. Handwriting of a boy. Presumably the person is a friend of the writer because no one would let a stranger write such an entry.

No. This couldn't be true. This assumption couldn't be true. There was no proof, just this fleeting idea…is it possible that Yukine wrote this diary entry? Was the entry from Kazuma? Her guiding light? Was Kazuma…in love with her?

Through controlled inhales and exhales the goddess tried to calm down her thoughts. This was absurd. Kazuma is her guiding light since a long time ago, she would have noticed something like that…right?

In a hurry the goddess of war finished the last meters to her room and was closing the door louder than planned a few moments later. In the meantime she didn't succeed to stay calm anymore. The goddess paced nervously around her room. Her thoughts swayed between denial and the question how she should proceed.

After some minutes Bishamonten paused midway in her motion. A wrath about her begins to boil inside her. She was a goddess of war, one of the seven gods of luck. Why is she acting like a schoolgirl which is in love for the first time and is trying to figure out how to confess to her crush?

Once again in this short amount of time the goddess faltered about her thoughts. SHE is acting like a schoolgirl in love? Wasn't she rather in the situation of the crush that got a confession of love?

Briefly the goddess paused and tried to change her view on the situation. Whether the unknown writer was Kazuma or not – what are her feelings for him?

In thoughts the goddess sat down on the edge of her bed. Until now she hasn't dealt with feelings like love much, after all the goddess of war had far more important concerns to deal with, especially when Kofuku used her Shinki once again.

No matter how much Bishamonten reflected on this question, she couldn't find an answer what love is about.

Every question from her Shinki during the next day about her restless mind was nipped in the bud by the goddess of war. One warning glance was enough to accomplish this goal.

However the goddess wasn't ready to terminate her search for an answer. Therefor she invited some of her female Shinki to a bath in the hot springs. One this way she hoped to finally answer some of her questions. After only about two days the goddess was already spent and she only wanted to find a solution.

For the time being she savored the hot water and the merry chat of her Shinki. But she couldn't entirely shed her tension – she was waiting for a good opportunity to chime into the conversation. Unexpected enough, this opportunity arrived earlier than thought. Apparently one of her Shinki received a confession of love today.

"How do you know that you are in love?" Bishamonten asked to group. For one moment there was an absolute silence. Bewildered glances were located on the blond goddess. With a gentle smile the goddess extended her question with the statement that she wanted to understand more about the emotional state of her Shinki.

"When you are in love you can only think about this person-"

"As soon as the person is in the same room as you, your heart starts to beat faster-"

"You are so nervous that you can barely speak-"

"You only wish for the other person to be happy-"

"Of course you want to be close to the other-"

Overwhelmed Bishamonten tried to follow every statement, but her Shinki interrupted each other or they were talking at the same time. Thus the goddess couldn't find a real answer, but she decided to talk to Kazuma on the same day.

Precisely this person was situated in the room of the goddess of war several hours later. Surprised Bishamonten detected that Kazumas gaze wandered around anxiously and he avoided to make eye contact with the blond goddess.

"Kazuma. Can you guess why I sent for you?"

A brief moment Kazuma looked at the goddess before he quickly turned his gaze away. "No, I have no idea".

"During the last days I got the feeling that you were avoiding me."

Only after voicing these words the goddess realized that this was actually the case. Usually no day went by on which she didn't saw and talked to Kazuma. Mostly there was an assignment to discuss or they had to sort out something organizational. But now it was difficult for the goddess to remember the last conversation she had with Kazuma.

"I…"

Bishamonten's astonishment rose even further. Seldom had she experienced her guiding light that…nervous. Her always calm Kazuma. This person who never lost the overall view. This person who always had the control over every situation.

Hesitantly the goddess took a step toward Kazuma. Simultaneously she raised her hand to place it on the shoulder of her guiding light. But before she managed to, Kazuma took a step backwards. This time he maintained eye contact with the goddess of war.

"Kazuma?"

A feeling of sadness rose inside the goddess. She could read the emotions in Kazumas eyes. Only recently she had seen them before, when she nearly took his name away. Once more she was confronted with this fear inside his eyes, the fear of losing everything.

As she saw this expression on her guiding light, something inside her shattered. The goddess didn't want that he has to live through this fear once again. She wanted to see him smile. She wanted that he is happy.

"You only wish for the other person to be happy-"

But how could she make it clear for him, what she is feeling? She searched desperately for suitable words, but she didn't find them. No word seemed suitable. Not one carried enough weight.

"Kazuma…I…I"

The words remained stuck in her throat. Unrest seized the goddess, tension spread inside of her.

"You are so nervous that you can barely speak-"

Only now Bishamonten realized how fast her heart was beating.

"-your heart starts to beat faster-"

She wanted to show Kazuma, how important he is for her. The goddess fought against her desire to embrace her guiding light.

"Of course you want to be close to the other-"

All her thoughts were about Kazuma. Memories of all the years which the two spent together were filling the mind of the goddess.

"When you are in love you can only think about this person-"

At this moment the goddess was aware how strong her feelings for her guiding light are. How strongly she desired to have him by her side, and not only as her guiding light. No. She hoped for more.

Slowly the goddess crosses the gap between her and Kazuma. This time she went along with her urge and laid her arms around her guiding light. From him you could only hear a puzzled cry.

"The entry in the exchange diary was by you. You got Yukine to write it for you."

Gradually Kazuma started to relax in the arms of the goddess. "Yes, Viina."

The goddess parted so far from Kazuma so that she could look into his eyes. "I would have loved to see the expression on Yukines face while he was writing the entry." Her eyes were shining with gleeful smile while trying to imagine exactly this situation.

"A sight for the gods. His face was as red as a tomato. I felt sorry for him." Even on Kazumas lips sneaked a smile, yet fast it changed and a serious expression replaced it. "And…what is you answer to my entry?"

Without thinking much about it Bishamonten answered. "If you promise me to say these words directly to me one day, then you will get an answer."

The guiding lights face was traced with a slight blush. "I promise."

Again the lips of the goddess were adorned with a smile. Instead of using words she decided to answer with actions. For the second time during this evening a puzzled cry was heard from her guiding light. But this time it was not a hug that surprised him, it was a kiss.

- - - Epilogue - - -

Rarely there was such a tense atmosphere during the breakfast. All the Shinki were eating hesitantly and were looking at each other with confused expressions.

Something happened. That was certain.

No one knew why. For some days the Shinki sensed the unrest from their goddess, yet yesterday it suddenly disappeared. Since then the Shinki felt a different emotion, an emotion they never before felt from their goddess.

"Do you also have the feeling that Bishamonten feels like she would…swim in an ocean out of cotton candy?" Aiha asked into the room.

A nervous mumble filled the room, while the Shinki tried to figure out an explanation. Fast the mumble dissolved as Kazuma entered the room.

"Do you have an idea, why Bishamonten's mood changed THAT severely?" Kuraha wanted to know from the guiding light. Kazuma was shaking his head, but he couldn't conceal the blush on his face completely.

"I don't have the slightest idea what happened."

Everyone knew instantly – this was a lie.