IV

"You're killing me, Mia."

I glared at him, narrowing my eyes in irritation.

"Or should I say, youngling? Kid? Young padawan?"

"Shut up."

"Little padawan?"

"Ben, I'm gonna slug you."

"Big talk from a little padawan."

"Ben!"

"What? You are my padawan."

"I'm not little!"

"You're thirteen."

"That doesn't mean I'm little."

"I know you're littler than an Ewok, but I know you can do better than that."

"At least I'm not a nerf herder."

He smirked at me, running a hand through his long, untidy dark hair, his eyes narrowed. "Who're you calling a nerf herder?"

Thirteen year old me, a training and very young Jedi-to-be with no family, against nineteen year old Ben Solo, born into the Skywalker family, already a skillful and impressive Jedi-to-be.

"You, Solo."

I thought I stood no chance.

I grunted and stepped forward, lurching and leaning my body quickly as I dodged his saber and tried to strike him; he had that smug grin on his face that made me want to punch his lights out. I slashed and lacerated the air, trying my best to fight him. He effortlessly eluded my attacks, and brought his hand up and clutched the air; I felt a sudden push back and I skidded on my heels backwards.

"You're using the force," I arched a brow and brought up my saber, "That's not fair."

"Then push back," he encouraged. "Feel it within you and push back. Strike me down, Mia. Use the force."

"It isn't strong with me," I looked at him worriedly. "You know that. I can't use it like you do."

"You say that," Ben said. "Because you refuse to feel it within you."

I stared down at my hand and clenched and re-clenched my fist. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and focused. I scrunched my brows together with intensity, trying my hardest to think, to focus, to channel what I was feeling. Channel the power that I felt inside of me. Searching for strength, for determination, I opened my eyes and raised my hand up, cupping it in the air at Ben, and brought my hand forward, shifting my body weight on my right leg as I lunged forward.

Ben choked out a gasp and staggered backwards.

"Again," he ordered.

I focused harder, clearing my thoughts and shutting my eyes. I bent forward, forcing against him, my hand tightening.

He staggered farther back, this time, with more anguish.

Or perhaps anger.

"Again!"

I clenched my teeth as my head began to throb with pain. The veins in my forehead bulged and I lunged foreword again and brought my hand forward, grunting in pain as I tried my hardest to force against him.

With an agonized gasp, he stumbled backwards once more, this time almost knocking him to his feet.

"Again, Mia! Again!"

I shut my eyes. Took a deep breath.

Focus. Focus. Focus.

I thrusted my hand upwards, grunting out in pain as power and anguish throbbed through my veins like a disease. Ben groaned aloud, like he'd been punched in the stomach very hard, and flew backwards onto the floor, skidding on the floor as he landed. His saber falling from his grasp and ending up a few feet away from him, he looked at me, impressed.

"Good, I-"

Before he could speak, I took his vulnerability for granted and charged at him, careful with my movements; it was so precise and so tactful it was almost elegant.

Almost.

With shock and bewilderment, Ben saw me charging and just in time, outstretched his hand, using the Force to grab his saber from the floor. Effortlessly, the saber flew into his hand and ignited, just in time to block my saber's blow. Ben stumbled, quickly rising to his feet, just barely, and he and I began fighting across the large room.

Every time our sabers clashed, one of us pressed harder against each others'. The tension was tangible. We stepped gracefully but hungrily, hungry to defeat one another, as we dueled. He raised his hand and Force-pushed be backwards; I stumbled, whips of blond hair falling in my eyes, causing me to lose my bearings.

My eyes grew wide in terror as he jumped and spun around, bringing his saber down upon me, barely missing my neck. I stumbled backwards and fell to the floor, rolling over just in time to miss the second blow; I was trying not to get disorientated, trying not to get intimidated by him.

But I would not give up.

I could feel the Force within him. A darkness; a relentlessness that no Light could ever satisfy.

