Ivory and Asphodel

Act Three: Myositis Scorpioides

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and sees her as a friend, consciously, well, that never happens.

He never says the words out loud and neither does she, but its there, a friendship grown in hardship.

Gale doesn't know when they become friends, he just knows they are and in the end, that's what matters.

Madge knows in her heart that she can count Gale among her friends now and she knows it's thanks to Katniss, knows she's what brought them together.

(but maybe, maybe this was always going to happen, ever since Gale Hawthorne picked up a little hat in November, looked at Madge Undersee for the very first time)

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and feels his heart break, he is nineteen and the quarter quell's just been announced.

Katniss is going back to the games, no question about it and Gale feels like he's sinking, feels like he can't remember how to swim. He's floundering about because regardless of whatever else they are, Katniss is his best friend and she can't go back, she can't.

(except she is, and there's nothing he can do to stop it)

He's going to do whatever he can to help her, anything at all because he needs to do something, can't just watch like he did last time. Whatever she needs, he's going to do it, he will.

She's his best friend, no matter what.

(but of course, he's not Katniss Everdeen's only friend)

He's on his way to see Katniss, she's already expressed interest in him teaching her and Peeta and Haymitch all he knows about traps and snares, when he hears it, a soft, painful sniffling. He stops, listens carefully and realizes it's coming from behind a tree slightly ahead and to his left. He creeps over cautiously, isn't sure what he's going to find.

(he didn't expect this)

It's Madge Undersee, leaning against the tree and weeping quietly into her hands, tears dripping onto the grass by her feet.

She's a pale smudge against the dark of the bark and he feels like something's tightening around his chest, squeezing his ribs until they crack. His heart's thudding a little erratically, his stomach turning and he doesn't know if she hears him or not, but Madge looks up, takes note of him in surprise.

"Gale!" she exclaims, hurriedly wipes at the tears on her cheeks. His nod's a little stiff and she smiles, acts like her eyes aren't rimmed in red, acts like nothing's at all out of the ordinary.

"On your way to see Katniss?" she asks and he wishes she'd stop acting cheerful, stop forcing a smile.

"You're teaching them traps and things, right? I wish I could help, but unless there'll be a piano recital, I'm not much use." She laughs a little but it's not the one he knows, not the one he wants.

"Madge..."

"I should go, I don't want to keep you," she says as she slips past him, voice failing to hide the strain.

"Madge," he repeats and she stops, turns back with a wilting grin. He doesn't know why she's doing this, why she's trying to act so brave, why she's afraid to let him know she's been crying. But the look in her eyes is the way he feels inside and that does it, makes him act without really thinking.

He puts his hands on her shoulders, makes her jump a bit in surprise.

"Katniss...Katniss is going to be okay. She's tough, she knows what she's doing..." He's not really sure where he intends to go with this, knows there's no real way to reassure her. Madge's eyes are wide, growing wet and he tightens his grip on her, wonders why he can't think of what to say.

"I...I know," Madge murmurs, voice shaky but still strong and she smiles again. "If there's one thing I have faith in, it's Katniss."

(he can feel that faith, like she's a battery charge sparking beneath his fingers)

"It's just...not fair. That Katniss has to go back. But she needs us both now, needs us to be strong. So no more tears," and now it's like she's talking to herself, scolding herself for letting her sadness out this once. He feels something in his chest snap as he watches her, feels pain sharp and fresh.

He moves again without thinking, pulls Madge into his chest. She gasps and his arms go all the way around her, keep her as close as he can.

(he's never liked seeing people sad, has always hated when people cried, but with Madge it's something different, a need he doesn't understand. It's almost like with Posy, this driving force to keep her happy, to never let her cry but it's not quite the same, is different in a way he can't explain)

(but maybe, if his head wasn't so determined to keep his heart stuck on Katniss Everdeen, he'd be able to see the piece of the puzzle he's been missing)

"Gale?" she questions, voice soft as snow and he doesn't really understand the storm inside him, the raging he can feel in his blood.

"You don't have to be strong with me," he mumbles and even though the words feel foreign on his tongue, he knows he means it, knows it's important she understands. She doesn't answer at first but her hands slide around his neck, lock behind his head.

"You either," she whispers and he doesn't think he's ever had this, someone who's seen all the way under his walls, seen Gale without the anger as a shield.

(and if it was anyone else, he doesn't think he'd ever let them)

They stand there, holding each other near and for the first time in what feels like forever, Gale feels warm, feels okay, feels almost happy.

