Welcome! I wanted to write this because there just aren't enough stories about Emma and Regina smoking weed, so I'm fixing that. I haven't decided whether or not this story will be written chronologically or as a series of one-shots. We shall see. Basically, this chapter exposes Regina as a life-long stoner, which makes sense to me since she was always the rebellious type, and I was tired of her scolding Emma for smoking in all the fics. She and Daniel were most likely sparking up in the stables back-in-the-day tbh. I thought it'd be fun to show how different Regina acts when she's high. A few disclaimers: I do not own Once Upon a Time or any of its characters, nor do I own the song featured in this chapter, it's "If You Were Gay" from Avenue Q. I'd highly recommend listening to the song for this chapter and for your life because it's the bomb. Also, don't do drugs, kids. Drugs are bad. I hope you enjoy!

"Regina! Gina, where are you?" Emma called out as she made her way down the steps of Regina's vault. When she got to the bottom floor, she saw Regina sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. Emma continued to approach; Regina showed no intention of acknowledging her. Emma was almost to the doorway when she was abruptly stopped by a an invisible force. It felt as if she had walked into a brick wall. Her head was comically thrown back, and she fell flat on her back.

"Ow! What the fuck?" Emma demanded to the woman still ignoring her presence. She reached up to her face, and felt a small trickle of blood coming from her nose. Emma closed her eyes tightly in concentration, and waved a hand over her face, healing the wound. Ha-HA! I did it, she thought.

Regina was focused intently on a task involving small papers. Is she doing what I think she's doing? Emma asked herself.

"Only the worthy shall enter," Regina said monotonously.

Emma rolled her eyes, "Who do you deem worthy?"

"No one."

"Of course."

Emma raised her hands in the air, and magicked the barrier away. She then proceeded to enter the room and see what Regina was doing.

"Why did I teach you how to control your power again? It seems like my life has only gotten more annoying since I did," Regina said.

"You-" Emma paused for a moment to come up with a real zinger to come back with, but she had nothing, "- and your face and your words… are even more annoying than my magic, so yeah… My life is worse."

"Ooh, good one. But we both know that's not true."

"I know."

Regina lifted the small paper resting in her fingers to her tongue and began licking the inside and rolling the paper into a cylinder.

"Are you rolling a blunt?" Emma asked. Her eyes were wide as she finally got a full view of the brunette's activities.

"Well aren't we perceptive?"

"Whaaaaat? I didn't even know you smoked," Emma said, smiling.

Regina finally looked up at Emma. Her face was seeping with disinterest and intolerance.

"Seriously? Have you heard my voice?"

Emma rolled her eyes, and pulled up a chair. She sat in it backwards, resting her chin on the back, so she could watch Regina work.

"I mean, I would have never guessed. You seem so uptight," said Emma.

"Hm. Fuck you too," said Regina nonchalantly.

"That's not what I meant," Emma quickly corrected, "I mean you seem like you're a rule-follower, you seem straight."

"Every word from your mouth just keeps getting further and further from the truth," Regina said, while finishing on her blunt. She swiped it one last time with her tongue to seal it (Emma swallowed thickly at the sight). "What about being the "Evil Queen" suggests that I'd have any regard for the rules? And as for being straight," Regina chuckled, "Well, that's not true either."

"I guess that's tr- Wait, what? I wasn't talking about your sexual orientation," Emma said.

"I know."

"What?"

"Are you so inept that I must repeat myself once more?"

"So you're saying..." Emma said thoughtfully.

"Don't hurt yourself, dear."

"...you're not straight."

"Good job, you used your listening ears. Would you like a sticker?" Regina asked.

"So like... you don't only like men?"

"Damn, I had so much hope for you."

"I'm serious, Regina!"

"Miss Swan, I believe you already had the answer, and you are ruining the impact of my joke with every passing second spent on this conversation. But I will say it one last time, for the sake of your miniscule brain. I. Like. Women. Romantically speaking. I like to put my mouth on their vaginas, and I like when they return the favor. Sometimes-"

"Okay! I think I get the picture, thank you!" Emma said, cutting Regina off before she could get into any more detail, though even through her discomfort, Emma felt a warmth spreading through her pants.

Regina smirked at the blond's uneasiness.

"Can you grab my lighter out of that drawer?" Regina ordered.

"Aren't fireballs your thing? Can't you just light it with magic?"

"The lighter looks cooler."

"Than magic?"

"I use magic all the time. Sometimes it's more calming to use the objects of this world."

"Why?"

Regina banged her forehead on her desk and grumbled, "Ughhhh! It's like I'm talking to a child! Because magic is very emotionally draining, and I like holding lighters because they relax me, which I really need right now because you are infuriating to be around!"

"Fine, fine."

Emma walked over to where Regina said the lighter was and opened up the heavy drawer. Emma gasped.

"What the hell!"

"Next to the rellos," Regina directed.

"And the dragon engraved bowl, and the… what is this? A crystal bong? And the thirty pounds of weed!?" Emma said lifting up a large ziplock bag full of pot.

"Don't be a drama queen. It's only twenty ounces."

