*Voice mail received November 11th 09:34*

Hello John,

It's me... eh, Sherlock... Hi.

A bit awkward this... I was never one for talking on the phone but well you know that, always preferred texting... much more precise but seeing as you're not... not replying to any of my texts I thought... well I thought I might try phoning you because well... I don't really know why and you know me John, I hate not knowing and not knowing why you're not replying is driving me mad because well ... I know why you're not replying... sort of... but I don't know at the same time and I just well I... And now I'm rambling, ugh. This is why I prefer texting, John. There is a severe lack of rambling when one texts but on the phone? Rambling is almost a certainty... And now I'm rambling about rambling. Ugh, I'm sorry... Listen John, I realise now that I must have put you through a lot over the past two years and well... I'm sorry about that but I had my reasons for doing what I did and... I had to.

I'm sorry John.

Listen ummm, Lestrade has a case on, a locked room murder, you always liked those... So how about you meet me in twenty minutes outside Victoria Station? I'd be lost without my blogger...

See you then.

*Voice mail received November 15th 11:06*

Hello John,

It's me again... Hey. Were you busy the other day? I waited for almost an hour at Victoria... It's okay though. I... ummm... I understand. The case wasn't that interesting anyway. It was the husband. It's nearly always the husband. Dull. I solved it in seconds. Donovan's jaw actually dropped. Donovan's! You should have seen it...

Lestrade... Lestrade ummm... he mentioned you... He-he said you two went for a few drinks on Saturday night. Maybe ummm maybe we could do that some night? I'm not much of a drinker but pubs do serve tea right? I'll look it up... But this Saturday, right? I'll find somewhere and text you the details.

Talk soon John, bye.

*Voice mail received November 17th 19:45*

Hello John,

I'm... I'm at the pub I texted you about? I ordered you a Jameson... You like Jameson right? I remember there being a bottle in our cupboard... I hope you like it anyway. Well the drink and I are just waiting for you now but take your time it's okay. I can wait.

See you soon, John.

*Voice mail received November 18th 00:07*

Hello, John?

It's me again... The landlord called last orders so I umm... I left. Sorry if you were on your way but we could have a drink or two back in Baker St if you want? Come to think of it that bottle of Jameson might still be in the cupboard... I'll have a look for it.

See you there?

Goodbye, John.

*Voice mail received November 24th 18:45*

Hello, it's me.

I solved another case today. You would have liked it. It was the one I text you about? I sent you the case files as well... I was hoping... umm thinking that maybe you'd like to start writing about our cases again? Lestrade would be happy to see you at the crime scenes again, so what about it? I promise I won't correct your grammar this time. Lestrade misses you at crime scenes and I... well I miss you too. The world's far more stupid without you at my side, John.

Call me, back?

*Voice mail received December 4th 15:28*

Hello,

How are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry... I feel like whenever I call I never ask about how you are... So, umm... How are you, John? How's... How's Mary? Lestrade said you all went out for an engagement party the other night. That's nice. Really. She seems... lovely, John. Lovely. I'm glad you're happy... You deserve it. Maybe we could do something to celebrate your engagement? That'd be... nice, wouldn't it? We could go for a meal. Angelo owes me a favour...

Anyway I got to go. I'll text you about Angelo's.

Bye for now.

*Voice mail received December 7th 13:05*

Hello,

Did you not get my text last night about Angelo's? I was waiting for a while... but it's okay. Don't worry about it... Billy kept me company... Some other time, maybe? I was talking to Mike Stamford today at St. Bart's this morning. You set a date for your wedding. That's... great, isn't it? May... Mrs Hudson thinks you chose well. She said you should pop over for tea some night, that would be nice? Right... You haven't seen her in a while...

Listen, John... Don't ignore her because of me... Please. She... she doesn't deserve that... She was alone for so long and I just... I have some experience in that area and she doesn't deserve to feel like that.

I'm sorry, John... I –

Wait, Lestrade is here, I'll call you back later, bye.

