NOTE: Almost four years ago, I got an irresistible bug to start writing fiction again. Naturally, I turned to J/C fanfiction. My first effort after many years of not writing while my husband and I raised our daughter was called "To Make an End." This is the sequel, "To Make a Dance." Rest assured, this one is actually finished for a change. There's a chunk in the middle that needs a bit of work, but the rest is ready to roll. This one is quite a lot longer than its predecessor, so I'll post in parts while I edit. And you really do need to have read "To Make an End" for this to make any sense at all. Enjoy.
"To Make a Dance"
Part 1
They had, in fact, lost their minds.
Kathryn had suspected it as soon as she realized she was honestly considering Chakotay's mad marriage proposal on the strength of one lunch date (which wasn't even a "date," strictly speaking), one pleasant afternoon walk, and one rather chaste kiss. Seven years together notwithstanding, no sane person would have even entertained the idea. Not after eight months – and a couple of ill-advised affairs – apart.
And yet she had not only agreed to it, she had one-upped his madness nicely by demanding that they formalize the commitment right then and there, on the Bridge of The Voyager Experience, in the middle of an otherwise unremarkable Friday afternoon.
"We've lost our minds," she said, sauntering through her cramped Starfleet apartment the next morning.
In her defense, between his proposal and her capitulation there had also been one mind-numbing, toe-curling, Bridge-shaking kiss, a kiss that promised enough good things to come that perhaps she could be forgiven her temporary insanity.
But the evidence had continued to mount over the next hour that they'd both left their rational selves behind somewhere, possibly as far back as the noodle shop. I blame the tea, she thought in retrospect. Coffee from now on. Nothing but black coffee.
By the time a very bewildered Owen Paris had arrived on the Bridge, there was no help for them. They were too far gone to turn back. Owen had stood there staring at the pair of them for a good thirty seconds, first at her, then at him, then at their clasped hands, then back at her again. "You want me to what?"
She had explained as patiently as possible that this was, in fact, what they wanted; that yes, they wanted to do it right there, right then, on the Bridge; and that no, they were not under alien mind control. She glanced at Chakotay out of the corner of her eye for confirmation; he shook his head quickly. "So we're fine," she said, "and we want to get married. Right now."
"Before you change your minds," Owen said flatly.
"No, Owen, we are not going to change our minds." She rubbed her forehead. "I just want to do this before Chakotay crashes another shuttlecraft or gets himself assimilated or contracts a disease that renders him permanently impotent." Beside her, Chakotay flinched violently. She ignored him. "So please, Owen, just pull up the standard ceremony on your padd and let's get started."
"Now?"
"Now."
"But what about witnesses? We should call Tom and B'Elanna. They -"
"No," Chakotay interrupted. "Not yet. We're not going to tell anyone yet. And neither are you."
"But why not?"
"Because that's the way Kathryn wants it." Chakotay leaned forward and loomed over the older man. "All right?"
Owen started and backed away a half step. "All right."
Kathryn smirked. Nice bluff, Angry Warrior.
Owen fumbled with his padd. "But you'll still need witnesses."
They had summoned Ensigns Lavin and Novotna, figuring that since they'd greeted Admiral Paris in the transporter room they must be dying to know what was going on. Kathryn explained the situation, earning them handshakes and hugs from their new Best Man and Maid of Honor. The price of the Ensigns' silence had been easy enough to pay: Two invitations to the formal ceremony, whenever that would be. "Done," Kathryn announced, and they all turned expectantly to Admiral Paris.
The older man hesitated. "Kathryn..." he began. "Your father would want me to say something."
"What?"
"All of this," he waved his hand at Chakotay and the Ensigns, "is not like you. You are not by nature an impulsive person. Or you weren't, before the Delta Quadrant. I have to be sure: Is this really what you want?"
"Don't mistake decisiveness for impulsiveness, Owen," she warned. "You know me better than that."
Owen acknowledged her with a quick nod. "Still," he said carefully, "this is a life-altering decision, Kathryn. You can't blame me for asking."
