This will be my last update for a while. Yes, that means I'm dropping this one. It's true that I write for myself, but I also write for you guys. Otherwise, why would I post on this site? This story isn't getting the reactions I was hoping it would. I'm going to try writing something a bit on the lighter side, since it's been awhile. My stories tend to take on darker tones, so I'm attempting something different. I'm not exactly sure how it'll go, but it's already getting more attention than this one. For the one or two people who may be following this one, sorry. I do hope I'll be able to pick it back up in the future. Maybe if I ever make a name for myself on this website, although that would take time and effort.

Enjoy the chapter, then. It's the last one for now.

The world has gone skew. Nothing is out of place as far as I can tell, but it's like something is missing. I almost feel as if I'm forgetting something, something vital to my survival. It's been quite a while since I've felt like this. I used to get this same feeling when I would forget a snake nest I discovered and venture close to it, or I forgot about clouds in the distance that preluded a storm. I always feel this way whenever there's something I know I need to know, but it slips from my mind. For the life of me, though, I can't remember what it was I'm forgetting. It's seriously irritating me.

"Are...we going to get ready?" Saki yawns, sitting up in bed. I glance over at her to find her gaze unfocused and her brows furrowed in confusion. "We have school today...don't we?" Her words are uncertain, as if she already knows but is looking for confirmation. It's like she needs the confirmation to solidify it.

I sit up as well, facing the window to the outside and withholding a snarl. What is it that's missing? The sun shines brightly as it creeps its way up from the horizon, the sky around it a comfortable pale pink and orange, but it different from normal. Somehow, it is, but not in any way I can see. First closing around the sheets, I throw them off of me and swing my feet to touch the floor.

"Yeah, we do."

My assurance jolting her into motion, today she follows my lead and dresses. As she runs brushes out her hair, I only run my fingers through my own. Purposely, I snag on tangles and yank at my skull. Every now and again that works, but the pain isn't awakening any memories today. Perhaps this unsettled feeling today is false. Maybe I'm feeling this way because I find it strange that I haven't felt it in so long, so my mind is sensing that something off wrong when it's actually not. Could that maybe be it?

At breakfast, Saki barely picks at her food. Even I, who usually gulps down everything I'm served before anyone else can get halfway done, eat with caution. If this feeling isn't justified, I have nothing to be afraid of, but it's existance in me at this moment still stirs in me a fear that's long been laced in my blood. I won't be calm unless I take precautions. Time will tell me if this is an imminent danger, so until it evaporates, I'll take steps to remain what people call 'sane'.

Saki's gaze is locked on the ground as we walk to school. I observe her silently, opening my mouth only after we've almost arrived. "Saki, is something wrong?"

She jumps, then slowly lifts her head to look at me. "Mmm, no. I don't think so. What would be wrong?"

"How should I know?" I shake my head. But the expression on her face is baffled, screaming to me that something's not right. Could she be feeling the same thing I'm feeling? But didn't I decide that feeling wasn't real? So it can't be that, can it?

Maria and Mamoru join us at the entrance, the red-head as lively as ever and Mamoru his usual quiet self. See? I tell myself. Nothing's out of the ordinary.

"Were you waiting here for us?" Saki asks as Maria snuggles her from behind.

"Yup! I saw Satoru and Ryou go in earlier, but I thought I'd wait for you," she giggles. "Too bad Ryou didn't wait, right? I bet you're wishing it was him who was standing out here for you."

Ryou...Ryou…

All of the sudden, a face flows into my mind tagged with that name. Memories with him flash by my eyes, filling in a blank I wasn't aware of when I woke up. He was the person to find me, wasn't he? The person I'd been clinging onto for the past two years, the person I got angry over when he showed an interest in Saki or Satoru. He's the person that is destined to be my mate. How could I forget something like that? How could I forget someone so dear and important to me?

"Ryou?" Saki interrupts my internal scolding. "Isn't he in group two?"

Then those memories shake, as if actual items. They blur, but only for a moment before coming back into focus. I gasp, but low enough that no one hears. What? That was….what?

"Did you leave your memory in your dream last night?" Maria feigns worry. "That was forever ago! He transferred to our group before that summer trip two years ago!"

We enter the classroom where Satoru talks to someone with their back turned to us. He notices us over the person's shoulder and points us out. When they turn, their face clearly matches the one I had in mind for Ryou. My heart rate quickens and I'm about to rush towards him, when I pause. Why didn't I recognize him from behind? Shouldn't I know what he looks like by now, front and back?

"Kyie!" he calls, grinning. "Where's my morning hug?" I stare at his light brown hair and pale green eyes, unsure. Were his eyes always so dull? I remember them being vibrantly green, like the new leaves in spring, not like the grass when sapped of water. His hair, too….It's almost like it should be darker. And when, if ever, has he initiated my tackling him in the morning? But this is undoubtedly the image of him, so why do I imagine that he should be different?

His smile falls, his eyes gaining a hint of worry. "Kyie?"

And why didn't I remember him when I woke up? Why was there a hole in my memory? A hole in my memory. This wasn't just me forgetting something. This was an entire person scooped from my mind. That doesn't just happen!