*Voice mail received December 12th 19:00*

Hello John,

I'm just calling to thank you for coming to see Mrs Hudson, she really appreciated... I really appreciated it... Sorry I was out when you called. I was at the Yard with Lestrade, there's been two murders in the last week and he thinks they're connected... Anyway, I would have rushed back if I'd known you were at Baker St... I miss having you around, John...

I've been playing the violin a lot more recently, actually I ummm well I composed a piece... nothing elaborate, well elaborate by my standards... But I thought, well I thought it might ummm it might be nice for your wedding? I thought of you when I was writing it... I mean, I... ugh. I meant I thought it would accompany a waltz well and with your wedding coming up I thought well... maybe. Do you dance, John? I do... I love dancing, always have... I could te-te-teach you for your wedding, if you'd like... I'd have to teach you how to lead though of course... Whi-which would involve ummm... dipping me... But ehhh I ummm I suppose we could ma-make it work...

I don't know why I'm saying all this... Sorry.

Anyway, I ummmm thanks again for visiting Mrs Hudson. I'll call you later?

*Voice mail received December 18th 13:19*

Hello, it's me...

I'm sorry if I came across too strong in my last message. I don't have to teach you how to dance if you don't want me to and if you don't want me to play the violin that's okay too... It was just an idea I had... I've been doing a lot of thinking recently... I've had a lot of time to think without you in the flat. I never noticed how loud that wall clock was until you... you... left.

Until I left, I mean. You left after me. I'm sorry you felt you couldn't stay in Baker St after... after... after what happened. It's such a nice flat, pity to think it went empty for two years without us... It's not the same without you though, John... Baker St, I mean... I still love this flat but well... it's not really home anymore without you.

Anyway... I've to go to the Yard, that serial killer I was telling you about struck again last night only this time his victim wasn't killed. The plot thickens...

Talk soon?

*Voice mail received December 25th 10:10*

Hello,

I'm just calling to wish you Merry Christmas... Merry Christmas. Would you like to come over and join Mrs Hudson, Lestrade and I for drinks this evening? I think Molly is bringing her fiancé over as well. It'll be nice. Like old times... Except I doubt Ms. Adler will die this time. So ummm 7pm?

I'll see you then.

*Voice mail received December 26th 12:34*

Hello, it's me again...

Did you have other plans last night? Did Mary's family come over? They probably did... It's okay, we just had a quiet night in but it would have been nice to see you John, friends are supposed to get together at Christmas, right? Well, I hope you had a nice Christmas, John. Maybe we could do something tonight or tomorrow? Text me if you're free... I'm ummm I'm free whenever you are.

*Voice mail received January 2nd 15:37*

Hello...

John,

Look I'm... I'm sorry, okay? Please... Just. Just know I had to do what I did, really... I'm sorry but I had to... I almost called you so many times when I- when I was away but I just... I couldn't. Please John, just... Stop this. Let me explain what happened? I deserve that at least, don't I?

Call me back, please.

*Voice mail received January 22nd 09:07*

Hello, it's me...

I'm sorry I haven't called you in a while... I was hoping you'd... Well, it doesn't matter now. I'm... I'm okay. I've had a few interesting cases over the last few weeks and we seem to be finally getting somewhere with that serial killer I was telling you about... So, I'm not bored... That's nice. Mrs. Hudson was considering renting your room out to someone but I just... I asked her not to. It's your room. I'd rather keep it how it is. You still have some of your things here actually, would you like me to drop them over? Or maybe you could come over and get them... Just a thought.

Let me know.

*Voice mail received January 22nd 15:37*

Hello,

Mrs Hudson said you came over to pick up your things when I was out. You... you should have text me I would have made sure I was at home. I'm sorry I missed you. Maybe some other time?

Call me.

*Voice mail received February 4th 14:00*

Mrs. Hudson got her invitation in the post today... It's okay that you didn't... that you didn't send me one. There's always limited space with weddings isn't there? And me at a wedding... Might not... might not be the best idea. Who knows what I'd say...

