A pounding headache. That was the first thing that Seraphina was aware of as she wearily opened her eyes and much to her surprise she found herself laying on her desk, using whatever obscure book she had been reading as some kind of pillow. She couldn't even remember falling asleep, Seraphina hadn't even intended on sleeping but clearly she must have fallen asleep at some point given that she had just woken with her face lying in some book on rocks and geology. Forcing herself to sit up Seraphina wearily rubbed her eyes before glancing over her shoulder and over at the clock hanging on the wall that read 9:07am, as best to her recollection Seraphina could recall still being awake sometime in the 4am region so she had only been asleep for a few hours. The half empty bottle of scotch explained the headache. The fact that she awake to see another day just made Seraphina miserable as there was a huge part of her that so desperately wished that if she went to sleep then she would never wake up again, that she could be finally free from the hell that she was living. But that clearly never happened, so Seraphina had yet another miserable day to live through and so she wearily got up from her seat and skulked out of the library – the room she spent most of her time in – and made her way through the house and to the kitchen. The more she shuffled around the house, the worse Seraphina's headache was getting and the music certainly wasn't helping with it and naturally it was all her fault, mostly for the drinking until she passed out. But there was also the music, in the house there was always some kind of music playing in the background to ease Seraphina's discomfort, it drove Jefferson mad at first as he couldn't concentrate on his work with the constant playing of music but after a while he had learned to live with it for Seraphina's sake. Speaking of Jefferson, there was no sign of him anywhere in the slightest within the house and Seraphina couldn't hear him working away in his workshop which meant he was probably lurking around somewhere upstairs or he had gone out although she suspected it was the former rather than the latter. It wasn't very often that Jefferson ventured out so he was most likely upstairs. Just thinking about Jefferson made Seraphina's heart ache as he had taken the news about time moving once again in Storybrooke and the possibility of the curse being broke by this mysterious Emma Swan character, in a rather difficult manner. The news had pretty much sent Jefferson into overdrive trying to figure out a way to get them back home. The news that time was moving in Storybrooke and there was a good chance that the curse was going to be broken because the arrival of this mysterious Emma Swan according to good old Rumplestiltskin, had done a real number on Jefferson. It had almost driven him to the breaking point and almost seemed make the Mad Hatter even more madder than usual. Seraphina hadn't seen Jefferson so excited over something in such a long time and she was glad to see him so upbeat but at the same time it did worry her.

Dragging her hungover ass back through the lower half of the house, Seraphina made her way to the staircase and slowly forced herself up them. Given how crappy she was feeling all Seraphina wanted to do was go to her bed and sleep for the rest of the day but that wasn't possible as time was no longer frozen here anymore, time was now moving which meant that time couldn't be wasted any longer. Plus they had already lost twenty eight years and Seraphina was certain that Jefferson wouldn't be able to hold out being without Grace for a further twenty eight years. After everything the two of them had been through together, Seraphina owed it to Jefferson to make sure that he was reunited with his daughter. At least one of them deserved to be happy. It took a bit of time but eventually Seraphina reached the top of the staircase where she almost walked into Jefferson, who was coming out from the direction of the bathroom.

"I'm surprised to see you up, I didn't think you would wake up for another few hours at least." Jefferson began, not hiding his surprise that she was up and walking about and Seraphina just grimaced as she was feeling less than fresh this morning, whilst Jefferson looked fresh as a daisy. He was suited and booted as per usual whilst Seraphina could smell the alcohol coming through her pores. Clearly their nights had both went a different way.