Stupid! I'm such an idiot! Could the feeling be false? How could I ever think such a thing? My instincts have never failed me before, so how could I doubt them when they're warning me with all they have? And right now, with this person in my sights, they're flaring up more than before. Who...who is this person? This can't be the person who found me in the wild, the person I wanted as a mate. These memories tell me that he is, but my instincts are shrieking that he can't be. Why do I contradict myself? Why am I remembering things that never happened?

As I recall our first meeting, a new face flashes before vanishing just as quick as it came. A new face, but a face that causes my heart to swell with familiarity. At that moment it's like it all shatters.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I collapse, clutching my head and pulling hard at my hair. No! This doesn't work! This shouldn't be happening! It's unnatural! Why? Why can't I remember him? Why is this boy replacing him in my memory? What's going on with me? And why doesn't anyone else seem to realize he's gone?

He's gone. My screams come to an abrupt stop, my eyes snapping wide. He's….gone.

"Kyie!" "Kyie!" "Kyie!" The name tumbling from so many people's lips is directed at me, but I don't respond. Kyie...is that even my name? If I could forget the face, the name of the person I loved, what's to say the name I thought I chose myself was implanted as well. What's to say it isn't fake? And what about me being human? Could they have manipulated that, too? No, he told me I was, that we were both human. He didn't lie to me. I know he told me the truth. And now he's gone. Gone. And left me alone.

I burst to my feet, knocking two people aside, but I don't care who they are. From the room I bolt, out of the school and into the forests. Where? Where has he gone to? He's gone, but gone where? And how do I find him when I can't remember his face or name, or even his smell? What did his voice sound like? How did he smile, again?

He's gone.

I fall to my knees, disturbing a squirrel nearby and causing him to dash off. I see. I get it. He's gone. He hasn't gone anywhere, or abandoned me intentionally. He's gone. As in, no longer here, no longer in any place where I can reach. He's just...gone. Like he never existed at all.

Something falls down the sides of my face as my fists pound the ground, cursing it and screaming. Soon, however, my hands shake too much to obey me and they fall into my lap uselessly. Breathing choppy, I begin to hiccup as water drips from my chin.

Why? Why are you gone? How can I find you, please, tell me! Without you here….without you I'm all alone. What's the point in living if you, my only mate, is gone? What good am I without you?

Heaving, I wrap my arms around my torso in a death grip and touch my forehead to the ground before me. My entire frame shivers as sobs escaped my mouth in spurts, mucus running down my face similarly to the tears.

Come back! Please, come back to me! Tell me it was only temporary and come back like nothing happened. Please! What do I do?

I don't know when, but eventually my cries soften until I'm only sniffling. I let myself slump onto my side and stare ahead blankly. The forest is quiet around me, so unlike the forests I know. No river can be heard, no birds sing to their chicks, no crickets chirp to lull me to sleep. It's just silent. It's just dead.

And then there's a cat. A large, black cat with hooves instead of paws, and eyes that glow red in the shade of the trees. Its bloodlust rolls evident in the air as it struts towards me like a shadow. It's as if it were death itself, come to greet me. Come to devour me.

It leaps aiming to come down on my neck, but I push myself farther under it and it latches onto an arm instead. Barely realizing the injury, I grab its neck and yank it down, sinking my teeth into it jugular. It can't even howl in pain, sputtering up blackish red blood. I bite down harder, putting all the force I can behind it before ripping away with a giant chunk of its neck.

As its blood spills onto my face I think how much better this is compared to cantus. Cantus doesn't require effort, so it can't relieve stress. This, however, does both of those.

The beast falls the ground beside me, twitching as it suffocates and bleeds to death at the same time. Forcing its jaw open, I remove my arm from its teeth. For a moment, I just stare at the bright red punctures on my arm. Then I slip off my shoes and tie my socks around the wound. Taking one last look at the feline, I rip a incisor from its mouth as a trophy. If I have this as proof, I'll know I did it in the future. This memory is not fake. This tooth will serve as my evidence.

I push to my feet, shoving them back into the shoes and turn. This is the way I came, shown by the break in twigs and the upset foliage. It is not just my imagination, but I really did come from this direction. I retrace my steps, wiping the beast's blood from my face the best I can. When I get back to the Watanabe's, I should probably take a bath. Humans don't like it when one is covered in dirt, and they dislike the sight of blood even more. I shouldn't upset them more than I already have.

This chapter was a little violent, but I really wanted to see her take one of those cats before I stop writing her. I seem to enjoy writing painful scenes like this, which is a tad worrisome. I guess it's that I like expressing such powerful emotions. There's a chance I won't end up picking this one up again, so I think I'll mark it as complete for now. It is an ending of sorts, and it's not like I know where to go from here. I may or may not have mentioned before that it's hard for me to rewatch this series because it makes me so sad, and that's part of the reason I'm not continuing this for now. Perhaps I'll have a breakthrough, an eureka moment, and come back to this story with renewed vigor, but that's only a maybe. Only time will tell, my friends.

Till then, Kisses from SnowyNeko! :3 MEOW!