The sand was cold and wet beneath Bonnie's feet as she walked along the shoreline. It was a little after four o'clock in the morning, no one else was on the beach, nothing else was on the beach - all of the critters and birds knew to stay away when she was near, knew that when she crept across the sand like a shadow, they may not live to see another day. It was repulsive, living off animals, choking down blood and gagging it back up only to choke it down again. She had no choice in the matter, she had to survive and while she didn't have a choice in what she was and when she could end the suffering that came with that, she had a choice in how she was forced to live. He'd taken nearly everything away from her but not this, not her last shred of morality. It was why she was here.

Stefan had offered to help her. He'd taught Caroline the animal blood diet and Elena after her, there would've been no one better suited to guide her through this transition but Bonnie couldn't stay in Mystic Falls, couldn't bear to see the pity and horror on all of their faces and the flicker of disgust they tried to hide from their expressions. It had nearly killed Jeremy to see her this way and that nearly killed her, she had hurt him so much in such a short span of time, she couldn't bear to hurt him anymore. At least that was part of it. A small part. Important but small. There was also the hunger. The never-ending, all-consuming hunger that made it impossible for her to think about anything else. She would kill if she stayed in Mystic Falls, if she stayed in any city or town, she was sure of it.

"Stefan can help with that, Bonnie, he's a ripper," Elena had told her. "Or if you're more comfortable with Damon, he can help you moderate"

But Bonnie had just shaken her head. She was beyond their help, beyond their feeble attempts to rescue her. It would've been much simpler if her hunger was just about the blood, just about the death, just about the vampirism but it was tied to her maker, her sire, to the things she felt when she was with him before any of this happened, the sinister power he always brought out in her, the rush she felt whenever she gave in to her demons for just a second, and by turning her, he'd ensured she was permanently tempted. Her hunger served as a constant reminder of those demons and how those demons gave way to a lust that destroyed lives, that had once destroyed kingdoms. What she needed wasn't Stefan's tutelage or Damon's philosophy, what she needed was to be alone. Alone and away. It was the only way she could be free. Of it all. Of herself.

And bow she was finally away. There weren't many people on this island. The sun was hours away from rising and the sky was a deep blue. Wind blew across the coast, causing Bonnie's dress to flit in the breeze, her hair to graze her forehead. It was peaceful here. She felt peaceful here. That was what being away did.

Away. Away. Away. Bonnie took a deep breath in and raised her head so the wind could kiss her face. The tide was gentle and the waves only brushed her ankles, tickling her skin with coldness. Without a word to anyone she'd booked a plane ticket to the first place she could afford, anywhere outside of the States. She packed a bag, only one bag, and then left undetected. Or well, almost.

Damon had been outside her house the night she'd left and when she'd noticed him, he only glared at her, his face the same angry expression when he'd confronted her once before:

"What the hell is the matter with you? I have been with other men, Damon! You have seen me and Jeremy kiss—"

"This is different. He is different."

"HOW?"

"Because you're different with him. You left us for him! You left me! I was going to kill him for what he did to you. I wasn't going to rest until I tore him apart with my own two hands for taking you away from me and then I find out that you're screwing him?"

"If you somehow think this is a betrayal to you—

"You turned your back on us."

Even in their previous lives, he'd felt entitled to her, felt like he had the right to be jealous, the right to be possessive, but nothing came from his possessiveness and her disdain, nothing ever did. That kind of bond she only shared with …

Bonnie sighed. "Aren't you going to speak?"

"I thought I would judge you in silence instead."

She rolled her eyes and continued walking down the driveway, shouldering her bag.

"You're not even going to try and talk to me?'

"I'm not going to argue with you, Damon."

"No, you argue with him."

"And so what if I do?" she said. "That is none of your business."

"You leaving because of him affects me, Bonnie. It affects all of us."

"And what about how it affects me? How about how I feel, about what this is doing to me? Do you ever stop to think about that?" she exclaimed. "I don't owe anything to you, Damon."

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I hate that he did this to you."

"Being a vampire-"

"I'm not talking about the vampirism," he spat. "I'm talking about what he did to you. I hate the power he has over you, I hate that you let him-"

"As opposed to what?" said Bonnie, suddenly angry. "As opposed to letting you lie to me, as opposed to letting you push me against walls, as opposed to letting you bail?"