"ONLY? Only twenty? This is the most weed I've seen in my life! Do you know how many years you could get locked up for this?"

"Do you, sheriff?" Regina retorted, folding her hands under her chin.

Emma gaped, "Uh, no… but it's a lot! And I could take you in right now!"

"But you're not going to do that," Regina said smoothly, as she rose from her chair and walked over to Emma.

She closed in. Emma took a step back, but was stopped by the open drawer. She was trapped. Emma's breath hitched slightly as Regina stood only inches from her. Regina reached around behind Emma, her nose almost brushing Emma's ear. Emma swallowed hard and managed to croak out,

"What… makes you think I won't?"

"Because…" Regina breathed in her ear. She smelled of autumn. Notes of vanilla, cinnamon and caramel graced her skin, and her hair smelled of honey-crisp apples. Emma closed her eyes, as her knees weakened and she tried not to let a whimper escape her lips. "I'm sharing."

Regina pulled her hand away and waved her lighter in the air. "Em-ma." Regina spun around and walked back to her desk, adding an extra sway to her hips.

Emma was mesmerized, but managed to sputter out, "What makes you think I smoke?"

Regina cackled, "You're kidding right?"

She held the blunt between her lips and flicked on her lighter and inhaled as she lit the end. Emma's mouth went dry as she watched the woman tilt her head back and blow smoke out of her nose.

"You were the one stealing all of my business after your trips to New York," Regina continued.

"There was no weed in this town… Wait you sell?"

"Why do you think I have twenty ounces in my drawer?" Regina rolled her eyes, "When I created Storybrooke, I took all the weed for myself and erased everyone else's memories of it."

"That's so evil," Emma said.

"I know!" Regina responded like a giddy schoolgirl, "I had it all under a preservation spell, so I had a lifetime supply. But then YOU had to go and break the curse, and these fools started banging on my door asking what I did with all of their weed."

Regina paused in her story to take another drag, and she held it out to Emma. Emma took it and inhaled.

"So I told them that I'd be their supplier until we figured out how to move safely across the town line, and since that never really happened, I had a monopoly, until you ruined everything AGAIN."

"I didn't know there was weed here," Emma shrugged, "I saw business opportunity. Everyone seemed pretty happy."

"Of course they did, you idiot! Your prices were ridiculously low. You were practically giving it away! No one came to me for months. That's why I bought it all off you after the second time you came back from New York," Regina said while taking the blunt back from Emma.

"That was you? I thought Granny was just a stoner…"

"You are a horrible sheriff. You didn't wonder where Granny had suddenly gotten all that money from? She sells coffee for 35 cents. She could have been destroying her life for a drug habit," said Regina.

"Oh yeah… That would have been bad."

"This is why it's better for me to sell all the weed in this town. I am far more responsible," Regina concluded.

"It's all yours, Madam Mayor," said the sheriff.

Emma was starting to feel it. Her legs were lighter, the world began to move at a slower pace, and all Emma wanted to do was stare at Regina's face.

"Haha," Emma said at nothing in particular.

"What?" Regina smiled back at her, her eyelids hanging low.

"Nothing. You're high," Emma giggled again.

"So are you, Swan," Regina murmured seductively. She got up from her chair and walked around to the front of the desk, eyes never moving from the blond's adorable face which was wearing a stupid grin. Regina sat atop the desk, and took a long drag. She inhaled deeply and let the smoke fill her lungs. When she exhaled, she had used magic to manifest the smoke into a unicorn that leapt at Emma's head.

"Whoaaaaaa," Emma yelled as she ducked out of the way and fell out of her chair in slow motion.

They both burst into a fit of laughter. Emma was rolling on the floor, covering her face, red from embarrassment.

"Why did you fall out of the chair?" Regina asked, keeling over from the giggles.

"I don't know!" Emma said smiling.

"It was smoke!"

"I know."

"Did you think it was real?" Regina asked.

"Maybe...For a second. It was coming to get me! I had to get out of the way!" Emma defended.

"I thought you liked unicorns?"

"I do."

"You're gayyyyy," Regina cackled.

"I know," said Emma.

"What?"

"What?

"You are gay?" Regina asked.

"No," Emma said.

"But you just said…"

"No I didn't."

"..."

"..."

"Emma, if you're gay, it's fine. No one here will care," said Regina more seriously.

"But I'm not gay," said Emma firmly.

"But Emma… You're wearing a flannel shirt and a beanie, and… Is that a toolbelt?"

"I couldn't find my other one."

"Okayyy, but I'm just saying..." Regina said, finally putting out the blunt.

"Regina… don't."

"If you were gay…"

"Oh, please god, no!"

"That'd be okay!"

Emma hopped out of her chair, and began to walk out of the vault, "Nope!" Regina rushed after her.

"I mean, cause hey! I'd like you anyway!"

"Really?" Emma paused briefly to look at Regina, but saw that the woman was still singing, so she rolled her eyes, raced up the stairs of the vault, and bolted through the forest toward main street.

"Because you see!" Regina sang effortlessly as she raced after Emma.

