skivvysupreme is a terrible terrible person for giving me this idea. TERRIBLE.

It was Elliott's birthday party, of all things, that made Kurt snap. The whole gang was together - the friends formerly known as One Three Hill, Blaine, Santana and Brittany, Sam and Mercedes (though not SamAndMercedes this month) and Rachel and-

And-

Jesus Christ, Kurt, you can't even think the guy's name? Kurt berated himself mentally, scowling from a corner of Elliott's living room. He'd gone off by himself for a moment to recharge and enjoy a piece of the fantastic devil's food birthday cake Dani had bought when he'd caught a glimpse of Rachel talking wildly with her hands to Mercedes in his peripheral vision. She was standing only inches from Jesse while she barreled on, somehow not hitting him in the chest every time she made a point. Jesse, meanwhile, was looking at Rachel with a fondness Kurt had only previously seen on one other guy.

Finn.

A sudden and overwhelming sense of wrongness jolted through Kurt, making him shiver even though he was roasting hot in the packed space. He set his loaded fork back on his plate, appetite lost, and forced himself to regain his composure.

They weren't even together when he died, Kurt thought, unable to tear his eyes away from Rachel and Jesse. Now that it was finally Mercedes' turn to speak, Rachel had curled into Jesse's side, relaxed and cozy looking with his arm around her shoulders. And who's to say that they'd even be together right now if he were still around? They were always tumultuous, and you know you were frustrated by it.

Still, the sight of Jesse leaning in to kiss the crown of Rachel's head absently made Kurt abandon his plate on a side table with disgust before wandering over to the kitchen, where Blaine was grabbing a fresh wine cooler.

"I need a drink," Kurt said, pitching his voice over the dance music being piped throughout the apartment.

"You've come to the right place," Blaine replied, smiling brightly at Kurt, who tried to quirk his most believable closed-mouth grin in return. "You want one of these spritzers, or some of Elliott's mysterious birthday concoction?"

"I'll try the special cocktail," Kurt said, eyeing the punchbowl with the dark purple mixture. It looked potent enough to chase his bad mood away, which was all he could hope for.

"You sure?" Blaine asked, forehead slightly furrowed.

"I think it's just what I need," Kurt said, hoping his voice didn't sound quite as tight as he thought it did.

Blaine gave him another doubtful look but ladled out a cup's worth of the drink anyways, presenting it to Kurt with a flourish.

"You're the best," Kurt said, leaning in to kiss Blaine's cheek quickly before darting back out to the living room, where he took a big swig of his drink. The intense burning sensation that traveled down his throat was unpleasant, to say the least, but it distracted him from Rachel and Jesse, so he finished that one off and had another.

And one more after that.

And started on a fourth before spying Blaine and deciding that they needed to head out to the dance floor (the six square feet of space between the stereo and Elliott's couch) immediately.

"Blaine!" he slurred, plopping his drink down on the first stable surface and dragging Blaine away from Sam. "Let's dance!"

"O-okay," Blaine said, a little flustered. He wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist and started swaying along to the song, allowing Kurt to just cling to Blaine's shoulders and bop to the beat.

"Ooh, Rachel!" Kurt said when she and Jesse followed them onto the floor. "C'mere! C'mere!"

"What? Kurt, no, I wanna dance with my-"

"No!" Kurt said, getting angry. "You can't dance with him. He's not supposed to be here!"

"Uh, I definitely invited him," Elliott said from nearby - apparently Kurt was being louder than he'd thought.

"No, no, that's not - I mean he's not supposed to be with you," Kurt said, feeling like the room was spinning around him dizzyingly. "This isn't right. He has to go!"

"Kurt-"

"You really don't see the problem here?" Kurt lashed out at whoever had just addressed him. "Fine. Then I'll leave." He stormed out of the apartment and headed for the rooftop patio, glad Elliott lived on the top floor of his building. The combination of cool air and adrenaline sobered him a little as he sank onto one of the padded wicker couches with his head in his hands.

"Honey?" Blaine asked gently, appearing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Really?" Kurt asked, raising his head to lift an eyebrow at Blaine.

"Well, I can tell something's wrong, but I'm gonna need you to explain what it is exactly," Blaine said, coming over to sit next to Kurt. He rubbed a hand down Kurt's back soothingly as he continued, "Mind-reading technology is still a few decades away at the earliest."

Kurt snorted once, softly, before sighing. "It's kind of dumb and maybe a little petty."