"So what is this, payback?"

"No! We don't have that kind of…" Bonnie pressed her lips together. "I don't do things to spite you, Damon, that's not who I am."

"Not with me anyway," he said bitterly.

"No, not with you!" Damon flinched and she sighed. "I don't want to be like that with anybody, this is why I'm going, I need to be alone. I need to be away."

"From him!"

"So what?" she screamed.

"Well then what about Elena?" he said. "Hmm, what about her, Bonnie? What about Elena?"

"What about Elena? If she's my best friend she'll understand why I need to do this."

"She never felt the need to leave the country because of me."

"She never felt what it means to be completely consumed either."

Damon regarded her. "You hate him more than you love us," he said.

She shook her head. "Goodbye, Damon."

After that, she stopped taking calls as she travelled and only checked the constant rotation of voicemails from everyone she knew.

Elena: Bonnie, please, wherever you are just come home…

Caroline: Are you crazy? We have finals coming up, Bonnie! What's going to happen when you finally do come back and you're a year behind all of us? We won't graduate together! Just, come home!

Jeremy: Bonnie, please, I just need to know if you're dead or alive. I … can't lose you again. I just, I love you, come home.

Stefan: Look, I know we don't talk that much but I get what you're going through, Bonnie and … I can help you … Come home.

Damon: I'm not going to say that I miss you. But … I'm supposed to be the selfish one, Bon.

Every morning she'd wake up to: Come home. I love you. You're selfish. I can help you. A constant cycle of Jeremy, Elena, Damon, Caroline and Stefan's voices. And then there was the one other voice on the one other voicemail. The one message she'd got when she just arrived on the island.

I'll be coming for you.

It sent a chill through her.

Bonnie stopped walking and faced the ocean. It had been so long since she felt any sort of tranquility and what she felt now was the promise of inner peace rather than peace itself but even that was nice. Simple. Easy. It was exactly what she needed.

Infinitesimally, the breeze began to strengthen, causing the hem of her dress to flutter, her hair started to ruffle. When it continued to intensify, Bonnie wrapped her arms around herself and kept her eye on the horizon. The waves began to roll toward the sand stronger than before, breaking at her shins. And she felt it. The wind caressed her arms, her face, it skated her lips, her chest. Her breathing began to intensify. The breeze circled her, it shifted with her movement. Bonnie's heart thudded against her chest and she closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

"No," she whispered.

The wind quietened. "You had to know I'd find you. I even gave you a warning."

"One message," said Bonnie. "Seven months ago."

"One message was all that was needed."

Bonnie furrowed her eyebrows, he sounded calm. There wasn't the usual fever in his tone that roughened his voice with a particular kind of desperation. Slowly, she turned around to face him. He was in a simple white shirt and shorts, skin tanned, his beard freshly trimmed. He looked good. Too good. This wasn't how she'd imagined him looking after seven months away from her. And she'd had. Imagined it. The instant she'd heard his voicemail, she erupted with need and found herself replaying it over and over as she rubbed herself to his words, moaning at his inflections, the shame taking over only when she'd exhausted herself. It became almost a ritual on this island. Desire and guilt. And now he was here, casually in front of her, like he wasn't maddened by her absence. She resented it. And hated herself for it. She watched as Kai silently surveyed her, his eyes trailing her body from head to toe. His expression was intense, blazing with an emotion she couldn't quite pinpoint but he didn't move or scream. He stayed where he was.

"You need to go, Kai," she said. "I could be happy here."

He raised his eyebrows and laughed harshly. "Could you," he said. "Starving yourself the way you are?"

"I get the blood I need on this island."

"Who said anything about blood?"

The wind brushed against her neck except it wasn't the wind, it felt like a nose, like his nose, and his lips. His magic had grown since the last time she saw him, he infused himself with the elements around them. The caress grazed her jawline; the breeze sounded like an overlong sigh and it enveloped Bonnie. An ache blossomed in her gut and her skin was ablaze with want for more. It was torture. The sheer intensity of her vampirism. As a human, the desire Kai made her feel was already enough to drive her crazy but now with her new condition, she didn't even have the chance to repress the aches that radiated within her, they consumed her instantly and with such power that the urge to drown herself to escape the agitation surfaced in her thoughts. If only she could.

