NOTE: NO ONE IN HERE IS MINE, THEY ARE NINTENDO'S, AND HAL'S (I think), BUT
I DO OWN THE CRAPPY STORY, AND AM NOT LETTING ANYONE HAVE IT.
now, on with the story! =^_^=
It was a lovely morning, as Fox awoke in his diminutive bedroom. He yawned, leaped to his feet, and began to get dressed. He barely had put his laser gun in its holster when-
He saw it. A great ball of light. He looked directly at it, and the ball of light began to drag him into itself, eating his furry body. When he tried to pull his gun out, he found he was -temporarily, he hoped- paralyzed. Soon he felt the sensation of falling... a grassy lawn was visible... Fox prepared himself for a roll...
Thud. He rolled, found he was no longer paralyzed, and jumped up, pulling out his gun, preparing for everything. As he examined this strange world, another thud was heard.
"OWWWWWWWWW!!!!! MARIO, HELP, I THINK I'VE-A BROKEN MY LEG!!!" a lanky green-suited man in jean coveralls with a thick Italian accent exclaimed. The man spotted Fox. "Please-a help me, I come in peace-a!"
Just as Fox was about to say something, Another figure fell from the sky. He rolled, unlike the Italian fool, and almost immediately drew a sword. "What-" he started, but was interrupted by another thud. There sat a mouse-like creature.
"Pika- oh screw it. Hi I'm Pikachu, a mouse-type pokemon." it sighed with an eye roll. More thuds followed. Two warmly dressed people, a boy in blue and a girl in pink, sat there. "What-a the Hell?!" the Italian asked, suddenly bewildered.
Many more creatures, people, and erm, 'things' fell from the sky. Everyone sat there, on their asses, and gazed in awe of all the others who'd found their way there. One particularly pretty girl hopped up, ran a gloved hand through her hair, and made her way to the third person who'd fallen down. "Link, what did you fuck up this time?" she asked him. Fox pointed his gun at the girl. She stared daggers at him. "Oh yeah, punk?" she said, transforming into a young woman with a spandex outfit on, and a head and shoulder wrap. She threw a chain at Fox. It circled around him, rendering him defenseless. She dragged him closer and bitch-slapped him, even harder than he'd been bitch-slapped on his first date. The others took mental notes: do NOT piss her off. Fox was stunned. Utterly stunned. "Well," she hmphed. "I think you should be ashamed of yourself, threatening me with a strange...erm, gadget, so apologize, here and now."
This is ridiculous, Fox thought. "Fine," he said, in a thick FRENCH accent(Hahahahahaha!!! you weren't expecting that!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! :}). "I apologize, madam erm, whatever your name is." The woman changed back into her former self and kissed him on the cheek, but she quickly spat out the mouthful of red fur she'd taken.
*cough**hack*wheeze**sputter* "Dammit I just had to kiss a fox!!" Link started rolling on the ground, laughing his ass off.
"You had to kiss a fox! It's pitiful that you'd kiss a woodland creature before you'd kiss the guy who saved your ass, not to mention the whole land of Hyrule!! Pitiful!!" Link sputtered as he rolled.
She flipped her hair, and, harshly but gracefully, she kicked him in the side. "DIE, YOU SKINNY BASTARD, DIE!!!!!!" she roared as her foot jabbed at him uncontrollably. Fox watched the humorous scene before him. Before he knew it, everyone was laughing like school girls on ecstasy, even, to his surprise, himself. The Italian's face turned red from laughter, despite his "broken" leg. After everyone calmed down, the girl apologized to link for bruising him, but he didn't give a flying fox, as his past adventures had been bruising enough. Then they all sat in a circle and introduced themselves to each other.
"Hello. I am Samus Aran, female space fighter," a robotic-looking thing said calmly.
"Yo, I'm Captain Falcon, the coolest guy in the universe!" Samus rolled her eyes, even though no one could see her do it underneath her helmet.
"Hello-a! I am Mario. I've saved Mushroom Kingdom more times than I can count, and have an addiction to fattening foods and TV-a(explaining his blubber belly =^_^=)."
"Hi. I'm Luigi. My leg isn't broken!! YAY!"
"Hello. I'm Fox McCloud. my life iz uninteresting. And 'Samus,' I think her name iz, sayz I'm French. What ze fuck iz that suppozed to mean?"
"Hello everybody, I'm Princess Peach! The only things my life are about are baking cakes and getting captured by Bowser and rescued by Mario."