"How are you doing this?" Emma panted.

"IF IT WERE MEEEEE!"

"Oh my God!" Emma finally reached main street. She smelled the scent of onion rings and suddenly realised that she was starving. She took a beeline toward Granny's.

"I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY!"

Charming, who was sitting in his truck while the two women raced down the middle of the street, popped his head out of the window and gave Regina a confused look.

Regina turned back at him and smiled, "But I'm not gay."

Charming took a second to process what he just saw. Eventually, he just nodded and said, "Okay," and went on with his evening.

"Okay Regina, are you done? Because I want some onion rings," Emma asked as she slowed her pace to a walk. Regina caught up to Emma, and walked with her up to Granny's patio. Emma waited for Regina to answer, but she was just smiling at her patiently. "Ugh!" Emma caved, "What!"

"If you were queer..."

"Okay. I'm getting onion rings," Emma said spinning on her heel and marching into the diner.

Regina burst through the door, still singing...Loudly.

"I'd still be here!"

Everyone in the diner grew silent, and turned to Regina who was standing with her arms wide, like she was on Broadway. Emma pinched her nose, shook her head, and proceeded to the bar.

Regina's face grew red, and stared back at the many eyes on her. She cleared her throat, adjusted her clothes, and walked over to Emma who was sitting at the bar. Everyone went back to what they were doing.

Regina slid in next to Emma, and whispered, "year after year…"

"Ugh!"

"...because you're dear to me."

"Awe," Emma said, smiling at Regina. Regina beamed back at her. "Gay idiot," she thought.

"And I know that you…" Regina continued.

"Okay seriously?"

"...would accept me too!"

"Ruby, can I get five orders of onion rings please?" Emma asked.

Ruby nodded, "And Regina…"

"Don't worry about her, she's high," Emma replied. "Never again!" she said to Regina.

Regina continued to sing, "If I told you today! Hey! Guess what! I'm gay!"

At that same moment, Granny came out of the kitchen holding a plate of waffles. She stopped and stared at Regina with an eyebrow raised.

"But I'm not gay," Regina sang looking at Granny.

Granny nodded, and slowly walked away from the scene.

Emma just gave up, rested her elbow on the counter and watched Regina sing.

"I'm happy…"

"Did someone say happy!" Mary Margaret asked, popping out of nowhere.

"Just being with you!" sang Regina.

"Wait what?" Emma said.

"I love this song!" screamed Mary Margaret, and loudly joined in.

"SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME, WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GIRLS?"

"MOM!"

Ruby came out with the onion rings, and was singing along.

"If you were gayyyyy…"

"Ruby! You too?" Emma whined.

"What? It's not just me," Ruby said motioning to the rest of the people in the diner, who had indeed stood up from their seats, and begun to sing along.

Regina hopped on top of the bar and began to orchestrate the entire diner.

"WE'D SHOUT HOORAY!" Everyone cheered.

Emma's face was beet-red. She buried her head in her arms.

"Emma…" Regina said sweetly between lines. Emma looked up. Regina was holding out her hand for Emma to join her, wearing a smile that Emma just couldn't refuse. Emma glanced around at the smiling faces upon her. She looked over at Ruby, who slid her a shot of tequila just in time. Emma took a deep breath, knocked back the shot, took Regina's hand and allowed herself to be pulled up onto the bar. Regina laughed and pulled Emma in for a hug. Emma teared up and hugged her back.

Regina whispered into Emma's ear, "And here I'd stay." Then she opened back up and conducted the crowd with one arm while the other was slung over Emma's shoulder.

"And we wouldn't get in your way!" The town sang back to the women.

Henry and Charming came bursting through the diner door, and hopped on the counter with them.

"You can count on me!..."

Henry wrapped his arms around both his mothers, and Charming pulled them all into a massive bear-hug.

"Hey! Group hugs aren't allowed without me!" Snow yelled. She struggled to get on top of the bar, but Regina reached out a hand and pulled her up, and into the hug.

"...to always be!"

The family stood shoulder to shoulder, and started kicking their legs to the beat, Rockette-style.

"BESIDE YOU EVERYDAY!"

Charming kissed Emma's forehead.

"TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY! YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY!"

Henry took the next line solo, "And as they say, it's in your DNA!"

The crowd hooted and hollered and cheered for the final line,

"YOU'RE GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

"Okay fine, I'm gay," Emma admitted.

Regina, turned Emma to face her, and stared lovingly into her green eyes. She grabbed the lapels of Emma's jacket and pulled her in for a kiss. Emma, taken aback, moaned into Regina's mouth, before she wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and lifted her off her feet.

Regina pulled away, and smirked down at Emma, "Hell yes, you are," she said, and stole another kiss. Everyone in Storybrooke cheered, and all was right with the world. All thanks to the magical properties of THC.

So Regina is a compulsive singer when she's high, which is inspired by an actual friend (not me, of course! I never smoke) of mine who sings incessantly when she's high. I hope you all like a more free-spirited Regina, I know I do. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed yourselves. I'd love to hear your feedback!