Bonnie's eyes fluttered. "You think way too highly of yourself."

"Are we still doing this?" said Kai, a soft smugness to his tone. "After everything? You tried to die just to escape what you're feeling right now."

"And you cursed me to this existence to make sure I never could."

"Yes," he said. "Yes I did." His voice was dangerously low. "So then why the fuck did you think you could ever run from me?"

Thunder cracked at his words and the sky darkened to a greyish blue. The weather betrayed the calmness of his exterior but Bonnie needed to see it, needed to hear him say it.

"You seem to be doing fine without my blood to satiate you," she said.

He shrugged. "Each time you leave, you're gone for a few weeks and I go out of my mind. But months … you forced me to get by without you. My need for you isn't as intense as it was before."

Bonnie stared at him, raising an eyebrow sceptically. "That's why you came here? Because it's not as intense as it was before. That's why you came all this way, spent seven months tracking me down?"

"It's the principle," said Kai. "That's why I came here so you'd never forget you'd never be free of me."

He was lying. She knew it. They both knew it. The mania in his eye, like the weather, revealed the frenzy beneath the calm, the need for her blood, for her lips, for her body. But it angered her - the way he tried to be stoic, tried to appear unmoved. After everything he'd done to her, everything he'd taken from her, all of the bridges he'd made her burn, the least he could do was be honest in his obsession. She deserved that much, she demanded that much and he was trying to take that away from her too. She wouldn't stand for it. In the distance Bonnie could hear the crunch of footsteps in the sand, someone was coming. Usually, she would disappear before they even came close but today, today she had an idea.

"If you don't crave my blood the way used to then you wouldn't mind if I let someone else feed from me, right?"

Bonnie could feel herself turn, feel herself veer off the edge of chaos and spiral downward to those depths he brought forth, those depths that compelled her to play the dangerous games she did with him. Kai's jaw clenched at her challenge and the sky darkened, she could feel his anger in the air but he didn't say anything to stop her.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

She sped off toward the footsteps and then found herself in front of a man not much older than her human age. He was shirtless and broad-shouldered. Chiselled. Cute. He took a step backwards when she appeared before him, startled and confused. He looked around to see which direction Bonnie could've come from and then seemed to decide it best not to question it.

"Um… it's not safe to be out here so late alone," he said.

"That's true," she agreed. "But I'm not the one you need to worry about."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh no?"

She shook her head. "No," she said. "You'd be surprised by how easily I can handle myself."

"Is that so?"

"Mm, yes, I've been told my strength is almost superhuman."

He laughed. It was a nice sound. "That's something I've gotta see."

Bonnie smiled. "What's your name?"

"Jason."

"Jason? Well, Jason it might happen sooner than you think."

He paused and chuckled nervously. "I haven't seen you around here before and I'm here practically every day. All day."

Bonnie smiled. "I don't get out much."

There was a pause and he looked a little past Bonnie. "Because of him?" he said. "Are you with him?"

Bonnie looked behind her to see Kai standing several feet away, his eyes fixed on their interaction, his body still with the kind of rage that made him motionless because if he so much as moved, he would incinerate everything around him. It wasn't enough.

Bonnie shook her head as she walked even closer. "He's not important."

A flash of lightning whitened the grey sky as roaring thunder cracked. Jason looked upward.

"The weather has been so weird. In like, thirty minutes it's changed four times."

Bonnie smiled but said nothing and only walked closer so that they were inches apart. She started to circle him, grazing her fingertips across his collarbone and the ocean's waves rolled onto the sand so strongly they nearly knocked her over. She glanced back at Kai and grinned maliciously at the stone-cold fury in his expression.

Jason called her attention back to him. "This feels like a dream," he said.

"Because of the supernatural weather?"

"That too. But beautiful women don't just appear out of nowhere and … do whatever it is you're doing."

Bonnie softly grazed her lips along his shoulder blades. "It might help that I'm not really a woman," she said. "Not anymore, anyway."

"Oh yeah?" he said. "What are you, then? An angel?"

Bonnie laughed. He was cute. Corny in a sweet kind of way. He didn't deserve what she was about to do him and her conscience screamed at her to let him go, to compel him to never come back but while her conscience screamed, her resentment howled, her indignation and desire inflamed her blood and banished all rationality from her mind so that all she had was the spite she needed to fulfil.