(he'll never admit it, but somewhere, he thinks that maybe Madge Undersee's the only one who could make him feel this way)

Neither of them says anything else and maybe that's for the best.

(the truth's easier to hide in silence)

Katniss is going back.

KATNISS IS GOING BACK

Madge can hear the words, screaming screaming screaming in her head and she knows she has to be brave for Katniss, but her courage starts to waver when she leaves Katniss' house, starts to slink away.

(Katniss is a hero but Madge, Madge will never be)

Gale finds her and it's always him, seeing her at her weakest. She's so embarrassed, tries to hide the sad bits she keeps under lock and key. But she's as clear as glass to Gale, entirely transparent and he says exactly what she's always needed someone to say.

"You don't have to be strong with me."

(Gale's a hero too, Madge's very own)

She hugs him back, feels stronger already, promises him he can let his walls down with her.

(he shakes in her arms and maybe, maybe she's his hero too)

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and admits to himself that he's spending time with her not because of Katniss, but because she's Madge, he is nineteen and the recaps blare on television, show him the horror he's already lived.

He feels sick, but he's angry too, furious because Katniss never stood a chance. There's rebellion in the air, stirred up by Katniss and Snow's trying to quiet her, keep her down for good.

Don't let him win, Catnip, Gale thinks fiercely, knows Katniss can do this.

(and that's one thing he'll never lose faith in, no matter what)

Madge inhales sharply beside him and Gale focuses back on the screen, scowls as he sees the Reaping of District Twelve for the second time today.

(you think it wouldn't hurt as much the second time around, but it does)

(it does)

Madge grabs his hand when Katniss is called up, fingers trembling and Gale wishes he didn't have to watch this, wishes Snow didn't force them to.

(except, even if it wasn't mandatory, he'd be watching, couldn't bear not to)

Gale sighs heavily when the recaps end, squeezes Madge's hand in his, isn't sure if the sweat he feels is hers or his. Not that it matters, not really.

"I guess that it's then," she murmurs, eyes downcast and Gale nods, keeps seeing Katniss standing on stage, sees her led away without a goodbye.

(and that, that makes him angry enough to burn down the world)

"I'll see you tomorrow," Madge says and Gale turns to her, sees his feelings reflected in the shining of her eyes. She lets go of his hand, taken in comfort, and he feels a little empty, isn't sure he wants to say goodbye just yet.

"I'll walk you home," he offers and Madge stops, eyes widening just a bit.

"You...you don't need to," she stammers and he shrugs, tries to keep his face straight.

"I know, but I don't mind." Madge stares for a bit, makes him uncomfortable but finally she grins, nods her head.

"Alright, thanks." Her voice is bright and her smile nice and Gale almost smiles back, somersaults going in his stomach.

(not that he'd admit that)

They start to walk but then Madge stops short, looks unsure as they come across a clump of guys blocking their path. They're deep in conversation and Gale recognizes them from work, gives the nearest one a tap on the arm.

"Can you guys move this somewhere else? You're kind of in the way." The guy turns, Gale thinks his name might be Kern, and Madge hovers a bit behind Gale, fidgets with her hands.

"Hawthorne! Leaving already?" Kern asks, sounds a bit amused and Gale frowns.

"Yeah and like I said, you're blocking the way out." Kern nods but then pauses, narrows his eyes at Gale.

"Why d'you need to go this way? Seam's back behind you, shouldn't you be headed that way?" Gale wonders how to answer and then Kern's eyes slide past him, land on Madge. His mouth pops open, eyes going wide and Gale grimaces, is not looking forward to this at all.

"That the mayor's daughter?" Kern asks, voice heavy with disbelief and the other guys turn, take in the scene before them. Gale stiffens at the looks on their faces, staring at him and Madge like they're some sort of freak show.

(but they are, aren't they? a seam boy and the mayor's daughter, what could be more unnatural than that?)

Kern leans close, whispers loudly in Gale's ear.

(his breath smells and he spits, gets the side of Gale's face wet)

"You fooling with the mayor's daughter?" Kern asks, curiosity leaking into every word and Gale pulls back, notices all the other guys eagerly awaiting his answer. Madge knots her fingers together, shifts nervously under everyone's stares.

"No," he answers curtly but Kern doesn't look convinced, a nasty sort of grin twisting his face.

"Got tired of all them Seam girls at the slag heap, figured you'd try something a little...better quality?" Kern's voice is mocking, filled with derision and Gale tenses, sees Madge blanch.