"That would suggest I actually fell asleep, I think I passed out." Seraphina replied with a sigh as she pinched the bridge of her nose as her headache just seemed to be getting worse the longer she stood up. She was going to have sit down for a bit and chug down a huge amount of coffee before she started to feel like herself again. Drinking herself into a drunken stupor until she passed out had been a very bad idea and Seraphina was now paying the price for her antics last night. She was going to have to lay off the scotch for a few days at least as she couldn't remember the last time she was this hungover. Seraphina's head was a mess, her mouth felt dry and she was certain that she could feel the alcohol swirling around in her stomach. Even though she hadn't seen her appearance, Seraphina could only assume that she looked as bad as she felt. For someone who was a Queen, Seraphina certainly didn't act like it in the slightest, she was a shadow of the person who she used to be before the curse and Kohana had happened. No longer was she one of the twelve guardian princesses of Elysium, swore to defend her kingdom and protect the Heart of Elysium. That had all come to an end a long time ago, all Seraphina was right now was barely functional drunken mess. She couldn't help but think it was a good thing that Elysium had fallen to the ground as if it still stood, it would probably crumble at the sight of it's supposed queen.

"Probably a good thing, you were a bit of a mess." Jefferson noted and Seraphina grimaced as that didn't sound good at all, but given how the house was still in one piece, she took some comfort in the fact that she hadn't managed to destroy another one of her homes. Still to this day Seraphina carried around the scars that had come with destroying her kingdom. Despite how much time had passed, Seraphina knew that the wounds within her heart would never really heal. Even if it were possible, she would never be able to forgive herself for what had happened that night. It was the guilt over her actions that allowed her to keep living.

"I didn't do the crying thing, did I?"

Seraphina didn't know whether or not she wanted to know the answer and yet she still found herself asking the question, she supposed knowing the truth would stop her from obsessing in her head over what kind of state she was in last night. One of the biggest problems that Seraphina had was a tendency to other think things, and for the last twenty-eight years, being frozen in time and left with a whole lot of time on her hands hadn't done much good for Seraphina. That had left her a lot of time to other think things, at one point Seraphina wasn't sure who the so-called 'mad one' was out of her and Jefferson. There had been a lot of dark times over the years for her as well as him and living in this frozen hell of a place had only made things worse. There was no escape from this place and everything that Seraphina had done which had resulted in her ending up in Storybrooke in the first place.

"No. You were just very affectionate and you told me you loved me."

Now Seraphina really wished that she hadn't asked Jefferson as she now she felt more awkward than hungover, sorely wishing that she was still passed out in the library. Somebody once said, Seraphina wasn't sure but they had said something about curiosity killing a cat. It made no real sense to Seraphina as all her curiosity made her want to do was crawl into a dark hole and never come out again. It seemed like her curiosity was only good for getting herself into some kind of trouble and it wasn't the kind of trouble that she could talk herself out of back when she was still a child. Everything used to be so simple back then. Now she was older and things were a whole lot more complicated and she could no longer run away from difficult situations. If she tried to run away, Seraphina knew that there was a highly probable chance that Jefferson would come running after her. Twenty-eight years together had kind of made them rather attached to one another.

"It's not like you didn't already know that." Seraphina replied after a few moments of silence, feeling rather lightheaded all of a sudden and she wasn't sure if it was down to her being dehydrated or due to the embarrassment she was feeling, and she was indeed feeling it as her cheeks felt red hot and flushed like the hotness of a very warm summer day. Talking about her emotions wasn't exactly a strong point of Seraphina's, it hadn't been for a very long time. Losing her family and being the 'sole' survivor of the destruction that had come to Elysium had taken a huge toll on Seraphina and being alone for so long after that terrible night had caused her to shut down. It had all been too painful. The grief had been so overwhelming that Seraphina had to force herself not to feel anything anymore, she had sealed away her heart in order to make the burden of living without everyone she had ever known and loved bearable. She wasn't looking for love at all, Seraphina had been raised as a warrior and been taught from as long as she could remember that duty came before affairs of the heart. Seraphina had been content in wallowing in her grief until this curse came along and stuck her in Storybrooke where she was essentially all alone for the most part. There was nobody in this hell hole who understood what she was going through, or at least so she thought. It had been 5 days since the curse had struck that Seraphina had found The Mad Hatter and it wasn't love at first sight. No, things were a little more complicated than that and Seraphina wasn't sure whether she had fallen in love with him because he was the only other person here in Storybrooke who had all their memories and understood what she was going through, or because she found herself falling in love with his strength of character, devotion to his family and rugged good looks despite being called the Mad Hatter. These last twenty eight years had been so long that Seraphina couldn't recall when she realized that she was in love with Jefferson, or if their bizarre friendship had turned into something more over the years. All that she really knew was that she loved the eccentric man standing right in front of her and that having Jefferson by her side for all these years had brought her out of black hole that she never thought she would ever be able to escape.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about it Sera."