"No, I'm not an angel." She put her hand on his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Bonnie used her fingernail to drag a bloody line across her chest and before it had the chance to heal, she guided Jason's head to her wound. The moment his lips made contact with her blood, the thunder was a constant roar, a lightning bolt struck a tree in the distance, and another, and another, setting the leaves aflame. Rain came down on them, heavy and fast and quick. Jason didn't struggle or scream. He in fact seemed to enjoy Bonnie's blood, holding onto her hips as he drank. She threw her head back and grinned, running her fingers through his hair, grabbing his strands -

A blur. Swift. Quick. Jason was dragged away from her body and Kai kicked his knee, breaking a bone, so that he was forced to kneel. Jason cried out in pain as Kai held his chin and the top of his head in an iron-clad grip, bending his neck toward the sand.

"Spit it out," he said through clenched teeth. "Fucking spit it out! NOW."

The waves were huge now, nearly drowning Jason with every roll onto the sand as the rain pounded harder and harder. Bonnie watched as Jason started to cough and regurgitate what he could onto the sand, the strength of the waves making him wobbly.

"ALL OF IT," yelled Kai. "SPIT OUT ALL OF IT OR I SWEAR TO GOD."

Satisfaction surged through Bonnie at hearing the enraged anguish in Kai's voice, all pretence of stoicism and impassiveness discarded.

Kai raised him by the shirt and looked him in the eye. "Bite off your tongue."

Horror dawned in Jason's eyes, his entire expression a beg for mercy, but he bit down, screaming as he did. The vicious gratification Bonnie felt transformed into horror.

"KAI, STOP IT."

He whirled on her. "YOU DID THIS TO HIM."

His words echoed in the wind and it blew hard against the trees, bringing up sand and breaking off leaves. The smoke and ash from the surrounding fires started flitting toward them, polluting the air. Kai threw Jason back onto the sand and ran his fingers through his wet hair in frustration.

"You knew Bonnie," he said. "You fucking knew that I would never, that I would never let anyone taste your blood."

"Then you should've just killed him!"

"You disappear for seven months and the first thing you do when you see me is let some random guy drink from you. You don't get to do that. You don't get to torture me like that and not suffer the consequences."

"Consequences? You said-"

"Fuck what I said! I went crazy, Bonnie. Do you know what it's like to be denied and half out of your mind because of it and wanting someone so much you can't even fucking see straight. Do you know what that's like for seven months? Do you know how many people died because of you, because no matter how much I drank nothing could satisfy me, nothing could make me forget your taste? Do you know how many times I tried to turn off my humanity just so I could stop wanting you, stop thinking about you, dreaming about you only to chicken out because I couldn't imagine not feeling for you? Wanting to kill you to make it all stop but not being able to because then it would all stop? Did you know you'd do this to me? DID YOU?"

"YES," she screamed. "YES AND I'D DO IT AGAIN TO TRY AND SAVE MYSELF FROM YOU."

Kai yelled and the lightning struck trees on their island, setting them ablaze too. "I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU."

Bonnie sped toward him, clasping her hand around his throat. "Then do it!" she screamed into his face. "The only reason why I haven't died yet is because you won't let me! I walk this beach every night for hours, waiting for the sunrise hoping that that day will be the day I will finally break your command and find permanent peace!"

"You don't deserve permanent peace!" Kai pried her hand off his neck and moved forward so he pinned her onto the sandy ground next to Jason's convulsing body. He slammed a small black velvet box onto the ground next to her. Bonnie's eyes narrowed.

"What is that?"

"Your daylight ring," he snarled.

"No," said Bonnie. "No, I refuse."

He'd already made sure she could never die, not on purpose anyway, but she wasn't going to make it official, she wasn't going to signify that she'd surrender to this life.

Kai growled in frustration. "All this because of some bullshit morality that your friends forced on you?"

"WOW." Bonnie laughed without humour. "You're just like them!"

Kai leaned into her face and her eyes widened at the fury in his expression. "Don't you dare lump me in with the people who've done nothing but let you die."

"You made something about me about them, just like them."

"No, they've made you their moral compass for years and now that's all you can see that you can't just let yourself live. If you just put on the damn ring, fed from a human and stopped starving yourself, you'd enjoy what I've given you."

