Author's note: Oh my god I stop writing fanfiction for years, Mockingjay Part 2 comes out and i'm suddenly generating these like a drug dealer...okay not the best metaphor. I always thought it would be a cute idea if Effie dragged Haymitch christmas shopping with him, and so thought i'd try and write it and see how it plays out. I hope to also write kind of a sequel to behind closed doors but post it as its own separate thing, depending on if i get the time, inspiration and my hayffie feels are still going strong! Enjoy!

Summary: After Haymitch's embarrassing stunt, Effie drags him Christmas shopping with her, where Haymitch witnesses the Capitol's absurd christmas fashion and traditions. But Effie has a surprise for him, making the night not so horribly unpleasant for him after all. A little silly and I guess, a bit of a crack fic with a touch of fluff. Hayffie.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games. All rights go to Suzanne Collins.

Christmas Shopping with Effie Trinket

...

Haymitch Abernathy did not know what he had done on this planet to deserve this punishment. This torture. His very own personalized hell on earth.

Shopping with Effie Trinket.

Okay, that wasn't entirely true. Haymitch could still recall her outrageous outburst with him that morning….

Haymitch had stumbled down the spiral set of stairs late that morning in their penthouse suite, wearing only his boxers and an exhausted grimace at his pounding headache. The Mentor was desperately trying to recall what Effie had scheduled for him last night; something about a Spenser? But Effie's lectures were often long and tedious that no sooner had she opened her mouth, Haymitch had forced his lips onto hers to shut her up and the Escort into his bed, her words long forgotten.

It turned out that Haymitch had forgotten about their sponsors that they were meeting that morning. So the Mentor had walked into the sitting room that morning to their guests and Effie Trinket's volcanic fumes and strangling glare.

Perhaps that was why Effie was pissed off. Although Haymitch suspected that it was because he had tried to shut her up and kiss her again when Effie had tried to lecture him on his bad manners and inadequate listening skills. Well the kiss had worked last time.

Fortunately for the two of them (and their tributes), Effie had worked her magic and managed to get the two sponsors on board. But it still didn't let Haymitch off the hook. For his embarrassing stunt, Haymitch was sentenced to a night of Christmas shopping with Effie Trinket.

So here he was, pushing himself against the waves of Capitol Christmas shoppers and trying to block out the noise surrounding him. Between Effie's shrilling cries everytime she spotted a dress she loved, the ear aching Christmas tunes and some song about Friday being played over and over again in that nasally voice (which for some reason the Capitol citizens were obsessed with), Haymitch slowly felt himself spiraling into insanity. Christmas trees stood outside the department stores, decorations from glittering tinsel to stars and fluffy snow hung across the ceilings and walls, Capitol citizens decorated their hair with bright bubble lights and wore sickening green and candy red stockings to get into the Christmas cheer, whilst some awful fat man in a beard (who Effie soon told Haymitch was named Santa Clause and was part of the Christmas tradition), kept on laughing at them in great booms as they walked past. Haymitch would never understand the Capitol's excitement over this festive season, nor their ridiculous traditions.

Nor would he understand why Effie Trinket loved shopping so much.

"Sir, Sir! Please think about donating to the children's hospital for a Christmas miracle-"

Haymitch pushed past the fifth Capitol citizen who had shoved pamphlets into his face, wishing that Effie would hurry up. His fingers throbbed from holding her shopping bags all and his stomach rumbled with hunger. Would she be stopping for dinner soon?

"Oh Haymitch, look! How festive!"

He felt her dragging him by the arm to yet another store. Haymitch groaned, silently questioning if another round in the Games would be better than this. Effie rummaged through the clothing rack as Haymitch obediently waited, his face twisting into an irritated scowl. Would she notice if he snuck away?

"Here!"

Effie pulled back a dress the colour of forest leaves that looked like a Christmas tree. It was adorned with glittering sequences curving around its numerous layers, and bright bubbles around the sides. It was hideous.

"Oh Haymitch, don't give me that look. You wouldn't no fashion if its cashmere sweater sleeve hit you in the face," Effie's eyes flickered down his frame disapprovingly. "Hmm…perhaps we should buy you a new shirt or two".

Haymitch's heart dropped like a ton of coal. He was about to protest but Effie was already pulling him towards the changing room, sitting him on one of the chairs outside. She dumped her purse and a pile of other dresses on top of him as she went to try on her 'festive dress'.

Haymitch sighed, sinking back into the chair. He removed the pile of dresses that flopped over his face and chucked them onto the floor. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

FLASH!

Haymitch almost toppled out of his chair, his hands flying to cover his eyes, temporarily blinded.

Flash!

Haymitch managed to stand up, his eyes round and alert, wildly searching for the source of the flash. He spotted two Capitol teenage girls around them, their jaws dropped as if they had just spotted an escaped zoo animal.

"That is Haymitch! District Twelve's victor!"

The blood in his insides curled at the mere reference to the Games.

"What the hell are you doing?" Haymitch demanded loudly, almost seething.

One of the girls approached him, clearly oblivious to his anger. "Could I just grab a quick selfie with you?"

Haymitch blinked, his scowl faltering. "A selfie?"

