"I can hear you and I hate all of you!" We heard ring from her bedroom. Jane at her worst. Against my will, my heart warmed.

"I'll have my cellphone on all night. If she gets worse, if she needs anything at all, I'm a quick call or text away." I whispered to Alba and Xiomara. They nodded at me.

"We will. Now go to your gala, before your date gets jealous." Xiomara said. Ever since Michael hurt Mateo, she'd been a little more accommodating to my presence at the house. Alba pursed her lips at the mention of Jill.

Reluctantly I left, my head clouded with Jane. Apparently even at her worst she was endearing.

I got back out to my car. Jill was touching up her lipstick. "Everything okay in there?" She asked, almost reluctantly, as I hit a button and the engine roared to life.

"She has mastitis." I replied, unsure of how much information was appropriate. "But she's in good hands."

"Oh." Jill replied. "Tell me about the gala. What's the charity?"

I spent the rest of the drive telling her about Coping Together, their mission statement, and how my father had given generously to them for years.

I worried about Jane, about the fever. We finally arrived, and I handed the car over to an excited looking valet who looked too young to drive. I offered Jill my elbow, and we stopped for a photographer to capture our picture.

Almost immediately after entering the gala, we were swarmed by business associates and old family friends. I introduced Jill to a small group of my father's former associates while I talked to an old family friend.

"I hear congratulations are in order!" He exclaimed, clapping me on the back. "I hear you have a new son."

"You've heard right. Mateo just turned five months the other day."

He looked uncomfortable for a moment. "I was sorry to hear about you and the mother. The Commissioner said you two seemed well suited. Happy."

My smile at seeing an old friend became a grimace. I knew I needed to move on, I was trying to move on. But reminders of Jane were everywhere. How do you even begin to move on from The One? How do you see them without yearning to hold them? Who could possibly fill the gaping hole that would be left if I somehow managed to get Jane out of my heart?

My chest tightened. I wasn't over her. I could never be over her. I didn't want to let Jane out of my heart, my soul. She made me happier than I'd ever been. She made me feel so carefree, so alive. I wanted her at her more at her worst than I'd ever wanted anyone else at their best. Isn't that what marriage was-For better or worse?

I muttered some noncommittal reply, then looked over at Jill. Some time had clearly passed without me noticing. She was now charming a small group of socialites with a witty anecdote. She would probably make someone a great society wife. I just didn't want that.

I imagined that Jane was here. She'd be warm and charming. She'd tease me about caviar and shrimp tails. We'd dance, with her head under my chin and her soft body against mine. I'd hold her so close. I'd never let go. My heart ached again. My date broke me out of my reverie.

"Rafael? Hello? Where have you been all night?" Thinking about Jane.

"Sorry." I coughed. "Are you ready to leave?"

She smiled, a wicked, carnal smirk. Her eyes looked from my face to my groin and back, devouring me. It was then I realized it was only nine at night, what that implied about my intentions. I had to tell her.

We said our early goodnight, ignoring the nudging elbows and raised eyebrows. The valet brought my car around, and I opened her door for her. As I got in, she put her hand on my thigh. "We need to talk." I began. "This isn't working. We're not working."

Jill looked shocked. "What? But we've been having so much fun. I don't understand. I thought tonight..."

Internally I cringed. "I'm sorry. It's just not a good time."

"Not a good time?" She rolled her eyes. "Is there also something missing? It's not me it's you?" She sighed, looked out the window. "Look, is there someone else? It's not like we're exclusive. Just tell me."

"There's no one else. I'm just not in a place for a relationship. I thought I was, but I'm not." The car was quiet for a moment. She wasn't convinced, and it felt like a lie. I hated to lie. I ran a hand through my hair. "The truth is, I'm not over Jane. I thought I could be, I really tried. But I'm not."

She shrugged, still looking out the window. "I understand."

It was a long, uncomfortable ride home.

I sat on my couch an hour later, staring out the window at the blue sea. I watched the waves gently crash along the golden shore. I tried not to make a habit of sitting and thinking, it made a person morose. Jill had left the minute she could get out of the car.

I looked around my penthouse, then got up and wandered through the rooms one by one. It was beautiful and spacious, meticulously decorated, with huge closets and display areas. Three enormous bathrooms, four oversized bedrooms, and a dressing room and extra closet the size of a small apartment. I leaned against the doorway of the dressing room. Petra looked so natural here, doing her hair and make up, eternally putting on lotions. I tried to imagine Jane in here. Instead of applying make up or lotion, in my mind she was sitting on the bench, looking at me and laughing that the attached closet was bigger than her bedroom at home.

I meandered through the halls to the nursery. I raised my hand to the doorknob. A room that had always brought me comfort, imagining a tiny child in it. The child I would have "someday". But Mateo had never slept there. After he was born, the nursery felt like a sepulcher, filled with the ghosts of my past. It was filled with the miscarriages we'd had, still decorated by Petra for a baby who hadn't survived. I'd started keeping the door closed. I realized I was still holding the door, then dropped my hand and moved on without even opening it.

Finally I went to my bedroom. I thought about when I asked Jane to move in. She was so beautiful, so charming, so sweet. So completely not ready. It launched a doomed proposal, a fight, a break up. I lost her. I ran my hands through my hair.

You idiot. My inner voice taunted me. You asked her to move in with you from your former marital bed? With your ex wife still living in the building? You thought she would just move into the penthouse Petra decorated, designed, and lived in with you? And you thought she would do it within six months of knowing you?

I slowly plodded back to the living room. I felt uneasy. The penthouse may have been right for me once, but it wasn't any more. It was time for a change.