Anyway Mrs. Hudson says thank you. I'm going to have to take her hat shopping at the weekend now.

Call me back?

*Voice mail received February 24th 03:07*

Hellooooooooooo John,

I know it's 3am and I'm s'rry if this woke you up but I, I wanted to say that I'm sorry... Again. I was out with with... whathisname... Gavin... the detective man... He's nice. I like Gavin... Good copper. We had som' drinks... I tried tha' James'n stuff you drink. It's good, innit. Real goooood. Anyways... What was I ssayin' Oh yeah... I'm s'rry John. Really sorry. You know tha' right? I needed... needed to protect you. No choice. Needed you... you... you safe. Only way. 'm srry. Soooooorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry is a funny word innit? Sounds strange... My head feels all fuzzy John, is this what drunk is? I... I don't like it. I feel sick... I'm g'nna go ta bed... I'm sleepy but rem'ber wha' I said, k? I'm sorry. Really really sorry and I... I umm. I lo-

*Voice mail received February 24th 11:35*

Hello John,

Oh my God... Please ignore that last message. Oh, God. I'm never drinking again. Ugh, this is what death feels like, why did nobody tell me hangovers were like this? Oh, God. I am dying. Just... ugh. I am never leaving my bed. Ever. Oh God. Do you know any hangover cures?

Call back. I'm sorry again about last night. It was the drink... Sorry. That's no excuse. I'm not sorry for saying sorry I'm sorry I called you when I was drunk. Does that make sense? Ugh, I don't know my head is pounding.

Call me back?

*Voice mail received March 15th 15:47*

I saw you in Regent's Park this morning... With Mary. You looked... you looked happy. You know, when I started these calls it was because... because I thought you were still sad and angry about what happened but when I saw you laughing in the park I ummm... It doesn't tear you apart anymore, John... Does it? You're happy... You've moved on. You have a life now with Mary and I'm... I'm just somebody that you used to know now, aren't I? That's... that's okay. Really...

Look, about that day on Bart's... You know I had no choice, don't you? John... I... I did it for you. I had to jump to save you, you know that, right? Moriarty... he had snipers... They were going to shoot you if I didn't jump... If I didn't die... Mycroft had a plan of course but you were still in danger. If Moriarty's men knew you knew I was alive then they would have exterminated you and I just... I didn't risk everything for that to happen John. I couldn't lose you like that.

I'm sorry I hurt you, really I am... But I... Well, I'd prefer to live in a world where you hate me than a world where you're dead.

I'm not going to call you anymore John because I just... I can't do this anymore. I keep hoping that one day you'll answer the phone but it's been months now and I realise that's never going to happen.

Lestrade and I are closing in on that serial killer I was telling you about so I ummmm... I need to go now but just know that I'm...

I truly am sorry for the pain I caused you John. It was never my intention to cause you pain, ever.

And... well... Thank you. Thank you for being my friend John and I'm sorry I messed things up.

Since this is the last time I'm going to call you I may as well tell you that I... I...

Actually, maybe some things are best left unsaid.

Goodbye, John.

*Voice mail received March 15th 21:58

Hello, John... It's me, Greg.

Jesus Christ. Something... something's happened to Sherlock. Oh, God. He just... It's all my fault. I wasn't fast enough. He went to chase after the suspect and I slipped and I didn't know where he went and then the next thing I just heard...

Oh, God.

He... he wouldn't wake up.

Please John, I... Can you come down to Bart's?

Oh, God... John, what if he... if he...

I need your help, please.

*Voice mail received March 15th 22:19*

Hello is this Dr. John Watson?

This is Dr. Damian Clarke from St. Bart's Hospital. You are listed as the next of kin for a Mr. Sherlock Holmes. I'm sorry to tell you that Mr. Holmes was involved in a shooting late this evening. He is currently in surgery but I would request if you could make your way to the hospital as quickly as you could, I apologise but I can't give out any more information over the phone... Again, I'd request that you could come down to the hospital as quickly as you could Dr. Watson.

