You'll Get Loki'd for Christmas!

Author's Note: The Avengers didn't appreciate the switches.

Christmas morning is a blur. I awake quite early, due to Tony's loud and childish shouts, and stumble out of bed, groping for my nightrobe and slippers. Then I head downstairs.

Everything is in uproar. Tony has already doven head-first into his stocking- literally. His head is stuck in it. Pepper is looking through hers more slowly, as are the rest of the Avengers.

"I guess everyone decided that lip balm is a good stocking stuffer," says Tasha, piling about twelve of them next to her and digging farther into her stocking.

"More collapsible arrows!" shouts Clint ecstatically, hugging them to himself. "Santa, I adore you!"

"Where's Waldo?" says Nat, glancing over at Clint's stocking. "Aren't you a little old for that?"

"It's Christmas, shut up," he responds. "Who are you to criticize Santa?"

"Aww," says Pepper, pulling out a framed picture of the Avengers. "That is so sweet!"

I'm not in the picture, but someone has photoshopped my head onto a balloon that Thor is holding. I scowl.

I peer nervously into my stocking. What if I haven't been good enough? What if Santa doesn't love me?!

But to my relief, there are some things in there, after all. I, too, have gotten quite a few lip balms in varying scents and flavours. There's also a Mad Libs book, a lot of candy, and a tangerine at the very bottom. I smile. See? I was a good boy this year.

I turn towards the immense pile of presents under the tree that has been growing all month long, but before I can start going through them, Pepper stands up.

"We'll eat breakfast before we open the presents," she says, "since there are so many. It's going to take all day!"

I frown, but I am hungry.

Breakfast is pastries and sausage and bacon and devilled eggs and scrambled eggs and sunny-side up eggs and orange juice and donuts and coffee cake and ham. I eat too much.

Then we are ready to open the presents.

I begin to see why people call Christmas a "magical time". There are loads of presents, and it will take us a long time to finish. It's almost as exciting to watch other people open presents as it is to open my own- although I get my fair (well, maybe) share of them, too.

Nat gets lots of jewelry, and is delighted with the arrow cuff earing that Clint got for her. Sam Wilson gets about ten different "Avengers Assemble" shirts, and a few nice pairs of Ray Ban sunglasses. Everything Steve gets says "Freedom" or "America" on it. Tony gets lots of silly gadgets that are no use to anybody but him. Pietro and Wanda get a lot of the same thing, but don't seem to mind. The Vision gets sunglasses too, but cheap ones that are heart-shaped- Tony must have been really running out of ideas at the dollar store. Rhodie gets a nice box of cigars and an arc reactor shirt. Clint gets a book called Birds of North America and batteries for his hearing aid. Pepper gets mostly clothes. Thor gets poptarts, and an iPhone case from Jane with a picture of himself on it. And everyone gets a SHIELD mug from Coulson.

The Avengers actually seem pleased with my presents to them, to my great surprise. I had replaced Coulson's favourite "Coulson Lives" mug. To Stark I give some missile balloons to hang behind his car so that it will look like he is Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible. Clint gets a stuffed hawk that squawks loudly when it senses movement. Pepper got a pepper pot. To Steve, I give a Hitler dart board. Wanda gets bangles. Pietro gets a "#NotDead" T-shirt. It has Sherlock on it, but whatever. Sam keeps trying to take Clint's present until he opens a box from me with a Fitbit(T). I give the Vision a gift card for iTunes. For Rhodie there's a Tony Stark bobblehead, and for Thor there is a "World's Worst Brother" mug, which he actually really likes.

My presents are very nice, I have to admit. None of the Avengers lived up to their declaration that they wouldn't get me any presents. When the present opening is over, I find that I have too much to carry back to Asgard in one trip. It mostly consists of t-shirts with the different Avengers on them, an iphone that I can actually (truthfully) call my own, some shampoo (Pepper says my hair looks greasy), and a stuffed reindeer that says "Loki'd!" when squeezed.

I sniffle and pretend that I have a cold.

Christmas dinner is a wonderfully satisfying meal, and I eat too much again. And when the day is almost over, and I yawn contentedly and pull on my pajamas, I realize something.

I haven't pulled a single prank today.

That horrifying thought pulls me wide awake again. I cannot rest until I have pulled some sort of prank!

There has to be something I can do. The thought crosses my mind that perhaps I can eat all of Thor's poptarts, so I sneak down to the kitchen.

Unfortunately, the poptarts are nowhere to be seen. They must be hidden in Thor's room somewhere, and I would go and check, but there on the counter sits a delicious looking row of cupcakes. There are so many, and one would never be missed...

I glance around. The kitchen is deserted, so I pick one up and take a huge bite.

I gag. Apparently it's not a cupcake. It tastes more like... meatloaf. With mashed potatoes. I blink.

"LOKI'D!" yell the Avengers, jumping out of cabinets and pantries and ovens. They all laugh at my thoroughly confused face.

"You thought you were the only one who could pull a prank?" Pepper teases. And I can't help but join their laughter.

The END

Publisher's Note: I'm really, really, really, sorry I couldn't post this on Christmas as planned! My computer didn't get internet since Christmas day. Finally I have it back, though. Loki is furious with me, but better late than never, right?

Author's Note: Thank you, attheturnofthetide for following and favouriting my story! You are awesome! ^-^ To the rest of you, especially the faithful reviewers who have been reviewing pretty much every day, you're just fantastic. I had a wonderful holiday, partly due to you. And there's not really anything that makes me happier than being able to make people laugh. :) Thank you so much for everything! I hope you all had wonderful Christmas-es and New Years! Any resolutions? Any unwanted presents? Any particularly awesome gifts? Any annoying relatives?

Again, thank you for sticking with this to the end. Hope to see you again sometime! :)

~Loki Laufeyson of Asgard
This is a signed copy and cannot be duplicated without the written permission of Loki and his publisher.
Loki does not own MARVEL or anything affiliated with it. Lily does not own MARVEL or anything affiliated with it. They both just steal stuff and play with it when MARVEL is not looking. For such harmless shenanigans, please do not sue them.

Merry Christmaaaa- TONY YOU DID NOT JUST-