"I get it man, who wouldn't want a taste?" Kern asks, eyes Madge up and she hugs herself, tries to keep her chin up. The other guys leer too and Gale clenches his fists, tries his best to stay calm.

"Drop it," Gale advises but Kern ignores him, smirks obnoxiously.

"What's it like, knowing she's just slumming it when she's with you?" Kern questions, runs his gaze up and down Madge in a way that makes her flinch, bite down hard on her lips.

"Fuck off," Gale growls and they all laugh, like this is just some big, stupid joke.

"Aw, come on man, it's a real honour. None of us could tempt a pretty little rich girl like her, the only town girl we'd get is that slut Lanna Thimmonier. You've done us all proud," Kern guffaws, claps Gale on the shoulder and he's a second from punching Kern in his ugly, smug face. Gale opens his mouth to retort, or mostly just to say something rude that his mother'd box his ears for but he never gets the chance.

"I think that's enough," Madge insists, voice a bit shaky but still firm. "Gale and I aren't...any of that. I'm friends with Katniss and Gale is nice to me for her sake. That's all. Now if you don't mind, I have to get home," Madge still sounds a bit nervous but there's a steel in her that he can't help but admire. Her words, on the other hand, stick like knives in his skin, make him feel ill.

She doesn't really think that does she? That he's only nice to her for Katniss' sake?

Kern and the others don't seem to know what to say and Gale looks at Madge, feels like his chest's being constricted. She starts to move past him, meets his eyes for the briefest of seconds and Gale feels something in him shift sideways.

Madge Undersee is nice, is kind, can make him laugh. He feels better when he's around her, likes spending time in her company. He feels like he can be himself, feels like he can trust her, feels like he's doing something right when he holds her hand, comforts her when she's upset.

Madge Undersee is his friend because she's Madge, weird and brave and comforting. Because she's interested in rebellion, always want to help others, laughs at bad jokes. Because she doesn't judge others, is ever hopeful, is sweet and silly and kind of amazing.

He could let her walk away right now, let them all believe that he doesn't really care. It'd be easier and Madge probably wouldn't get mad, would probably still stand by him tomorrow. He could avoid the rumours sure to spread, could avoid the complications being friends with Madge Undersee entails.

Madge would understand.

But he doesn't want her to.

She's ridiculous, way too understanding, forgives things she shouldn't. She's so frustrating, drives him crazy and...he'd never want her to change.

Gale looks at Madge Undersee, in the blue skies in her eyes and he knows he isn't just nice to her because of Katniss. It's because she's her and he likes her, would like her even if Katniss Everdeen had never been reaped.

(he doesn't think about the fact that they might never have really spoken if she hadn't been, doesn't want to consider one of the better things in his life coming from one of the worst)

He knows too that if he lets her walk away right now, then he doesn't deserve a friend like her, steady, compassionate, strawberry buying Madge Undersee.

She keeps walking, is just about to slip past him when he grabs her hand, wraps his fingers around hers. She stops, turns back in confusion.

"Gale?" she asks, blinks her eyes at him and the guys stare, just as lost.

"I said I'd walk you home," he reminds her and she inhales, eyes round with surprise. The guys start to whisper together and Gale can feel her skin, warm against his as he waits for her to do something, feels a flush creep its way up his neck.

The shock on her face begins to soften, the sun rising in her eyes as she starts to smile and Gale can feel his stomach doing back flips.

"She's the mayor's daughter," Kern stresses, jolts Gale back to the real world. He rolls his eyes, doesn't let go of Madge.

"Thanks, I hadn't noticed," he replies, shoves past them. Madge follows after, her hand still linked with his and Gale can hear the guys muttering amongst themselves. He ignores them, starts the walk to the mayor's house.

Madge draws closer to his side and he can see she wants to say something, is trying to figure out the best way to put it in words. She bites her bottom lip and Gale's eyes stay on that, can't seem to flick away. She opens her mouth and then seems to think better of it, swallows the words and merely hugs his arm, the brightest smile he's ever seen glowing on her lips.

They stay in silence for the rest of the walk and Gale is grateful, is too focused on the strange swirling in his gut.

(and it's okay too, because this silence is warm, comfortable)

They reach her house, looming large in the dying light and Madge begins to pull away, a chill creeping into his side where she'd been. She starts to untangle their fingers and it's only then does Gale realize he'd held her hand the entire way. There's a lance of shock through his nerves but then Madge is beaming at him again and he forgets his words for a moment, is temporarily rendered speechless.

"Thanks," she says, voice sprinkled with affection and he knows she isn't just talking about walking her home.