"Hullo, I'm Link. I've saved her ass" *points to Princess Zelda* "more times than I can count. So it's her fault I'm skinny. Bleh."
And the list went on, and on and on, and Y'Link was last.
*Slurping down bottle of milk* "Oh, it's my turn? I mean, my name's Link, I'm the younger version of him" *points to Link* "And Princess Zelda is hot." *finishes milk*
After getting to know each other, they all split up: guys with guys, girls with girls, things with... things, and so on. Since the only objects around were a stack of wood and some nails, and a lake, and some tools, the first thing they did was drown Captain Falcon, and attempted to build a house. They used Pikachu's and Mewtwo's amazing combined brain power to make the measurements.
"Ok, so I've figured out that we have enough wood to build a gigantic manzion," Fox said in his *lovely* French accent. "Plus rooms for Bowzer and Ganondorve."
"Bowzer and Ganondorve?" Samus flirted. "My little Frenchie needs to practice his English." She pinched Fox's cheek. "Don't you?"
"Oui," he answered, annoyed. It was obvious that Samus liked him, but his heart belonged to Lilly, his girlfriend who he hadn't seen in ages. He wasn't even sure if they were still dating, as they'd been juniors in high school when they started going out. He'd recently had, erm, 'relations' with a girl and had felt guilty for a month. Sometimes he wondered...
"Hello, like, wherever we are to Fox, Princess Zelda, like, found an old house we can like live in!" Nana exclaimed excitedly. She took his hand and led him there.
It was a treatchurous route through bushes and brambles. The house itself was humongous, although gloomy-looking. The bright day seemed to darken as Samus, Fox, and Nana made their way to it. The rest of the crew waited there.
"Hurry the fuck up!! We're waiting for you!" Princess Peach yelled at the top of her lungs. They ran the rest of the way there. Peach split them into further groups, and then the groups explored their soon to be new home.
The Y'Link, Kirby, Jigglypuff, Luigi and Marth team were assigned to the eastern first floor.
"I wonder who lived here?" Marth wondered.
"Who the Hell knows, and who the Hell really fucking gives a flying Jigglypuff tit, besides queers like YOU?!" Y'Link yelled, growing increasingly more annoyed over Marth's stupid questions.
Jigglypuff looked angry. "I can hear, you little bastard. I don't have tits. I don't even have anatomy, for fuck sake!"
Kirby tried to comfort her. "Don't bust your bubble, Sweet Cheeks. Y'Link doesn't care; he's had enough of Marth to last him five lifetimes, and Sweetie, you know what Marth can do to people." Kirby glowered at Marth.
"Oh, I love you Kirby! You're so... so.." Jigglypuff trailed off.
"Wonderful?" Kirby finished.
"Ugh! I'm gonna go disembowel myself!" Y'Link screamed. "Two pink balloons should not do that!" He glared at Marth. "Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it!"
"Oh, shaddup. It's your fault, not mine. Ugh!! gross, now they're.. erm, what are they doing?!" Marth answered.
Y'Link puked all over Marth, and Marth all over Luigi, as they watched, in disgust, as the balloon creatures... did something.... unexplainable.
"What the fuck was that?" Y'Link asked when they'd finished.
"Oh, I dunno, but it was awesome!" Kirby answered, grinning widely.
Y'Link, Luigi, and Marth disemboweled themselves once more, and proceeded on.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion, the Link, Peach, Popo, Pikachu, and Samus team wandered about the basement. Samus tripped over something, and fell on her face, causing Peach, who hated her for some reason, to titter uncontrollably, which caused Pikachu, who liked Samus, to Thunder Shock her, which made Popo mad, because part of the attack hit him in the face, so he took it out on Link, who tried to dodge it, and he fell on Samus when he ducked away, and Samus was MAD. In a near daze, She struggled up and took off her helmet, but only to scream at Link.
"What the fuck, Link?! Do you wanna end up like that gay bastard Captain Falcon or what?!" Samus tossed her dark brown, nearly black, hair. "Well?! Do you?!"
"No, baby!" Captain Falcon danced out from behind a pile of dirty clothes. "I died, but miraculously came back to life when you tried to drown me, baby! Purrrr, feisty!" Captain Falcon grabbed Samus around the waist and attempted to kiss her. She shot an electric orb at him, sending him flying. Smacking the cement wall, he fell on the floor, as Samus kicked him to ensure he was lifeless.