I jumped to my feet and watched in awe as he spun his lightsaber, effortlessly, watching me from behind that mop of black hair with a smug smile crossing his face. Spinning that lightsaber was his favorite thing to do in a battle, a cocky, arrogant sign of how good he thought he was. It annoyed me when I was a kid, but who was I kidding?

He was a savage, powerful fighter. He had every reason to be arrogant.

I jumped up as he swiped at my feet, and I brought my own saber down upon his shoulder but he blocked my blow. I Force-pushed him again, creating a bump to his chest that sent him to the floor once more. I took the chance and jumped at him, quickly, hitting his saber with my own with such force that it flew out of his hand and rolled by the doors.

My chest heaving and my ponytail in a disarray, I smirked down at him.

I planted my shabby, brown boot-clad foot on his chest and held my saber to him, the glow of it lighting up his shocked face, not believing that he had just lost.

"You believe in me, Master Solo," I said to him. "Your "little padawan" will not fail you. I just need more of your guidance."

A growing smirk crawled across his lips.

I shut off my saber and held my hand out to him to take, a smile on my own face. He slipped his hand into mine.

A duel of the fates - I the light, he the dark.

My head was throbbing when I woke up.

I felt sore everywhere. The lighting was very bright. I was strapped to a table… or perhaps a chair of some kind? My head felt trapped, and everything around me was blurry and disoriented when I peeled open my eyes; they fluttered open, trying my hardest to adjust to the light.

My head. My God, it hurt.

I winced as I blinked up into the light, and it was only then when I came to terms of where I was. I remembered. He had brought me to my knees. He had found me; sniffed me out like a savage beast in the wild of the woods, desperately hunting for its prey until it was weak enough to strike.

Sheer panic gushed through my veins and my mind.

With the sudden remembrance, I tried to get up.

Get up, get up, get up.

I found it impossible.

I was strapped to a table that was upturned so that my body was straight up; my wrists and legs both had straps that were locked, preventing any funny business that might've flashed through my mind. Preventing me from being free and away from the maniac that was now known as Kylo Ren.

"Do you remember when you were training me, that time we were on Coruscant?"

I felt him.

When you know somebody that well, when you had loved them in such a way that you will never forget them no matter what they are or what they become or what they do to you… it's funny. You don't need the Force to sense him or any type of power to figure it out. He was there, lurking in the dark. He was always there.

I felt it in my bones.

"I was so little, and you had so much patience with me… you were so good to me. You taught me everything. You taught me how to fight, how to use a lightsaber… you were there for me when nobody else was. You protected me and watched out for me when I had nothing but the clothes on my back."

My voice was trembling in the silence of the cell. On this base.

Starkiller.

"And now you hide behind a mask," I whispered with a disappointed sigh. "Waiting to kill me."

I heard the thudding of heavy, clunky boots, his footsteps, come out from the dark corners behind me. He came to face me, close, his mask staring at me light some kind of nightmarish creature from Tatooine. I stared straight into the eyes of the helmet, unsmiling, unrelenting.

"You're unhappy," he said, his voice muffled by the nefarious-looking black mask.

He strode closer to me and I felt my heart overflow, throbbing so hard I was afraid he would hear it.

I nodded.

"Take it off," I said softly.

The masked face of Ben Solo stared at me for a minute before slowly reaching up to the helmet and disengaging it. Carefully but swiftly, he took it off, revealing his face that I had so longed—and feared—to see.

After not seeing him for so long, seeing his face made my blood run cold and my chest tighten.

Memories flooded my brain.

That thick, long black hair. The dark, so very dark brown eyes filled with bewilderment, fear, and sadness, and those purple and black circles of exhaustion that hung underneath them. The tiniest of smirks resided on his pale face.

All I could see was that ghoulish, empty darkness in his eyes.

The weakness, the fear, the uncertainty.

The sadness.

Han was right—there was still light in him. I could see it, and it tortured me.

This was not the face of a villainous, evil man, but that of a scared, confused man who was being torn apart.