"Fair enough." She took one deep breath, then two. Chakotay's hand brushed the small of her back. "I know that right now, I probably sound...a little unhinged," she began.
Owen shook his head. "That's not it."
Kathryn held up a hand. "Let me finish." She took another deep breath. "There are going to be people who question the circumstances. They're going to think that I've been...pining away like a lovesick teenager since we got back, just waiting for Chakotay to come to his senses and crawl back to me. But you and I both know that's not the case."
"True," Owen said. "We all knew Adam Cornell was probably wrong for you, including Adam. But before that... I have to say I was really rooting for that Doctor Sobari. Tom thought it wouldn't last, but I -"
She inclined her head toward Chakotay and cleared her throat.
Owen rocked back and forth on his heels. "Right. Go on, Kathryn."
She continued. "There are going to be people who question the timing. They're going to wonder if I swooped in and convinced him to get married right away because I was afraid he'd run off with the next blonde bombshell who sashays into his field of vision."
"Uh, Kathryn?" Chakotay's voice was very tight. "You know I'm still here, right?"
She grabbed his hand. "The point, and I want you all to listen very carefully to this, is that none of that matters to me. None of it. I know the truth. And the truth," she finally looked up at him, "is that seven years, eleven months and four hours ago, give or take a few minutes, a man materialized on this Bridge, in this very spot, who I was not supposed to trust. But I did trust him. Instinctively, and almost immediately. Because I realized very soon after I met him that he was so much more than his Starfleet intelligence file. He is an honorable man who has strong beliefs and opinions but who has always been willing to listen to me – even when I'm wrong. Over the years he has debated with me. He has fought with me. And yes, he has hurt me. But he also kept me going more than once when he barely had the strength to carry on himself. He supported me when I needed it and kept me honest when I was deluding myself. He refused to let me wallow in guilt over stranding us in the Delta Quadrant. He made me laugh. And he loved me. Even when he wasn't able to say it out loud, I knew. I've known all along. I've loved him all along. And in the end, that's the only thing that matters to me. He loves me, and I love him."
She turned back to Owen. "And I want to marry him right here, right now, not because I'm afraid I'm going to lose him to someone else and not to prove that I won some juvenile competition for the affections of the cutest boy in algebra class. I want to marry him because after seven years in the Delta Quadrant, getting engaged seems redundant and dating seems ridiculous. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I want it to start right now. There are going to be people who don't believe that. But that's the truth. Is that clear enough for you?"
She was answered by several voices at once: "Yes, ma'am!" She was not entirely certain whose voices they were, but found she didn't much care.
Owen turned to Chakotay. "And what about you?" he asked.
Chakotay stood up very straight. "I don't believe I need to justify myself to you, sir, but for Kathryn's sake I'll try." He took a deep, calming breath. "It's possible no one will believe this, but I think I loved Kathryn from the first time I saw her. I arrived on this Bridge armed and angry, ready to fight." He looked down at her, his brown eyes very soft. "And I was faced down by a tiny woman in a Starfleet uniform who had freckles – and the most beautiful blue eyes I'd ever seen. I knew right away I was in more trouble than I thought. She refused to give me the fight I was looking for, and I've been grateful for that ever since. Because she challenged me. She made me think carefully about who I am and what I believe. She made me a better man, just by asking me to live up to her expectations. For seven years she put up with my mistakes and my weaknesses. We argued and fought, we saw each other sick and injured and hopeless. We hurt each other. We laughed and cried together, we went to hell and back. And through it all, even when times were hard, even when I felt like giving up and moving on, I never stopped loving her."
He directed his steady gaze back at Owen. "I didn't propose to her because someone else rejected me or because I'm afraid of being alone. Kathryn is my best friend and my only love and it's time I committed myself to her in the only way I haven't already. So whenever you're ready, sir."
One of the Ensigns sniffled. Kathryn blinked back tears. Owen rocked on his heels again. "Well," he said. "I suppose that covers the vows. I guess we'll just...go on with the ceremony."
