Levi went back every night that week, never understanding what brought him back after that horror story he'd been told. He didn't go see Mikasa after he found out. He hadn't spoken to anyone but Eren after that night. He only went to his classes, watching the people around him and going to all of Eren's swim practices. To watch the other boy. He told anyone who asked that it was because of his leg, but he spent most of the time watching Eren at the diving board. Again and again, he would stand at the back of the board, staring down the ladder, and look at the ground beneath him at least fifteen meters. He would stare down, like he wanted to jump at the concrete beside the pool. Then he would turn, run, and leap. The following dive would always be flawless, but when Eren came up, he would always look around, see Levi, and get out of the pool.

Levi went to the roof every night to find Eren getting strapped in, ready to fly, and some of those nights, more than not if he was honest, he would look over to see tears dripping down Eren's cheeks. Eren didn't say anything about them, never brought attention to it, but it was generally when they sat and stared at the city without moving. Stillness brought Eren's thoughts flying to catch up with him, and Eren ran desperately from them. So when Eren didn't show up for the first time in the week, Levi got pretty worried. It didn't show on his face as he made his way back to their dorms, stopping first at the pool before moving back to the room. When he got there, Eren wasn't there, but there was a note on Levi's chair from Eren.

'I won't be back for a while. Swim meet tonight. Don't wait up. Jager.'

Levi checked his watch. It was almost midnight. If the kid wasn't back by now, he wasn't coming back for the night, Levi would almost bet. He sighed, checked his watch, then plugged in his phone and tried to get a little sleep. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be getting any form of sleep tonight as long as he continued to worry about the little crush he had not showing up, but he was used to that.

When the door came open and closed heavily, Levi sat straight up in his chair, then saw who had been responsible for the sound. Eren was leaning against the door, eyes pressed closed tightly, and arms hanging limply at his side. He was tense every where but in his arms, and very clearly in pain. Levi stood up.

"Eren, are you okay?" He asked.

Eren blinked, turning his eyes to Levi by his chair, and he sighed, his eyes watery and the sound sad. "No. But you're only getting honesty out of me because you've already seen this, to be clear." Eren answered.

Levi came closer, lifting a hand to take the duffel bag from Eren's shoulder before he put it on the ground by his bed. "What's the matter?"

Eren lifted his arms, and Levi watched them shake, while the boy himself tried desperately to stabilize them. "They've never hurt this bad. I've never been in so much pain." He choked off the sentence before the tears could spill, but he wasn't far. Levi could tell that much.

Levi led him to the bathroom and ordered him to sit on the toilet seat lid. "Are you particularly fond of that shirt?" He asked.

Eren shook his head. "Just one Mikasa let me have a while ago for excersize. Probably one of yours, if I know her very well." He answered. "Why?"

"Because I'm not making you lift your arms to get it off of you. That has to come off, and so do your compression sleeves so we can put on the numbing cream. If you're in that much pain, I'll do it for you. I know what it's like to be in that much pain." He told Eren, brandishing a pair of scissors in his hand as he crouched in front of Eren.

Eren shook his head. "Don't do that. I can get it off over my head. Just give me a second." He replied.

Levi already had the scissors going up the side of his shirt along the seam so he could just slide it down the other arm. He was careful by Eren's throat, and then he was pulling the shirt down the other side of Eren's body and dropping it to the floor. The compression sleeves looked no different than usual, but when Levi touched them, his fingertips came away tinged with red.

"They're bleeding, Eren." Levi told him.

Eren looked at Levi's fingertips, where they were indeed bloody, and groaned. "Turn on the water in the bath please." He requested. "Not too high, but warm."

Levi nodded, dropping to the ceramic tub in the room right beside the toilet and turning it on with little effort. He was careful with the water temperature, then looked to Eren. "What next?"

Eren lifted his other arm up and pulled it down his arm carefully, rolling it when he could and avoiding sliding it at all costs. He dropped first one, then the other into the sink and crouched low by the tub, putting his arms just by the gentle rolling of the water. "I just have to rinse them off and pat them down with a washcloth. I'll be alright." He promised, reaching for the water with one hand.

Levi interrupted his movement with his own hands, cupping them under the water and letting it drip gently down his arms, rinsing away the red fluid seeping through Eren's skin. "You should see the doctor." He told Eren, no emotion reflected in his voice. "They could fix this. Make them heal."