Hello... It's me... John...

Do you mind if I sit beside your bed? I just... I'm sorry. The doctor told me the surgery was a success. The bullet tore through your lung... It was a bit touch and go for a while... You ummm... You crashed on the table. But you're not dead... Obviously. I see a pattern forming there, do you? It looks like you're dead but you're not.

You ummm... You hit your head in the alley. When you were... when you were shot. You fell and hit your head against a railing. They ummm had to reduce the swelling on your brain too... The doctors. They don't know how bad the brain damage is... or might be until you wake up... So, could you please... please wake up, Sherlock?

For me, please.

Hello, Sherlock...

It's me again. I brought you a cup of coffee... I know how you hate those vending machine ones so I got you a cup at the Costa down the street. Black with two sugars... I remember how you take it. I'll just leave it here, okay. You can drink it when you wake up.

It's been three days, now... I slept here last night, I forgot to tell Mary. I had seven missed calls this morning... Seven. She understood though, well I think she did. I should probably go see her today but I don't want you to wake up alone...

I'm... I'm just going to sit here for a while okay?

Please wake up, Sherlock.

Your coffee is getting cold...

You've lost weight.

I mean you were always skinny, Sherlock but... damn. Your ribs were never this prominent before. Why weren't you taking care of yourself, Sherlock?

The nurse... She was in earlier changing the dressing on your wound and I... I saw the scars Sherlock.

Your back.

The nurse she... She asked me what happened. I didn't even know what to say, Sherlock. She looked disgusted. You were beaten, weren't you? When you were away. Oh, God. You didn't even get proper treatment for the cuts did you? They ummm they looked like they were infected at some stage. Oh, God Sherlock. Why didn't you tell me? Wait, don't answer that, I already know. You didn't tell me because I didn't give you the chance. Oh, God... Sherlock... I am sorry.

I promise you I will listen to ever word you have to say from here on out. Just please wake up, Sherlock.

Please.

It's not like you to sleep for this long, Sherlock. Come on, it's... it's been three weeks since the surgery. I'm sorry I haven't visited in a few days... Things with Mary were getting a bit tense, but I ummm I don't want to talk about that.

I can't do this Sherlock.

Oh, God Sherlock... I never... I never wanted this to happen. When you came back I was just... I was so, so... so angry. So humiliated. So broken... I spent two years grieving you just for you to turn up like...

I talked to Mycroft the other day and he showed me your file... The file from those two years you were away? And I... I understand now. You had no choice... I see that now, you sacrificed everything for me Sherlock and I just... I pushed you away when you came back... God... I'm...

I read about Serbia too... That's where you got the scars. The... the night before you returned to London, and what did I do when I saw you? I... I pushed you to the floor. I hit you. I hated you. You'd just been tortured and I threw you around like a rag doll. God, I hate myself.

I'm sorry Sherlock.

Listen... I need to tell you something... about what you said in that last voice mail? About how happy I looked? That I was... ummmm... over you? Sherlock, I could... I could never be over you. You saved my life, Sherlock. So many times. When I met you I was... I was impossibly broken and you helped put me back together again. You weren't just part of my life Sherlock, you were my life.

I love you, Sherlock. Please don't leave me again. I've lost you once and threw you away when I got you back... Please don't make me lose you again.

Please Sherlock.

One more miracle.

Please.

A month Sherlock...

It's... it's been a month... Is this how you felt when I never answered those calls? Oh, God... I don't even know what to say to you anymore. Just that I, well I'm sorry. I keep thinking about how you must have felt, when-when you were away and then when you came back. I really, well... I didn't make things easy for you Sherlock.

I'm such an idiot.

Sherlock... I...

I don't even know what to say.

Could you... could you wake up, please? I promise you that if you wake up right now I'll always answer you when you call.

Always.

