Credit to 'misa's wife' for giving me the idea of having misa getting roped into cuddling L + them arguing!
Also, decided to seriously tone down misa's third-person thing since it doesn't really get translated into English and just kinda looks weird after a while.

As Light made his way into the office the next day, nice and bright and early, he was more than delighted to see the (now-replaced) white laptop sitting in its usual place, displaying its all-seeing blank screen and gothic letter.

But oh, no. No good mornings today. Instead Light merely sauntered past, pausing only for a moment to glance aside and stare that letter right in the face as he grinned wickedly from ear to ear - before casually heading over to his desk and sitting down as if nothing had happened, reasonably confident in the knowledge that the world's three greatest detectives was now trying to find a clean pair of pants.

Revenge was a dish best served cold, and it was time to set the table.

It didn't take long for the room to fill up. Well, if the numbers they had could be said to fill a room – originally there had been many people working here, but L made sure to steadily weed out the uncooperative or unmotivated ones, and there were fewer than twelve of them here in total at the moment. Not that it had mattered in how far the case progressed anyhow, seeing as he and Light were the main reason it had got anywhere in the first place.

Light observed his surroundings over the bridge of his hands. Everyone was settled. L would make his address soon.

But not if he got there first, of course.

"L has something important to announce today."

Met with confused, yet intrigued looks, Light allowed himself a small smile before continuing, noting the silence from the monitor. "Isn't that right? I believe it was something everyone needed to know…" he lowered his voice, smile widening to a grin. "...About us."

Amazingly, not a single splutter. The confusion from earlier more-or-less remained, though Aizawa may have been giving him a strange look in the back there. And of course, that nice, audible silence from the screen. Not long enough to sate Light's ego, it turned out, but long enough to give it a taste of things to come.

L must have replied as quickly as possible, and it was lucky he had his voice distorter to cover for him. "Yes. Light-kun and I have made a breakthrough in this case."

The room seemed to visibly deflate. Well, couldn't have that, now, could we?

Light nodded at the screen, looking around at everyone before replying casually. "We did it together, you see."

He could've sworn Watari just twitched.

"Yes," L added. "After a lot of discussion –"

"—All night long—"

"—We reached a conclusion."

Well, that was how to make a room of people break eye contact with you in less than a minute. The unspoken plea - Don't say it - was lodged in the wrinkled brows of ten stressed middle-aged men as they all determinedly stared at the walls.

"...Speaking of Yagami-kun in fact, before I go on, I'd just like to let him know what his job for the rest of today is."

Somewhere, rainforests were weeping. Forests were sighing. Shrubs were sobbing. Light, however, was mostly indifferent towards the gigantic stacks of paperwork now lining his desk.

It was all worth it. In fact, a mind-numbing task like this would give him plenty of time to think upon his next act of righteous vengeance.

"Psst."

Oh, wonderful. Not you. Not now. Can't you see I'm clearly scheming?

Matsuda must have been trying his hardest to be quiet and inconspicuous as he nudged Light by the arm from where he was sitting next to him. "Hey, I think that thing worked! You really seem a lot more relaxed now, Yagami-kun! Did it help after all?"

If by 'help', you mean piss me off to an inhuman degree, then sure! Light forced himself to be polite as he replied. "You know what, Matsuda? It really did. I am a lot calmer now, aren't I?"

"Not punching laptops anymore…" Aizawa deadpanned across from them.

"Yes, we've moved on," Light agreed pleasantly.

And then it came to him.

"Light-kun? Hey, Light-kun? You okay? You started smiling and it was… uh, kinda creepy."

"Oh. What do you mean, Matsuda? It's just that I realised something. You see, since that cuddle therapy service helped me so much…"

Light pulled his phone out, picturing the face of Hell inside his mind, and began typing up a message.

"…I think I may recommend it to somebody I know."

After finishing it, he hit send with a grin.

Miles away and hours later, a phone started ringing.

L paid it no mind, only vaguely tuning in as he heard Watari answer and start talking to whoever was on the other end. The creamers he was currently trying to stack into a tower were much more interesting. It wasn't until the other walked over and addressed him directly that he bothered to pay attention.

"Just as we expected, the fake number you set up received a call."