(he'd never admit it, but he's pretty sure friendship isn't meant to feel this way)

He still can't find his voice, nods a little instead and she starts to walk up the steps, turns back when she reaches the porch. The light makes her hair shine gold and his eyes widen, can't seem to look away.

"You know, I was lying, back there. I know you're not just nice to me for Katniss' sake. I've known that for a while." There's faith and trust in her tone and Gale feels relief like a fire in his blood. He doesn't answer, isn't sure he could and he wonders why his tongue's become so useless.

"Goodnight Gale," she whispers and there's something happening in his chest as he stares at her, can see stardust in her eyes.

"Goodnight Madge," he manages to get out, somehow, and she smiles again, puts the moon to shame. She heads inside and Gale stands there until she's out of sight, stays there a little longer after.

When did Madge Undersee become so beautiful?

(she's always been, he was just too stupid to notice)

He doesn't really know how he gets home, can't remember the walk he must have taken because his mind's tangled up in Madge Undersee, completely lost in her.

(Katniss Everdeen still lingers in the corners of his heart, but maybe, just maybe, Madge Undersee is starting to seep through the cracks)

(except there is no maybe, Madge Undersee's in there, has been for awhile)

But Gale is good at lying, especially to himself and he pushes her down, hides her somewhere deep and tries to tell himself that there's nothing going on.

(he almost believes it)

He goes to sleep, thinks of Katniss, but even in his dreams, he can see a flash of blonde in the corner of his eye, taste strawberries faint against his tongue.

(but it's nothing)

Except it isn't.

Gale Hawthorne glows in the setting sun, looks like the handsome prince in every story Madge had read as a child.

He takes her hand and she is breathless, doesn't think she could ever stop looking at him, at the promise shining in the silver of his eyes.

"I said I'd walk you home," he reminds her gently, the warmth of his tone wrapping around her like a blanket and Madge's heart stutters, the miners falling away until all there is, is Gale. A Gale Hawthorne made of sunbeams and her very best dreams.

But then, she shouldn't be surprised.

Gale has always been loyal, steadfast, brave and kind and caring. He has always been the courageous knight, maybe without the shining armor and white steed but then he's never needed it.

He holds her hand, walks her home and tells the world that he isn't afraid of rumours and whispers, doesn't care about the divides sewn into the fabric of District Twelve.

(she wants to say something but can't find the right words, hugs him close and hopes her heart beat can do the talking)

They arrive at her door and he looks at her in a way he never has before, eyes wide and full of stars. Madge can feel fireworks start to burst under her skin, feels it like sparks of lightning in her blood.

She wishes him a good night, knows her heart is shining in her eyes.

(and it is a good night, one of the very best she's ever had)

Madge falls asleep and dreams of fairy tales, begins to believe they can come true.

(the question, of course, is will hers?)

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and thinks of the future, he's nineteen and the 75th Games have officially begun.

Everyone is antsy, on edge and so is Gale, swept up in the possibility of a rebellion growing closer every day. Everyone can feel it, taste it and even the victors themselves start to light fires, spend their interviews hewing cracks in the Capitol's foundations.

(and then there's Katniss and Peeta, supposedly married and pregnant)

Gale can't wait, is ready to fight back against the Capitol and he can sense that same desire thrumming through Madge, standing beside him. She keeps her eyes entirely focused on the screen and Gale can't help but linger on her profile, trace the edges of her face.

(lies are getting harder and harder to believe)

The sun dips low behind the horizon, the streetlights turn hazy as they begin to glow and Gale knows it's time to walk Madge home, knows she's supposed to be inside before the moon's too high in the sky.

They go quietly, close but not touching and he doesn't hold her hand this time.

(and he doesn't want to, not at all)

She's thinking, looks deep in thought and Gale wonders what's on her mind, wonders if her head's as chaotic as his right now.

"It's coming, the rebellion. Coming soon," she murmurs, voice almost lost in the wind but that makes sense, Peacekeepers have no tolerance for talk like this. Gale nods, brain sprinting in circles, ideas of revolution painted across his every breath.

"Everyone's so worried, so scared. But I guess that makes sense, so many things could go wrong, it's almost safer not to hope, not to get excited over possibilities," she continues, eyes trailing on the ground and Gale frowns, wants to say no, possibilities are worth it, are the beginning of everything.

"Maybe I'm naive, but I don't like thinking like that. I want to believe that there's always hope. That no matter how bad everything seems, no matter how many times we fail and things go wrong, a happy ending is never out of the question." Her voice is soft but there's the hint of a smile on her lips, bright lights in her eyes and he can feel her faith in his bones.