I sat down at the bar, imagined my perfect life. I saw Jane and Mateo playing in the front yard, behind a clichéd white picket fence. We would have a nice big lot, in a safe neighborhood. Your traditional upper middle class suburbia. Somewhere we'd both be comfortable. I'd come home from work at a reasonable hour, and they'd be so excited to see me.

We'd go inside. It would be big without being grandiose, elegant while being warm and inviting. We would have a huge kitchen. I stopped for a second. Xo and Rogelio would probably have moved back in together. I imagined Alba in the kitchen with us. It felt right. Our house would need an in law suite.

Would it have a pool? My mind involuntarily flashed back to Jane naked in the hotel pool, wrapped around me, begging me to make love to her. Yes, there would be a pool.

A smile cracked my face. It had been a long time since I went out cruising, looking at family homes. I grabbed my keys and headed to the parking garage. I had accepted the wrong future, again. I wasn't going to lose Jane. I was going to fight for us and our family. This time, though, I was going to do it smarter, slower. She was going to steer the ship, I was just going to be there with her.

I drove around, not really paying close attention to where I was going. Most of the houses were dark on the quiet residential street. I absently wondered about the families inside. I didn't know what it was like to be in bed by ten at night, to have a family breakfast before school and work. But I so badly wanted to. I wanted to wake up with Jane every morning, fall asleep with her every night. I wanted us to put Mateo to bed together, reading to him until he couldn't keep his eyes open, kissing him good night before retreating to our bedroom together. I'd read the new pages of her book, she'd listen to stories about my day. I'd hold her, kiss her, tell her how beautiful she is, tell her how much I love her.

Just as I started to imagine what it would be like to make love to her every night, I saw it. Our home. It was perfect, right down to the picket fence. I stopped the car, grabbed the phone from my pocket. As if it were fated, it was half way between Jane's house and the Marbella, and it had a huge sign out front proclaiming loudly that it was for sale.

I stared at the listing pictures, transfixed. It needed updating, but that just meant Jane and I could make it our own. Assuming I could get her back. One of the rooms in particular caught my eye. I could barely wait to show Jane, but I knew I had to.

Reluctantly, I left 'our' house. I checked the dashboard clock, it was about ten thirty. Soon I found myself outside Jane's. I had to see her, even if it was just a peek while she slept. Xiomara was sitting on the porch swing. She waved as my car pulled up. I took a deep breath in, then smiled at her. For a moment, things were tense as I got out of my car and came up the walk. Xo's smile was forced, then it cracked into a concerned look. She patted the bench next to her.

"Come sit." She said. She paused. "It's early to be back from a date."

"We broke up." I said, hoping she would drop it.

"Really? Why?" Xiomara asked, but her tone heavily implied she already knew.

"It just wasn't working." I said unconvincingly. "We fizzled out."

"Hmm." She replied, one eyebrow raised. "Let's finish our talk. I've been thinking about this a lot and I have to... Well... Apologize. Again."

"Apologize?" I asked, surprised. "For what?"

She looked down, then looked back at me. "For being rude. For refusing to get to know you. For being so sure Michael was the right choice for Jane. I was wrong. I see that now."

I was pleasantly surprised by her admission. "It's okay. You're Jane's mother, you just want her to be happy. Michael literally broke laws for you all and saved Alba from being deported. I'm sure he seemed like the better guy from where you were standing."

She gave me a small smile, but it quickly vanished. "I still think you and Jane see the world differently. I'm still not sure you're the right guy for her, you know."

I nodded, crossing my arms across my chest. "Well, I'd be disappointed if you suddenly decided I was good enough for her. I've hurt her twice now. I have a lot of work to do to fix that."

"You do." Xo agreed. "But I don't see you giving up. Or messing up like that again. So if she forgives you, if she gives you a third chance-and those are big ifs-I'll keep an open mind." She paused. "Come inside. I think Jane might be up."

We both stood. "Thank you." I said to her. "It means a lot to have your tentative support. It's been five months and I can't get her out of my head. And I tried. Really I did. Even at her worst, she's all I can think about."

She smiled then, a real one, and let me inside. She said her good nights, then headed off to bed. I sat for a few minutes, taking in the living room. It was small but warm. The couch was so comfortable. I'd wondered before why my three thousand dollar designer couches weren't this comfortable. After Mateo's birth I'd spent a lot of time sleeping in this room. I'd grown to feel surprisingly comfortable here.

"Hey." I heard from the doorway.

"Hey." I answered, cautiously. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry about earlier. I guess it's a fever thing? So. Where's your date?"

"She was tired. We left early." I wasn't ready for more questions about why. Not when Jane still wasn't over Michael, not when she wasn't ready to be back together. Life is long, she'd said. I could afford to be patient.

My answer seemed to placate her, and we landed on the safe topic of pumping. It seemed obvious to me that she should stop, but she was deep in the clutches of what I assumed was Mommy Guilt. After a little back and forth, we agreed she would stop.

"That's such a relief!" She leaned back into the couch. "Ugh. It will take a month to stop, but I'm almost done!" She put her hand over mine. "Thank you, Rafael. You're the best co parent a girl could hope for."

I smiled at her. I imagined us having these conversations in our house, kissing her soundly and bringing her to bed. I was so tired of being alone, so tired of living without her. But it wasn't the right time, so I waited.

A/n: In the first draft, this section was a whopping 500 words. Now it's 2400 and there's a minimum of two more chapters coming. Probably more. Next chapter : Thanksgiving! Because who doesn't love holiday fluff.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts, especially your criticisms! -K