"Good riddance. If he ever does that again, I'll make sure he does die," she vowed, putting her helmet back on.
Angrily, they explored the rest of the basement, pissing each other off because of a chain reaction started by Samus five more times.
As the piss-each-other-off-because-of-a-chain-reaction-started-by- Samus group gazed about the basement, the Bowser, Gannondorf, Ness, Fox, Nana, and MewTwo team searched the second floor bathroom.
"Well, I find this interesting," MewTwo mumbled. "No working plumbing, not to mention the intolerable hundred year old unclean chamber pot effect. Very, erm, tasteless, indeed."p "Agreed. I don't dig the, like, vibes this room, like, gives off," Nana approved, glancing here and there. "It's, like, all icky and stuff. Like, gross."
Gannondorf admired the black-haired teenager. He had a HUGE crush on her, and secretly cursed himself for being so old. "Well, Nana, I agree with you totally," he bumbled.
"Why don't you agree with me?" Bowser asked, as he had a huge crush on Gannondorf. "I say they're lovely touches to a bathroom!" Bowser started to cry(hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! betcha didn't see that coming!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!). "WHY?! WHY DOES NO ONE EVER AGREE WITH ME? WHY?" Bowser wailed.
"Awwwww..... the big turtle is crying, how saaaaaaad," Ness cooed in his puberty-stricken(and frankly annoying) voice.
"Shaddup, boy," Gannondorf growled. "Bowser's my bud. Ain't that right, Bowz?"
"Yes!" Bowser cheered up. The best couples start as friends first, he considered happily. What the fuck is up with this?, Fox thought. Bowser's gay, there's two Links, a Princess who can change into a different person, damn... Slippy must've done something to my drink last night, either that or I'm high. God, please say I'm high, please! "I think ze bathvroom iz dizgusting. Ve vill have to install a toilette and sink."
Bowser sniffed. "Yeah, a toilette and sink. Yeah."
"Ahhhhh, buddy, don't worry about it!" Gannondorf encouraged him, patting him on the back. Then he whispered in his ear(wait, Bowser HAS no ears. WTF?!), "I totally agree with you. I just am madly in love with Nana."
"Ohhhhhh.... I see," Bowser nodded, winking. He was sad that Gannondorf didn't like him, but he could deal with it, for now.
WHAT will happen in chappy two? Stay tuned to find out!
now, on with the story! =^_^=
It was a lovely morning, as Fox awoke in his diminutive bedroom. He yawned, leaped to his feet, and began to get dressed. He barely had put his laser gun in its holster when-
He saw it. A great ball of light. He looked directly at it, and the ball of light began to drag him into itself, eating his furry body. When he tried to pull his gun out, he found he was -temporarily, he hoped- paralyzed. Soon he felt the sensation of falling... a grassy lawn was visible... Fox prepared himself for a roll...
Thud. He rolled, found he was no longer paralyzed, and jumped up, pulling out his gun, preparing for everything. As he examined this strange world, another thud was heard.
"OWWWWWWWWW!!!!! MARIO, HELP, I THINK I'VE-A BROKEN MY LEG!!!" a lanky green-suited man in jean coveralls with a thick Italian accent exclaimed. The man spotted Fox. "Please-a help me, I come in peace-a!"
Just as Fox was about to say something, Another figure fell from the sky. He rolled, unlike the Italian fool, and almost immediately drew a sword. "What-" he started, but was interrupted by another thud. There sat a mouse-like creature.
"Pika- oh screw it. Hi I'm Pikachu, a mouse-type pokemon." it sighed with an eye roll. More thuds followed. Two warmly dressed people, a boy in blue and a girl in pink, sat there. "What-a the Hell?!" the Italian asked, suddenly bewildered.
Many more creatures, people, and erm, 'things' fell from the sky. Everyone sat there, on their asses, and gazed in awe of all the others who'd found their way there. One particularly pretty girl hopped up, ran a gloved hand through her hair, and made her way to the third person who'd fallen down. "Link, what did you fuck up this time?" she asked him. Fox pointed his gun at the girl. She stared daggers at him. "Oh yeah, punk?" she said, transforming into a young woman with a spandex outfit on, and a head and shoulder wrap. She threw a chain at Fox. It circled around him, rendering him defenseless. She dragged him closer and bitch-slapped him, even harder than he'd been bitch-slapped on his first date. The others took mental notes: do NOT piss her off. Fox was stunned. Utterly stunned. "Well," she hmphed. "I think you should be ashamed of yourself, threatening me with a strange...erm, gadget, so apologize, here and now."