(Gale doesn't say it, but he likes that idea, likes that she's always hopeful, no matter what)

"I am terrified," she admits and he steps a little closer, doesn't even realize he's doing it. "But I don't want to be scared of the future. I want to be optimistic, want to focus on the things that could go right instead of wrong," she pauses, tilts her face towards him slightly. "I don't know exactly what I want for the rest of my life," and then her eyes meet his, shy and bashful and Gale thinks maybe she knows a bit more than she's willing to share, "but I don't want to hide from it. So I keep telling myself that no matter what happens, even if things don't work out this time, there's always next time. The story's not over and it won't be, not ever, because the best ones never are," she finishes, conviction heavy in her tone and Gale stares at her.

(something he's been doing a lot lately)

He can't help but think of his own future, about what he wants for the rest of his life.

He doesn't have a clear cut answer, some vague ideas about his family being safe, no more Capitol, no more Hunger Games, no more starving or mines or oppression but when he looks at Madge, he realizes there's something else he wants his future to have.

Whatever else happens, he wants a future that has Madge Undersee as a part of it.

Madge doesn't think about the future often, is happier to focus on the present but sometimes she can't help it, imagines all the things she wishes would come to pass.

She wants her mother to get better, wants her father to be happy again, wants her family to be whole.

She wants Katniss to be free of the Capitol, wants Peeta to live in peace.

She wants Panem to be safe from Snow, wants a world without terror as a daily occurrence.

She wants the Hawthornes to be okay too, wants them to have the happy life they deserve.

And of course, there's Gale

She wants Gale in her future, wants him in her life forever.

She wants, well, she wants some more specific things too but she can't even think it without blushing, has always been shy where feelings are concerned.

But that's okay.

She's got their whole lives to work up the courage.

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and isn't afraid of the possibility of more, he is nineteen and the world's about to change forever.

He walks her home after watching the Games and even though Katniss is in them again, (Peeta too) nothing puts him at ease like watching with Madge Undersee. There's still a hurricane in his gut, but she's like the eye of every storm, the only calm he can feel on days like today.

His fingers accidentally brush against hers as they walk, so very very close together, and Gale can feel something hot in his stomach, can hear her sharp intake of breath. He looks over at her and Madge always looks best at this time of day, glows with all the colours of dusk.

(he's given up trying to tell himself she's not beautiful, given up pretending he doesn't notice)

Her tongue pokes out, wets her lip and Gale's eyes linger on that, hesitate to move away. There's that feeling in his veins, the one he always gets around Madge and he recognizes it, of course he does, but there's still that wall he's built up, the lock he refuses to open.

(what is he so afraid of?)

Her house draws nearer and he wishes the walk was longer, wishes goodbye didn't always have to happen so soon. His footsteps slow and so do hers and they take their time, try to prolong the moments before goodnight. It's pointless but then, in his little corner of denial, it's the only way he can keep her with him just a bit longer.

(he should win a prize for sheer stubbornness)

Her porch comes close and their time's run out, but Madge dawdles a bit, doesn't take the steps up to the door. He looks down at her in question and finally she turns, smoothes down her dress absentmindedly. She's smiling, the one that does odd things to his insides and his eyes get caught in it, get lost in the curve of her mouth, in the soft pink of her lips.

"Thanks for walking me home," she murmurs, voice sweet and his gaze stutters upwards, finds her eyes and gets trapped in those, the promise of bright summer skies.

"No problem," he mumbles, tongue absolutely useless but he means it, wouldn't mind walking her home every day.

(but there's nothing between them, nothing at all)

She finally goes up the steps, turns back to him at the top. The porch light gives her skin a golden hue and she leans against the railing, something in him tightening at the sight.

"Goodnight, Gale," she says, voice hushed but warm in a way that reaches into him, heats his blood. He's still staring at her, trapped in the colour of her cheeks, blooming and soft.

(he'll be lucky if he could ever look away)

(except he'd be even luckier if he could look at her forever)

"Goodnight, Madge," he somehow manages to say and her smile widens, blinds him with sunbeams. He's still stunned by her when she leans a bit forward, seems to maybe want to come back down the stairs towards him. His blood heats a little more and he takes a tentative step forward, draws closer and her fingers tighten on the rail, breathing a little quicker.