"Says the person who only had to hear it." Seraphina couldn't help but retort in response, before feebly running her head through her hair. As of the current moment, Seraphina was very much rethinking all the major life decisions she had made in the last few days, especially the drinking. That was something she was going to have to put on hold for a while as there was no way Seraphina could attempt to try and drink herself into an early grave when the curse was so close to being broke. The arrival of Emma Swan, the savior who was supposed to break this horrendous curse and save them all meant that everything was going change. Things were no longer going to be the same and that meant facing up to things Seraphina wasn't quite ready to deal with. After all this time running away from her past and responsibilities, it looked like the two of them were finally catching up to her. It was true what everybody said about being unable to outrun your past. For Seraphina, her trial by fire was soon approaching but she didn't have a date for it, all she knew was that it was coming and there was nothing she could do except wait for it come and return to Elysium once and for all once the curse was broken. That thought alone scared Seraphina more than the twenty eight years that she had had been stuck with nothing to do in a small town in Maine.

"Would you like me to say it back?" Jefferson questioned, bringing Seraphina back from the deep corners of her mind in which she had wondered off. But already it was too late, the knots had already started to form in Seraphina's stomach as she thought about everything that she had run away from, everything that she had tried so hard to forget during her time away from her kingdom. The Seraphina who stood here now, was a far cry from the Princess Seraphina of Elysium who she used to be, or rather Queen Seraphina. Upon the death of her father and eleven sisters, the crown of Elysium had fallen onto Seraphina's shoulders whether or not she liked it.

Seraphina ruefully shook her head, she didn't need to hear what she already knew, that Jefferson loved her despite everything that she had said and done over the years. This handsome man standing before her with a glint in his blue eyes was the kindest man that Seraphina had come across in all her years of loneliness, Jefferson had given her a home when she had none, given her a purpose to survive living in the hell that they had been trapped in. He had given her so many things over the years, things that she would never be able to repay him for. Seraphina wanted to say to Jefferson that she was worry, there was this tremendous need within herself to apologize for all the time that she had wasted. But at the same time Seraphina wanted to thank him. It was all rather confusing and Seraphina wanted to blame her confused head and her even more confused heart on her hangover but she knew that wasn't behind why she was feeling so damn guilty. With the possibility of the curse being broken looming over their heads, Seraphina knew that she would need to tell Jefferson the truth soon. He needed to know the dark secret that Seraphina had been carrying with her for the last twenty eight years.

"Jefferson‒"

"Can I show you something Sera? It's something that I've been working on and it's not finished yet, I was going to surprise you with it when I finished. But as you look like you could use come cheering up, it's as good a time as any."

"When you put it that way, I suppose I can't say no to your request." Seraphina weekly replied and Jefferson smiled with a broad grin on his face, holding out his hand for her to take. His eyes seemed bright and truly alive for the first time in years and Seraphina couldn't bare to ruin his happiness at this current time, she needed to tell him the truth of course, and she would. But just not now.