L glanced over his shoulder. "I fail to see why you are mentioning this to me."

Watari smiled.

Oh no. He wasn't supposed to do that. That never meant anything good.

L turned around in his chair hesitantly to see his custodian standing there holding the spare phone.

"You're meeting with, or should I say cuddling with one miss Amane Misa at two thirty tomorrow afternoon."

"No I'm not."

"You'd stand a lady up?"

L's eye twitched as he bit the end of his thumb in irritation. "How about some answers, please?"

Watari flipped the phone shut. "You want to know why? Simply because it will be amusing."

"…I have a job, and that is not it."

"You got cake crumbs everywhere in the car yesterday and I think need a good laugh, to be quite honest."

"This is an elaborate scheme concocted by none other than Light-kun himself and –"

"—and he fell into yours, so now you're going to fall into his. All things said, it'll be nice for you to get out a bit more for once. Have fun."

L cursed himself too late as he found the jam tart waiting for him on the washing machine he'd gone to try and hide behind.

Just what have I gotten myself into? Or, more accurately, just what have I been gotten into?

But then again, it had been his bright idea to set up this silly act in the first place; it had just happened to come back and bite him in the ass.

There was no way of knowing what to expect as L heard the knock at the apartment door. He nearly fell over as the door flung open and smacked him in the face, revealing the suddenly-apprehensive young lady standing there.

She looked around for a few seconds, not seeing him behind the door until he awkwardly walked out into the open and closed it without comment.

So this was Amane Misa. Though she may have appeared somewhat unassuming standing there right now, with her dyed pigtails and wide blue circle lenses, L had to remind himself that Light chose to send her for one purpose, and that was presumably to make his life Hell. Unintentionally slamming the door in his face had been a good start, at least. In any case, he couldn't afford to let his guard down.

Misa jumped and stepped back, lodging one hand in her bag and narrowing her eyes. "Who are you? Is this the wrong room?"

L deliberated what to do for a moment. Going along with it and saying yes would be like admitting defeat - if Light hadn't backed down from the challenge he issued, then why should he do the same? At least, hopefully he wouldn't be regretting that thought process later.

"No," L murmured, walking over a little closer. "You're in the right place. I am Ryuga. Light-kun told you about me, right?"

Misa gave him a once-over, blinking in disbelief. "Y…You? You're sure here...?" She grumbled under her breath, "He didn't sign me up for a creepy pervert..."

L blinked in response to this, tilting his head. "What were you signed up for?"

"S...Someone who was supposed to be better looking than you, weirdo! You're not going anywhere near me! You're in this job just so you can grope lots of women, right?"

Pyjama shirts are comfy. Shoes are not comfy. What exactly about this means that I molest people? This is why I don't try to 'get out' more often, Watari.

"Well, it seems you were prepared not to mind were I more attractive to you."

"That's not the point! Perv!"

"I can show you my license."

Misa clutched her bag. "Don't try anything weird! I have mace!"

L pinched at the bridge of his nose. "Look, are you here for your appointment or not?" He was prepared to go and get a cup of tea if this was going to go on for as long as it was.

"You think I'll let you go anywhere near me?"

"Why are you here in the first place if you don't want anybody near you?"

Misa's fingers fiddled with her hair as she looked up at the ceiling with a frown."…Well, I did need someone to kinda... talk to…"

"I understand you're acquainted with Yagami-kun."

Misa blushed, laughing. "Oh, but I just don't know how to talk to him about it!"

"And that would be because?"

Misa went over and flopped down on a couch, grabbing a pillow and snuggling her face into it with a worried expression. "What should I dooo…"

L decided to head over to her, leaning on the edge of the couch. "About?"

"Light!" Misa sighed wistfully, smiling into the pillow. "How am I gonna get him to date me already?"

L froze.

Surely he had nothing to worry about, right…?

...Why exactly did Light happen to have this girl's number again?

"Ask?"

"I haaave! Oh, you don't know anything!" Misa huffed, rolling around angrily.

L chewed at his thumb, peering down at her. "You've picked out baby names already, haven't you?"

"We're going to have three beautiful little girls and a boy." Misa stopped rolling and blinked, going red again and chucking her pillow at L's face. "…So shut up!"