The pink in her cheeks darkens and he's still walking forward without even really thinking about what he's doing. Her tongue's out again, slides over her lips and his eyes are drawn to it like magnets, unable to pull away. His feet hit the bottom step and he stops, suddenly realizes how much closer they've gotten. She hovers a few steps above him and he can smell her, like vanilla and cloud bursts.

"Gale..." she says, voice mostly just a breath of air and it's like the dam he's kept in his chest cracks right in half, crumbles down into dust. There's no more denying it, not with the way she says his name, not with the way it makes him feel.

They aren't just friends, haven't been for awhile.

They're caught somewhere between friends and more but he doesn't care, doesn't see that gap as something to run away from anymore. It might be because of the way she's looking at him or the surge of courage he always feels around her or maybe it's because the world is changing and Gale is ready to change with it, but it doesn't matter, not really, because no matter what the reason is, he's willing to admit there's something here, a possibility he definitely wants to explore.

He's not sure when he started walking up the stairs but he's drawn level with her, her face just inches from his own. Her breath fans out across his face and his hands move, rest lightly on her hips. She inhales and his heart thuds unevenly in his chest, beats against his rib cage. Her eyes flutter closed, her head tilts towards his and this is it.

(every life has turning points, this is just one he never saw coming)

Gale leans forward just enough, meets Madge's mouth with his own.

Her lips are soft, move slowly against his and that heat's back but a hundred times hotter, sets his nerves on fire until he can't think straight. There's nothing but Madge, the taste of her, the feel of her and then her fingers are in his hair, send shivers through his blood.

"I'm glad to see you're home, I was worrie-" her housekeeper's voice cuts off suddenly and Gale pulls away from Madge, still feels a bit dazed. Her face is bright red and Mrs Sparrowsaw curls her lip, gives Gale a disapproving look. He tries to back away a bit farther, can still feel Madge's skin but he's forgotten he's on the stairs, nearly falls back and flat on his ass.

Madge giggles a little hysterically and Mrs Sparrowsaw's frown deepens while Gale steadies himself, takes firm hold of the railing.

(this is not at all how he pictured this going)

"I think it'd be best if you made your way home," Mrs Sparrowsaw tells him, rests a hand on Madge's arm. He ignores her, won't be scared off by a less than pleased mother-figure, looks to Madge instead. Her face is still as red as a tomato but her eyes are shining bright, her lips smiling just for him.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she promises and he nods, his mouth no longer working. He watches her go inside, his heart still pounding without rhythm. The door shuts behind them and then he hears the lock click, like Mrs Sparrowsaw is afraid he might try and follow them inside.

(normally he'd be offended

but to be offended, you have to be able to think straight

and Gale certainly can't do that right now)

He forces his limbs to work, goes home in a fog and when he finally falls asleep, his dreams are all wrapped up in Madge, soft skin, pretty smiles, a beating in his chest.

(and maybe a little more too)

Everything's been flipped on its head but it's okay, he'll deal with it later, figure it all out tomorrow.

Tomorrow, the day the Games end.

And the world with them.

Madge Undersee wishes Gale goodnight in bed, carries him in her heart.

Her mouth tingles with the ghost of his, her mind spins and Gale lives in every corner of her, fills her from top to bottom.

She falls asleep with a smile on her lips, dreams of the promise of tomorrow.

The first time Gale Hawthorne looks at Madge Undersee and stops worrying about what comes next, just lets himself be happy, it's the last day of the final Games, the beginning of the end.

He still hasn't figured out what to say on his way to meet her, isn't sure what to do when he sees her. He can't just act like nothing's happened but he doesn't know what step he's supposed to take next, doesn't even know what step he wants to take next.

(he's got a few ideas but there's still the memory of Katniss, still the fear he hasn't quite erased)

He reaches her house and he still hasn't figured anything out, hovers just beyond her gate in indecision. Suck it up, he tells himself but he doesn't, still hesitates. He takes a deep breath, tries to steel himself but then Madge arrives, takes the decision right out of his hands.

"Hi," she greets with a happy smile and Gale grins back, does it entirely by reflex. She takes his hand and he likes the way it feels, the way hers fits in his. Madge peeks at him in question, asks him with her eyes if this is okay, if she's crossed some sort of line she shouldn't have.

He could worry about this but maybe he doesn't have to, maybe he should just let this happen, just be happy while he can. The world's on the brink and maybe he doesn't have everything figured out, but he does know one thing.

Whatever this is, he likes it, doesn't want it to end.

And maybe that's what matters.

Madge is beside herself with nerves come morning, realizes she'll have to do something, make some sort of decision regarding Gale.