The whole truth about the Battle of Elysium could wait for a few more days. She had kept it from Jefferson for twenty eight years, a few more days couldn't do any more harm. He had lost so much and after everything that Jefferson had been through, the last thing Seraphina wanted to do was cause him more pain since. He was pretty much her reason for living these days. A long time ago Seraphina's sole reason for living was her mission to protect Elysium from all outside threats and ensure the Heart of Elysium never fell into the wrong hands and on fronts she had failed. It broke Seraphina's heart to admit it but she had unwittingly allowed a outside threat to sneak into Elysium. The twelve guardian princesses' had been raised to watch for any threats but they could have never foreseen that they would become the outside threat they had sworn to keep out of their father's kingdom. Seraphina had failed in her mission and in by doing that she had also failed to stop the Heart of Elysium from falling into the wrong hands; her hands. Instinctively Seraphina's right hand reached for the chain around her neck where the Elysium Crystal sat, the powerful crystal was no longer what it used to be, Seraphina was certain that she somehow managed to protect the all powerful crystal as it was essentially rendered useless. These days, it was just a pretty pink stone that doubled as decorative jewelry.

Seraphina looked at Jefferson outstretched hand and it didn't take her long to take the offered hand, despite how miserable she was feeling today because of the trouble of own making, she was intrigued to see what her Mad Hatter had to show her. The idea of walking back down the stairs that she had struggled to walk up only minutes earlier was a daunting prospect to Seraphina but the way Jefferson was holding her hand, seemed like he would never let go. Her hand felt incredibly tiny in Jefferson's own and as Seraphina slightly staggered as the two of them descended the stairs, she felt rather safe. She knew Jefferson's hand rather well, his hands despite having callouses from all the work that he did with his hands were the ones that wiped away her tears when she was sad, they gently brushed over own knuckles when they lay in bed together. After being touched countless times by them countless times, Seraphina knew that the hands of the person she loved, had been engrained in her heart. It was like these hands were made to love her.

Wordless allowing Jefferson to lead her down the stairs and throughout the house, Seraphina wasn't too surprised to be led into the workroom as after all, it was the room that Jefferson spent most of his time in. The bright lights of the workroom immediately made Seraphina grimace and shield her eyes, being hungover was really not helping her case today. It took a few moments for her to forcefully allow her eyes to adjust but once they had, Seraphina couldn't help but allow herself to take a look around the room. She didn't allow herself to come into this room, perhaps over the last decade Seraphina had ventured into the workroom maybe half a dozen times? The exact number she wasn't too sure of. The reason why Seraphina never came in? Simply because this room was where Jefferson came to work, it was where he spent every waking moment pouring his heart and soul finding his way to break the curse and let them go home. She liked to give him his privacy to work in peace, so for Seraphina to come into Jefferson's inner sanctum was like a little treat. All over the room on shelves that illuminated bright lights sat countless hats that Jefferson had made over the years. Every single one of these hats Jefferson had made in an effort to use as portal to get them home and they had all failed. No matter what he did, nothing seemed to work and Jefferson kept them as a reminder of his failure. Seraphina could never understand why he saw them as failures as each hat was as beautiful as the next, Jefferson's skills as a milliner were unparalleled, Seraphina doubted that there was anyone in all the lands whose skills could match those of the Mad Hatter. It showed on the large table that sat in the middle of the room, countless tools were sprawled across the table along with an assortment of materials that Seraphina had zero idea how they managed to make such beautiful hats.

"We don't know how long it's going to take for this Emma person to break the curse, so I thought I would keep at it as once the curse is broken we're going to need some way to get back home." Jefferson began as he let go of Seraphina's hand and walked over to the furthest end of the table sat a top hat that was different to all the other hats in the work shop. It was only half made and there was a a subtle amount of silver tulle scattered around it but the hat itself was of a remarkable design and Seraphina couldn't take her eyes away from it as it was perhaps the most spectacular hat she had ever seen. The fabric was a deep navy colour, almost black with a pattern of silver filigree. It was honestly unlike anything Seraphina had ever seen before. "What do you think Sera? It's a work in progress…"

"It's wonderful, truly wonderful. That's what I think."