"I DON'T WANT TO ENJOY IT."

"Really?"

In one swift motion, Kai stood up, bringing Jason up with him. He turned to Bonnie and she could see the spite in his expression. Without warning, Kai grabbed Jason on the shoulder, the same shoulder her lips caressed moments ago, and squeezed so that Bonnie could hear a sickening snap. Jason yelled and then Kai bit into his neck, turning that yell into a howl of pain. Bonnie watched the blood dribble down his bare chest and couldn't help but bite her lip. The sight agitated her in more ways than one. She wanted to indulge, to taste blood on her tongue, to satiate the hunger that gnawed at her stomach and had been for nearly a year, but she wasn't prepared for the arousal that heated her body at seeing Kai drink, the way the rain and blood soaked through his shirt, the way it called to a primal part of her that she didn't know existed before him.

Jason didn't deserve this. Bonnie got up and pushed Kai away from him, holding onto his shoulder to keep him steady. She wanted to compel him to heal, to run, to find a doctor, to never come back, she wanted to do the right thing, to not make him a casualty of their game, but Bonnie couldn't resist. For months, she'd been scavenging off birds and rats and she was starving, for blood, for power, for Kai to see her the way she'd just seen him. All she had was a minute before the hunger took over completely and she did what she could in those 60 seconds.

"It won't hurt."

And then she bit into his neck, groaning with delight, the satisfaction of warm blood gushing into her mouth, onto her tongue, staining her fangs. Life sang throughout her veins. She hazily opened her eyes to see Kai staring intently at her through the rain, his fangs descended, his eyes red, veins darkening his face. His ragged breathing and cloudy expression compelled her to drink harder, moan louder, her eyes never breaking from his. Kai's eyebrows furrowed, his hand unconsciously slipping into his shorts as Bonnie stared at him with a kind of euphoric desire. She groaned and he stroked and she grinned as he panted. And then she sped over to a palm tree, pushing Jason against the trunk so it was easier for him to stay still, allowing her a deeper feed.

Without warning, a harsh pleasure radiated throughout her entire Bonnie. Kai. He'd sped behind her, pressing his front against her back and bit into her neck, causing her to jerk against his hardness. He sucked and she squealed as she fed, closing her eyes at the sound of Kai's desperate and ecstatic grunts, the tip of his tongue grazing his bite. He slipped his hand into the V-neck of her dress, caressing her nipple as he drank, as she drank, her behind rubbing against his groin, making him drink harder.

The longer Bonnie fed, the more she could feel the life draining out of Jason but she couldn't stop, feeding and being fed on provided an ecstasy that made her eyes roll to the back of her head, that made her entire body ache, that would never and could never get better than -

Shit.

The wind calmed, returning to the breeze that teased her earlier. It skated across her arms, caressing her palms, brushing her wrists. A whisper of a touch; it was unbelievably soft and yet its contact was menacing, it made everything too much to handle - Kai's tongue on her wound, his hand palming her breast, her body singing with human blood.

The caress trickled along Bonnie's arms to her collarbone and the wind blew her dress backward so the material gathered at legs, exposing her thighs to the wind, to the caress - and then Kai sunk a finger into her, in slow, circular motions and she moaned. He continued to stroke her, pressing against her, as he fed and Bonnie couldn't take it anymore. She withdrew from Jason's neck, his corpse slumping onto the sand and cried out. Jason's blood trickled down the front of her neck and Kai moved his hand from her breast to her throat, gliding it up to her chin and then ran his fingertip along her lips until she enclosed it in her mouth, sucking Jason's blood off his finger.

Kai withdrew from Bonnie's neck, sighing heavily, turning her head back toward him to kiss her furiously, to devour her with his desire, tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth as he quickened the motions of his finger, making her grind against him.

"You really didn't miss this?" he panted. "You could really live without this, Bonnie?"

And just as she was about to climax he withdrew his finger.

"No!" she screamed.

Quickly, he turned her around. His expression was triumphant and aroused at seeing the frustration on her face. He grabbed her from beneath her thighs and lifted her onto him, her back firmly against the tree.

"Seven months," he grunted and then thrust into her as he sank her fangs into her chest for a second feed and she convulsed instantly.