She doesn't want whatever's between them to stop, but her head and her heart are at odds, can't agree on a course of action.

She can't ignore last night, doesn't want to but it's what comes next that scares her. Does she wait for him to do something? Make the first move herself? And what if he's decided he's no longer interested, what then?

(Madge really hopes she never has to answer that)

But then Gale arrives at her gate, looks nervous and adorable and every one of her fears drains away. He grins when he sees her, looks as happy as she feels and squeezes her hand when she silently asks if this is okay.

And sure, there's still talking they need to do, still things they need to figure out but that can wait until later.

For now, she just wants to enjoy this.

The last time Gale Hawthorne sees Madge Undersee is just a few hours later that same day, the day the rebellion truly begins.

They're standing shoulder to shoulder in the square, stronger together and then Katniss does something no one ever imagined, starts the revolution with a bang.

(but they really shouldn't be surprised, this is Katniss after all)

Katniss shoots her arrow at the arena wall and Gale is still holding Madge's hand, squeezes tight when the screen bursts a violent white, distant explosions echoing in every home, in every district. People flinch, cover their eyes, their ears and then the screen snaps black, cuts them and the whole of Panem off from whatever's just happened in the Games.

There's confusion in the air, worry too and Madge draws closer to him, her own concern bleeding through her skin to his. Everyone starts talking over each other, panic rising in their voices and Gale knows this is it, knows Katniss has lit the fuse beneath the Capitol's walls, knows there's no going back from this.

(he just hopes she hasn't got herself caught in the blast, prays they'll see each other again)

Gale isn't sure what to do but then the power cuts out, all of Twelve turned dark and the Peacekeepers start to march away, abandon the district while they still can, and he knows.

We need to get out.

Now.

Madge is still clutching his arm, terror starting to creep across her features and he won't let anything happen to her. He won't. Gale starts to move, pulls Madge with him, knows he has to get his family, warn anyone he can.

This isn't going to end well, it can't.

"Wait. Gale, wait," Madge insists, tugs at his arm. He looks back in confusion, because they don't have time for this, they need to move.

"Something horrible's about to happen, isn't it?" she asks and he wants to lie but he can't, nods instead.

"I have to go home. Have to get my parents," she tells him, is already pulling away and he wants to protest, wants to argue but what could he say? No? You can't save your family? He couldn't say that, never would but he can't go with her, needs to make sure his own family makes it out.

"It's okay," she reassures him, smile a bit wobbly and she squeezes his hand, her nails scraping at his skin.

(but it's not okay, not at all)

"I'll meet you out there. Be safe," she whispers, her eyes bright as they look at each other, his chest feeling too tight. Gale never wants to let her go, wants to keep her close but she smiles a little sadly and he knows he can't, knows she needs to do this. She kisses his cheek, breath lingering against his skin and then she drops his hand, turns and flees, leaves Gale standing alone in the square.

He feels like Madge is dragging half of him with her, pulling him apart and he wants to run after her, make sure she's safe but he can't, needs to trust her and warn as many people as he can.

He takes one last look in the direction she left in, touches his cheek, still warm from her kiss.

I'm coming back for you, Madge, I promise.

I'm coming back for you.

Madge runs back to her house, needs to see her mother and father to safety.

She can't lose them, she won't but she promises herself something else, promises she's going to live through this, is going to find Gale Hawthorne on the other side of the fence.

"I promise," she whispers to herself, and it's for Gale too, for the worry she saw in his eyes.

I'm going to see you again, I promise.

Gale Hawthorne does go back for Madge Undersee.

Or at least he tries to.

He makes sure his family's safe and then he turns back, pushes past all the people running in the opposite direction. He slips through the fence, hurries through the meadow, crosses into the Seam.

And then the town disappears, lost in a burning, blazing inferno.

Gale is flung back by the force of the blast, feels heat curl against his skin. He stands on jelly legs, his ears ringing and then the second wave comes, forces him farther back.

The town is gone, swallowed by hell and the Seam is sure to follow and Gale watches the fire twisting against the sky, feels his heart burn away with Madge.

She's gone.

And Gale knows as he stands there, tastes blood on his tongue, that he'll never see Madge Undersee again.

Except that's a lie.

Gale Hawthorne never stops seeing Madge Undersee.

She's everywhere, dancing just beyond his vision. He can see her around every corner, slipping between every tree. He sees a girl with blonde hair and for just a second, just one tiny second, she's Madge.