"This is the one Sera, I can feel it! When the curse is broken I know that this hat is going to be the one that will take us away from Storybrooke. Once I have Grace back, then the three of us can leave and never come back again, we can go home and the three of us can have the happy ending that we were always meant to have!" Jefferson stated, the excitement clear as day in his voice and Seraphina could all but see the happiness that he was radiating and instead of being happy like she knew she was supposed to be, she just felt sick to her stomach. Honestly, all Seraphina wanted to do was throw up and she wasn't sure whether or not this was down to the hangover or because of the fact that Jefferson was talking about them going home and having a happy ending, when Seraphina knew that she wasn't destined to have either of them.

"I can't go back..." Seraphina blurted out, unable to help the words from flying out of her mouth before she even knew what she was doing. From the moment they came out, Seraphina wanted to stake them back and stuff them down her throat where they could be long forgotten but she couldn't. It was too late as Jefferson had heard them and was now looking back at her with this incredulous look on his face. All the happiness that had been on his face mere moments ago were long gone and it seemed like the colour had been drained from him entirely.

"Seraphina…"

"It's not what you think Jefferson, even though we've been trapped in Storybrooke for all these years, the truth of the matter is that I've still been running away from my past! There are things I've done which I haven't told you about, things so unforgiveable which mean that there is no happy ending for me. I will do everything I can to help you get Grace back and help you to return home but I don't know if I can go back myself. Going back means returning to Elysium and I can't do that. I keep telling myself that what I did that night in Elysium was for the sake of peace and sanity but as the years go on, I know that was a lie. One of the last things my father told me before he died was that the Heart of Elysium follows the heart of she who would become queen. But ever since that night, the Heart of Elysium has become dull and lifeless because of me." Seraphina woefully admitted, her eyes starting to brim with tears and her almighty headache starting to get even worse with every passing second

"I don't understand, what are you talking about Seraphina?" Jefferson demanded, his brows furrowing together and Seraphina felt herself struggling to keep herself together. This was what she wanted to avoid entirely but her big fat mouth had opened itself up and Seraphina could run away from this.

Seraphina couldn't help but look away, she couldn't look Jefferson in the eye as she told him the remainder of what happened the night Elysium fell. "My father told me that the only way for me to save Elysium was to destroy Kohana, but doing that meant I would also kill my sisters in the process. I had to commit an act of great evil to save my kingdom and I did… After I did it, Elysium fell silent but I knew it would not last as even though many had died, even more had been injured in the attacks. I had just killed my sisters and I was expected to become the queen of Elysium. I was never meant to be queen, I always knew that growing up… The crown was always meant to be passed on to Vega. I didn't want any of that, so using what little strength I had left. I used the Elysium Crystal to cast a spell over the kingdom."

"What kind of spell?" Jefferson asked through gritted teeth and Seraphina sighed as she knew that he wasn't going to like this in the slightest.

"A sleeping spell… Anyone who survived the attack are lying in a state of dormancy, it was never supposed to be this way Jefferson. The Elysium everyone knew was forever destroyed, so many had died and there was so much chaos that I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how fix things. So I cast a spell that would put them all to sleep and it was that spell that used what remained of the Elysium Crystal's power. It wasn't supposed to last forever but then the curse was cast… I'm a coward who ran away from where I should have been, where I'm supposed to be but I wasn't strong enough. I know that doesn't make me any better than Regina but I didn't know how fix things, I didn't know how to be the queen my father needed me to. I still don't know. I can't go back because I don't know how fix any of the damage I've caused. It's why I ended up here Storybrooke because there is always a price to pay with magic." Seraphina grimly replied as she wiped her eyes in a hurried manner as it was bad enough that she was having this conversation with Jefferson whilst she was hungover, without crying her eyes out like some big baby.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this?" Jefferson demanded and the anger was just what Seraphina had expected. He would never forgive her for this. Not that she could blame him for it. There were just something you couldn't forgive.

"Because I wanted you to love me."