This is ridiculous, Fox thought. "Fine," he said, in a thick FRENCH accent(Hahahahahaha!!! you weren't expecting that!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! :}). "I apologize, madam erm, whatever your name is." The woman changed back into her former self and kissed him on the cheek, but she quickly spat out the mouthful of red fur she'd taken.
*cough**hack*wheeze**sputter* "Dammit I just had to kiss a fox!!" Link started rolling on the ground, laughing his ass off.
"You had to kiss a fox! It's pitiful that you'd kiss a woodland creature before you'd kiss the guy who saved your ass, not to mention the whole land of Hyrule!! Pitiful!!" Link sputtered as he rolled.
She flipped her hair, and, harshly but gracefully, she kicked him in the side. "DIE, YOU SKINNY BASTARD, DIE!!!!!!" she roared as her foot jabbed at him uncontrollably. Fox watched the humorous scene before him. Before he knew it, everyone was laughing like school girls on ecstasy, even, to his surprise, himself. The Italian's face turned red from laughter, despite his "broken" leg. After everyone calmed down, the girl apologized to link for bruising him, but he didn't give a flying fox, as his past adventures had been bruising enough. Then they all sat in a circle and introduced themselves to each other.
"Hello. I am Samus Aran, female space fighter," a robotic-looking thing said calmly.
"Yo, I'm Captain Falcon, the coolest guy in the universe!" Samus rolled her eyes, even though no one could see her do it underneath her helmet.
"Hello-a! I am Mario. I've saved Mushroom Kingdom more times than I can count, and have an addiction to fattening foods and TV-a(explaining his blubber belly =^_^=)."
"Hi. I'm Luigi. My leg isn't broken!! YAY!"
"Hello. I'm Fox McCloud. my life iz uninteresting. And 'Samus,' I think her name iz, sayz I'm French. What ze fuck iz that suppozed to mean?"
"Hello everybody, I'm Princess Peach! The only things my life are about are baking cakes and getting captured by Bowser and rescued by Mario."
"Hullo, I'm Link. I've saved her ass" *points to Princess Zelda* "more times than I can count. So it's her fault I'm skinny. Bleh."
And the list went on, and on and on, and Y'Link was last.
*Slurping down bottle of milk* "Oh, it's my turn? I mean, my name's Link, I'm the younger version of him" *points to Link* "And Princess Zelda is hot." *finishes milk*
After getting to know each other, they all split up: guys with guys, girls with girls, things with... things, and so on. Since the only objects around were a stack of wood and some nails, and a lake, and some tools, the first thing they did was drown Captain Falcon, and attempted to build a house. They used Pikachu's and Mewtwo's amazing combined brain power to make the measurements.
"Ok, so I've figured out that we have enough wood to build a gigantic manzion," Fox said in his *lovely* French accent. "Plus rooms for Bowzer and Ganondorve."
"Bowzer and Ganondorve?" Samus flirted. "My little Frenchie needs to practice his English." She pinched Fox's cheek. "Don't you?"
"Oui," he answered, annoyed. It was obvious that Samus liked him, but his heart belonged to Lilly, his girlfriend who he hadn't seen in ages. He wasn't even sure if they were still dating, as they'd been juniors in high school when they started going out. He'd recently had, erm, 'relations' with a girl and had felt guilty for a month. Sometimes he wondered...
"Hello, like, wherever we are to Fox, Princess Zelda, like, found an old house we can like live in!" Nana exclaimed excitedly. She took his hand and led him there.
It was a treatchurous route through bushes and brambles. The house itself was humongous, although gloomy-looking. The bright day seemed to darken as Samus, Fox, and Nana made their way to it. The rest of the crew waited there.
"Hurry the fuck up!! We're waiting for you!" Princess Peach yelled at the top of her lungs. They ran the rest of the way there. Peach split them into further groups, and then the groups explored their soon to be new home.
The Y'Link, Kirby, Jigglypuff, Luigi and Marth team were assigned to the eastern first floor.
"I wonder who lived here?" Marth wondered.
"Who the Hell knows, and who the Hell really fucking gives a flying Jigglypuff tit, besides queers like YOU?!" Y'Link yelled, growing increasingly more annoyed over Marth's stupid questions.
Jigglypuff looked angry. "I can hear, you little bastard. I don't have tits. I don't even have anatomy, for fuck sake!"