And so it was that seven years, eleven months, and four hours after they had first met as enemies on the Bridge of the Voyager, Kathryn and Chakotay were married in that same place by the bemused father of their longtime pilot, attended by a pair of grinning Ensigns.
"We've completely lost our minds," Kathryn said again with a smirk, surveying the previous night's refuse strewn all over her living room: an empty champagne bottle, the scattered pieces of both their uniforms, an untidy pile of practically priceless antique books they'd knocked to the floor in a moment of indecent haste.
"Did you say something?" Chakotay ambled out of her bathroom wearing nothing but a very small towel and a very large smile.
It was the same expression, she knew, that had been plastered all over her own face for the last twelve hours or so.
After the ceremony, such as it was, they'd managed to keep their hands off each other long enough to go back to the city for a light dinner and a bottle of champagne. All she could remember now about that dinner was that they hadn't eaten much of it. It was very hard to eat when they couldn't stop laughing at each other, at the complete folly and utter inevitability of what they'd just done.
The walk back to her apartment could have been awkward, but it wasn't. They simply slipped their arms around each other as they had earlier in the day and strolled through the moonlit streets.
With increasing speed the closer they got to their destination.
After all, they had seven years, eleven months, and four hours of lost time to make up for.
Which, upon arrival, they did. Quite thoroughly.
Kathryn allowed herself a sultry little grin.
His chuckle brought her back to the present. "I'd ask what you're thinking, but I'm pretty sure I know."
She shook her head. "I was thinking that we're probably certifiable for what we did last night, but I really don't care."
"Which part of what we did last night?"
"The marriage part."
"Kathryn, was it really any crazier than any of the other crazy things we've done over the years?"
"It was far more sane than making Neelix our cook."
"There you go," he said. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. She got the distinct feeling it was something he'd wanted to do before but couldn't. "Stop second-guessing yourself and enjoy it."
As he squeezed past her and headed for the coffee pot, she kept an appreciative eye on that small towel. "Oh, I am," she said. "I definitely am."
He poured two cups of coffee, handed one to her and stirred a truly obscene amount of cream and sugar into his own. She grimaced. Such a senseless waste of innocent caffeine. "So, Wife," he said. "What do you want to do today? Any more dates I can help you break? Or maybe -"
Somewhere, a comm badge bleeped.
"Torres to Chakotay. Where the hell are you?"
They froze, staring at each other.
"I've been trying to comm your apartment. Are you still coming to breakfast?"
He gasped and closed his eyes.
"Come on, Chakotay. Don't make me come looking for you."
In a flash, they both started searching for the comm badge among the scattered pieces of their uniforms, repeatedly bumping into each other in the tiny apartment. She had a fleeting thought of reprimanding him for losing the little pin, but given that she was reasonably sure he'd forgotten his own name at a particular moment around midnight, she decided to overlook his absentmindedness. Just this once.
"All right, now I'm worried. You didn't even call to tell me if you found Janeway yesterday."
They both dove for the couch and the sound of the disembodied voice coming from beneath it. The sudden lunge nearly caused him to lose his towel, which nearly caused her to forget the bleeping comm badge, but then her fingers brushed metal. "Got it!" she cried, and handed him the badge.
He sat back on his heels and activated it. "Chakotay here. Sorry, B'Elanna. I was in the shower."
"Oh. Is that why you didn't answer the apartment comm?"
"Yes."
"Did you meet Janeway for lunch?"
"Yes. She was just where you said she'd be."
"How did it go?"
Their eyes met over the comm in his hands. "All in all, I think it went well."
"She was happy to see you?"
He grinned. "Better than 'happy,' I think."
Kathryn gave him a mock salute.
"Glad to hear it, Chakotay," B'Elanna continued. "Are you going to take the position?"
"Definitely."
"So you're here to stay?"
"Yes."
"Great! Tom, he's staying!"
They heard Tom's loud bellow from what sounded like the next room. "Tell him congrats, it's a great opportunity for him, and he better get his sorry ass over here before this French toast gets cold!"
B'Elanna again. "Did you hear that?"