Please Sherlock.

Six weeks...

You must really be tired mate, eh?

Not like you at all... This... this... stillness.

Things are getting tough at home. Mary... she's great she is but... well, she worries... She's worried I'm spending too much time here with you but I just...

Honestly there's nowhere I'd rather be, Sherlock.

Actually...

That's a lie... I want you to be awake, I want us to be in Baker St.

I want this mess to be over...

Can you do that for me, please?

Just... Just wake up...

I had a fight with Mary yesterday...

I asked her could we postpone the wedding because... because... well because of you... being like this... It just doesn't seem right to celebrate when you, well... you can't.

Anyway...She said that I hadn't even invited you to the wedding in the first place...

Sorry about that by the way but I just... I... well...

Anyway... We yelled. A lot... I'm still pissed to be honest... I don't even know what I want anymore...Ha, look at me... Look at us! You're not even conscious and you're getting in the way of my love life. You are a first class cock blocker you do know that, right?

Sorry I haven't visited in a while Sherlock, it's just well...

Things with Mary got worse.

We-we... were supposed to be getting married today but well... Something... something happened.

She, she asked me... Christ...

She asked me... She bloody asked me... She asked me am I in love you...

She... she actually.. She asked me... do... I...

Oh, God... Sherlock.

I just froze.

I couldn't speak.

But...

She knew.

I think she always knew.

I love Mary, believe me... I do. But I couldn't... Not after... Not when I know... that you... You... There's never going to be anyone else for me, Sherlock. Not now. Not ever. I'd rather spend the rest of my life sitting in this chair and holding your hand and talking to you like this than married to someone else. Anyone else...

Nothing compares to you, Sherlock.

And nothing ever will.

Ever.

It's always been you Sherlock Holmes. And God help me it always will be you.

He groaned as he came to. His head felt fuzzy and even without opening his eyes he could sense the room was too bright. He knew he was in a hospital, clearly. The scratchy uncomfortable bed sheets and smell of disinfectant and the constantly ringing phone that no one ever seems to answer were unmistakable signs that he was in a hospital... But why? Then he remembered the shooting... How dull. Two years undercover breaking down the world's most dangerous consulting criminal's vast network of evil just to be hospitalised by a crack addict in a rainy London alleyway. How the mighty fall...

Sherlock groaned again and for the first time became aware that something, or rather someone was holding his hand. Sherlock flexed his fingers and felt as the person who was holding his hand ran their thumb across his knuckles.

Sherlock tried to open his eyes then but the brightness of the sterile white room forced his eyes shut before he could see anything. Sherlock groaned in disapproval. Why were hospitals so insanely bright all the time?

"Easy, Sherlock." Said a calming voice to Sherlock's left. The voice belonged to the same person who was holding his hand. Sherlock felt a shift in the air beside him as the person leaned forward and ran their other hand through his hair.

Sherlock groaned again, softly this time. He liked the hand in his hair and the detective unconsciously leaned into the touch. He... he knew that voice. It had been so long since he last heard it... In fact, this... this couldn't be real... He couldn't be here, here with Sherlock touching him... Soothing him... This couldn't be happening... It just couldn't.

Sherlock had to open his eyes.

The first thing he saw when he blearily opened his eyes was the tired face of John Watson staring at him. The good doctor smiled. His entire face seemed to light up when his eyes met Sherlock's. Sherlock didn't know it but this was the first time John smiled since he had got that phone call from Dr. Clarke all those weeks ago.

"Hi," said the old familiar voice softly and the detective felt as the other man's hand tightened against his own.

Sherlock smiled. He truly smiled, for the first time in a long time. He smiled for the first time since before Bart's, since before leaving London, since before everything went wrong because for the first time in a long time Sherlock felt that perhaps things were about to get better. For the first time Sherlock felt everything might be okay and hell when he was holding hands with John Watson he knew everything would be okay., more than okay... Everything would be perfect.

Sherlock's smile deepened.

"Hello, John."