The girls were too quick for him. Ignoring his question they each took out a long, obscure stick attached to their mobiles. Haymitch frowned at the peculiar object before they were facing it in front of him and then….

Snap!

Haymitch blinked, again temporarily blinded from the flashing lights.

"Hashtag #TotalHearthrobe. Hashtag #ujelly. Hashtag #10/10WouldBang. #SouthSideDepartmentStore. So making this my Tinder profile pic".

Haymitch's frowned deepened at the bizarre language, but before he could even process '10/10 would bang' Effie had returned, happy with the Christmas dress but eager to try on the other mountain of clothes she had piled on top of Haymitch.

Haymitch sighed as she reached for another dress, his eyes falling onto an obscure pair of what looked like shoes peeking out from Effie's pile of clothes but they were covered in holes. But surely no one in his or her right minds, not even people from the Capitol would wear them and call them shoes?

"Trinket, what's that?"

Effie blinked up, following his incredulous gaze onto a pair of crocodiles. "Oh, a pair of crocs. They're the latest trend in the Capitol. Very comfortable".

Haymitch's raised his eyebrows, staring at the ghastly 'shoes' as if he was looking at a slug. He shook his head, muttering under his breath in disbelief. He would never understand the Capitol.

…

Haymitch sunk into the couch, an exhausted sigh slipping from his lips. He shut his eyes, reveling in the peace and quiet.

Fortunately for him, the shops had shut at ten; otherwise he was certain that he would have to drag Effie out to get back to their penthouse. Nonetheless, Effie was happy at her purchase and, to Haymitch's disgust, had declared that she would be wearing the festive Christmas tree dress to dinner at the lobby tomorrow night.

Haymitch was just contemplating hitting the bar when he heard her bare footsteps across the tile floor. Haymitch sighed, preparing himself for Effie to inform him of his schedule for another "Big, big day!".

But instead Effie approached him from behind and wrapped her arms around his neck, planting a chaste kiss onto his cheek. "Thank you Haymitch for coming with me tonight".

Haymitch was surprised but pleased at her sudden affection. He caught her hand and gently tugged it, pulling her around to the front of the couch and onto his lap. He captured her lips in his and snaked his arms around her waist.

"As long as you never drag me shopping with you again".

Effie repressed a small giggle as she deepened the kiss, her hands encircling around his neck. She felt him smirk beneath her lips.

"And besides sweetheart, I'm sure you can find some way to make it up to me".

Effie suddenly pulled away, her eyes brightening. "You just reminded me Haymitch, I forgot to show you my last Christmas outfit".

Haymitch stared incredulously at her, already missing her warmth. "Outfit? Now?"

But Effie gave him a quick peck on his lips and hurried off. Haymitch let out a frustrated sigh. God that woman would be the death of him.

He recalled her grotesque Christmas dress, the green stockings, the puffy, white skirt that resembled snow and the flowy blouse with red, black and gold ribbons. Haymitch cringed at the absurd Capitol Christmas fashion. He dreaded what Effie Trinket was about to show him now.

"Haymitch?"

Haymitch looked up, his jaw dropping at the sight. She wore a thin strapped, red satin dress that had a striking low neck and barely covered the top of her thighs, revealing far too much skin than Haymitch had ever seen her dare to do. White fur decorated the outlines of her dress to bring in the Christmas theme, and red stiletto heels adorned with fur matched the look. A mini Santa's hat on top of her yellow, wayward set of curls, now free from her usual golden wigs.

Effie approached him with the slight sway of her hips and a smirk at his dumbfounded expression. She slowly spun around for him to view her, before she felt his hands on her waists, pulling her towards him so she was straddling his waist. Effie bit her lip and blushed a little as she felt his eyes roaming over her, his hands running across her arms and down her sides.

"Do you like it?"

Haymitch crushed his lips onto hers, giving her his answer. Effie laughed into his lips as she deepened the kiss, rolling her teeth over his lower lip. Effie ran her hands up his arms and tangled her fingers through his hair as she felt his begin to explore her exposed skin…around the bare of her neck, down her arms, sculpting her curves and up her thighs, bunching the satin material through his fingers…

"Haymitch!"

Effie swatted his hand away, her eyes stunned at his fingers crumpling the ends of her dress. "This isn't some cotton rag knock off from the thrift store. It's couture".

Haymitch groaned, silencing her in another fierce kiss. And judging by the moan his lips were stirring from the base of her throat, Haymitch knew she wouldn't be protesting any longer, couture or not.

Haymitch couldn't deny it, as she lay entangled in his arms later that night, her breaths slowly subsiding and the lingerie tossed across the room. The shopping trip with Effie Trinket seemed to have its perks. And after her little 'Christmas surprise', Haymitch concluded that perhaps not all of the Capitol's fashion was as hideously ridiculous as he had once believed.

If anything, Haymitch was already contemplating accompanying Effie Trinket on another shopping trip closer towards Christmas, already eager for his next Christmas gift.

...

Please leave a review and tell me what you think and what I can improve on. I do always enjoy reading your feedback :) I thought of potentially another christmas hayffie fic I could probably write closer towards christmas but I'll see how I go. Thanks for reading guys! 3

~ Lydia