"Ben Solo is… "

"Do not dare tell me you are dead and that you don't remember," I said. "I know you remember. You remember running around the city streets after dark, even though we kept getting in trouble. You were going to be a Jedi. I was going to be a Jedi, Ben. We were going to do something good."

Our childhoods were one big adventure.

Exploring Endor like it was our playground and reluctantly leaving it to begin training in Coruscant, the planet that was practically made up of one big city. The city where I was trained, the city where I was believed in and encouraged and given hope. The city where I slowly fell into this weird feeling of emotion for him, this weird emotion that haunted me until the day that I confronted it and he kissed me for the first time on the floor after nearly killing me in a light saber duel when I was eighteen. Memories flooded me as I stared at his pale, handsome face, staring back at me blankly like we were strangers passing each other by.

How could… how could that person who I was raised with be this savage machine, this monster, this man, in front of me now?

He remembered—he did, I knew it—because a smile grew on his face as he thought about what we were all those years ago.

Where were we now?

His smile disappeared slowly, like he was mentally killing the memory but felt guilty doing it. Like he was finally letting it go. He straightened himself up and his face grew serious and his eyes grew dark.

"Those days," he said with a sigh, "Those days… they're dead. And so is Ben Solo."

No Force-choke was as painful as when he said that.

I shut my eyes and hung my head, tears stinging the sides of my swollen, red-rimmed eyes. He reached out and cupped my chin in his black-gloved hand, gripping it and forcibly making me look up at him. He looked at me with no expression, but his eyes betrayed him; guilt plagued him, a flash, a glimmer of mercy flickered in those dark brown eyes that had once looked at me.

"You aren't dead," I choked out. "There's still light in you. I know it. I feel it. And I know you can feel it, too. Why don't you just admit it?"

"No," he snapped, holding my chin tighter, giving me a little shake. "There is no Light. Only Dark. Why don't you understand?"

"I understand that you feel the call to the Light," I said. "Don't deny it. Don't say that to me when you know I know it isn't the truth."

"I feel no call," he snarled. "You underestimate what I am. Who I am. I am the leader of the Knights of Ren!"

"You are Ben Solo!" I snapped at him. "The son of Princess Leia Organa and war hero Han Solo! And that will never change."

He looked at me as if I'd just insulted him. "I am more powerful than them. They mean nothing to me."

"This is not a measure of power," I snapped. "That's where you are confused."

"You underestimate me."

"No. I know you. I know your power; you are strong with the Force but you… you're so misplaced. You're lost!"

'I'm not lost!" he defended himself. "The Supreme Leader is wise. You'll understand in time."

"You're lying," I spat back, lunging out at him against my restraints, tugging against the straps that imprisoned me. "Snoke is using you for your power. You are the one who doesn't understand, Ben. You need to see it before it's too late."

He looked confused—overwhelmed—by my words. "I—"

"You know just as well as I do that you will never be your grandfather. You will never be Darth Vader. You need to stop trying to be, because what he was… it was unattainable. You are and never will be like him, no matter how hard you try. You have the Light, I see it in your eyes. You feel the call to it, something Vader never had. He was every dark corner in this galaxy who was hateful and cruel and a murderer—"

"Shut up!" he shouted, letting me go. He stumbled backwards and raised up his hand and began Force-pushing me. "I've been searching for you and now that I've got you, you will tell me where the Resistance base is. And you will lead me to that droid."

My brows furrowed in sadness as pain rattled my bones. I gasped, my breaths short and quick as my body violently trembled in the confines of the chair I was strapped to. "You keep trying to escape the Light, Ben. The Light is the only place where you will be truly happy, where people truly love you. There is nothing for you here."

Tears glazed over his eyes and in that second I saw Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.

"It's too late," he whispered, his own hand shaking. He turned away.

He couldn't even look at me.

"It's never too late," I said to him, gasping out for breath. "It never is."

"It is," he urged, his voice cracking.

"Ben," I said, "Look at me."