Chakotay winced. "I think they heard you both in Seattle, B'Elanna." He raised a questioning eyebrow at Kathryn. She waved her hand in a shooing motion. "I'll be there in half an hour," he said.
"Good. And Chakotay, I'm happy for you. Torres out."
They both let out a long breath. "Sorry," he said. "I forgot about meeting them for breakfast."
"It's all right. I should probably go to the office for a while. And then -"
The apartment's comm system beeped.
"Paris to Janeway."
Once again, they stopped and stared at each other, eyes wide.
"Maybe it's Owen," she whispered. "They sound a little alike."
He stood up with a grin and started gathering the pieces of their uniforms. "No, actually, they don't."
"Admiral, it's Tom. Are you there?"
Kathryn ran her hands through her hair, secured the tie of her bathrobe, and sat down at her desk to activate the apartment's comm system. "Good morning, Tom." She forced a smile. "And it's 'Kathryn,' now. You know that. What can I do for you this morning?" Behind her, Chakotay pulled on his clothes, careful to stay out of sight of the comm screen.
Tom smiled. "I've been thinking about the plans for the reunion party, and I wondered if you wanted to go over some ideas. We made way too much French toast this morning. So if you don't have anything going on today..."
She frowned, pretending to think about it. "I don't know, Tom. I took the afternoon off yesterday and now I have a lot of work to catch up on."
"But you haven't had breakfast, right? Come on over and eat something before you go to the office." Tom gave her a charming smile. "B'Elanna just put on a fresh pot of coffee."
"Well, in that case..." It was a risk and she knew it. But if they were going to pull this off, breakfast together with Tom and B'Elanna would be the perfect test of their ability to keep a secret. A mad and delicious secret. "I can be there in...forty-five minutes."
"Sounds good. See you then...Kathryn. Paris out."
She shook her head and flicked off the terminal. When she turned around she found Chakotay back in uniform except for his bare feet, sitting on her sofa and calmly sipping coffee. He seemed unsurprised that Tom and B'Elanna had offered identical invitations to breakfast. In truth, she wasn't surprised, either. "Do they honestly not know how transparent they are?" she asked.
He shrugged. "They just want us to be happy."
She retrieved the coffee she'd left behind in the search for the comm badge. "If they're not careful, they may get more 'happy' than they ever dreamed of."
He chuckled. "This is bold. Even for them."
"I know. What if I had decided to bring Adam along?"
"You still could. Call him." He hid his smile behind his coffee cup.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "You're kidding."
"No, I'm serious. I want to meet him. Maybe compare notes with him." His smile finally broke through. "And then I want to watch you break up with him again."
Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose. "I owe him an apology."
"Probably so."
She watched him pull his socks and boots on one by one, then stand and straighten his uniform. It suddenly struck her how different it felt to watch him without caring who was watching her. She'd have to be careful around Tom and B'Elanna, who were both very observant, and apparently very interested in her love life. "Are you heading back to your apartment first?"
He nodded. "I want to get out of this uniform and grab an extra shirt. Miral has a tendency to drool all over me."
"She's teething."
"I know." He shook his head fondly. "B'Elanna calls to tell me every little thing. First tooth, first steps, first baby talk..."
"They're good parents."
"Yes, they are. And I never would have believed it."
"Neither would I." It was one of the many good things they'd accomplished in the Delta Quadrant: Helping their younger crewmembers grow into responsible adults.
He leaned against the kitchen counter next to her. "Before I go, we need to get our stories straight."
"How much do you think we should tell them?"
He pulled her into his arms. "If it were up to me I'd open a Federation-wide channel right now and tell the whole quadrant that the bravest, most beautiful and wisest woman I have ever known went completely insane last night and married a contrary middle-aged man who does not deserve her, but who intends to spend the rest of his life trying to make himself worthy."
She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "You're sweet."
"But I suppose I should tell my sister first."
"Me too. And my mother."
"What will you tell them?"
She drew away and sat down at the table. "That we're...engaged."