Kirby tried to comfort her. "Don't bust your bubble, Sweet Cheeks. Y'Link doesn't care; he's had enough of Marth to last him five lifetimes, and Sweetie, you know what Marth can do to people." Kirby glowered at Marth.
"Oh, I love you Kirby! You're so... so.." Jigglypuff trailed off.
"Wonderful?" Kirby finished.
"Ugh! I'm gonna go disembowel myself!" Y'Link screamed. "Two pink balloons should not do that!" He glared at Marth. "Thanks a lot. I really appreciate it!"
"Oh, shaddup. It's your fault, not mine. Ugh!! gross, now they're.. erm, what are they doing?!" Marth answered.
Y'Link puked all over Marth, and Marth all over Luigi, as they watched, in disgust, as the balloon creatures... did something.... unexplainable.
"What the fuck was that?" Y'Link asked when they'd finished.
"Oh, I dunno, but it was awesome!" Kirby answered, grinning widely.
Y'Link, Luigi, and Marth disemboweled themselves once more, and proceeded on.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the mansion, the Link, Peach, Popo, Pikachu, and Samus team wandered about the basement. Samus tripped over something, and fell on her face, causing Peach, who hated her for some reason, to titter uncontrollably, which caused Pikachu, who liked Samus, to Thunder Shock her, which made Popo mad, because part of the attack hit him in the face, so he took it out on Link, who tried to dodge it, and he fell on Samus when he ducked away, and Samus was MAD. In a near daze, She struggled up and took off her helmet, but only to scream at Link.
"What the fuck, Link?! Do you wanna end up like that gay bastard Captain Falcon or what?!" Samus tossed her dark brown, nearly black, hair. "Well?! Do you?!"
"No, baby!" Captain Falcon danced out from behind a pile of dirty clothes. "I died, but miraculously came back to life when you tried to drown me, baby! Purrrr, feisty!" Captain Falcon grabbed Samus around the waist and attempted to kiss her. She shot an electric orb at him, sending him flying. Smacking the cement wall, he fell on the floor, as Samus kicked him to ensure he was lifeless.
"Good riddance. If he ever does that again, I'll make sure he does die," she vowed, putting her helmet back on.
Angrily, they explored the rest of the basement, pissing each other off because of a chain reaction started by Samus five more times.
As the piss-each-other-off-because-of-a-chain-reaction-started-by- Samus group gazed about the basement, the Bowser, Gannondorf, Ness, Fox, Nana, and MewTwo team searched the second floor bathroom.
"Well, I find this interesting," MewTwo mumbled. "No working plumbing, not to mention the intolerable hundred year old unclean chamber pot effect. Very, erm, tasteless, indeed."p "Agreed. I don't dig the, like, vibes this room, like, gives off," Nana approved, glancing here and there. "It's, like, all icky and stuff. Like, gross."
Gannondorf admired the black-haired teenager. He had a HUGE crush on her, and secretly cursed himself for being so old. "Well, Nana, I agree with you totally," he bumbled.
"Why don't you agree with me?" Bowser asked, as he had a huge crush on Gannondorf. "I say they're lovely touches to a bathroom!" Bowser started to cry(hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!! betcha didn't see that coming!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!). "WHY?! WHY DOES NO ONE EVER AGREE WITH ME? WHY?" Bowser wailed.
"Awwwww..... the big turtle is crying, how saaaaaaad," Ness cooed in his puberty-stricken(and frankly annoying) voice.
"Shaddup, boy," Gannondorf growled. "Bowser's my bud. Ain't that right, Bowz?"
"Yes!" Bowser cheered up. The best couples start as friends first, he considered happily. What the fuck is up with this?, Fox thought. Bowser's gay, there's two Links, a Princess who can change into a different person, damn... Slippy must've done something to my drink last night, either that or I'm high. God, please say I'm high, please! "I think ze bathvroom iz dizgusting. Ve vill have to install a toilette and sink."
Bowser sniffed. "Yeah, a toilette and sink. Yeah."
"Ahhhhh, buddy, don't worry about it!" Gannondorf encouraged him, patting him on the back. Then he whispered in his ear(wait, Bowser HAS no ears. WTF?!), "I totally agree with you. I just am madly in love with Nana."
"Ohhhhhh.... I see," Bowser nodded, winking. He was sad that Gannondorf didn't like him, but he could deal with it, for now.
WHAT will happen in chappy two? Stay tuned to find out!