"If it's bothering you, it's not dumb," Blaine said surely. "Tell me."

"I just...looked at Rachel and Jesse earlier and suddenly felt like they were disrespecting Finn," Kurt said, staring at his knees. "Like he was going to walk in the door any second and see Jesse macking on his girl and challenge him to another fistfight or something, or like Rachel had completely forgotten that she'd agreed to marry him at one point."

"Kurt," Blaine breathed, sympathy so strong it was practically a separate entity.

"Jesse wasn't supposed to be in the picture, Blaine," Kurt said, feeling himself choke up. "I mean, God knows Finn and Rachel weren't exactly the most stable of couples, but we all knew they'd get their shit together eventually and figure it out, didn't we? I always assumed…."

"What did you assume, baby?" Blaine asked when Kurt didn't continue.

"I assumed I'd be able to call Rachel my sister one day, not just my best friend. That family Christmases would involve her somehow being the most festive person in the room but also never letting us forget her Jewishness. That Aunt Rachel wouldn't just be a gifted title, but a real thing when we have kids." Kurt couldn't keep himself from crying any longer, fisting his hands in Blaine's sweater when he found himself pulled into a tight embrace. "Finn was planning to come here when Rachel was auditioning for Fanny, you know that? He wanted to give her 'aural support' - his words, not mine - by listening to her preparations and giving feedback. When I told him it's actually moral support, he just said 'Yeah, that too.'"

By then Blaine was crying along with Kurt, though Kurt was closer to sobbing than he was.

"That sounds like him," Blaine said, chuckling wetly. "And I get it, Kurt, or at least kind of. I always assumed Rachel and Finn would be together once we were out of McKinley, too. She told me they were soulmates once, back when we did West Side Story, and I didn't doubt her for a second."

"Fifteen year old me would resent you a lot for saying that, but God, it's true," Kurt said, slowly regaining a hold of himself. He broke away from Blaine's hug to sit up straight again. "They really were good for each other. And I know life has to go on, but sometimes it just feels…"

"I know," Blaine said. "I used to catch myself wondering why Finn wasn't coming in to help us restart Glee last year, and then I'd remember all over again and feel like I'd been hit in the chest."

"Exactly. Like I'll never catch my breath again," Kurt said, resting his head on Blaine's shoulder. "God, I need to go apologize to Rachel and Jesse. Neither of them have done anything wrong here. I mean, I wasn't expecting Rachel to become a spinster after Finn died - or, well, like 98.9 percent of me wasn't expecting that. The really uncharitable part of me thought she might pull a Queen Victoria."

Blaine snorted as he wrapped an arm around Kurt's waist. "I think only slightly more of me was imagining the same. I wonder if it would be easier if she hadn't found love with someone we already knew from high school."

"It could have been," Kurt said, musing. "But I suppose it helps that Jesse knew Finn, too. She's probably had just as many grief days as I have, and unlike some stranger, he'll understand her pain."

"I never considered that," Blaine said, equally pensive.

"This was the first time I'd thought of it, honestly," Kurt said. "I guess I'm kind of a genius."

"Humble," Blaine said with a snort.

"I'm learning from Jesse," Kurt teased. "Although to be fair, he's a lot less intense than he was. I think growing up has been good to him."

"He actually offered me a compliment after hearing me practicing an audition piece the other day, did I tell you? Without any reference to himself to boot," Blaine said.

"You see that out there?" Kurt asked, pointing at the horizon. "It's a pig flying."

"Be nice," Blaine said, though he was snickering.

"I will, I will," Kurt said, smiling. "Just getting out all my bitterness before I go back into the party."

"If it helps, I think I saw Elliott cautioning Jesse and Rachel to just grab another drink and relax," Blaine said, petting over Kurt's arm absently. "I don't know if he knows exactly why you had a meltdown, but I think he knew enough to keep them from barging up here and confronting you."

"He's a good friend," Kurt said. He pushed himself off the couch before offering a hand down to Blaine. "And you're the best husband."

"No, that's definitely you," Blaine teased, tangling his fingers with Kurt's as they walked toward the stairwell.

"I can't get into more than one fight at a party, Blaine, don't push me. This isn't an episode of the Real Housewives."

"Fine, fine. Next time, though…."

"We can duke it out next month at Mercedes' tour opening."

"I'm holding you to that. We can see if we're famous enough for a bad tabloid story."

"Please. I want nothing published about our rocky relationship until it's cover story-worthy."

"Whatever you say, babe. Whatever you say."