He pulled up a chair next to her. The kitchen was so small their knees bumped together. "You don't have to. You could just tell them we're together. You could work up to the engagement part. Or we could just send out invitations to a wedding reception in a few weeks and let them figure it out."
"No, I can do this." She took his hand in hers. "I want to make it clear to everyone that we've made a commitment, but I don't want to cheat them out of a wedding. They've all been cheering for us for too long. So 'engaged' it is. It won't kill me."
She sighed and sipped her coffee. Last night she'd told him she had no intention of subjecting herself to a long engagement again, given that her first go-round and ended in the tragic death of her fiancé, and the second had ended in her exile in the Delta Quadrant. The whole concept of "engagement" gave her the creeps, as Tom Paris might say. She knew it was irrational, but that was the truth of it.
Chakotay took her face in his hands, forcing her to look in his eyes. "Hey. I won't insult your intelligence by claiming that nothing's going to happen. But we're back in the Alpha Quadrant, I'm not assigned to every landing party anymore, and I don't even own a shuttlecraft." She smiled in spite of herself. He leaned his forehead against hers. "Look at me. I'm a settled old man with a wife and soon, a mortgage. I'm not going to take any chances. We're going to have a long life together, Kathryn. Don't worry."
"I know," she said. "And it's moot anyway, since we're already married." She placed a hand on his cheek, then closed the space between them for a long, languid kiss.
When he pulled away and leaned his forehead against hers again, she was gratified to note that he was completely out of breath. "I need to go," he sighed. "Or I never will."
She laughed and kissed him again quickly before rising and leading him to the door. "I'll call Mom and Phoebe this afternoon."
"Do you want me to be there?"
"Of course."
He leaned against the wall next to her door – lingering, as he'd done a hundred times before in her quarters. "I'll have to get on a subspace relay to call my sister. Maybe we can go to your office?"
She nodded. "Right after breakfast. We can make all the calls at the same time."
"When do you want to tell everyone else?"
"How about the reunion party next month?"
He laughed softly and shook his head, as if envisioning the pandemonium the announcement would cause. "I can't wait for that. What are we going to tell Tom and B'Elanna about yesterday?"
"We'll tell them that we had lunch, took a walk, visited Voyager, and went home."
"Strategic omission?"
"Diplomacy," she countered.
"Diplomacy it is, Admrial." He leaned down to kiss the top of her head again; she realized she was going to have to get used to the gesture, because he was going to be doing it for the rest of their lives. "See you in a few minutes, Wife."
She swatted his arm and shoved him out the door.
Kathryn polished off the last of the coffee and retrieved her uniform, which he'd placed in a neat pile on her sofa. The dear man had straightened up before he left, no doubt while she was talking to Tom. The books were stacked again in their usual places and the empty champagne bottle was nowhere to be found. Even the throw pillows on her sofa seemed to have been fluffed and replaced. Kathryn smiled. It was something she remembered from both Voyager and New Earth; he hated to leave a room untidy. She wondered if it had bothered him that they'd left the place a mess last night.
Probably not, she decided. We were both pretty preoccupied.
She laughed to herself and headed for the bathtub.
The apartment already felt empty and quiet without him there. Then again, she could look back now and admit that after their many after-shift strategy sessions that turned into late-night dinners and wine, her quarters on Voyager had also always seemed empty and quiet after he'd left.
Maybe that's what had caused her to accept his proposal in the first place: The certainty that even after everything had changed between them, it would feel as though nothing had changed at all. They already knew virtually everything there was to know about each other. Marriage was bound to bring a surprise or two, but after years of warm and close friendship the surprises would certainly be few, and mostly confined to a single area.
Kathryn shrugged off her bathrobe and lowered herself into the tub with a moan of complete satisfaction. She closed her eyes and leaned back into the bubbles. She was exhausted and sore and hadn't felt so good in years.
Whatever surprises were still in store would be fun to discover together, if last night was any indication. She allowed herself that sultry little smile again.
They'd completely lost their minds. And it felt like the sanest thing they'd ever done.
-END of Part 1-