He tries to force her out, tries to focus on rebellion, tries to fill his heart with Katniss Everdeen. It almost works, almost almost but not quite, never all the way. He kisses Katniss and he can see Peeta in her eyes, knows her head's tangled up in him and it doesn't bother him as much as it should, doesn't hurt like he wants it to.

(and he knows, deep down, that it's because he's got his own blue-eyed blonde to fill his veins, to tangle in his thoughts)

He puts his mind to rebellion, to taking down the Capitol once and for all, but once again, there's always the shadow of a dead girl pushing him forward, keeping his fire burning. And when it's over, when Snow is dead and Katniss is gone and Gale is left to drown alone, Madge is still there, always there.

He sees her in the white of every snowfall, in the colours of every sunrise. He sees her at the market, in the red of every strawberry, sees her in the shiny shoes he wears to his new job when the war's all done. He sees her hiding in the shadows, sees her hovering in the corners of every room. She's blurry, hazy but always there, his little phantom girl.

He grows older but still she lingers, faded but glowing pale and he doesn't know if he wants her to leave or stay, doesn't know if he wants this haunting to end.

(he's got regrets like a mountain above him, mistakes he can't bear to count and Madge is like a punishment and a mercy all at once)

Sometimes he sees others too, sees Prim darting through the streets, sees Katniss turning away and Gale is hit again with all the things he's done, all the things he'll never forgive.

And even after he's made up with Katniss, repaired their friendship, even after she and his family and everyone else has reassured him a thousand times that Prim's death wasn't his fault, he'll still see Madge Undersee, flitting in the corner of his eye.

(but maybe that's because there's no one to tell him this wasn't his fault, no one who even knows why he'd care, no one who knows about the almosts and the could have beens and the potential Gale's only ever had a taste of)

(because maybe that's the real problem)

(it's not just the broken heart, it's the guilt and the life he could've had but never will)

He sits in Katniss' backyard in Twelve, years and years and years after everything's changed, watches her children run free and he's happy for her, glad at least one of them's living a life like this.

(he loves Katniss Everdeen but it's not like he used to, it's just friendship and family and that's the way he wishes it always had been, but he can't change the past, but oh, he would if he could)

The wind picks up and little Amaryllis Mellark loses her hat, squeals as it blows right off her head. Gale looks up, watches the hat tumble towards him. It's hand knitted and white, clean and bright and Gale bends down, picks it up.

(there's something heavy where his heart should be and then he thinks he can feel her, a phantom touch on his back)

"Uncle Gale! You caught my hat!" Amaryllis shouts across the yard, waves him over. He walks towards her, his feet move without him thinking and Madge lives in his footsteps. He reaches Amaryllis and she grins, not even a single shadow darkening her eyes. Gale feels his own lips start to smile, feels the weights in his limbs start to lessen.

"Thanks!" she tells him with a beam, little red mittened hands reaching out for it and Gale ruffles her hair, makes her swat at him with laughter. He pulls that little white hat down over her eyes, laughs at her exaggerated pout and feels the sharp edge of regret start to soften. Amaryllis turns back to her brother and the game of tag they've started and Gale watches them, can see everything he fought for, everything he wanted the future to hold in the brightness of their smiles, in the glee in their eyes.

Gale has spent years learning that it's okay to be happy, that he has things to be proud of, that he doesn't need to feel guilty all the time. But for some reason he hasn't let go of Madge yet, keeps this one regret close to his chest.

(but maybe it's finally time to stop holding on)

"You ready for supper?" Peeta asks, pokes his head out the door and both little Mellarks cheer, hurry inside. The wind is fierce again and away goes Amaryllis' hat, but Gale grabs it and maybe, he realizes, looks at fabric so familiar, maybe he's carried regret long enough.

(he has made mistakes, but he can't change that now, can't spend the rest of his life living in what could have been)

He takes Madge Undersee, tucks her away in his heart with his father and Prim, with those loved and lost and knows he'll never forget her, won't let her memory grow cold.

"Come on, Uncle Gale!" Amaryllis shouts from inside and Gale smiles, looks up at the sky.

Maybe this isn't the happily ever after anyone would've imagined, would've hoped for, but then, who says the story's over?

The wind picks up, carries vanilla through the trees and Gale heads inside.

He still has a life to live and who knows?

Maybe, one day, he'll meet Madge Undersee again.

(and somewhere, Madge Undersee smiles)

(because this story, it isn't over)

(the best ones never are)

(myositis scorpioides; commonly known as forget-me-nots, meaning: true love, remember me forever)

(asphodel, meaning: my regrets will follow you into the grave)