Eren shook his head. "I have before. It doesn't help. Every time I do, it's always the same thing. 'Get the surgery, remove the pieces.' But I won't. It sounds sick, but it's all I have left of her. My mom..." His voice trailed, the tears spilling out of his eyes, and his eyes turned away from Levi, head dropping between his shoulders.

Levi didn't comment on the tears at first. He was worried about the boy, but he had to handle the physical before he could be trusted with the emotional. He was careful to spill the water gently over the areas that needed the rinsing, and blotted the warm washcloth along the wounds until, as Eren had predicted, the bleeding stopped and the white returned to the cloth. He knelt by Eren and was careful with the dry towel while drying Eren's arms off. He applied the creams and gels that Eren had fought him over on the first day as he had seen Eren do since that day, though Eren had never noticed him do so. He didn't question the boy on the tears until after he had found a clean set of the compression sleeves and brought them to Eren.

Eren took it without lifting his arms, but shook his head. "I need to leave them off, otherwise I'll feel worse in the morning." He answered, looking up at Levi. "How did you know which order to put them on? What would help at all?"

Levi sat on the counter after he had dried it off with a new towel. He would have to do the laundry later with the number of towels they had used by now. "You have to know I watch everyone and learn their patterns. This seems to be your only one, that and your flights. You always put them on in the order they're laid out on the counter. I assume with the way you do everything else that this is no coincidence. I even moved them one morning to see if it would do anything. You went for the same bottles in that exact order even though they were out of order and put it back where it belonged when you were done. You don't do things for no reason, Eren." He explained, pausing before continuing on. "Including not allowing the doctor's to fix your arms."

Eren's eyes lifted to Levi's before they dropped again. Levi caught shame lurking there. "Don't bring it up. Please." He whispered.

Levi leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees to keep his balance. "There's nothing wrong with wanting to hold on to your mother. It's nothing to be ashamed of." He promised. "I expected you to be messed up when I heard from Mikasa about the incident. I thought you would be a complete wreck. When she said you were doing okay, I was honestly very surprised."

"I'm not ashamed of missing her." Eren answered, anger leaking into the sadness and making the pitiful tone just a little sharper than it had been. "I'm not."

"Then why do you get so angry? Why are you so defensive about your emotions? You weren't like this before the fire. You were never like this before the fire." Levi replied.

"Because I'm the reason she's dead! If I had just stayed home that night she wouldn't be gone! I would have smelled the fire, I would have gotten her out! She would have been scarred maybe but she would be okay! I have no right to be upset when I'm the reason for it...I'm the reason she's gone..." Eren started out yelling, but they slowly devolved into sobs, and he dropped his head into his hands, pain from his arms mixing with a pain of a very different nature. "I'm the reason..."

And there was the root of the problem. There was the reason he worked so hard to be the bright, happy man everyone had known before it all. He didn't want to fail another person he loved. He didn't want their empathy and sadness because he felt responsible for his own mother dying in a fire that was never his fault. He blamed himself for not dying with her. Survivor's guilt. The poor kid...

Levi knelt beside him again and wrapped his arms carefully around his shoulders, trying desperately not to hurt the injured angel in his arms. "It wasn't your fault Eren." Levi promised softly. "If you had been home you would have died with her. You would have been killed as well. Your mother would be so proud of you today, Eren. You forged on when so many other men in your position would have given up. They would have taken their own lives or gone mad, but you fought on. You keep your grades up and keep yourself in extra activities so other people don't worry about you, and you deal with your emotions your way. But you don't have to hide them. Not from me, especially. I know how it feels to lose someone so swiftly, so painfully." He offered. "Let me in. Let me help you."

Eren shook his head swiftly. "I can't. I'm not even sure I remember how anymore." He answered. "I'm alone and there's nothing I can do about it."

"You're not alone. I'm right here."

Levi knew he was pouring his heart out to the kid, in his own way at least, but he was worried about the kid, and he knew there was no way the kid would understand what he was saying. Not through the painful haze he was in now. The physical pain wore his barriers down. There wasn't much else Levi could do now but hope.

He felt Eren's fingers curl in Levi's shirt and cling there, and then he was nodding. Levi felt weight come off his shoulder like he'd been crushed by a bus. Eren was letting him in.

Eren was letting him in.