The pillow hit him with a thump and fell down, and he remained impassive. "If I do, then it will be very hard for me to counsel you."

"Ew. I'm not touching you." Misa sat up and folded her arms, sticking her tongue out childishly. "Even that pillow probably has your nasty germs all over it. I bet you have gross hidden cameras everywhere so you can see up my skirt! Perv!"

"Well, it was you who decided to stay. You're also the one paying here."

Misa sighed. "Fair enough. Okay, but it's so completely stupid! He keeps saying he doesn't wanna go out with me but I know he doesn't mean it! How do I make him realise he totally loves me? Like, straight away!"

L blinked at her. "Straight?"

"Huh?"

"You might want to rethink that."

"…What?"

"What?"

Misa jumped up. "Hey, what are you trying to say?!"

L tilted his head to the side. "Oh. If you think I meant something strange, there's no need to worry. Light-kun is the straightest person I know."

Misa narrowed her eyes.

"My name is Light Yagami and I am not a fruitcake," L said in his best possible Light impression. It was pretty convincing, because Misa perked up, flushing instantly.

"Okay, he'd never say that, obviously, but oh my god! You sounded just like him!" Her eyes were starry. L was caught off guard as Misa lunged at him out of nowhere and knocked him onto his back on the couch before enveloping him in a boa constrictor death grip.

L choked and tried to calm himself down, still as stone. He'd almost kicked her out of instinct, but quickly ended up going into error screen mode and was trying hard to stay calm.

Well... at least you're getting some tits out of this - okay, no, don't get too excited about that or she will try and mace you this time.

"I'll cuddle you, but only if you pretend to be Light, okay?

"Well, if it helps you fulfill your delusional fantasies, Misa-san."

Misa yanked at his hair. "Hey! Are not!"

"Ah. I apologize. I need to get into character." L cleared his throat before continuing. "Misa, honey…"

Misa giggled and nuzzled into his chest. "Yeees? What does Misa's knight need to say?"

Alright. Solid 8 or not, Light would never put up with puns that terrible. At least that fear could take its leave now.

"Well, it's about us. I know we've been engaged for a while now, and I have something important to ask you…"

Luckily L now had first-hand recent experience of how Light sounded when sheepish and flustered… something that would formerly have been, well, hard to come by.

Misa squeezed him slightly, excited. "What? What is it?" she asked, eyes shut tight, undoubtedly so she didn't have to break her immersion with the wake-up call of L's unsightly mug.

"Well… I've been thinking… it's important, and it's going to change our lives forever."

Misa clung on tightly, stifling a squeal. "Aaaaah! Say it alreadyyy! Sayitsayitsayit! You know I'll say yes!"

"…Misa, I can't see you anymore. There's someone else."

Misa's eyes snapped open. "WHAT?! Hey, no! You can't say that!" She let go, sitting up and balling her fists on her hips.

L continued, impression not faltering even for a second. "There was one significant problem in our relationship that I just couldn't overlook. You're... a girl. I'm sorry."

Fuming, Misa shoved another pillow into his face and jumped off the couch. "Stop it already! Misa's Light isn't gay, you weird pervert! Hey, I bet you're just jealous because you want him all to yourself! That must be it! You're a weird gay pervert! That's why you never got a boner when I hugged you!"

...That one was admittedly down to luck.

L removed the pillow from his face and casually sat up. He was really wanting that cup of tea sometime soon. "We're friends, actually." Well, we could have been, maybe...

Misa laughed. "Pff! Friends? Yeah, right! Light would just get frustrated trying to put up with someone like you!"

"It's true that I proved to frustrate Light-kun quite considerably in our last meeting, but not in the way Misa-san was meaning."

Misa blinked.

L tilted his head.

"...What?"

"What?"

"Oh. The session went fine, if that's what you were asking about. No, it's just that I've currently locked myself in the bathroom and I'm not sure if she's stopped throwing furniture around yet - it's kind of quiet right n - ...oh. Anyway, Watari, could you please do me a favour and stop me the next time I decide to impersonate a cuddle therapist on a whim? Thank you."

Slam.

"...Ah. That was the door. Finally."