He bowed his head and tightened his grip.

"Ben," I shouted at him, my voice echoing in the cell. "Look at me!"

With an agonized gasp, he dropped his hand and his invisible grip on me. I breathed heavy and looked up at him with tears running down my face and sweat slick on my brow.

"I love you. I will, always. Just come back," I choked out, my voice desperate, begging. "Come home. "

Tears streaked down his face and clouded the darkness of his eyes, his lip trembling.

He was bewildered I still harbored any sense of love for him.

He stared at me with that same flicker of mercy, of guilt, and he approached me. I watched him cross the room. He towered over me, with his broad, brawny frame; he looked down at me. I searched his eyes.

"I know it's too late," he repeated. "I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go… but if I go where I am called to, to the Light… there is no forgiveness, no redemption… there's no salvation for all these things that I've done."

"There is," I urged, smiling sadly up at him. "Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that. You weren't made to be doing this. You know it."

"I miss you," he said lowly, his eyes searching mine, tears still glazed over them.

"Come back," I whispered again. "Don't let this take over you completely. There's still time."

Taking me by surprise, he pressed his forehead to mine and shut his eyes tightly, tears streaming down his face. I shut my eyes, too, and trembled as he raised his hand to cup my cheek as he did so. Feeling his touch, feeling him here with me, we were so close.

And yet, I felt like he was still so far away, in another world.

He kissed me, taking a fistful of my hair and grasping the back of my neck. My chest heaved up and down, panicked at the sudden intimacy. In that second everything felt right.

Everything felt normal.

He deepened the kiss and tears still creeped down my cheeks, hitting our interlocked lips.

When we broke away, he pressed his forehead to mine once more, shutting his eyes. "I don't know where to go Mia."

"Just let me help you," I said. "Ben, let me get you out of here. We can leave this place, together, now, and go home. Why can't you see that it's that simple? We can leave this place, you and me, right here, right now."

"Things are never that simple," he murmured, looking up at me from under his dark lashes. "Things never have been that easy. Not for me."

"It is that simple," I said. "Give it a chance. Go away with me. We need to leave here."

He was going to cave. He was going to give in. He was so close.

He kissed me again, but then broke away very angrily, recoiling from me like I'd stabbed him, like something had hurt him. He glared up at me with hate and I stared at him, hopeless.

"It's never too late to change," I said to him, my lip quivering and my cheeks wet with tears. "Just listen to me, Ben. Just like I used to listen to you."

"Your mind games won't work on me," he growled, irritated, staring down at me like I was the scrum under his boots. "You had me fooled, but I know you, Mia. I know what you're doing."

"I—"

He raised his hand.

"Ben, wait—"

I choked out gasps of breath, my entire body radiating with excruciating pain. The pain was relived, however, when he dropped the Force against me and instead began to read my mind. "You're worried. Scared," he breathed, and I could feel him inside of my mind, probing and prodding. He tilted his head and arched his brows as he read my mind. "You're worried that that child is going to become like me."

I choked out, shouting, "Get out of my head, Ben. Get out of my head. Get out!"

"It will," he said, ignoring my cries. "In time, it will. And so will you."

I stared up with him, my teacher, my friend, the father of the unborn thing inside of me.

"You will come to the Dark Side," he said. "No matter what it takes."

"You're weak," I said. "And so is your faith in the Dark Side, no matter what you try to tell me, Ben. You've got no faith."

"We'll see."

I stared at him with all the hate and despair and sadness in my eyes.

"Don't be hateful of me. Don't be afraid," he said softly, his dark eyes feeling like they were burning holes in my skin. "It's only a change of time."

Sorry for such a while since I last updated! I've been doing original work for my CW classes at school! Hope you liked the little flashback between Mia and Ben at the beginning. Thank you to all those who showed me support and still read my story, even through the whole trolling fiasco. You guys are really wonderful people and I am blessed to have you read my story. For that, I thank you :) I hope you liked this one—thank you for reading! x