Joshua

It often floors him how fast his little boy is growing up, his quirky personality already starting to shine though, whether it be his stubbornness when wanting to try things out for himself- totally unassisted, or his cheeky little grin when he knows he's about to do something that he shouldn't… And more than anything he adores his inquisitive nature; although sometimes tiresome after a long hard day at work, he will often find himself spending an entire evening just answering a barrage of questions that Joshua has been storing up all day, especially for him.

He smiles wistfully, as he now thinks back to a particular question he asked the other day… He knew it was only a matter of time before he asked about her, but as much as he had anticipated it, he still felt totally unprepared. How do you possibly begin to explain to a two, almost three year old that his mummy had left him when he was barely a year old? Having personally experienced the loss himself, even as a grown man he is still having trouble trying to understand it all.

He watches on carefully, as Joshua happily plays with the other little boys and girls in the sand box. He's so sociable for his age, trusting to a fault he sometime thinks, especially by the way he's so willing to approach people he's never met before and start up a conversation. Joshua assured a confidence beyond his age; he suspects he gets that trait from his mother, as according to his own mother, he was the complete opposite at that age; whereas Joshua will not hesitate to engage with other children, he was far more reserved and quiet.

Joshua was indeed his mother's child. In the early days following her disappearance, he had sometimes found it difficult to even look at him… His tiny cherub face, with those perfectly bowed shaped lips, if it weren't for his bright blue eyes no one would even believe he was his. For Joshua was the spitting image of the woman he once loved with all his heart, the very same woman who sadly, unbeknownst to him did not reciprocate that love, well not enough to stop her from walking away from him and his son.

He used be so angry about it, consumed by it, until his Mother had made him realise that his anger was keeping him from being a good parent to his son… Joshua had already lost his mother, he couldn't lose his father as well. It was the wake-up call he needed, and as the days rolled by into weeks, then into months, and then eventually years… He learned to let go of his anger, and with the help and support of his family and friends he managed to concentrate all his energies into providing his son with a happy and secure home, surrounded with an abundance of love, cuddles and kisses.

And although he might not be as angry as he once was, considering all that he's been through over the last two years, if he were to ever see her again, he doubts he will ever have it in his heart to forgive her for leaving Joshua, never mind leaving him. At the end of the day Joshua didn't deserve any of this.

"Daddy, daddy look", the insistent tugging of his slacks and the excitement in his son's voice successfully pulls him from his reverie, as he now follows Joshua over to the masterpiece that he has made in the sand. Filled with an overwhelming pride he smiles at him, as Joshua animatedly explains that the first pile of sand is their house and next to it, where the other carefully heaped pile is crafted, is where uncle Cy and uncle James lives with Ella.

"That's awesome, great job my boy". He bends down and kisses him on his head and Joshua beams up at him in response…

"Daddy?"

"Yes Son?"

"I love you". His tiny arms are now outstretched as far they can go as Fitz now mirrors his actions, swooping him up, and responds like he always does with… "And Daddy loves you more!"