His rhythm was quick. Hard. Punishing. Each thrust bringing her closer to euphoria as the wind of his making grazed every inch of her body he couldn't reach. It was an overload of sensation, an intensity that brought tears to her eyes, that tormented her with pleasure. He said he'd never kill her but this was getting close. Bonnie tightened her legs around his middle, squeezing as he thrust.

"Oh fuck."

He banged his fist against the tree, creating a hole in the trunk and then he pressed his lips against her neck.

"Do it again," he begged.

"No."

He pushed in deeper. "Yes."

Bonnie swore. "No."

She was denying him everything she could, everything she could handle denying him. Her fangs ached to pierce into his skin, her tongue itched for some of his blood but instead she bent forward and nipped at his neck, grazing the tip of her tongue along his throat, tasting the rain on his skin. Kai groaned long and loudly.

"Stop teasing me," he whispered, his voice cracked. "Bite me. Please. Taste me."

Bonnie nipped him again.

"Shit. Bonnie."

She pressed his head against her chest and he kissed along her cleavage.

"I don't want to," she sighed. "I like the taste of Jason on my tongue."

Kai growled as jealousy took over his motions and he thrust into Bonnie harder and faster, making her mewl as her back chafed against the tree.

"Thinking about him still?"

Bonnie couldn't answer, she could only moan as Kai kissed her breasts with frenzy and trailed his tongue along her cleavage and the rain and the ash and the sand swirled around them.

"Bonnie."

She squeezed him again and nipped his neck, this time allowing her fangs to make a shallow indentation in his skin.

"FUCK."

She heard it, the strangled desperation, frantic need and breathy desire, the craze that blinded him with wanting. She sank her fangs into his neck and gorged on his blood, his groans mingling with her grunts, as her insides quivered and his movements quickened. He pierced his fangs into the same spot on her chest, making her whimper as she sucked his wound harder. There was no telling where she ended and he began, it was just pure excess and carnal joy that bound them and broke them, that shattered them into a climax that sent their mingled mewling across the waves.

Bonnie and Kai disentangled, slumping onto the sand, trying to catch their breath. The rain had stopped, the wind was gone, and Bonnie looked at the flames all around them then to Jason's lifeless, bloodied body next to them.

"This is why I left." It was laborious to talk. "You only just found me and we destroyed so much in an hour."

"I'm not sorry."

"No, you wouldn't be."

Kai turned to her, his face suddenly severe. "I wasn't lying, Bonnie," he said. "I lost my mind when you left and if you leave like that again, I'll set fire to the entire fucking world to find you if I have to. It'll be like before."

Before. Their past lives. An example of just how catastrophic their connection could be. They were almost at that point.

"I know," she said.

Kai furrowed her eyebrows. "So what does that mean?"

"It means,"" she stood up on wobbly legs and wandered over a few paces to the velvet box. "I can't keep doing this. No matter what I do, I end up giving everything up for you. Being with you the way that I was meant skipping class and bailing on my friends and disengaging from my life but trying to escape you meant leaving my friends and my school and my town anyway."

Bonnie picked up the velvet box and Kai sat up, watching her intently.

"I spend so much energy trying not to want this that all I'm doing is trying not to want this and spending so much time trying to convince myself that I don't crave you, crave us, just makes me realize how much I do. You're in me." She laughed harshly. "It's fucking inescapable, you made sure of that. I almost wish I loved you so I could be free of you but I can't. I could never."

She opened the box and saw the ring, it was much different than what Caroline and Elena had. Kai made hers silver with a blood red heart in the centre, it almost looked medieval. He stood up, his entire body wired with anticipation.

Bonnie shook her head. "So I'm done running from you, Kai."

She took the ring out of the box and stared at it every rational part of her screaming at her: MISTAKE. IT'S A MISTAKE. KEEP RUNNING. ALWAYS KEEP RUNNING. HE'LL RUIN YOU.

With a shuddering breath, Bonnie put the ring on and Kai immediately sped toward her, thrusting his lips onto hers, kissing her with a violent joy that sent a riot throughout her body.

"It's not like we could do much more damage together than we've done apart," she said between kisses. "Right?"

Kai didn't answer. Instead he kissed her neck, her throat, her collarbone, trailing his lips down her stomach as he sunk onto his knees.